5 days to go and feeling ready and worried

[Frederic 500]

I've been overweight since preschool and grew up being easily described as "the big one" in almost any setting. After high school my body changed enough that I was more big than fat but after getting married I stopped almost all of the physical activities which had kept me more beefy than flabby. Now I'm older I've developed type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure and after losing as much weight as I could through better eating I'm still morbidly obese according to the BMI and even though my blood sugar is well managed my blood pressure keeps going up every year. On paper I guess I was a perfect candidate for lap band since it took less than a week for the insurance company to approve me after submitting reports from the Psychologist, Nutritionist, and my Internalist.

My surgery is scheduled for Feb 21st and I'm currently on the slim fast diet for pre-op I'm losing about 2lbs a day on average drinking 1 shake and then having one balanced meal heavy on the Protein. When I tried drinking 2 shakes (the first 1 within 2 hrs of getting up) I was famished but if I wait to drink my shake until I'm actually hungry usually between noon and 2pm I feel full until dinner and then I'm fine for the rest of the night.

I'm ready for this change but I'll admit I have some fear about how much of my identity is tied up in being "The Big Guy" and am terrified of the idea of becoming one of the cruel people who tormented me growing up.

Right now I'm just feeling kind of isolated. I can't really talk about how I feel about the surgery with my wife or friends since they can't really relate. I know my friends will be supportive of my new eating habits and I can't tell you how much I look forward to being able to buy clothes in a store rather than having to order everything through the mail but I'm still working through my feelings about the changes I'm going through (and I suspect the dieting might be affecting my mood since I have been much more emotional this last week).

Well that seems to be enough a rambling introduction.

[2muchfun 8,927]

I understand the fear. I was scared Sh**less that I didn't think I could handle not eating my comfort foods. It's like they were going to take away my binky!! Fact is, I still can but I don't crave those foods anymore.

Here's a comment from another guy who went through this ordeal. I don't recall who he is but I like his attitude:

"In my case, the most fearful thing I had to do in order to succeed with my band wasn't switching to skim milk, surviving a liquid diet, or giving up bread. The most fearful thing was giving up my emotional attachment to food. In the nearly 5 years since I was banded, I've made a lot of progress with that, but the attachment is still there. It forms one of the innermost layers of my turtle shell. Working on that layer will probably be a lifetime job for me. At times I'm not even sure I truly want to get rid of it altogether. At times I'm afraid that if I shed my shell completely, I won't be able to survive. On the other hand, I seem to be doing fine without that thick old b***h layer. So I'm going to pay attention to my dreams rather than my fears and pray for a miracle. And why not? It can't hurt to try!"

tmf

[Leslie80 14]

Hey, how r/u? Isolated? Tell me about it. My surgery is next Tuesday and my family is not seven aware. I toldd them I was having appendices removed. I'm going to Denver from NYC all alone to have this surgery. Why I didn't tell u might ask? Well, my friend tell me tell u that they would never support me on this and they would criticize me for the rest of my life. I have a fat sister and even she criticize my weight. They tell me, u are too young to be fat, but they would have never support me on this. My children are staying w my mom and I'm traveling all alone to do this.

Toomuchfun, I'm coming t denver Monday, withstand me luck!

[Leslie80 14]

Wish me lol

[Frederic 500]

Leslie80 I'm sorry to hear you're going through this by yourself.

I'll admit I suspect the reason more people don't criticize my weight is predominantly fear that I would respond by hurting them. It really is unfair how differently men and women are treated when it comes to weight loss.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I think a lot of us struggle with our identity when it comes to weight loss. It's weird, but in a warped way I think we're used to be the big one, even if it isn't a good distinction to have.

I have lost 187 pounds and I struggle to figure out who I am some days. I love the new me and I can't wait to lose the rest of this weight. But at the same time, sometimes I'm so uncomfortable it's not even funny. A good example: Tomorrow I have to go to a birthday party for my grandma. I have avoided most of my extended family for years, in large part because I was so huge and self conscious I had panic attacks in public. Tomorrow will be the first time any of them have seen me and if I could cancel, I would. I'm seriously freaking out! As much as I hated being the fat girl, I don't know how to take all the positive attention. It makes me so uncomfortable it's not even funny. I'm acutely aware of the fact I look like an entirely different person than I did 13 months ago when I had Lap Band surgery- but I'm not yet entirely comfortable with who that person is yet either. So... knowing tomorrow I'll be walking into a room of people with dropped jaws and looks of complete shock when they see me...makes me full of anxiety. I may have hated being the huge girl, but at least I was comfortable with it.

I'm slowly but surely learning to be comfortable in my new body. You will get used to yours and learn to love it too

Best wishes!

[Leslie80 14]

Well, Fred, a fat girl must do what a fat girl gotta do! I'm traveling all by myself and hired a nurse in Denver who will care for me... I'm doing my thing....lmao

[Spaness2012 609]

I love your honest post! I agree.......I have always been the "big girl" in the family. It was my identity....it was comfortable....it was who I am/was.

I am also keenly aware that I will still be me, still be who I am but better. Just better.

Good luck with your journey!

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

All will go well. Best wishes to all of you. You can do it!

[LadyDreadHead 90]

This forum has been a great source of support for me. Is there a local Bariatric support group nearby? I'm geographically isolated from my family and friends. My surgeon requires each candidate attend at least one support group before he will complete any bariatric surgery. I've attended three so far and plan to continue to attend after my surgery on 2/19. I find it very helpful to here others' stories about their weight loss journey, both in this forum and at the support group. A lot of us have similar fears and struggles.

[Frederic 500]

We have a local support group which meets monthly and I plan on going for at least a year after my surgery.

It is an unfortunate coincidence that it happens to meet the same night of the week I usually meet with my natural support network of friends but I figure I can sacrifice 1 night a month of friend support for some more focused support. From what I understand they have a hard time keeping members especially if their successful which I think is unfortunate. I would hope successful lap banders would feel obligated to support others.

[LadyDreadHead 90]

The group I attend has quite a few regulars that have reached their goal but continue to participate. I find that very helpful.

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