Complete and Utter Failure - Frustrated

[addie1978 5]

Hi, I was banded in October 2008 in Indianapolis and moved to Connecticut literally one month later. I found a bariatric surgeon and he handles my fills. I think he hates me. I have PCOS and have struggled with my weight since I was 12. I got the band when it was all the rage - there were constant commercials, etc. I felt it would be a good tool. What I didn't factor in was my emotional eating - I managed to get by the psychological testing but looking back, I absolutely was not ready because I did not have my eating under control. The band is a tool but I really thought if my appetite was supressed I would lose weight. The lowest I reached was 237 lbs. I did that by attending weight watcher meetings. Then my weight loss just stopped. I absolutely cannot get it below 237. I then avoided my band doctor for two years and recently went back. He was obviously not very happy with me but I can't blame him, I didn't follow up.

Anyway, I have joined weight watchers and am doing the barium swallow test on February 27th. My band doesn't seem to have ever worked very well - I never got to that happy medium. Right now I want to restart and I am giving myself one year to try to get the weight off, work with an endocronologist to get the PCOS in control (As that impedes weight loss - I also take anti-depressants and that causes weight gain, sigh), but if I am super disciplined and still don't lose, I am going to ask for a revision to gastric bypass. I am that desperate at this point. When I was in college I was 165lbs but I had to workout 3 hours a day to maintain that weight.

I don't really have a point to my post, just wanted to introduce myself and see who else has fallen of the bandwagon and successfully gotten back on. My doctor is not the same doctor who performed the surgery and I think in some ways that is putting my at a disadvantage. I am just frustrated. Is there a way to jump start the band? Right now I am starving. I feel like a total failure. I am hoping this board will provide the support I really need.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I'm very sorry you're struggling. Your medical issues are no doubt making weight loss a lot harder for you.

If I were in your shoes, I would find a nutritionist that works with bariatric patients and make an appointment with them. Not only can they help you get back on track, they can also help you establish food guidelines that both fit your lifestyle and medical needs. I really think it would be a great resource for you.

Best wishes to you.

[general_antiope 189]

I can completely sympathize. I don't have PCOS but I have had the most aggravating issues with my band for 8 years now! Constant hardware malfunctions, and I keep thinking I'm screwing up, I'm embarrassed, etc. And I've almost gained everything back. I force myself to be positive and to NEVER GIVE UP because I know this works, it's worked before, and it will work again.

The one thing you wrote that jumped out at me...avoiding your doctor. This I'm gonna harp on, because I did the same thing. I would be so humiliated to go back to my doc when I started having a leak (and didn't know it). I stopped feeling restriction so slowly I didn't notice it. That happens when you stop thinking about food But I let years pass before I went to see what was wrong. My doctor told me I was ridiculous for being embarrassed. She said "I am here to help you! The band works, PERIOD, there is no "you get used to restriction"...if you are hungry, you simply don't have the right fill." THen we found out I had a slow leak. I wasted so much time not getting it fixed.

And I realized that the emotional part (embarrassment) is still a leftover of our brainwashing. Aren't we told that we're lazy, weak, gluttonous for being obese? God that's horrible. And it's true that most people think that of us. You have to consciously throw that crap out, it is useless and TOXIC to you as the extra pounds you're carrying. Tell yourself today: The doctor is there to help.

If you don't like your doctor, look for a new one. if you can't get a new one, rip the band aid off and ask him/her about it. Tell him/her you're feeling embarrassed or down on yourself. I guarantee the doc will tell you that it's his/her job to keep you in the green zone, and if you're not there, they will work with you until you are. If your doc still has attitude, you may need to just advocate for yourself more.

I'm glad you're getting the barium swallow. It SOUNDS like your band may have a slow leak. The mechanics of the band aren't magical. You don't ever "lose" restriction feelings if your band is filled and working. They will always be there. You haven't missed your window to lose weight...take it from someone who has had nothing but issues with the band thought it was THEIR fault! Not my fault! And it's not yours.

Your job is to push and push until you feel the right restriction. In very rare cases, perhaps the band isn't going to work for you, but that's unlikely. And of course there are other options. But the odds are in your favor of getting back on track. Message me any time.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

the only thing i wanted to say is to be a failure you have to stop trying or stop giving a sh** or make excuses as i read all the time on here.

seems to me you are working on making yourself well with WW and everything else. that is not a person who fails..not in my book. you are a success in every sense of the word.

hang in there and do what you have to do to make yourself well. do not take no for an answer nor look at what was...look at what is now.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

You can do it. I think your hunger issue is because you stopped getting enough fills to curb your hunger. You are making an effort. We all have to do what is right for us. I did ideal Protein for a couple months when I was stuck and I lost 50lbs thus needing my gallbladder removed for rapid weight loss however sometimes we all need a jump start and if weight watchers helps you then so be it. Do it.

[addie1978 5]

Thank you all for your kind responses. I feel kind of humiliated when I see my doctor again - I feel I have failed him. One thing I forgot to mention was I got pregnant six months after surgery - I had an IUD so it was a total mistake! A good mistake but I did not plan on it! I think that threw me off as well. I was really sick with hyperemisis and regular coke was one of the few things I could keep down. So now I am worried the stomach area has stretched and I have messed up completely. I just am angry with myself and angry at the things I have no control over, like the PCOS. It's frustrating.

[Baba Wawa 543]

Thank you all for your kind responses. I feel kind of humiliated when I see my doctor again - I feel I have failed him. One thing I forgot to mention was I got pregnant six months after surgery - I had an IUD so it was a total mistake! A good mistake but I did not plan on it! I think that threw me off as well. I was really sick with hyperemisis and regular coke was one of the few things I could keep down. So now I am worried the stomach area has stretched and I have messed up completely. I just am angry with myself and angry at the things I have no control over, like the PCOS. It's frustrating.

Sorry to hear of your struggles! I think the recommendation that you see a nutritionist is a good one. Maybe once a month to start, then quarterly. PCOS is very reactive to carbs, so limiting refined carbs is a good first step, even before you see your doctor. It's amazing that you conceived with BC, since infertility is common with PCOS, but not unheard of. This is one of those conditions where your ob/gyn, bariatric surgeon and nutritionist need to work closely with you to achieve your goal of regaining your health. Think of it as you managing the condition, rather than the condition running your life, etc. Best of luck, keep us posted!

[mrslamica 3]

Sounds a lot like my situation. I started at 272 (2/2010) and my lowest was the low 220's (6/2011). I got pregnant last March and and all of my Fluid removed due to my fear of morning sickness (which I never got)...what I DID get was Preclampsia - which slowed me down A LOT and of course the "mommy muchies" that caused a spark in irresponsible eating and resulted in the gaining of ALL of my lost weight back - PLUS 10 LBS!!! I just went last week for my first fill and after 2 HOURS, 14 needle pricks and a trip to my Bariatric Surgeon's office (usually NOT protocal) they finally found my port.

Talk about feeling 2 inches tall...the way he looked at me and said "now, young lady - we need to get you back on track!" Now granted, he didn't know I had a TERRIBLE pregnancy and that was why I had unfilled - he only knew I had unfilled and I was heavier now than I was 3 years ago when I first enterd his office for my consultation.

Don't give up...I'm not. I, too am considering WW as a suplement to my band as I admit I have a food addiction - and a handful of medical complications that make it a total b*tch to lose any weight (PCOS, Metabolic Syndrome and just plain ole LAZY jeans). I'm also doing Couch to 5K with a friend to hold myself accountable for some kind of physical activity - not to mention Zumba on my Xbox 360 Kinnect.

For ladies like us, it's not just cut and dry - use the band and lose weight...we have to get creative. The key is to be CREATIVE and not get DISCOURAGED. Think of this as a season, a short one at that. Feel humiliated now but triumphant later. Accept the reality of your situation but don't let that define the outcome without a FIGHT!! The sweetest wins are often the toughest fights.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need to