I Dont Know What To Do

[knknosmom 4]

I am planning on having my lapband surgery after the holidays. My husband wasn't overly enthused when I originally told him about the surgery but he came to me saying he would support me. In the mean time, every time I have Dr appointment or anything that has to do with the surgery, he gives me a hard time about giving me gas money for the car. (My Dr is about 40 minutes from me) Today when I told him I had to go there on Monday, he told me I should start taking the bus! This isn't even the main problem though. He told me that when I get this surgery I am going to ruin my body. I said "what do you mean?" He said "your going to have a ton of loose hanging skin." I replied that I didn't think I would have a lot of loose skin and he said "you better hope not." I then said "even if I do, I would rather have loose skin than be this big." He sarcastically said "yea because you will look so much better with skin sagging all over!" I am pretty confident that if I have this surgery and end up with loose skin, he will leave me. I know I am going to have some loose skin, my belly already hangs down some so obviously when the fat is gone, the skin will still be hanging there. Same with my upper arms. So now I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my husband over this. I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[thinkt2013 74]

I hope this doesnt come across mean, but if he is really that shallow, then you are better off without him. You have to do this for you, and your health. It sounds that he is just scared. He is probably scared you will leave him, when you get your new body, so he is trying to discourage you. Don't let him. I would have a heart to heart with him, and lay it all out there. This journey is hard enough without having negativity.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but if he'd actually leave you over loose skin, then you're better off without him anyway. No one leaves someone they love because of a physical change- especially when it's the result of them trying to better themselves and their health.

It sounds to me like he's either incredibly insecure of looking for an excuse. Either way, he will leave eventually regardless if you have the surgery not unless whatever issues are the underlying cause are dealt with.

Best wishes to you. Try to remember- you have to take care of yourself first.

[Bruinfan 2]

not sure what to say but what an ass, he's just worried that after you lose the weight other men will be whistling at ya..

[kassie2012 7]

hi,at first i thought he was scared for you having surgery. but then i felt that he just sounds incredibly insecure. men dont really like change. some very insecure men like to keep their women overweight so no other men will look at them. at the end of the day youve got to do this for yourself. if he can't deal with that, its his problem.. be strong and do what's right for you.. go for it!! x

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Do what is right for YOU and all else will fall into place. Regardless of the consequences you deserve to be healthy!

[Pebbagirl 131]

Your husband sounds controlling (gas money) and manipulative (making you second guess yourself and worry he will leave you). I was married to someone with those qualities but no more! If he would leave you over loose skin then the problems are deeper than they appear. You proceed with taking care of you.

[honk 780]

Down 170 lbs no loose skin.

[line-dancer 810]

I agree with everyone else this is 2012 men no longer rule the world or a woman life. There is no garitee that any relationship will last forever but along the way you need to take care of yourself always. he is a very controlling person and that is never a good thing if you have to ask for everything like gas money you need a marriage cousloing before surgery. oh honey I hope for the best for you ......line dancer

[RichGirl 15]

Awe, I know most people will read this and think he's a jerk. However, he's more insecure about losing his wife than anything. It's obvious that he's having a hard time envisioning that you may be more attractive once you lose weight. I'm scheduled for surgery on 11/28 and my husband too is not happy about my decision. He's more worried about the surgery outcome. Please try to get some professional help and understand your husband's fears and or angst about what's happening with your surgery and how he feels about himself and your relationship once you look and feel different. Therapy is a great thing to a better understanding. Men tend to get angry when they insecure or hurt. I wish you lots of luck and don't for one second give up on your decision to get yourself healthy!

[knknosmom 4]

Awe, I know most people will read this and think he's a jerk. However, he's more insecure about losing his wife than anything. It's obvious that he's having a hard time envisioning that you may be more attractive once you lose weight. I'm scheduled for surgery on 11/28 and my husband too is not happy about my decision. He's more worried about the surgery outcome. Please try to get some professional help and understand your husband's fears and or angst about what's happening with your surgery and how he feels about himself and your relationship once you look and feel different. Therapy is a great thing to a better understanding. Men tend to get angry when they insecure or hurt. I wish you lots of luck and don't for one second give up on your decision to get yourself healthy!

Thank you so much for your positive advice. I knew when I posted this I would probably get some negative opinions about my husband and it is nice to see someone that seems to understand a little better. I talked to him about this tonight, after he got out of his mood. He said he would never leave me because of that, that he didn't mean it that way. I think that he is scared that I am gonna lose a bunch of weight and leave him. I have heard a lot of husbands feel that way. But honestly, if I wanted to leave him, I would do it now. It wouldn't take me losing weight to do that! lol Thanks again!