"Learning the Secret"

[vinesqueen 2]

So why can't I just get past this need to "FIND" her?

quote]

I've been thinking about this line all day. I've decided that maybe you don't need to get past this. Maybe you do need to "find" her.

I think that any time someone touches us deeply, they leave part of themselves with us. I think that it is the same with art, artists leave part of themselves in the art. And people who love us, do the same.

[Penni60 45]

[quote name=vinesqueen

I've been thinking about this line all day. I've decided that maybe you don't need to get past this. Maybe you do need to "find" her.

I think that any time someone touches us deeply, they leave part of themselves with us. I think that it is the same with art, artists leave part of themselves in the art. And people who love us, do the same.[/quote]

Ok wise woman how do I "FIND" her.

[vinesqueen 2]

I don't know how you find her Penni. I figure that the best parts of your grandma are already part of your character.

I know that when I set about to create the mother I needed, the mother I became, I made a mental list of all the things that I wanted, that I needed, the mamma that I wanted for my spudboy.

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to make a list of the qualities you loved most about your grandma, the qualities you miss most. It's possible that you need to do this not for yourself but for someone else. I know that your grandchildren are not physically close to you. Perhaps you need to "adopt" one? I know that I am an adopter. While I only gave birth to one child, I needed more than just my spudboy, so I've always adopted all children that come into my life. All my son's friends are my surigate children, and while I was in exhile, my friends' children became "my" children.

I don't know how you will find her Penni. I only know how I found my mamma.

Some people feel that when loved ones depart this plane of life, people who especially love us become our guardian angels.

[Penni60 45]

Some people feel that when loved ones depart this plane of life, people who especially love us become our guardian angels.

I have felt my grandma on several occasions guiding me in my decisions and actions. So I firmly believe she is my guardian angel.

I get what you are saying about finding her. I need to look inside myself to find her.

[paula 4]

Last Easter, we had a big family meal with relatives that I hadnt seen in a while.

After everyone was gorged to death with the main course - then it was time for dessert!

My size 6 cousin was ahead of me in the dessert line. While I was eyeing 3 different sweet's (thinking of getting a small spoonful of each - even though I was absolutely NOT hungry) - my size 6 cousin served herself a regular piece of only one of the choice cakes (reminding you that there were several things to chose from).

We found a spot to sit, visit and eat our Desserts. Me - I devoured mine. ALL OF IT. My size 6 cousin, took 2 bites from her plate then stopped eating. Had the plate in front of her WITH THE REMAINING DESSERT and never touched it again.

She was "full". Thats why she didnt eat any more. She was full.

She didnt nibble on it.

She didnt swipe her finger in it.

Didnt touch it again - because she was FULL!

This memory stayed with me for a year.

WHY has SHE been given the ability to know HOW to stop eating when she is no longer hungery.

Just thought it added to the question you were asking Sue.

Why do some get it - and others dont?

Banded or not.

[DeLarla 22]

I'm whom the lesson just does NOT compute.

I learned the lessons necessary to lose and/or maintain a healthy weight, but for me, addiction is stronger.

I'm not only addicted to food, I just have an addictive personality (that I'm working on.) I have anxiety disorder and should avoid caffeine at all costs but I don't - I crave the crap. Once I get some caffeine in me, then the anxiety starts, which makes me eat. Plus I love to drink booze even though I keep trying to quit. I only drink every few weekends but I often get sloshed because I'm the Polish Party girl that loves a good time.

Now I sit here in pain, worried about permanent damage - or worse, another surgery to correct whatever the hell I did to my belly. I know what needs to be done, and every day I say I'll do it. But the cravings and voices are too strong, so I give in.

[kellymoos 4]

First of all Sue....like others have said..Great Thread!!

Michelle, I found myself in your post. I am doing exactly what you said, besides the drinking with meals, I never could not drink with my meals. But, no carbonation for me. Last night I walked my mile with 5 lb weights on each leg, I refuse to gain my weight back. I want to lose more and have obsessing so much about this weight. When we had the band we didn't really have to "worry" about it creeping back on and if it did, we could get a fill. Now, it is just us and our mind.....scary huh? I hate weight being the only thing I think about 24/7...the scale says I have gained 5 lbs, but I feel like a cow....I hope that I can loose more and maintain.......I know one thing, I am scared....but I do feel better with the band out.

[DeLarla 22]

I feel like 3 cows even though the scale says I've only gained less than 10 lbs. Huge difference, big ol belly. Poop.

[pugmum 0]

This is a great thread.

I guess I experienced a shift in my thinking when I recalled a saying from AA...It's easier to stay sober than get sober.

One day it occurred to me (I know it sounds silly, but it was the first time), that losing weight is kind of like when I stopped drinking. It's a process and then there is an end. Of course, once the end is reached I will have to maintain, but it really put it in perspective and gave me hope when I realized that I can just lose weight and it can be as simple as that. I had always tackled weight issues with "forever" and "always" and "never." When I exchanged those words with "just for today" and "occasionally" and "sometimes" it seemed to help.

I guess I'm trying to say there is an end in sight. When I tried to quit drinking, over 5 years ago, I believe I was becoming addicted to trying to quit! Same with my weight...the drama and focus of it had become so normal that I didn't even recognize it. That pattern needed changing and once I was willing to withstand being a bit uncomfortable, it worked.

Kelli

[babsintx3 0]

Hi Sue,

I have been thinking about this too. I had some weight gain from my lowest weight and weighed 193 when I had my PS. I have been having trouble to get back to my lowest weight and my body is telling me its comfortable at 190-200 lbs. Yes, thats still overweight/mildly obese, but honestly, I dont care if I never get to 145-150 which is a normal BMI for my height.

The strange thing is that I know about nutrition, I know about exercise, most of us are nutrition experts after years of fighting obesity, but that doesnt stop me from eating the cheesecake and then going for a second piece. Have I learned anything???

I'm really not sure. Time will tell because the one thing I know for certain is lapband or not, I can gain all my weight back if I give up the battle. IT was really easy putting on the 12-15 pounds that I gained when I quit smoking. Its really scary and even the fear isnt motivating enough.....

I do think that people that learn to love and respect the power of exercise are more likely to keep the weight off because I dont think the fact that we are obese is solely genetics. I think turning some of that fat to muscle really makes a difference to help keep the weight off.

Babs in TX

334/180 ish

[desertmom 297]

Well, I am the person that while I have restriction I think I have learned and when I dont I eat as if the food will all be gone tomorrow......(which is usually true when I diet....)

My cousin with her strange duodenal bypass have actually learned....she is too scared of the smell...so she doesnt eat wrong things.....she buys it...chocolates and sweets and give it away...

I have stopped smoking 3.5 years ago.....took a drag of someones sigaret the other day and if I didnt get a chest infection after that I would have kept on taking the smoke insisting that I am now a non smoker.BUT ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS SMOKE...

It seems that some people get it, and some dont.....I just dont seem to get it, do I?

(lots of I's in this?????)

[sunflower 0]

Yes, I hear what the two of you are saying when I used to go to OA(Over Eaters Anonymous) One time this girl came in and said she wished she would have had a drug or alcohol addiction instead. We all looked at her like what? but then she made sense, and said well when you have those addiction you just don't have them in your life anymore but how do you deal with the food? You still have to deal with it everyday. I mean that made sense to me. But of course we all know it is also about self control, self acceptance, self respect, self respect, self better get yourself together! than just food. We have to learn to take this one day at a time. Today I had a bad day! ate too much but tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. I will do better.

[Jachut 487]

For me its been a few different things.

One is that I can lose weight when I do the right thing and it does keep coming off long term. The band has helped me stick with that for obvious reasons and once the realisation set in, it has made it easier to keep going. I do have bad times, I've eaten like a pig for the past two weeks over and after Easter, and regained half a kilo but it doesnt worry me, I know that to pick up and keep going will bring results. So its no longer an all or nothing thing for me.

Losing the initial weight made it possible for me to run again. Which has shifted my focus entirely from weight loss to getting in peak physical condition of which weight loss is only one part of the equation. So I have reasons other than to please a scale or a doctor to lose weight. WHat I want to achieve now is to be a good athlete, which is a way more concrete goal than the perfect body.

The most important thing I think I've learned though is there is no amount of restriction which will mean I cant cheat, cant eat badly or otherwise not comply. So it's still down to me at the end of the day. Weight loss surgery is no easy answer. That is motivating to me, rather than discouraging.

Also I think I now feel that there is no point at which I will suddenly be "successful". I've gained so much this far, that I'm already successful. Its not an all or nothing thing. I have good health and a great frame of mind now which is much more important than a number on a scale.< /p>

[judybellyband 6]

THIS IS THE BEST THREAD - Alex, it NEEDS to be a Sticky ... please!

BACKGROUND: After 30 months of living in (-79lbs) Bandland and still BMI =29.2 and being 30lbs away from my goal, I found out on the 8th of November that I have lost function in my band due to a complete leak. I fell apart and mourned the loss for days. Let me put it like it was… I fell apart. After all, it had not slipped or eroded and I had already gained 9.5lbs in 5 weeks waiting for the next fill. Also, I knew the Christmas session was going to make it even worst. When I weigh-in that morning at my doctors I knew I had gained but I planned on getting that band re-fill and getting that off and more. When restricted, my band had been faithful. However, it was not going to work that way this time.

I am still waiting on my clinic to submit approval for a 2nd band which they are telling me that it’s not going to happen till “sometime” in January at best. It is my heart’s desire to get this 2nd band and I am praying for it as soon as possible.

BUT WHAT IS WORKING FOR ME . . . and my new weight-loss Tools:

1. My faith in Christ

2. Very straight, sound, correct advice from leath_g (Suzanne Chapin) about getting focused and just continuing.

3. Tracking what I eat and exercise. Please hear this cause it’s important and I want you to also get this…. Tracking the WHAT you eat is the KEY. We loose based on WHAT it is we eat verse what we exercise…(yea, yea I know what you are thinking here). It’s tracking the WHAT we eat that is the 2nd band tool. The What we eat is made-up of stuff that is either good for me or not. I need to know it and not just let it happen.

So I already had a desktop tool that I never used called “FitDay” and it was excellent but I could not take it with me. So I researched and found “Diet and Exercise Assistant v6.0” which runs on my desktop and also synchronizes with my PDA handheld. The two versions cost about $30USD. This is the best by far software tool but even CONTINUING to put the WHAT down on paper would have been better than not doing so. You have to understand (with or without the band) it’s all about the What you eat and what it’s make up of. For example. I had no idea that English peas were a poorer choice than green Beans by a factor of X3. See what I mean?

4. Hunger control – the BIG problem. I was told about this by a friend who goes to personal trainer and it is helping. Sure Water management still helps also. But the over the counter appetite suppressant I am using is called ‘ALRI Venom Hyperdrive 3.0 (for stamina & energy $28USD/90 Caps)’.

5. SUPPORT … my wonderful husband and YOU!

AFTER 9 DAYS of FOCUS on each item 1-5 above and without my wonderful band. . . (-6 lbs) lost. I realize that I CAN handle whatever happens to my weight because I finally get it. I am feeling better and still hoping to have a replacement band in January. But the difference is being in control, not falling apart, staying focused on MY goal. It’s about me and better choices; not just my band.

Dear friends, I am praying that this truly helps you and that you don’t have to lose your band to realize this same thing. Go for it…get healthy, get out of those clothes (physical and emotional) you hate, and have a BLESSED 2006 THANKSGIVING & CHRISTMAS. I am praising my Lord because I understand now and we can do it.

[DevilMayKare 1]

Capacity is the key word. For me, given the right tool/assistance/support certainly increases my capacity to succeed in the weight loss battle arena.

Wow Kathy,

That was SO GOOD! I'm gonna print it out & post it on my board to remind myself to use more tools to increase capacity!