Why In The World Did I Let It Get This Bad

[bigtruk_us 56]

I hope I didn't come across as being harsh.I don't agree in what your ex is doing.Im not that cruel as your ex is.

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

Donna.... As you are learning we do not have to have a husband to make us whole. There is a whole new world out there for you. It's yours for the taking. All the best as you embark on this wonderful new phase of your life.

[Bos123 221]

I hope I didn't come across as being harsh.I don't agree in what your ex is doing.Im not that cruel as your ex is.

Lol before I read this post I thought holy harsh I can tell this is a guy! Because of that ill cut you some slack, good intentions but not very much compassion lol

[Mistywater35 26]

I am also 46 and I am divorced however it's been 16 years now since I got divorced! I was just banded and I'm ready to take on this new challenge. I have been heavy all my life. But it isn't anything emotional I just overate. Anyway being 46 isn't such a bad thing you have lots of life experience and it all helps to see things clearly after the dust settles. I'm going for a new me, for me who can stroll the mall without pain and fatigue, or go hiking the mountains, I can't wait (yup kids are grown and it's all about me!). Take a step and make it all about YOU! Oh and if my man wants to go I will probably let him if he can keep up to me!

Go for it Girl!

[donna12 742]

Please quit being self destructive.I don't believe one ioda.That your husband left because of a skinny woman.Unless he is conceded and selfish.If that's the case of the latter.Then he needed to be gone.Im a guy.If I find myself being selfish or conceded.ill usually find myself alone.Get a grip its reality time.Now that you are divorced.If you're planning on having surgery to give your ex that "see what you're missing"then you are doing it for the wrong reason.This has to be for only you.To start anew.Good luck and get out there and live.Time to get off the couch and find something or someone to get into.I pray that you find your happiness and fulfillment you deserve

For starters I could tell you were a guy and yes it is harsh, no compassion but I don't need your simpathy nor anyone elses for that matter, that was not my intention on this posting. Let me shed some light for you. For the last 4 yrs of my 25 yr marriage I watched him become an alcoholic and lose a high paying corporate job due to his drinking and partying ways (he had been at that job for 22 yrs) and throw away an education and wonderful opportunity. Now with that said, I was tired of him coming home at wee hours of the night/morning drunk and me not knowing whether or not he was lying in a ditch dead from a wreck or passed out or out screwing around. We had a great marriage or so I thought but he had to entertain with his job and that came with liquor and he couldn't handle it and thus the drinking got worse. Then all of the sudden in Fall of '09 he came home from work and said I'm not happy I'm leaving, his excuse was I don't drink, I'm a Christian and I don't party and I never go to bars with him well I'm not about to change that now. He had bought a sports car, was out partying all of the time so I think he was going thru a little of a mid life crisis. In hind sight we did get married too young, never got to sew our wild oats but we travelled all over the world together and had fun and a great marriage and wonderful family times. All I was saying is, I miss being married, I miss having someone to snuggle with on the couch to watch TV with, to talk to, to go to the movies with, the companionship of a marriage. Who knows maybe your not married, I don't know. But when you are married as long as I was and that is all you knew since high school, being single all of the sudden is scary. A lot of jerks out there in the world. Not going to settle for just anyone the next time around. And to answer your question about my surgery, I had surgery June 13th of this year and it was the best decision I've ever made for myself. I didn't do it for him or to show him anything I did it for me and my health. I burried my dad 10 yrs ago last month from a massive heart attack from heart disease and being obese and I didn't want to fall in his foot steps and become a statistic so I had my surgery to save my life and become healthy. And to also remark to you, I would give anything to have my husband back but not in the condition that he's in nowadays, he's a drunk and is a changed man, certainly not the man I married 26 yrs ago and I know that is not likely. I'm not bitter towards him, we are actually friendly when we see or talk to each other, afterall he does pay me alimony and we do text/talk/email concerning this matter on occasion. All I was saying is that someday I want to remarry, have a Godly man in my life and one that can treat me like I should be treated. That is all I will say to you on this matter.

[donna12 742]

sorry for the misspelled word of sympathy in above statement.

[donna12 742]

One more thing to the rude guy that doesn't care, you've got me in an uproar, I will say this one more thing and stop as this posting is not suppose to be negative. My ex's drinking and partying ways led him to an affair which I found out later. Don't know why I feel the need to explain myself to you but you were so harsh and rude and non-caring. Maybe if you'd enter some info about yourself or post a pic of yourself people may understand you better.

[bigtruk_us 56]

I have been where you're at.reversed.im sorry if you thought I was being harsh.i have a big heart and a lot of compassion for my neighbors.whether they are female or male.its a tough world.i have suffered and been through similar situations.Love always for all if you.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

Just to try to regain the peace...

I think bigtruk has been misunderstood. He said your husband didn't leave for a skinny girl meaning there was obviously much more at stake in the marriage than anyone's weight. It's not uncaring thing or even harsh thing- it's the truth. No one leaves a spouse just because of weight. Weight is usually just the icing on an already very messed up cake.

He's saying you need to have the surgery for you, because you deserve to be happy, not to show your ex what he's missing.

Now if bigtruk had been considerably more detailed in his post perhaps this wouldn't have happened, however, I do think a lot more was incorrectly read into it than was actually there.

Btw- my ex called me every name in the book because of my weight. And, he cheated on me. AND he was an addict. I won't lie, seeing his jaw literally hit the floor when he saw me recently was SO incredibly satisfying. This was especially true because his long time girlfriend has gained a ton of weight and is now much bigger than I am. Petty and childish on my part? YUP!! But damn... I can't help it... it was so very satisfying

[bigtruk_us 56]

By the way Donna.You look beautiful to me.Whether you lose weight or keep the pounds.

[MiniMi 1,468]

Well said Mis! I think more like dude than a Gil ( so I've been told) no fluff, no beating around the bush. I understood completely where our dud was coming from. Sometimes us guys get to tough love before laying the foundation of fluff. He comes from a good place though.

We are so happy that this situation has not defined you, and that you are full of life nd hope. So many others re not!

Big hug agin from Cali!

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Donna my ex husband was an idiot also. He didnt leave me for another woman but thought he could just be cruel by getting up in the morning and saying your face looks fat today I think you gained weight. Well after about nine years of that bs I left because no one deserves to be treated like that by anyone. Fast forward, six months after I had my surgery and was down 70lbs, I met my husband now who treats me like a princess. I have everything in him that I never had in my whole life of being an adult. It doesnt matter why he left really but the pain will go away. I look back now and wonder why I stayed with an idiot who didnt deserve a cup of coffee from me. You will be fine girl. Chin up and move on to a wonderful life with someone who is so deserving of you and will treat you the way you want and so desire to be treated.

[donna12 742]

thank you all very much for your comments and thank you Bigtruk for your kind comments and I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, I did take it to heart and it hurt my feelings and it shouldn't have. Even after a hr and half I'm still hurting, gosh will it ever end? Am I even worthy of anyone else? Towards the end of the marriage, I'd say the last 8 months or so he started saying things like "hey you ought to look into having weight loss surgery". Well, 5 yrs ago I did, I went to a lap band seminar but just wasn't ready at the time. Little did I know, the girl he's involved with now and left me for had gastric bypass, ha! She actually used to work for him at his work until he fired her for coming in drunk one night, two peas in a pod huh? 2 drunks now!!! disaster...He never abused me but made suggestions like that to me because I was so unhappy with myself and then after he left I turned to food and gained a lot more weight resulting in my life altering decision to save my life after some soul searching and have the surgery. Better days ahead for me, I can see the light. I'm down 43 lbs since June, its been hard but worth it. I can walk more easily and not out of breath. Bigtruk I'm sorry for being so angry or coming across that way, it's not my nature.

[donna12 742]

I meant to say above even after a yr and half I'm still hurting. sorry for the typos.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Of course you are worthy of someone else. But right now concentrate on you healing and losing and learning to love yourself. Once you love your self you can love others much better so I have learned.