Keeping It A Secret

[Sojourner 2,446]

It's important for you to remain in your "comfort zone" with disclosure to others about your surgery, and to do what you feel is appropriate.

You gain no benefit from guilt feelings created by not disclosing your surgery to someone who you are close to. That's just a waste of your time and energy.

I do caution on the use of lies to cover up the truth, because if you have some feelings of guilt with only lack of disclosure, then likely you will feel guilt with a lie. The other part to this is that the reality is that others will likely eventually discover the surgery, and if you have not been truthful with them it could create other relationship issues.

I found that the best approach for me was to simply say that I was careful with Portion Control, and had dedicated me life to making healthier choices with my diet and exercise. I was telling the truth of my diet and exercise, only did not mention the surgery.

This is a personal and individual decision...best wishes on whatever you choose to do...

[Bos123 221]

That's exactly what I plan to do. Many have seen me diet, lose, then gain for years. So this time I will be successful, why would they think any different?

[keyshab 15]

I'm telling everyone!! I see this as a chance at taking back my life. If I can get a second chance I'm gonna tell others if my story can save one person I have done by job. People are not educated enough on lapband so they judge. So if I have to teach my story so others can understand ill be happy with that. We get more judgement from being obese. What more can they say?

[Mayasgram 351]

keyshab.... love it and I agree. Our Fat is not a secret People talk.... I would rather they were talking about my efforts to gain control over my weight then talking about my fat and how I have such a pretty face if only she would blah blah blah.

Maybe the fact that I was a teacher for 25 years has something to do with my telling people . But like you said if I can change one life then I have done my job, I just don't believe in the jolly fat person.. I was not jolly on the inside and if I can save one person from that pain I"ll tell them how.

[Rojasanoll 920]

I told my immediate fellow workers and my boss what I was going to try. Only one gentleman in the group, spoke to me personally and said he didn't think it was safe and a good idea. The rest were thumbs up and gave me their blessings pre and post surgery.

Now after 2 months or soon (Aug 6 band date) all the guys have seen my results of weight loss and have invited me to lunch places where they know I can select healthy food choices. They have now been all supportive of me.

Best wishes and Keep the Faith.

[honk 780]

The way I look at it is you can't unring a bell. As mentioned above people complain you are over weight, then complain they don't like how you try to loose weight. I have been very open with the Water aerobics group at my gym. There is in fact another woman (older than I) who has also has LB. They saw my efforts pre surgery where I lost 100, so they know how hard I've been working. I've been an independent contractor since surgery so I have'nt work at the same company over the last 2 years so no coworker has seen my 70 pound loss.

[4sweeties 63]

I get the sense one or two of you think the main reason I'm keeping it a secret is because I'm ashamed. I think you missed the part where I said I was a private person to begin with. I didn't even announce the name of my children until they were born. I like telling things after. Many people open up to me, strangers all the time on lines in stores, and I think hmm, I would never tell half my friends, never mind a stranger personal details of my life like this. It's just not my personality. But I'm a great non-judgemental listener and encourager. I can be going on vacation and I don't talk it up and discuss it on a regular basis with people. I'm not ashamed of a vacation. If I'm planning a party, I don't talk about all the details along the way like some people do. I just throw a thoughtful, detailed oriented party. Some people blurt out when they have their period or the last time they had sex. Again I'm not ashamed of periods or sex, but I tend not to share. There is nothing wrong with people who do talk about these things loudly, and nothing wrong with people who are more private about things. I'm not ashamed of vacations or parties. I'm not sure this will change in a year when I lose weight. I hope my core self stays who I am. I am overweight but I'm also a happy person. It is possible to be large and jolly.

I'm also a teacher, I don't think that factors in here.

I do want to keep it a secret, because like other posters mentioned you might trust one friend, but that doesn't mean I want my best frieds husband knowing. And yes some people will be judge. That's reality and this is hard enough of a journey without defending myself. I don't feel my parents would be judgemental, as I think was assumed. I think my Mom will worry about the surgery, she will be happy I am getting healthy, and she will feel sad for the reality that I need this tool to begin with, when no one else in my family does, or noone ekse that she knows and loves. She loves me so much, and I'm sure she wishes I can easily be a healthy weight like my siblings, for me. She hates to see me struggle with my weight or get upset about it. And I think she will want to talk to my sister about it, or my brother who is a doctor for his advice. It will be a lot asking her not to tell. And my Dad, well he hates hospitals and everything that goes along with the risk of surgery. I had a deviated septum fixed and it worried him and he wanted to know if I could manage without the surgery. So in this case, telling them when I am ready, past the surgery, happy, healthy and successful is protecting them I guess. As for stretching the truth about the pre op appointments, how many times could I say I'm going to the heart doctor without them thinking something is wrong with my heart. Or the seminar at 8pm on a work night, my parents would say now what kind of seminar are you going to? Not to be nosey but if they are watching the kids they're interested in where I am. My mother in law, well she is the opposite of me. She tells everyone everything. So she would tell the entire extended family. At showers and stuff, she would mean well, and point out to everyone how proud she is I had the surgery and how well I am doing. Some people like that attention. Me, I don't need to be the center of attention at our table at someone elses shower. They might be hurt I didn't tell them from the start, but I think they will not care I said I was going to x place instead of z. I just feel uncomfortable at the time, becuase I am usually honest with them. I am not lying to hurt them, it is to protect my secret.

I am a upset I need this tool, I wish I never had a weight problem. But the reality is I do and I accept that. It helps to hear the lies take a toll on toehrs too. It's hard keeping this a secret and not bending the truth at the same time. In the future, if I feel like I can be someones mentor I will confide in them. But I'm not at that point yet. The journey is just beginning and too much is unknown and I like to share when I know. I am doing this for myself and my children and my husband so we can live a healthier life style. I'm not ready for friends, friends of friends, people who never heard of lap band to ask me questions or make comments that might steer me away. As it is I have days that I doubt my decision and days I am confident. I don't want other voices adding to my doubt. I need my head clear to listen to my own heart and head. I don't want others advice or opinions at this point. Except for on a board like this, where people are experiencing similar feelings etc. first hand.

I know it will be hard to keep it a secret and that is why I posted. It really helps to know others felt this way too, and only told a handful of people. And I like how someone mentioned you can't unring a bell. Reading that made me realize, if I tell before I'm ready I will regret it. Thank you all for sharing, because I was feeling like one of the only ones who is keeping this private and I needed to hear I'm not alone.

[Tiffany3280 45]

Only a few people knew about my surgery, my parents, my fiancee, and a few of my friends, and two family members. I chose to keep it quiet, because that is the type of person I am. Plus, I wanted to see the looks on people's faces when they see the new me. I knew that I had to do this for health reasons. I'm sure there are going to be people who think I took the easy way out, and others who may turn there nose up at me, but at the end of the day the only opinion that counts is mine and mine only!!!

[DesertRose80 137]

Only my husband knows. As far as everyone else thinks, I'm working out, dieting...and that's it!

Not even my kids know! But they are 8 and under. I've heard too many people talk poorly of those who've had WLS and I didn't want to be one of those victims.

There is MUCH support found here and it's wonderful!

[FallonB 102]

People are generally judgemental of overweight people' date=' and then, when they try to do something about it, they are judged for the method they choose...

I've also decided to keep it a secret, and shared it only with three people. But, I must be honest, the lies are KILLING me! I try to avoid the subject altogether so as to not to have to explain anything.

I supposedly went for a 'prolapsed uterus', which explains the laparoscopic insicions and absence from work. Of course I'm on a diet for my weight; my diet is simply based on 'portion control'; I'll be hitting the gym soon, and then I'll have more reason for the weight melting away.... and that's my story, and I'm sticking to it! :-)[/quote']

LOL! That's my excuse too! They hear anything vaginal and they shut up. Now, I'm not sure what the excuse will be when it comes time to actually have that surgery... If it ever got bad enough to get to that point. Lol.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using LapBandTalk

[FallonB 102]

People are generally judgemental of overweight people' date=' and then, when they try to do something about it, they are judged for the method they choose...

I've also decided to keep it a secret, and shared it only with three people. But, I must be honest, the lies are KILLING me! I try to avoid the subject altogether so as to not to have to explain anything.

I supposedly went for a 'prolapsed uterus', which explains the laparoscopic insicions and absence from work. Of course I'm on a diet for my weight; my diet is simply based on 'portion control'; I'll be hitting the gym soon, and then I'll have more reason for the weight melting away.... and that's my story, and I'm sticking to it! :-)[/quote']

LOL! That's my excuse too! They hear anything vaginal and they shut up. Now, I'm not sure what the excuse will be when it comes time to actually have that surgery... If it ever got bad enough to get to that point. Lol.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using LapBandTalk

[bandedsandi 29]

LoL! I'll just have to say the damn ol' thing has prolapsed AGAIN! (... sigh and roll the eyes!)

[mezanne1401 190]

I am a very private person as well, but because of all my diet failures and lack of self-esteem, I am almost shouting that I am going to have this procedure done from the rooftop! I lied all the time when I was younger and one thing my mother drilled in me and a realization that I came to on my own is that all lies (and omissions are lies) eventually hurt someone and it's usually someone you care for very much. There is no shame in having this done. There is, however, plenty of shame in not doing anything about our weight. One thing about every person on here is that nobody has taken the easy way out. Nobody here is unaware of the complications and risks. We are brave, strong, compassionate people coming from years and years of predjudice and even hatred for "our kind" and it is (in my case) my chance to yell from the top of my lungs that I AM in control and I am blessed enough in my life to be given the opportunity to prove all the negative people in my life wrong. And when I get the look of disapproval and they tell me how dangerous it is, I merely turn it around and mention that walking while texting or crossing a street is dangerous too, but this is a risk that has the potential for an amazing outcome!!! Good luck in whatever you do and be strong in your decision to tell or not to tell. As for me, I'M GETTING BANDED IN 2 WEEKS!!!!!

[CaGottaBand 498]

I am keeping my a secret as well. I've only told my family and my boss. I'm not planning on telling any of my friends because I feel their opinions would be negative and I just don't want to hear it. As to why I told my boss, I feel like I had to, to justify all the time I'll be taking off for appointments.

I think it's fine to keep it to yourself. You're doing it for yourself and no one else

[Mayasgram 351]

Just read a recent post and the person said she wasn't telling her friends because she didn't want to hear negativity. You know I am just not so sure these folks are your friends. Why would anyone want you to stay FAT?? Unhealthy and Unhappy, .

THe only person that said anything negative to me was my neighbor who weighs 3lbs. she wasn't my friend then and she isn't my friend now. I am not telling you to tell people. But it is my hope you look at the way your friends treat you. Sometimes when we are overweight we think we have to settle for what people give us. Good Luck.......