Social Stigma and Full Disclosure

[Mellzbellz21 21]

Well, I am 12 days away from realizing my weight loss dreams in the form of a lap band, and I don't really want to tell anyone! My husband knows, my immediate family knows, but other than that I don't want to tell anybody.

At work, everyone is under the impression that I am having my gall bladder removed. I hate lieing, but I feel like if I told the truth, people would be like, "Oh shame on you for taking time off work to do this, it is not medically necessary, you are having elective surgery!"

But that's not true! For me, it is very medically necessary! I've tried for ten years to take off weight that has steadily been packing on. I have asthma and sleep apnea, and am high risk for diabetes.

I feel like people look down on those who have the surgery because they "took the easy way out" and didn't lose through diet and exercise, although I hear that the lap band lifestyle is anything but easy.

Any thoughts? Anyone else hesitant to come clean, too, or am I just plain crazy??

[Jim1967 3,569]

I did come clean and I wish I hadn't at times. I am constantly getting asked how I am doing and how much I have lost. I was once asked and I quote "What are you going to do about all the loose skin once you lose all the weight?" I also hadn't seen a co-worker who was off for a month and he came in jokingly saying "What you haven't lost all the weight yet?"

None of it really bothers me but I wish I was a little less forth coming with the information. Most people have been very supportive and I have not heard any real negative comments.

[Jim1967 3,569]

Congratulations on your surgery date by the way. I am 9 months post op and I would do this again in a heartbeat..

[mickeybeyes 60]

I too feel like people who don't know about it think its the "easy" way out. On the contrary, it is a lifelong commitment and a HUGE step towards a healthy life. It is not easy. I was so upset with my husband for telling his family. They are so judgmental and feel they know everything about everything. No matter what my progress is they will always say "well she didn't do it on her own". I think its my story to tell when I am good and ready. You tell your story when and to whom YOU choose! Good luck on your incredible journey! :-)

[cheryl2586 3,053]

You owe it to yourself to get healthy and you owe none of them anything. The one thing that has really gotten on my nerves of telling people is my old coworkers constantly asked how much weight have you lost so far almost daily. Now my new coworkers they don't ask how much weight have I lost but its always I cant believe you ever were that big. Its a no win situation but the new ones got on my nerves so bad because I was always eating vegan meals and finally got tired of explaining myself so I came clean with them. I do tell my overweight patients about it sometimes when they mention anything about dieting because I feel I can help them but dont worry if you dont want to tell them because sometimes its just not worth it.

[Jim1967 3,569]

What I find funny is a few individuals around me talking about how they want to do it because I have been successful so far. They have absolutely no clue just how hard this is and how much work it is. You really need to be educated to do what we are all doing.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

At the beginning I didn't tell anyone but now I'm very open about it.

I see it as an opportunity to educate others. Let's face it, ignorance runs rampant in our society, especially when it comes to WLS. I've only had one person accuse me of taking "the easy way out". I said if walking 2 miles a day and counting every single calorie I consume is the easy way out I'd really hate to see the hard way.

You have to do what's best for you. If you don't want to tell anyone then don't. Do what feels right for you.

Best wishes

[cheryl2586 3,053]

You're right Jim people really do not know how hard this whole process is. The weight loss is a plus but it is work and no one realizes how much. We all loved to eat and sometimes even after three years I will put so much food on my plate and no I cant eat it but its that mentality that I will or getting food stuck and the aweful pain because you wait to long to eat then try to eat fast and it doesnt jive with you band. The weeks the scale doesnt move and you're like why bother anymore, the fact that we gave up things we loved for this entire journey because they dont work with the band. Its not only physical but emotional also. It is never easy not even after all this time for me because everyday I am tempted with chocolate and junk food and I still have to use my will power to say no because I could very easily say yes and be right back to the old crap. I know I am a sugar addict and one piece would send me over the edge. There is no such thing as once piece of chocolate with me and be satisfied. If I ate one I would eat 333 pieces hands down.

[laurigee 545]

I think I must be a private person. Just like I dont share my marriage, financial, or family issues with acquaintances, I don't share my medical issues either. I probably wouldn't have made up an excuse of why I was having surgery. That just sets you up for people to question you in the future if they find out the truth. You can use your time off without having to explain or justify it to anyone! I don't like to give people the opportunity or reason to have me the topic of their conversations.

[taysidebell 176]

I took a 2 week holiday a have Told a few people close friends and family. I wanted to see the results and not feel foolish like the many other diets and lifestyle changes. Some days it's easy and others are challenging but 11 stone 13lb lighter with 25 lb to go and then learn to maintain. It's been life changing. Tell dont tell go with your gut feeling. You can share later that's my plan.

[B-52 7,113]

I did not tell anyone...other than the closest family members that needed to know....

As far as SOCIAL STIGMA'S

I am as thin...MORE THINNER than most people around me....I am MORE PHYSICALLY FIT than most people I know...and if I consider my age group that is a very small fraternity...

Social Stigma's??? I have to chastise myself when I observe Obese People trying to get out of a car, or huffing and puffing simply from walking......and I do ask myself WHY DON"T THEY DO SOMETHING.....

Which Social group would you rather be in??? I don't make any excuses for turning, no check that......SAVING MY LIFE.......

EASY way out? SO WHAT......yes, for me it was the easiest thing I could have ever done (after hitting the Green Zone, first 4-6 months was hard) but dieting....now that was hard...so hard in fact I could not do it and failed numerous times, each time I failed it LOWERED my self esteem.........but what does that matter to anybody but myself and those closest to me.....

[parisshel 1,892]

I've told my friends, but I agree with the statement that there could be some resentment at work for time taken off for what they might perceive as "elective surgery." So I'll be telling them that I'm getting my gall bladder out, too...since the work stop papers I have to submit will be saying "Digestive Surgery" on them.

I do hope karma doesn't come back and hit me in the butt with one day REALLY having to have gall bladder surgery! I'll have to come up with another story if that happens

[LJCBF 363]

Congrats on having the courage to get the surgery before other medical problems occur and as I am sure you know or will find out - its NOT the easy way out. It requires among other things significant planning and choices and EXERCISE. The lap band won't get you up at 5 am and out to walk or to the gym etc...

I told family and work but not clients. For me work was very supportive - but being over 450 lbs I didn't face as much criticism as my lap band brothers n sisters with lower BMI's.

Regardless of your decision about whom to tell or not - one of the keys to my success was embracing and attitude that I was in a battle for my life and nothing/nobody would Impair my ability to make the best food, sleep and exercise choices. So when "aunt Sally" is offended because I won't have her famous potato salad or pecan pie then she just has to get over it and be supportive. You are either with me or against me in the fight for my life and freedom : )

Hope in Your Future is Power in Your Present!

Lee

279 lbs Lost all diseases reversed

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

In the beginning I didn't tell anyone at work. But as the time when on if it came up I disclosed it... Even dealing with one person who said... Oh well no wonder you lost so much weight as if the surgery was some magical cure.

In my social circle of people who love and care for me...everyone knew. Thanks to my husband. I told a few close friends and he told the world. LOL. It worked to my favor because the outcry of support was very touching.

Once you reach your goal trust me....no one cares how you lost the weight....they will be too busy celebrating how good you look and how healthy you are.

So dont worry about telling or not telling.... It's a personal choice and it really doesn't matter to anyone but you.

Best of luck on your journey

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

There is a ton of misinformation out there about the band. Many people think if you get the surgery, you automatically lose weight. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is hard work and a lifetime commitment to turn ourselves into people who don't eat to solve their problems. I told a limited group and they have all been supportive. If some one asked me directly I would not lie. but in general, I don't feel like they need to know unless I want them to. Choose wisely, not all will be supportive at first, but you can educate them as you go. Best wishes!