Physician's assistant made me feel like a failure

[bailey05 5]

I was banded 11/19/12 and lost 15 lbs the first month. After my first fill I only lost 1 more and didn't really feel a difference. I went for my second fill today excited to get it and cried all the way home. I had a Physician's Assistant who I did not meet until today and she made me feel like the biggest failure. She told me she doesn't care if I took the day off work and expected a fill because she decides if I need one or not. It has been hard changing my diet and I thought I was trying pretty hard, but for over an hour, this person had nothing but negative feedback. She even compared my loss to others with 4cc's and said they are losing 5 a week! She ended up giving me .4 more because she could see me getting upset. My husband does not want me to see her again because I left there ready to give up instead of encouraged. I understand she wanted to give me advice to help but the way she left me feeling is very defeated and I am only 2 months post op.

[bar2373 138]

That is so sad. I think I would have asked to speak with my doctor, and ask her to repeat in front of them what she just said.

If nothing else, call your doctors office and tell them how you felt.

Sorry you had a bad day, hope tomorrow is better

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Sorry you had such a bad experience. I would definitely ask to see the doctor next time.

[Sharpie 3,306]

Bailey there is no excuse for rudeness, especially from someone who is supposed to be a care giver. You need to address this with your Dr. If anyone talked to me that way I would make sure everyone in that office knew it.. no matter what her opinion is not the only one...don't you give up and give in to a arrogant attitude... some people get carried away with their so called power.. It's easy to pick on someone who is already having a hard time of it...You have done well and its not unusual from what I have read to have a slow down in weight loss...make sure you journal everything...Best of Luck

[bailey05 5]

Thanks for all the encouragement everyone. I wanted to just walk out but the threat of no fill right from the door made me endure it. I am supposed to see the same person in 4 weeks and I can't do it. You definately got it right when you said about the "power" because I felt it the whole time and I consider myself a pretty strong person. I will have to call the doctor. Thanks again!!

[kazjim98 618]

I'm so sorry....that was unprofessional and mean of her. I would definitely not see her again. How ignorant of her to compare your weight loss to other peoples...everyone is different. Don't give up hun, you're so new to this, like me. We will do this!!...big hugs

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

All it takes is one little phrase:

"I think I need to speak to the Dr."

[Summerrain 520]

If you are not happy with her and yes she sounds like she came across as unprofessional and rude ask to see someone else you're comfortable with, this is extremely important as you need the appropriate aftercare to succeed. She was seeing you at that time and not others and should NOT have been comparing you to others. Her job was to listen to you and if there was something you were doing wrong then help you figure it out in a professional way. She needs to understand even though we are all on the same journey we are all individuals and what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another.

When I've gone in to see my fill person regardless if I've lost 100 grams that week or two kilos she always is positive and her questioning and my answers and my progress determine if I need a fill or not. I remember when I had to get my second fill I had to see someone else as the first person I saw was on holidays, I felt so uncomfortable with that persons mannerism I made sure every appointment after that was with my first fill person who I absolutely adore and feel comfortable with.

Does that woman not also realise that stressing someone out can affect the band. Without you she has no job, she is paid to provide a professional service, you employ her not the other way around.

Please don't let her discourage you, just ask for someone else to do your fills. Someone you are comfortable with.

[bandnewday 5]

OMG, that woman was totally out of line.

You should report her you know what as soon as you can.

I had been made to feel like a failure many years ago after a small weight gain--it totaly derailed my progress. Now, looking back, older and wiser--i wish I never gave that power away.

That PA is a liability to that doctor's practice and he should know about it.

And i hope you are finding a way to recover from the experience.

We are all unique and on unique journeys. My progress the second time around is much slower than the first--but it is happening, slowly but surely. Stay focused on how much better you feel, and how much better you will feel in the future, however long it takes to get there.

Best of luck to you.

[bailey05 5]

All of your encouragement is really helping me recover from my experience. I know a lot of people in the doctor's office will say "this paitient doesn't want to face the truth" but I have to do what's best for how I feel or I will never succeed and for my whole day to be ruined, something was not right in her approach.

[prairiedog 21]

What an injustice. You are the patient/customer. You need to stand up for yourself and your rights. You should report this incidence to the doctor and if there's no change then report it to his/her boss. I bet the administration would not tolerate this PA treating you that way. They want your money or your insurance's money Good luck and hang in there!

[This Girl Is Losing It 41]

A patient's satisfaction and experience, as well as their success - however you want to quantify it (and I don't just mean the number on the scale) - all reflect on the doctor and the practice overall. The PA ought to know better than the be discouraging and negative and to upset you. We all know that weight loss is individual and that "results may vary," and that your success also encompasses how you feel emotionally and physically and your personal "non-scale victories" too.

All that said, they also work FOR YOU. You and/or your insurance company are paying big bucks so you can get the utmost in care and compassion. I reiterate what everyone has said: Talk to your doctor. It is your RIGHT to be seen by someone who acts professionally, kindly and who has your best interests in mind. If you feel that way about your doctor, ask to see him for fills. Have the receptionist make a note in your record that you will not see the PA, and confirm before every fill appointment that you'll be seeing the doc (or someone else) but not her.

If you're really feeling brave, now or in the future, you might even ask for an apology. You deserve one.

Don't let her derail you. You're doing great. Stay above "the noise" and keep your chin up.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

You need to insist to see the doctor next time, not her. What she did and how she treated you is completely uncalled for, unprofessional, and downright cruel. Not to mention she's apparently a complete moron. Losing 5 pounds a week?? The average is 1-2 pounds a week! And comparing your band amount to others? It's completely irrelevant because everyone's anatomy is different! That women needs to be slapped upside the head because maybe it'll knock a little common sense and empathy into her.

(lol sorry I'll quit ranting now, but oh my gosh I'd be so angry if I were you!)

But seriously, please don't let her get you down. She's obviously has no clue what she's talking about or how to do her job. Don't let her ignorance discourage you. Remember, the doctor's office and his staff work for you. You are the employer and they are the employees. You demand that you see the doctor from now on and make it very clear you refuse to let that horrible woman have any part in your treatment. That is your right as both their employer and their patient.

Best wishes.

[nurse535 30]

First of all, the best indication of needing a fill is NO WEIGHT LOSS! Saying you can't have a fill because you're not losing weight is like saying you can't have the lap band because you aren't losing weight. Ridiculous!

Second, if she does have people losing 5 lbs a week, they are probably over filled, because that's not a normal rate of weight loss or a healthy rate of weight loss beyond the first few weeks post-op. I lost 10 lbs the first month and then about 5 a month for the next few months, then I yo-yo'd up and down for about a year because I wasn't adjusted right and I was using that as an excuse not to eat right. I guess 5 a week might be ok for some people, but not most people.

[JackieC 37]

I agree with all of the responses. As a nurse I would have reported her immediately. She is not there to judge you, she is there as a support system. Chalk it up to her being an ass. Request not to see her ever again. Maybe the doctor will get the hint when all his patients are declining her. Keep positive it was a small road block. We can all do this together.