finallytime 134 Posted December 17, 2012 I am day 3 post op and today is the day that i have decided to beat myself up. How did I get to be 300lbs? How could I not do this on my own? How did it get to the point that I needed surgery and am laying here in pain right now and can't pick up my son? WTF is wrong with me? I am sure this will pass, but right now I am certainly having a pity party for 1! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JerseyShoreDisneyDiva 113 Posted December 17, 2012 I am day 3 post op and today is the day that i have decided to beat myself up. How did I get to be 300lbs? How could I not do this on my own? How did it get to the point that I needed surgery and am laying here in pain right now and can't pick up my son? WTF is wrong with me? I am sure this will pass' date=' but right now I am certainly having a pity party for 1![/quote'] I did the same thing. It reminded me of when I had postpartum depression. I think the lack of food messes with your psyche. I would literally bawl my eyes out when I made myself a shake. I think this hit me on day 3 or 4 also. I started feeling better when my doc moved me on to softer foods. It will get better. I promise! 1 ☠carolinagirl☠ reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721 Posted December 17, 2012 I am day 3 post op and today is the day that i have decided to beat myself up. How did I get to be 300lbs? How could I not do this on my own? How did it get to the point that I needed surgery and am laying here in pain right now and can't pick up my son? WTF is wrong with me? I am sure this will pass, but right now I am certainly having a pity party for 1! been there/done that. i have pity partys also and sometimes i invite only myself. ...now, i was also over 300 and wonder what the heck did i do?....i can beat myself up (just like you are) or realize what you just did........you had major surgery to save your life and help you lose weight. so fantastic....and there is nothing wrong with having a small aid *the band* to help you and me and everyone else lose weight and get healthy. .i am proud of you....now, you are recovering and you are tired, your body is trying to heal....as jersey said, it does get better..i know it dont look like it, but it will. i can promise that much. 1 JerseyShoreDisneyDiva reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cheryl2586 3,053 Posted December 17, 2012 In months to come as you lose weight you will always ask why I let myself get this way. It is a question even I still ask myself after three years. However just know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will no longer be 300lbs. As the weight comes off you will start feeling better and look at yourself and say wow I got this. I dont think any of us will stop questioning how we let ourselves get that big. Because we really don't have the answer to that except we were addicted to food. As you learn to live without that addiction and realize how much time you have to be with your son and family you will be pleased with your decision. You have given yourself a new life to be with your son and family. It will get better. 2 Lori4080 and ☠carolinagirl☠ reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
line-dancer 810 Posted December 17, 2012 4 mos out and 41 lbs off and I now know why I couldn't do it before I wasn't built right my mind never got the message in time now that it does I know it was not my fault...I praise myself everyday that I kept looking for help and I have found it in the band...I have finally taken control of my mind by fixing the part that was not severing me at all... Get the doctor and get anti-depressants and any other medication you ight need to boost the brain into proper functioning I did the medicstion part years ago and this is the cherry on top not only for me but for many others on here...You are NOT all those negative thought, that the other part of your brain...you will do this. 1 ☠carolinagirl☠ reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wgbem 138 Posted December 19, 2012 As Cheryl says, we all ask that question. I look at myself and get so mad as I look at many things that may not have happened had I cared more about myself. Please take heart. Just be glad you found a way. If you need antidepressants get them. You deserve to be healthy in every way. Welcome to your new life. :-) 1 ☠carolinagirl☠ reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wgbem 138 Posted December 19, 2012 As Cheryl says, we all ask that question. I look at myself and get so mad as I look at many things that may not have happened had I cared more about myself. Please take heart. Just be glad you found a way. If you need antidepressants get them. You deserve to be healthy in every way. Welcome to your new life. :-) 1 ☠carolinagirl☠ reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banterwonder 63 Posted December 19, 2012 It gets better as you start to lose. Now, you are newly post-op. Your body has been traumatized. I set a time limit for the crying jags and small pity parties. In the beginning, I would give myself an hour to feel sorry, beat myself up. Then as the weeks went back, I cut it to a 1/2 hour, then 15 minutes and then , finally to 5 minutes. As I lost weight, I began to see a new and better me and that made me more joyful. Also, I could look back and see how miserable I was . Now I can make lists of the new things I can do and experience. It hgelps me to not look back and start the pity stuff again. Hang in there, work on the new you, think of yourself as a blank slate for improvement. 1 ☠carolinagirl☠ reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jalangy 2 Posted December 20, 2012 I was banded 12-7-12 so I am pretty new also. I was doing the same thing you are when I was still recovering in the hospital. I was laying there after wondering why the hell I did this to myself and felt like such a failure that I couldn't do it on my own. Now I am starting to feel a little better and I did buy the book The Emotional First Aid Kit: A Practical Guide To Life After Bariatric Surgery. It was recommended to me by another in this group and it has helped me. I know I will still have ups and downs and will cry and ask why but when I look at the big picture it was the right choice for my health. You got this! Stay strong it will all work out! Good luck! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stratcat 10 Posted December 20, 2012 Be gentle with yourself. Life is about learning how to pick yourself up and go on. Not allowing in a mistake to keep you down. Celebrate that you are learning and growing. We all go through the same thing. Over and Over again. Different situations, same feeling of worthlessness. And, just as you would tell me, I am telling you. Go easy on yourself. I made up my mind that i was only fat. Others have their own crutches - drugs, alcohol, affairs, spending habits......whatever. ..............And I am learning to deal with my problem. But thanks for posting your feelings. I learned from your post and the others who posted. I have been beating myself up for the fact that I quit after the first 60 lbs. I am going to take my own advice and be gentle with myself, acknowledge why I stopped after the first 60 lbs,and simply go on to lose 60 more. You are on the right road. The first couple miles (weeks) are bumpy. Have faith - it gets SO much better. You will be smiling in no time. 3 jalangy, finallytime and JerseyShoreDisneyDiva reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AmySays 38 Posted December 21, 2012 I'm 14 days post op & had my pity party yesterday. It was just a mini-party though. I was sitting there (with very uncomfortable port pain) and broke down. I simply whispered, "I'm sorry..." and my husband asked what I was talking about. I told him I was sorry I let myself get this way - to the extreme of needing surgery. He just looked at me with a kind smile & said, "it's a fresh start." And I realized, he is so right! It's a fresh start for us all. I'm sure I'll probably go through a few more moments like that, but I'll get through it. We all will. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
feb27bandwoman 112 Posted December 21, 2012 Lovely post amysays!!!! I have felt the same way and cried before surgery over" how I'd I let this go so far?" Cried in husband's arms and sobbed about the painful knees, back, shame in looking at pictures, wasting so many years being fat and un healthy. He was/is very empathetic and held me till the sobbing subsided. Now, we are planning on a long and healthy second half of this new lease on life! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stephleupagus 35 Posted December 22, 2012 Yep! Totally had this breakdown yesterday, mad at myself that I couldn't just do it on my own and had to put myself through all this pain and frustration of surgery. Sad and grieving the fact that I won't be able to have all the foods I used to. How stupid is that, though? I'm both sad and angry that I'm so overweight, and then in the same breath crying because I can't shovel down taco bell anymore. LOL It's totally normal. We will get through it 1 finallytime reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
