My big "FAT" rant.

[evlyn1971 26]

Okay.....so.... Hopefully this will make sense as I am so mad/sad I can't think.

Or rather my weight is all I can think about.

I want to go to the doctors and not hear " you need to loose weight" or "because you are overweight" or "this happens to bigger girls".

It seems to me that every time I go to the doctors it is something new, that can be directly linked to my weight. This isn't to say that I want a new ailment I just want to go once and not hear these things . I left my obgyn crying ( I waited till I was in the parking lot) and cried all the way home.

What the hell have I done to my body, why have I let myself get this big. What is wrong with me, I can't even do overweight right. Most overweight girls I know have big boobs or pretty faces. I have neither. Oh and add to that my hair is so thin you can see my scalp I will be bald soon.

I have tried talking to my husband, bless his soul, but I cry and then I get angry because I know this is all my fault. He tries to be supportive he says "he loves me just the way I am" or " it's ok honey everyone thinks you are special". Then I hear him tell my son ( he's 24) " your mom is having some sort of mid life crisis" ........ Grrrrr he doesn't get it.

I have been eating salads and chicken and fish, watching my portions, and drinking so much Water I am surprised I don't float. I get on the scale at the doctors and have gained 2.5 lbs. which makes me look like a jackass because I just excitedly told him about being so good with my food.< /p>

I know people here will think " go to therapy girl". Been there done that my therapist thinks these emotions are normal for someone "who is overweight" and that I need to recognize the problem and work on it. My pcp and my therapist want me to get wls, my insurance plan will not cover it. I have applied for care credit and am waiting patiently..... NOT.

WOW I feel a little better.

Love me hate me, it is what it is!!!!!

Thank you

[Maddysgram 6,159]

Aww hun we've all been where you're at. You're not alone. I'll be hoping and praying your credit comes through. WLS was my last hope, lucky for me my ins started paying for it.

Stick around here and learn all you can about WLS so when the time comes you'll be ready.

((((((Hugs))))))

[donna12 742]

Awe, you make me cry because that is exactly how I felt. How in the world did I let myself go and get this big. My biggest was 294 day of surgery. Like Maddys it was my last hope for weight loss and luckily my ins paid for it and my 20% that didn't pay my surgeon wrote off so I didn't owe anything, wow I couldn't believe it. I pray you too will soon be having WLS like us. Keep in touch with your ins company, weekly if not daily regarding the surgery and I pray you get your credit. God works in mysterious ways, keep the faith girl! Hang your head high with pride and walk tall. Change your eating a little, eat lots of Protein first then veggies then good carbs and maybe do some walking if you are able. Please hang in there, things will get better, I have faith it will.

Blessings

Donna

[A New New Dawn 1,695]

I feel for you as many of us feel or have felt that same way. Does your insurance carrier not cover the procedure at all or are they not covering it for you? If it is specific to you, then I would find out the reasons why.

This is a struggle and we have to look forward as we cannot change the past. Even making small strides will go far, such as going for a walk, omitting certain things (regular mayo, fried food, etc).

If you have a smart phone, there are a couple great apps called "lose it" and "my fitness pal" they are great tools to help track your food so you know what you are consuming, where you can improve, etc and your activity level. Also, there is another great app called couch25k (couch to 5k) that is meant to gradually get you active from sedentary to being able to walk and/or run a 5k. It has helped a lot of people.

Try not to harbor resentment towards yourself from the past and see what you can do going forward. This is a huge emotional journey, but taking little steps can even get you going in the right direction.

Best wishes to you!

[Banjo257 920]

Evlyn

You sound like many of our autobiographies.

I tried every diet, and failed. I failed, not the diet.

But Monday I got the band and now I have a "helper".

Like a personal trainer inside me.

I hope the finances will come thru for you.

Here's to a HAPPY and HEALTHY new year!

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

When I finally reached the point of knowing that I must do something about my weight I had 227 lbs to lose. I was so desperate after years of one failing diet after another... (Well the diets didn't fail...I failed the diets...) anyway I was so desperate I wanted to cut the fat off myself. Luckily I was still of sane mind and didn't go that route but I did explore my options.

My insurance didn't cover the band. Gastric bypass wasn't an option for me... I didn't want to rearrange my anatomy, I discussed it with my husband and he told me he would stand behind me in my decision. He knew I was miserable on the inside.

I found out the dr and hospital had a payment plan with no interest with some cash down. I went and met the dr... He was the 3rd one I spoke to... The other two seemed impersonal and I didn't feel I would get the support I needed after the surgery.

I figured out the money end of it and threw myself into the band and the lifestyle it required whole heartly. I never cheated, I followed the dr's instructions and today I am typing this from my bed after having a Tummy Tuck and breast lift yesterday as my reward for doing all the right things.

It's been a long road since that day I wanted to cut my fat off.... But with perserverience and hard work ...you can be there too.

I wish your all the best.

[evlyn1971 26]

I feel for you as many of us feel or have felt that same way. Does your insurance carrier not cover the procedure at all or are they not covering it for you? If it is specific to you, then I would find out the reasons why.

My insurance covers just not with the plan we have.

You know, I have been overweight since I was in my 20s but I never felt that I was, or so I thought. When I would go places I would hold my head up high and say "if people don't like the way I look they don't have to look" . Twenty yrs went by and I pretty much was the same weight the whole time. Last yr I was looking at some pics of me and realized that in all of them I was doing something silly, even my wedding pics. Why did I do that ? I thought about it and realized I always acted like a silly clown so people would laugh. I think I did that so at least I felt like they were laughing with me not at me. If I was the life of the party people would like me and not notice I was fat.

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Don't give up! Never, Never, Give up!

Your life is worth it!

[♕ajtexas♕ 3,771]

~~~Big Hugs~~~

Completely understand how you feel. I was self pay because my insurance didn't cover wls. It was the best 10k I have ever spent!

Hang in there, work out the finances and in the mean time hang around here and read up on the band and it's lifestyle. I was banded in February and in ten months lost 75 pounds, I followed the band rules, didn't cheat and have completely changed my eating lifestyle. I no longer let food control me, now I control it!

More important than that, I love myself again! It is a great feeling, a feeling you deserve. So hang in there and don't give up.

Take care.

[Maddysgram 6,159]

((((Evlynn))))

[evlyn1971 26]

Thank you all!!!!!

I feel much better today.

I have spent the last couple nights reading threads on this site and it really helped.

Had a talk with my husband ( I scared him when I went on my rant) he is standing behind me 100%.

? Is it normal for the spouses to worry you are going to get skinny and leave them. Hubby says he knows it is stupid put it is a small fear he has. We have been together 20yrs I am not going anywhere.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

i read some posts that refer to that fear...but i recall asking my hub about it..

not in regards to us, but he said if a guy thinks that the skinny gal will leave, its his problem...not the gals, if a man loves you, he loves you. end of story.

like you, i am not going anywhere...to think id waste 28 yrs for nothing??

[A New New Dawn 1,695]

When I went for the pre-op pyschologist appt, he brought up that some couples do struggle so it is important to communicate openly. My fiance has made a few "joking" comments in passing that I am going to leave him. I don't think he is worried and he isn't bold about it. If a man truly has a problem with it, it really is their insecurity and not a reflection of you. Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open.

I hope things work out well in your journey with the insurance.

[Krussell19 217]

We have all been right where you are so don't feel alone! Seriously though doctors amaze me with some of the things they say. I actually had this skinny prissy doctor start in on me about my weight and i was there for strep throat! I'm like is this a joke? My automatic diagnosis is your a fatty!? Yes I'm aware but being fat did not give me strep you little hag!

Some people just dont understand I was approved for surgery at 16 already weighing 330 lbs and I was so excited and my mother said no way I was beautiful and just needed to except myself and get on a.diet program so I ended up having to wait till I was 19 by then with all my yoyo dieting I was up to 430! I was so discusted with myself my head.looked like a rhino I was so fat and unhealthy I coudnt tie my shoes and I barley fit in my car.

My second approval took me 14 months and I jumped threw so many hoops to get there. Insurance , doctor reference letters, psych eval, diet plan, and so on. We are all hear for you! It may take time but you'll get there!

My husband brings it up Now and then especially when I start loosing alot of weight and have to go get new clothes. I just assure him im not goin anywhere. He loved me when I was big so I know he is here for me I dont wanna be with.a.jerk who only likes me because im skinny.

[evlyn1971 26]

I went in for a sinus infection once and didn't see my normal pcp and the new one told me I wouldn't get so many sinus infections if I lost weight. I walked out, two days later my normal pcp called me and apologized for the rudeness of her colleague. I told her that wasn't good enough that the b***h needed sensitivity training.

If I call now and she is the only one available I will wait as long as it takes so I don't have to see her.

I talked with my hubby and he explained that he loves me and really doesn't think I will leave. We have three friends who were married when they had wls and all three are divorced now. I guess if I was in his shoes I might have that thought to.