My Journey So Far

[Roscoe368 62]

Greetings!

I haven't hit my 2 month anniversary yet, and I'm down 30 lbs. Here are some of the things I've gone through since considering this surgery, which actually has been a long time. Before having kids, I was basically thin, so to consider myself overweight was odd for me. I always thought it would be temporary. But my youngest is now 14, and its not temporary...!

First I knew, I wasn't going to tell anyone. Though, I believe it leaked at work. At first, I was upset about it, then figured, I don't really care what they think. Mostly, I keep to myself there anyways, and for the few I do know, I'll probably tell them. But outside of work, only my family at home know. And they have been wonderful in respecting my wishes of not telling anyone.

During my Pre-Op stage, I was on a stringent diet, as you may know. Prior to this, I was attempting to loose on my own, only to find i was sabotaging myself. What I mean was, I was really trying to do the pre-diet before it was time. I was adding milk, fruit and Peanut Butter to my Protein Shakes. Only to learn later, they make you hungry when doing the pre-diet. Once I eliminated the fruit, milk and peanut butter, oh and tomatoes from my diet...I was fine. These items apparently have carbs which - make you hungry...!!! I was doing my shakes, eating only protein...meat, fish, chicken, eggs, and cheeses, along with non-starchy veggies.

After surgery, sucking down an ice chip was a chore. I was sore. My back and tummy hurt. Everything I felt was normal. After the first week, I was slowly moving around nearly normal. Though, during this time it did make me realize, I really needed this. I guess I finally admitted to myself, I was not just overweight, but obese. Looking at my jeans....they are huge. Within that first week, I barely ate. Maybe I had 1/2 an egg, cottage cheese, or just a shake. By the time I saw the doctor for a follow up surgery visit, I had lost 15lbs! The feeling was immense, especially since my attempts of dieting had failed. I had wished, I would have known to skip the junk diet trends, and basically follow an Atkins diet, along with eliminating, milk, fruit, peanut butter and tomatoes. I can't help but wonder if I would be here now. Of course, you can say, "Eyesight is 20/20!" And, well, I am here now.

Moving forward, after feeling better from surgery, I don't know when the "hungeries" moved in my tummy. But they did. I have to admit, yes, I probably ate more than my regulated portion of Protein. I had to. But...I really did not deviate from the diet. And I have continued to loose. My pants became baggy, when before they were pretty snug, you know the kind of snug when you have to lie down on the bed to close them. My jammies felt as though they were 10 sizes to big for me. So, i attempted to try on a pair of jeans which were the next size smaller. They didn't fit. I couldn't help to think, what did i do wrong, or how was this even possible. Mind you this was just before Christmas.

I thought, I would have a problem during the holidays, and funny, I didn't. But, it was after the holidays which were harder. I had popcorn one day. The next day, I had some more popcorn. Popcorn, is hard for me to pass up. But, listening to my body, it was saying, "Don't eat the freaking popcorn!" It seemed after the second day, I encountered what I call, "the stuffies." I was constipated. Ugh! And yes, I was taking Fiber therapy prior to this. I had to find a softener to assist the therapy which wasn't working, or I should say was clogged.

Once the piping was cleared, I got back on track. Actually, for the few times, I "cheated", I ALWAYS got back on track. I know I'm not perfect. And I know, I have to indulge, sometimes. Even on my journey to getting thin. But, I didn't indulge, they way I used to. That was me, controlling that. Not the band. Mind you, I am not telling you to cheat or how to follow your instructions.

I have given up a lot. Quitting coffee prior to surgery was hard. But what was even harder, was eliminating carbonated beverages all together. I felt like a smoker, or alcoholic giving up their vice. After, a struggle. I did it. And I know, deep down inside, I can do this.

The band is a tool. Though, I have had only my first fill. My tool isn't in full gear. But in a little while, after a couple more fills, it will be. During this time, I need attempt to control myself. For the most part, I'm doing pretty good. Around this time I was down about 25 lbs.

After the New Years, I had a cookie. Oh wow, did that ever taste good. I think I unleashed a demon. I was tempted for another. I didn't today. But, I still wanted it. I didn't have it though. That is my control.

The next day, the little devil returned. I caved. I had a cookie, and another. Was I upset at myself? You betcha. And it showed. I stayed the same weight wise. Was I peeved? Oh yeah! I was almost depressed. I didn't weigh myself. And after a couple of days struggling here and there, nibbling on what I thought I wanted. I remembered, I needed to stay on track. (Mind you, i had not gorged, like I used to. Nibbling, meant a bite of one thing, and staying on the diet) I was mad that I had strayed. But looking overall at my diet, I basically did good.

And you know what? It showed. After a week of not weighing myself daily, I lost another 5lbs...!!!!!! I was 30 lbs down! I was so happy, because I was so upset by the stupid things I was doing. After seeing that, I had confidence. I made another attempt on trying the next size smaller jeans. Not only did they fit, I was able to zip them with no problems!!!! The next morning, I emptied my closet. I sifted and sorted everything by sizes. In the process, I removed ALL what was too big. Not only is my closet clean, it is roomier.

I'm not going back. Period.

Doing this was therapy. It also made me see, how skinny I was. Again...I had always thought this was temporary. But after so many years, it isn't.

I have new clothes, without the cost! Not as many choices, but enough to wait for the next size adjustment. The bigger bonus was my hubby taking me shopping for new pajamas. I did still keep the old jammies, but just for having some variety. I did not want to have to purchase something I will have to throw out. It felt marvelous. What a treat!!!

It also made me realize, I have a long way to go. But, I have made a couple of promises to myself. My first one is, after loosing enough to fit in the next size, I would remove the larger clothing and get rid of it. The second, is to allow a very small indulgence, get back on track, and don't feel guilty.

I'm down 30 lbs! Yes, possibly it could be a tad bit more, and this is ok.

So far during this time, I haven't exercised. I gave myself time to heal from the surgery. When I was healed, I somehow pulled my hamstring. This type of injury was very painful. I could barely walk. It's finally healed. I am going to start in the next day or so. Because of my injury, I already know I will take it slow. Once exercising is added, the weight should melt off more, this I know. But I am going to start. I'm planning on strength training along with walking or a type of cardio. I know, the strength training burns fat while not exercising, and that will be essential on melting the blubber and sautéing it into a leaner and meaner me!

Thanks for listening, for now. I'll be back...!

[shady2121 74]

Thanks, very inspiring. I know we will all have our quirks in this new journey. Yesterday was one week since surgery. I feel so much better.

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Every journey has hills and valleys. The trick is to stay on the straight and level as much as possible. Ongoing setbacks lead to more setbacks and a mind set that says...see I cheated and nothing bad happened. Please stick to you proscribed eating protocol. Best wishes on you continued Journey.

[Roscoe368 62]

Thanks! And Cheznoel, I know. I'm trying everyday. And that's what I can do. I guess maybe I should have stressed, if I stray, I won't do the guilt, and move on. We're human, it's okay. Granted, I am only hurting myself. As long as it doesn't get completely out hand. I mean, let's face it, that's what got us here together.

I'm actually in a good place right now. I'm confident. Which I wasn't before. And I'm happier too. Which is huge!

I'm making such better choices, drinking mostly Water, and feeling better.