The root of the problem

K@t · April 2, 2006

Well, it seems that I finally got to the root of my husbands reluctance with all this. He's afraid I'm going to die during the surgery, or that I will have some complication and if we don't have money to pay for it, the hospital will toss me out on the street. Not likely, but he has never delt with this kind of thing before so he's really insecure. He has reluctantly agreed to support me, but I think that when it's all said and done he will be happy that we went ahead and did it. :clap2:

Here is a link to the hospital where I'm doing it. I know most of you can't read portuguese, but there are some photos.

http://www.gpsaude.pt/gps/Menu/Unidades/Centro/British+Hospital.htm

vlb11752 · April 2, 2006

My husband never tells me NO that I can't do something. We both feel that we don't own each other and don't have the right to do that. The only time he said an absolute No I don't want you to do that was when I wanted to do the RNY.

When the band came up he was more open to it, but like your husband he is very afraid of anyone going under general anthestisa (sp), but since I had had a couple of surgeries before and did fine with that he reluctantly agreed. He took a whole week off of work to be with me and he is glad I had it done now.

Because of the money thing, I don't think he will let me cheat or do things to defeat the band...lol I was self-pay and $17,000 is a lot of money to us...he won't let me waste it.

K@t · April 2, 2006

Yep, mine is going to be around $11,000 (8,000€) so it is quiet a bit of money and I certainly don't want to waste it, but I wish he would just say ok, your an adult, you make your own money, and you can decide what you want to do and I'll support you. He just doesn't think that way.

We always try to make our decisions together, and I never put my foot down when I didn't think it was that important (like I mentioned in previous posts 7,000€ to redo the kitchen, and 5,000€ for a custom office) but at the time we did those things we had more money....we are a bit stretched now and he just thinks its horrible I want to take a loan to pay for it (only 3,000€ as we already have 5,000€ in cash already) He thinks we should wait another 6 months or so until we have it all in cash, but I just don't want to wait. I have already started the process and asked for the time off from work, which was no picnic.

Every couple is different, but i think in the end he will be ok with the whole thing.

tracylou · April 2, 2006

:think

Yep, mine is going to be around $11,000 (8,000€) so it is quiet a bit of money and I certainly don't want to waste it, but I wish he would just say ok, your an adult, you make your own money, and you can decide what you want to do and I'll support you. He just doesn't think that way.
We always try to make our decisions together, and I never put my foot down when I didn't think it was that important (like I mentioned in previous posts 7,000€ to redo the kitchen, and 5,000€ for a custom office) but at the time we did those things we had more money....we are a bit stretched now and he just thinks its horrible I want to take a loan to pay for it (only 3,000€ as we already have 5,000€ in cash already) He thinks we should wait another 6 months or so until we have it all in cash, but I just don't want to wait. I have already started the process and asked for the time off from work, which was no picnic.

Every couple is different, but i think in the end he will be ok with the whole thing.

:straight hi i am having the band done 26th april in bruges, My husband was the same worried i might die on the op table but like i said to him if i dont do this my weight will eventuly kill me anyway, he

now supports me we also have to get a loan for me to do this (that was harder for me to deal with)because i am spending all that money on myself and we have 3 young children it is my youngest sons birthday on my op day he will be 8 he did ask why i wont be here for his day REALLY GUILTY

but i told him i am having something done to help me loose weight and when i have lost some I WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE HIM SWIMMING NEVER DONE IT BEFORE

he was ok with that bless him.:clap2: god bless take care

tracylou:hungry:

paula · April 2, 2006

awe Kat - Im so glad you two were able to connect. Thats a very valid fear. My first thought when I read this was that I was so touched at his love & concern for you.

On the other hand, have you tried showing him the statistics of death rates for AGB surgery? That may settle his mind.

And about the aftercare stuff... well, that too is very real. Most of us were aware of the post banding problems that could occur. I dont think any of those that have had problems expected to be in the complication category. :phanvan

The only analogy I could give you is to think of your 11G kitchen. Say you have an electrical problem and all the appliances fry -PLUS- the wiring's burned between the walls. Looks great on the outside, cant really tell see anythings wrong! But its gonna cost another 10G to fix all the problems, replacement for the appliances, etc....

And insurance will not cover any of it.

I wish I could tell you that you will NEVER have any problems, but....

(((btw, what about FIL helping out with the $$$))

K@t · April 2, 2006

hehe, well I thought he was just being stingy about money at first but it turns out it was a bit more than that.

As far as FIL he actually hindered instead of helped. He to thought we should wait until we were more financially secure to do this. And he actually fired DH up so that we fought almost an entire day about it until finally DH said do what you want I'm tired of arguing, but the next day he was completly understanding and things are fine....

however, we just had lunch with FIL and I told him I was going ahead with it. And DH just went over to FIL's house to help him with some stuff, so I'm afraid DH will come back all fired up again because FIL will lecture him about spending money etc. DH's brother is getting married this year and I think all of FIL's extra money is going to that...he didn't offer any financial support, but really its ok because I don't think we are that bad off. We didn't have to take a loan for the entire thing, not even for most of it.....and I'm actually putting it on a personal loan that gave me an introductory rate of 0% for the first 12 months....I'll have it all paid off way before then. :clap2:

paula · April 2, 2006

I just re-read my reply.

I have no idea why I posted that analogy.

Doesnt even make a lot of sense...

Kat - Sorry! my frame of mind is, well, not so "framed" today!

vlb11752 · April 3, 2006

When I told my cousin about the surgery she asked a lot of questions, including about the money. I told her it was coming out of my retirement and how much it cost. Even though she didn't say it to me, she told her sister she just couldn't believe I would spend so much money on this.

She's skinny...too skinny...was overweight in school and lost it all on her own. She doesn't understand why I don't just DO IT. We are the same age...she lost her weight 35 years ago...now it I could have done it like her wouldn't I have.

She'll get over it!!!! And will be mighty jealous when I'm the best looking one...lol...I already am!!!!

K@t · April 3, 2006

Paula that analogy did make sense, I completely understand.

VLB, I also know a girl who was a bit smaller then me (she was overweight but not quiet as much as me) she lost it on her own to by basically not eating any thing, and now she is skin and bones and is always sickly looking. She could never get use to eating normally again and now she is struggling with a different kind of eating disorder.