how to deal with judgement

[PrettyGirlJey 28]

I have no support - other than what I am finding on my own. I don't have any family or friends. I am living in an emotionally abusive relationship which I plan to leave' date=' as soon as I recover from my surgery. I've had enough of being obese and putting up with his put-downs many times a day. So I decided to have this surgery. My "partner" (not sure what else to call him other than words I'd have to bleep out) is totally against the surgery. He hates that I've gained weight since we first got together and makes snide remarks about how I look and what I eat. I actually thought he'd approve of my surgery, but instead he tells me I'm wasting my money, mutters about the gym and points out every cheesy diet ad he sees.

For support I will be making full use of the aftercare support offered by the clinic doing my surgery. I chose this clinic for this reason. They have nutritionists, psychologists, online weight tracking and other things, which they offer for 5 years. I am also signing up for group therapy for abused women, hopefully it will start within the next few months.

Finally, I will be drawing from my prior experience from having a gastric bypass in 2005. I lost 159 lb. then, but regained 100 lb. during my current relationship. Not that it's his fault, I'm the one who started making bad eating choices after being thin for 3 years. But at least I know what gastric surgery feels like (though I'm sure lap band will be different) and the "rules" for eating should be similar. I know I can lose this weight and keep it off this time.

So, what I suggest is to avoid or ignore those who don't support you, and seek out those who do. Be creative. Ask at the clinic that does your surgery. If you feel you need a self-esteem boost, see if you can get counselling.[/quote']

I'm very very pleased to hear that you are taking control of your life. Please, I'm begging you, do not stay with that man. He doesn't want you to have the surgery because you'll feel better about yourself and you'll look better AND you'll see that you're too good for him. If you try weight watchers or some other diet chances are they won't work and you'll be miserable and he can keep you right where he wants you. Break away from it. My dad was very abusive to my mom for 14 years. The minute she broke away from him she accomplished so much and I'm so proud of her. I would be proud of you if you stopped letting him abuse you. You can talk to me, I'm your friend!

[daisychains7 427]

Congrats on deciding to change your life. I was banded at 22. I've lost over 140lbs and am living a healthy lifestyle. It isn't easy but I have no regrets whatsoever.

I did have some of the same fears you do. It's funny - I was judged my whole life for being a fat person, I was judged for getting WLS, and now I am judged for being "too skinny". Everyone always has an opinion. My boss tried to convince me not to have the surgery. One of the bariatric doctors told me I would fail because I was "too young" and would not take it seriously. Post weight loss, I have had supposed friends say I am now competition for them, that I only lost weight to get a man, that I eat weird, and looked better heavier.

So basically, you cannot please everyone. Going through this process has empowered me in a way I've never experienced before. I am ok if people don't agree with every decision, because I love this healthy body of mine. Remember - YOU are the one who has to live in your body! If you let friends or family dissuade you from making the needed changes, you are the one who has to live with your decisions, not them.

If you ever need support, we are all here for you.

Sorry I went on a tangent. I am very passionate about this topic. lol

[lmattera 17]

Congrats on deciding to change your life. I was banded at 22. I've lost over 140lbs and am living a healthy lifestyle. It isn't easy but I have no regrets whatsoever.

I did have some of the same fears you do. It's funny - I was judged my whole life for being a fat person' date=' I was judged for getting WLS, and now I am judged for being "too skinny". Everyone always has an opinion. My boss tried to convince me not to have the surgery. One of the bariatric doctors told me I would fail because I was "too young" and would not take it seriously. Post weight loss, I have had supposed friends say I am now competition for them, that I only lost weight to get a man, that I eat weird, and looked better heavier.

So basically, you cannot please everyone. Going through this process has empowered me in a way I've never experienced before. I am ok if people don't agree with every decision, because I love this healthy body of mine. Remember - YOU are the one who has to live in your body! If you let friends or family dissuade you from making the needed changes, you are the one who has to live with your decisions, not them.

If you ever need support, we are all here for you.

Sorry I went on a tangent. I am very passionate about this topic. lol[/quote']

Don't be sorry!! That's was the greatest bundle of truth It's so true- I've been judged for being fat and getting wls and I wouldn't be surprised once I'm thinner if I get judged for that also. All of my thin friends say I'm not "that fat" which I guess they think is a compliment but I'm convinced they don't want to lose their fat friend (Moesha anyone?). Maybe it's because for the longest time I judged myself that I couldn't do it on my own. But I'm not anymore. I'm proud of myself for committing to this difficult yet necessary change. I just wonder why everyone thinks their opinion of a topic they know nothing about is going to decide what I should do with my life and health.

[dfav3412 116]

I said this in another post but it surely applies here: Opinions are like butt cracks, everyone has one....you do what your heart tells you to do....this chance may never come around again if people get in the way.