After Surgery, The Nay Sayers Come Out Of The Woodwork

[AmyBK 1]

I'm four days post-op, recovering week I think, and am 15 pounds down. My husband and I got into a little disagreement last night and he comes out with this: I'm scared of how much you're going to change, what you're going to look like, and you have no idea how mammy people have told me I should have talked you out of this.

Ok, this is strange for several reasons: my husband is very active and fit and I only gained this weight in the last few years and was very fit myself five years ago. We pretty much know how I'm going to look...awesome! Also he knows how miserable and uncomfortable i have been. I've also developed insulin resistance and high blood pressure. What about my health?!? I was floored.

Also my family and friends have been all supportive to my face but secretly begging him to get me to change my mind! That is so freaking aggravating!

I don't even know what to say. Should I pretend i never heard this or confront the culprits (in a loving way of course)?

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

My dr warned me early on before I was banded that spouses of people who lose a lot of weight often become insecure...worried we are going to leave them after we are looking all hot and skinny or concerned that for some reason the relationship ..not just you will change.. So my advice is to be understanding... And tell him regularly how much you appreciate his support. Go out of your way to reassure him you are doing this for your health so you both can enjoy a long life together.

Also...he is scared of the unknown...he isn't really sure what to expect in the days and weeks to come and he maybe lashing out at you because he is nervous. Of he is worried that the focus will all be on you and where does that leave him?

Be patient and lovng... I bet he will come around. As for the other naysayers.... Ignore it.

[SueBee01 630]

The little jealousy demonds always come out. Just remind him how much better you are going to feel and that you will be able to do so much more with him since he is already fit. Ask him if he wants you to be healthy too! It's not just the spouse that gets jealous either. Your friends will come around. Keep up the good work!

[AmyBK 1]

Wow, that's really great advice SueBee! Thank you!!!

[AmyBK 1]

Thank you Floridays! Awesome advice!

[Rojasanoll 920]

So your hubby would rather be fat or obese, with possible health issues, longetivity issues, possible rejections of life insurance increases and not look fit in any way. Sounds like he should look at the overall picture and be supportive of your needs in obtaining better health or keeping the health you have. Hope he wakes up soon and sees you as the same you from the past only lighter. Maybe he should eat and exercise with you rather than to throw slams at you.

He must grow Up! Stay on course and keep on track. It's only YOUR health. Hugs

[AmyBK 1]

That's what I told him. I think after we talked he came around. Other than that conversation he has been supportive. I guess his fears of the unknown and for my safety came out. I'm trying to be more understanding and he is too.

[hopetolose 192]

My hubby was living out of state for the first year after my surgery. Everytime I would see him, I would be 10 to 15 lbs lighter. So I would make sure to reassure him that he is still the only guy I wanted. I would buy some sexy things, and sweet talk him. This became easier as I lost cause your self esteem goes up as your weight goes down.

as for your family, what's done is done. They are going to have to get used to the new you soon or later...or the old you as the case may be :-)

[4sweeties 63]

Maybe your family and friends didn't say that or to the degree it came out. He was angry and scared and venting, and maybe to make his point stronger he said others feel the same way. Ask him who and exactly what they said when more time passes and he's calmer. Another possible angle is he talked to a family member or friend, or listened, maybe even nodded, did not disagree with him in his heated moment, and he took that as validation that they don't support you either. Just remember that comment is coming from his point of view. Try not to put too much energy into worrying about the friends and family being non supportive when they talk to your husband. Focus on the two of you and good luck. It will all work out, it's just so frustrating sometimes.