This Isnt How I Thought Id Feel!

[lisapereira66 18]

Thanks is much for everyone encouraging words. I have not really changed the cloths I am wearing. Problem is I have a closet full of cloths in various sizes. I am fittng into jeans from 10 yars ago but for some reason I stick with my elastic wasted jeans for comfort. I was actually really surprised the other day when I did wear real jeans and, for the first time in a long time, I didn't have a huge red indentation around my middle by the end of the day. Baby steps.

I was also wondering if once people actually start noticing do they usually ask how much you've lost?. In one way i want to shout from the rooftops that i lost 40 pounds. But, I feel I embarrased that I've lost over 40 pounds and still look this big. I feel like if I tell someone I've lost 40 pounds as soon as they walk away they'll think, wow, how much did she actually weigh? Maybe I'm reading too much into this.

Thanks for listening.

Lisa

[lucy b 5]

I have notice as I'm shredding my weight I'm shredding my past... I've done things to overcome and find closure in past problems. Though I must admit. I failed at 1 point. I failed because I expected my band to do it all. I expected to wake up skinny and that was that. When I saw the scale staying the same I became discouraged and got an attitude like "this isn't working so I mine as well eat" it wasn't until I got more support from here, support groups, doctors and counselors when I realized this is just a tool. A tool that I have control of working. So I've started my "2nd" journey with a whole new approach !

[shellvw 21]

When I read what you wrote I felt like I could have wrote it! I'm down 47 lbs since June 5 and hoping for 3 more by dec 5. My clothes are baggy and I fit in one size smaller clothes well some of them but sometimes I want to yell- why am I not skinny yet!?! I don't look any different except for maybe some wrinkles where my extra chin used to be.... I can do the elliptical for 35 min instead of the 20 I used to though so there is some light at the end! Good luck! I can't wait to be at 200 since I'm just trying to get under 270! I feel like a failure a lot like I should be down 80 already......

[destynee1 417]

So, I'm a grad student in counselling psych and I found an interesting stat that I think might be relevant: For whatever reason, it turns out that bariatric patients seem to have a slightly higher suicide rate than those in the general populous, and my guess is that the weight loss, for some, doesn't always cure the underlying depression. I bring this statistic up because ultimately I think our happiness depends less on our weight, and more on how we view ourselves *outside* of this thing that has defined us for so many years (who are we when we are no longer the fat chick?). Some of us are still going to be depressed when all the weight is gone and all that's left is a beautiful, skinny person with no more fat to blame for our sadness. Your post echoes a sadness that I have felt before, and it runs much more deeply than we think it does.

I think as we shed the pounds we also need to shed some of the hidden beliefs we have about ourselves: Instead of recognizing achievement (even small victories like eating less dessert or staying the same weight over a big holiday) a lot of us spend more time thinking about what we *could* have done, rather than what we did do. It's so much easier to get down on ourselves than to have to face our fear of failure by admitting that we *can* be successful (and hey, if I get down on myself I don't have to be as upset when others do, right? Cause deep down I know I deserve the poor self-talk and negative things I'm saying about myself...right?! No). Weight has always defined many of us. It has always been a source of woe (or sometimes comfort). So, I ask you this: Who will you be when the weight is gone? Will you be just as hard on yourself, or will you be ready to admit that you have the tools, drive, and skills necessary to be successful? And further, will you be able to admit that you *deserve* to be successful and happy in your new body? You are so much more than the pounds you lose (all of us are), and while it's important to Celebrate success and feel pride in our achievements, I think it's important that we allow our self-consciousness, self-doubt, and fear erode away with each pound.

SO very true.. thanks for writing that.

[clarks4willie 153]

I understand how you are feeling' date=' but you are doing great with your weight loss. I have found that many people really do notice, but either they can't quite figure out what's different about you or they don't want to say anything about your weight at all for fear you may be offended that they noticed or judged you for being overweight in the first place. You are moving in the right direction. Holidays are difficult and can sometimes bring negative emotions. I'm glad you posted so you can get a different perspective from those of us that understand.[/quote']

So true that what people perceive or see , they can't figure out or not wanting to offend. Agree 100%. Those around me closest, who I love and respect they're opinions tell me I'm doing great and that's what matters. Those who I 'thought' would say something of notice, haven't. And now...I really don't care what people think. It's about ME! Not them:) I've never been more secure about myself. Ever. Good luck and ur doing wonderful!!!!!

[destynee1 417]

When I read what you wrote I felt like I could have wrote it! I'm down 47 lbs since June 5 and hoping for 3 more by dec 5. My clothes are baggy and I fit in one size smaller clothes well some of them but sometimes I want to yell- why am I not skinny yet!?! I don't look any different except for maybe some wrinkles where my extra chin used to be.... I can do the elliptical for 35 min instead of the 20 I used to though so there is some light at the end! Good luck! I can't wait to be at 200 since I'm just trying to get under 270! I feel like a failure a lot like I should be down 80 already......

don't feel like a failure.. you are on track you are losing about 10lbs a month and that is great! I know you see some who have lost so quickly.. and you wish you could be where they are at.. I hear ya.. but every body is different, and just try different things until you find what you feel is best for you. Switch things up sometimes, you might not know what you will find.

[Cindy Amato Dashko 11]

Everyone who wrote here thank you. It's so good to meet people like myself. Struggling. Thank you! We should all be so proud of ourselves.

Sent from my iPhone using LapBandTalk

[tiggergramma 129]

So, I'm a grad student in counselling psych and I found an interesting stat that I think might be relevant: For whatever reason, it turns out that bariatric patients seem to have a slightly higher suicide rate than those in the general populous, and my guess is that the weight loss, for some, doesn't always cure the underlying depression. I bring this statistic up because ultimately I think our happiness depends less on our weight, and more on how we view ourselves *outside* of this thing that has defined us for so many years (who are we when we are no longer the fat chick?). Some of us are still going to be depressed when all the weight is gone and all that's left is a beautiful, skinny person with no more fat to blame for our sadness. Your post echoes a sadness that I have felt before, and it runs much more deeply than we think it does.

I think as we shed the pounds we also need to shed some of the hidden beliefs we have about ourselves: Instead of recognizing achievement (even small victories like eating less dessert or staying the same weight over a big holiday) a lot of us spend more time thinking about what we *could* have done, rather than what we did do. It's so much easier to get down on ourselves than to have to face our fear of failure by admitting that we *can* be successful (and hey, if I get down on myself I don't have to be as upset when others do, right? Cause deep down I know I deserve the poor self-talk and negative things I'm saying about myself...right?! No). Weight has always defined many of us. It has always been a source of woe (or sometimes comfort). So, I ask you this: Who will you be when the weight is gone? Will you be just as hard on yourself, or will you be ready to admit that you have the tools, drive, and skills necessary to be successful? And further, will you be able to admit that you *deserve* to be successful and happy in your new body? You are so much more than the pounds you lose (all of us are), and while it's important to Celebrate success and feel pride in our achievements, I think it's important that we allow our self-consciousness, self-doubt, and fear erode away with each pound.

I is smart, I is beautiful, and I is loved! *The Help

I went through an agonizing divorce after putting up with the bastard cheating on me with my cousin for 2 years. Was I hiding inside this fat woman? Hell yes. I also have several very ugly issues with my mother (how stereotypical is THAT?) and probably hid that hurt in the pizza and Pasta as well.

However! I found a man who loves me for me, regardless of the hurt and the hate and the fat...it finally occurred to me that he has created a safe zone in my life and I will be just fine if I lose the sad girl who weighed 110 pounds! So, when I talked to a friend who had the surgery, and saw how successful she was losing, I felt like I had been given a gift...here was something I could do for myself and get back to living life the way I want to live it, not the way that sad, pathetic waif thought was okay.

I was killing myself with food. I chose life and I intend to make it happy and healthy for a very long time to come!

[hely88 883]

I think it's also harder for people who see you a lot to notice.

[jg9956 41]

Hang in there. I feel the same way, although I'm a month out from surgery, I feel like, why doesn't anyone notice I've lost 30lbs?! My family does not notice at all...very frustrating! Even my own husband! The only person that commented was my kids' bus driver! LOL and even then, it was just, wow, you look slimmer in your face. I was pretty bummed when I went to visit my BFF after not seeing her for nearly 3 months and mind you, she had WLS herself...she didn't notice!

It's definitely hard because I notice myself shrinking and my pants size down. I'm hoping this is all just a long, slow process and hey, at least they aren't talking behind our backs saying OMG, so and so looks really sick, wonder if something is wrong with her? Like I've admittingly done to other people I know that have had gastric bypass because they lose so fast. Guess we can take solice in knowing that we are doing the right thing...slow and easy. It will pay off!

[Joy1961 134]

Great post and thread. I can relate with everyone who's shared. We really are in this together. Thank you for sharing. You are going to make it. We all are!!

[♥LovetheNewMe♥ 1,216]

Lisa, it takes time. I thought I would reach goal in a year and I did't feel thin until 3 months ago and actually now I am very thin and at goal. It took 2 years, it takes time to learn to love the new person we become Keep the faith and good luck!

[4sweeties 63]

It also takes a longer time and more pounds to go down when we are in larger size clothes. I used to get upset that it took so long to lose a pant size until my friend told me, for the smaller sizes you can lose 10-15 pounds and go down a size. For sizes in the two digits, it takes a lot more than 10 pounds. When the warmer weather comes, and you are in brighter, new, smaller clothes they will notice. Keep working hard and walk with confidence and a smile.

[sparkplug 106]

I still run into people who still cannot believe I have lost the 85 pounds and kept it off for the last 4 years. They are totally amazed. 42 pounds is fantastic. Remember this journey is for YOU not for everybody to notice. There will be a lot of jealousy from people who do not want you to look fantastic and therefore will not "notice" the weight. I did this for "me" and me alone and even now people say I can't believe you have lost that weight and kept it off. I still play the 5 pound gain/lose for the holidays but after the first of the year we will pay attention and I really would love to get another 10 pounds off for me! I want to attack this challenge I have given myself for something new and different. You are doing fantastic and like everybody said, I too am not a swimsuit model from years of yo yo dieting I have lots of loose skin especially around my mid section and cannot afford plastic surgery. Take me as I am and I will continue to hide the extra skin in skinny jeans and mosey down the road. Keep smiling.

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

Thanks is much for everyone encouraging words. I have not really changed the cloths I am wearing. Problem is I have a closet full of cloths in various sizes. I am fittng into jeans from 10 yars ago but for some reason I stick with my elastic wasted jeans for comfort. I was actually really surprised the other day when I did wear real jeans and, for the first time in a long time, I didn't have a huge red indentation around my middle by the end of the day. Baby steps.

I was also wondering if once people actually start noticing do they usually ask how much you've lost?. In one way i want to shout from the rooftops that i lost 40 pounds. But, I feel I embarrased that I've lost over 40 pounds and still look this big. I feel like if I tell someone I've lost 40 pounds as soon as they walk away they'll think, wow, how much did she actually weigh? Maybe I'm reading too much into this.

Thanks for listening.

Lisa

I witness this all the time. It's as if I can see people doing the math in their heads when I tell them I lost 216 lbs. I am 161 now... Because I am 5'9" most people figure I am about 140. But you know what? I could care less. Honestly let them do all the math they want. They have no concept anyway and it doesn't impact my life one bit....