Feeling a bit low

[pattyd87 9]

My recovery is going much better than expected. Barely any gas pain slightly uncomfortable, I even drove my daughter to her dr's appt and a short Detour to the mall to return something's for her(figured the walking would be good for me and I was not on any controlled meds). So I should be thrilled but I'm feeling low.

I didn't tell anyone excepted 8 people which includes my 12. Yr old daughter and my husband. I only told my daughter about a week ago, it was much better than I expected. She's extremely supportive but she is still only 12 and wants to hang with her friends since she's off a school. Then there's my husband...he's in the food industry. He went to the seminar with me last year and was not on board with the surgery. He felt I could do it on my own. I joined WW (for the 10th time)and lost 20# but I needed to loose it because of insurance required me to for the lapband. Well I know he's not on board but I had to do this for me. I'm so happy with life but I felt like my weight was make things impossible for me. I have terrible feet problems and sleep apnea that both have progressively gotten worse. I couldn't do it any longer. I want to be able to paint my toes again without taking a deep breath or get a Charlie horse.

Well since my surgery my husband has been barely around and he takes our daughter with him. So I've been more alone than with them. I feel so down that I could cry. I know that eventually I will be able to eat a normal meal just a much smaller one than what we seen me eat. I think he feels he's lost his partner in the dinning realm. But I could do it any longer. I refused to get my picture taken anymore because in the past 2-3 years because I've metamorphosed to someone I don't even recognize.

Has anyone else gone thur this??? Any words is wisdom would be appreciated. Feeling very lonely in my home.

[dee257 1,516]

Im sorry your having a down time...

I think we all do at one point or another.....

And it will get better ..Id look at it as a plus if hubby is taking our daughter out to eat....cuz you can just make what you need to eat....heck I wish my hubby would take our kids out....lol...as you loose and feel better about yourself it will all get easier....hang in there hun...hugs

[Toddy 758]

I think men that are that unsupportive are just really insecure. They think you're going to get skinny and run off with someone else. Maybe if you try to reinforce that he's the one you want to be with whether you're skinny or fat,, maybe he'll feel more secure. But right now, this is about you and you getting healthy... if he can't understand that, well, maybe he's the one with the problem! Here's to your future good health!!!

[Banjo257 920]

I wish I could cheer you up but the best I can do is cheer you on LBT and be a pal on your journey. What day were you banded? I was Dec 17th.

[♕ajtexas♕ 3,771]

((((((Big Hugs)))))) You are not alone. We will support you in this journey.

Give hubby time to adjust. You just went through major surgery that is going to change you for life and he needs to adjust to that. It's life changing for our families too and we forget that sometimes. You said "I think he feels he's lost his partner in the dinning realm" and you are probably right, so give him the time to accept the loss

In the mean time enjoy your journey, don't give up cause a health you is what hubby and your daughter need.

[kazjim98 618]

Aww I'm so sorry you're feeling down...big (((hugs))) and I hope as time goes by he will adjust and understand how important it is for you to be healthy....

[Sav22age 9]

I was banded on 12/19/12 and today had been my first "Debbie Downer Day"! I went to the doctor and was confirmed I have infected incisions . Then I had to come home and cook dinner for my family and couldn't eat it. Hoping its all a phase and I'll be happier tomorrow.

[Stephleupagus 35]

I can't imagine not having a supportive husband. I'm so sorry. It must be really hard not having your husband by your side. Is there any chance he would agree to sit down with you and talk about things?

[**IP~LB** 279]

Geez I know how you are feeling. I was the "party girl" drinking and eating, always going out and now since Dec 1 pre-op diet I have been staying home a lot. Most of my friends don't get it and are upset with me, but you know what I don't care because in one year I will be down to my goal weight.

As far as your husband goes maybe he will try to start eating healthier with you and be more supportive. I am sure in the back of his mind he is like omg she is going to lose all this weight and take off on me, and it does happen. My friend had gastric bypass two years ago and her husband is constantly spying on her, texting her, questioning her etc. Maybe having a heart to heart with him with help? Is he receptive to talks?

Good luck with YOUR WEIGHT LOSS. Happy New Year!!!

[destynee1 417]

I can relate to a lot of that.. food defined many of us.. everything we did included it. Going out shopping.. ( what are you gonna have today girls ).. visiting friends/family.. So him feeling change is scary to him because it was a routine in a way. It won't last forever.. as you adjust to the do's and don't with your lap band and feel comfortable with it, you will find choices a lot easier to make. You can both enjoy going out for a meal, you will just, be eating healthier and takeing home leftovers with you. As long as he sees you enjoying yourself the same.. he will feel as if things haven't changed as much.

I was lucky my bf was on board and supportive.. but!! he did moap about the eating out.. now I am 2 months out.. I have it mostly figured out.. well I am still learning, but it is going a lot smoother... I can go out and enjoy that aspect again.. I notice my choice in entree is different but I enjoy it the same.. well.. if a smaller thinking mind hehe. Good luck hun and everything will fall into place! **hugs**!!

[Jack 855]

pattyd: feeling down gave me an opportunity to start realizing how much I equated *food* and *eating* with everything I did socially and individually....

once through the first couple weeks your energy-producing pathways begin pumping out energy from a different part of the Krebs cycle. Not only do we being feeling better physically, our emotional vessel begins to respond as well. Our ability to relate to what have always ~seemed~ like obstacles evolves and we (at least some of us) start to morph into our NEW selves. The old chores and way we look at daily things you describe, begin to take on a different meaning.....we gain the ability to interpret and express and evaluate and change our own behavior as we gain more control of our own selves.

The Band for me was/IS a very liberating experience. In 2 weeks/2months/2 years you will be surprised at your new self.

Be sure to do a few record keeping chores: Take front and side photos from a constant position and with the same clothing, say a t-shirt & gym shorts or some such. Tape measure legs, arms. trunk AND head size every month or so. Write it in a PERSONAL journal. In the journey along the unknown path you take, when you get feeling down you can compare where you are with where you were. It helps tremendously IMHO, and ALWAYS cheered me up.

I still have a pair of my old size 58 walking shorts. While I STILL am "30 # from goal" and get negative feelings, I can drag those out and SEE whatever else, there IS progress toward my own goal.

I traced feeling down SOME of the time, to my own initial sensation of 'deprivation' as I had evolved the habit of the illusion of reward by eating something I wanted.

It was VERY necessary to learn to tell whether eating for 'hunger' or for 'sport'. THAT made a huge difference and kept me very busy most of the time from being very much down.

In any case, CHEERS on your journey!!!

[dfav3412 116]

I don't remember this exact saying but I loved it when I read it: Think about it as learning a dance....your partner has to learn the new steps to dance to the music with you and after some practice he will get it

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Sometimes after surgery you get surgical depression which may be happening and the unadded support from your family only heightens what you are feeling. I would talk to him and tell him how you're feeling and would appreciate a little support from him. It's not fair when women are always there for the ones we love and then when you need them they all but disappear. I would certainly talk to him and let him know just how you feel about his actions. Men can be real insensitive to our feelings.

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

Some people withdraw when they don't know what to do. Many men so it very well. He doesn't know how to help you so he does nothing and stays away. He may feel like as you say he has lost an eating buddy or that this really might work and you are going to leave him when you start looking hot...who knows what he is thinking since he won't share it but I think The best thing you could do is to let him know more then ever how much you need him right now... Seems ironic..for you to be supporting him through this I know but you may be surprised when he reciprocates.

As far as you... You have probably realized your life has undergone a permanent change and there are a slew of emotions connected with that. Relax..focus on hubby and daughter when not working on yourself and let it happen.....

Best wishes

[pattyd87 9]

Thanks everyone. I don't think he's insecure he's the most secure person I know. He just a very regimented type of person. He works out daily and luckily he's taking our daughter so has those established skills I never had.

I think it's more that he feels he's going to lose his dining partner. He was never was on board with my life style change. But maybe when my physical being reflects his physic he'll be more positive. He never made me feel bad about me being overweight he was always supportive with that. But this he's not on board with. Ugh. And maybe I have some postop depression too. I'm a very social person and like I said only 8 ppl know so that means no visitors basically. But I'm glad I have you my band friends. Thanks for your support.