If you're not loosing...

[gldngrrl 70]

The only tiny cutlery I have is a baby spoon' date=' so don't worry, I can't do much damage.[/quote']

OMG!!! You could scoop out an EYE with that spoon!!!! ;p

[Jewelsm1127 351]

OMG!!! You could scoop out an EYE with that spoon!!!! ;p

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Good one!!!! Who says a baby spoon can't be a weapon?

[Roscoe368 62]

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[laurigee 545]

PLEASE remember this is a place of support! I have been banded since 2006 and found this site to be of great help in my journey! However, a few years ago I stopped coming here because of the mean spirited remarks! There are always ways of getting your point across without being rude, syndical, or abrasive! The majority of people respond better when thing are directed with a positive note. Instead of saying "if you would stop eating crap you would lose weight" you could ask "are you journaling your food and being careful to write down EVERY bite and staying within your caloric intake?" same question answered without pointing fingers, and you gave them helpful info! You don't have to be brutal to be honest. As for repeated questions, I am not very computer savvy and I know that I did not know how to navigate my way around the site. Therefore, I may have asked questions other had asked. Once I learned to navigate around I didn't have that problem. I think sometime newbies post to just introduce themselves to us and see who is willing to answer their questions so they can try to develop a bond with one of us older bandsters. This site can do so much good for so many people! Don't have people see this bickering and think once we start losing weight we become the mean girls!

[Roscoe368 62]

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[Shackwacky 72]

If you've been banded and aren't loosing, you really need to look at what you're eating

****snip****

You have to make LIFE changes. The band isn't going to do it for you.

And read the threads. This has been posted multiple times.

Sorry, I don't think you did mean this to sound lecturing, but maybe you need to look at the fact that to others, it just may?

Especially since you are relatively new to this as well, and you seem to be intimating that you have a lot of experience and that we need to listen to you and stop asking the same damn questions over and over.

When I was young, my older sister was a skinny person. A naturally slender, blonde, fit, skinny person. Who ate more than me. Not sure why we metabolized food differently, but she was built like the women on my Dads side of the family -- I hit the genetic jackpot and followed the big aunties. So aside from calories in, calories out, there are many many reasons people gain or lose at different rates. This has been explained to me over and over again, by doctors, by dietiticians, by nutritionists, by my WL surgeon. We are all different, and no one size fits all approach will work for everyone.

When I was at my fattest, the skinny girls (my "friends") would say things like: "oh you have such a pretty face, you would be GORGEOUS if you lost some weight". Ouch. They would tell me this while sucking on a milkshake or nibbling on fries, while I mentally counted calories and decided whether or not I should sneak off and try to puke up my half a sandwich. Then they would, very nicely, explain to me that all I have to do is eat less. That if I really tried, I could stick to a diet and become pretty and thin like them. That if I really wanted it, it would be easy and SO rewarding. They meant well (maybe), but every word felt like an arrow piercing my too fat body.

Sometimes, when I am here I feel like I am back in grade nine. Like I am being told I am fat and stupid, and if I would just listen to the skinny people, the ones who have it all figured out, I could make proper use of my lap band and be skinny just like them! I feel like I am being told that I must not want it bad enough. Same arrows, different table.

I joined here thinking it would be a nice place to come and chat, get support, ask questions. But after a good start, I stopped doing much more than lurking, because I don't feel it's a very welcoming place for a newby. I am an adult, I don't need all caps lectures, or information repeated ad nauseum like I am too dense to hear it the first time. Sometimes, I just wanted to chat.

My two cents.

[B-52 7,113]

All anyone should do on this forum is speak and share their personal experiences...GOOD AND BAD.......I learn from both!

I may say things that others do not agree with....but hey, I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true for me from my experience...what I have found to work, and not work, for me.......and that's all we should expect from each other......and let the reader decide....

My respect for other people is not exactly based on what someone says, but how they say it.....if they start their discussion with " This is what I have experienced" or even a simple " This is what my Dr. told me to do", my respect for that person increases 100%. Does not matter if I agree or not because their statements carry some authority

But there are people who will tell everyone what they should be doing, and condem people for what they are doing.....you look at their profiles and wonder where is this coming from? They could not possibly be there themselves to know so much about it.

I also have stayed away for a while....I have also learned to simply block certain people....don't know if they can readmy posts, but I certainly cannot read theirs....

Ad I am sure there are people who have me blocked.....no big thing.

But I will ALWAYS say what I have found to be my first hand experience wit,h this WLS, take it or leave it, but I have proof it is true, in my case anyway.

[pixie_lilly 7]

Wow.. This is exactly why I left this forum for another. I thought I'd give it another try and see if it had calmed down and this is the 1st post I read?!

Saying something like eating less calories and staying away from sliders etc works and that's what I believe just sounds silly! Of course it works but we were all big for a reason, because we had no self control over food, messed up head/huge appetite, whatever the reason. That does not change over night for most people, well researched or not. It is not quite as simple as 'here are the rules follow them' and everyone will be able to straight away. Sometimes people need a shake up and to be told but I really don't think your thread was the right way to do that, just look at the reaction it provoked. It didn't benefit anyone.

You can't just say 'no offence intended or didn't you read that'. I nearly laughed! You did mean to offend with your judgemental wording. You may get frustrated with people that lie and cheat themselves but that's just it, they are cheating themselves and are obviously doing it because they can't mentally get their head through it all. I didn't change my thinking over night. If my food addictions were milkshakes then I would probably find it a lot harder than I have.

I stalled for six weeks! Despite changing things around, increasing my Water take etc my weight stayed the same to the point. If I had read your post at that point I would have been very upset. Instead, I was given patience, understanding and support. Lots of people relaxed and gained over Christmas but we've all moved on and lost that and more. I doubt I could have admitted that here.

If you are doing well, yes give advice and let people know how you are doing it but at least try to fake a bit if empathy whilst you are doing it to those that are struggling to live with a band.

As others have said, yes it is annoying when threads are posted minutes next to each other but I'm sure you can ignore them if people are getting the responses and attention that they need.

[hely88 883]

I just wanted to weigh in here. I agree with everyone having to do the work and eat the right things but I have seen people lose super quick and I have seen people lose very slow sometimes not till after the first fill. I do think that some of you who have a really good journey become a little insensitive to people who are having more of a struggle and could use some support. I little empathy would be nice sometimes. I am in no way saying you should sugarcoat everything. Everyone is different and we all have different struggles.just be aware.

[destynee1 417]

I agree with many and both sides of things. Some of you got out of hand with your postings. If you get that angry that you feel the need to call names and bash each other, walk away, leave the site, take a breath and do something else.

The truth shall set you free, for real! It is a little annoying when I hear ( in general and also in everyday life ), "Oh I'm not going to sugarcoat, I'm honest" Yet, many say things in such a tactless manner . I speak the truth with still being considerate. There is always a way to say things and have some class to it. Missy for one has always been one of those to me that has always said the truth straight forward without sounding mean or she is better than anyone else. I just wanted to put that in when I saw that being put out there. And Wallflower, you always had nice posts to, you let the anger get the better of you and directed it to someone who didn't deserve that.

Any other out there, don't be intimidated by these posts. We truly are here to help each other. Not everyone see's eye to eye on everything and just ignore that which you don't agree.. I know it can be hard sometimes! lol. but it's not worth the bad feelings. Like family, we have quarrels. Time to move on.. **hugs**! all of you working it, that is freakin awesome! Tell us your secrets!! and all of you who are trying hard and it's not going as fast as you'd like, try something different, look at everything and I hope you find what will make your WL easier. I am in the middle..But I know why I haven't lost as fast as I'd like, fell off.. and now I'm back on that wagon again. The mentality is more difficult than I thought.. but we all have to face and work out our demons.

Good Luck! <3