I Am An Addict And I'm Tired Of It :(

[lyndeeboo 68]

I’m really thinking about doing the lap band again. I had signed up a few years ago, then became pregnant so that stopped my Quest. My Husband’s open enrollment is coming up and I’m pretty sure I will have him add me again. My insurance doesn’t cover ANY bariatric surgery, weight loss programs, etc. Not that I feel ‘entitled’ to everything, but it does amaze me that my insurance SPECIFICALLY says they don’t cover bariatric surgeries, weight loss programs, etc. but that they DO cover dependency programs (drugs, alcohol, etc). Ummmmm, food IS my DEPENDENCY!!!! It has caused me to have high blood pressure, borderline diabetes and who knows how many other health issues!!! I guess people that don’t have an eating problem have a hard time seeing that I can’t just STOP eating, that I can’t just STOP making stupid food choices (fried foods, heavy carbs, sweets, etc) but I truly can’t! I mean, do those ‘people’ that think it’s easy to just drop 100 pounds by stepping away from fattening foods think I LIKE shopping in plus-sized stores? Do they think I LIKE only being able to find 60-year old woman shirts instead of cute, trendy shirts? Ummm no. If I could lose the weight I would. I’ve tried. I just don’t have the willpower. I don’t think that the lapband will solve my problems over night. I have heard countless times that it is 10% band and 90% person. Well I have 90% in me…it’s that 10% that I’m missing. Most of the time I WANT to eat better. Most of the time I WANT to make better choices, it’s just that every once in awhile I screw up SO badly (Chinese buffets, candy, over eating, etc) that totally messes up and cancels everything GOOD that I’ve chosen to do.

I’ve never seen a person (me) take SO long to lose 10 pounds, but go off the deep end for a few days and gain it ALL back, plus 5. I truly feel like a drug addict at times with my out of control eating. I know what I should eat….I can be headed to the store to buy something ‘normal’ and then I pass Arby’s and can’t resist pulling in to their drive thru. As I’m pulling in I will tell myself I will only get something small, a simple cold cut sandwich. As I pull up to the menu I see all of the delicious food, so instead of a cold cut sandwich with no mayo, I decide to get a grilled chicken sandwich, but at the last minute I change it to a crispy chicken sandwich with cheese AND ranch dressing, but I will not order crisscut fries…until the sweet lady in the squack-box asks if I would like to make it a meal…and since I’m thirsty anyway I say “yes please”…because I mean, if I’m already getting the sandwich and drink the Crisscut’s are practically FREE anyway..but I WON’T eat them all…and then when she asks what kind of drink? I say Pepsi, because everyone (according to the news) knows that diet soda ‘causes’ Diabetes anyway, so I might as well drink the GOOD STUFF if I’m going to drink soda!!!

I pull out of the drive thru and before I’m even on the road I’m chowing down on my fries. I drive to the closest park (so no one can watch Miss-fatty gorge herself) and eat every, last bite of everything in the bag. Being SURE to check for any lost fries that may be hiding underneath the napkins in the bottom of the bag. When I’m done I’m remorseful. I ask myself WHY I ate all of that and WHY I needed to even stop in the first place. I vow to NEVER do it again and to make better choices from this point forward….but somehow I can never keep my word to myself.

…Now tell me how I’m NOT the SAME as a Meth addict? Or an alcoholic??? I don’t LIKE my kids laughing at my fat butt when I bend over in front of them. I don’t like NEVER being checked out when I go to a bar with my Husband. I don’t enjoy always being told how ‘nice’ I am and that I have such ‘pretty' eyes. I want to hear I’m BEAUTIFUL. I want to put on a pair of pants and not have to jump up and down to cram all of myself down inside of them. I want to slide those same pants on and not say a silent prayer that they will still button and zip. I want keep my legs crossed more than a few minutes without the circulation being cut off and causing leg pain. I want to walk in to a store and not be breathless. I want to chase after my kids at the park instead of sitting on a bench waving at them when they ask me to play. I want to be healthy. Is that really too much to ask???

End of my rant….just had to get it off of my chest. If you’ve made it this far, thanks!

[434teresa 20]

I dont know what to say. It is hard to not eat those things. Your not along on the 10 pound loss only to gain back 15 so many of have dne it to many times.

I do have to say that you need to take more responablity for your eating. This reads like you are blaming the world for you eating at arby's. I know it is good but only you can brake the habit of eating there and other places like it. I have not had my surgery yet but I am ready now after thinking it over and reading for over year about it. I know that even with the surgery I am the one that will have to put the right things in my mouth, the band/ect cant do that for me. All any of those things can do is help me not fill hugery all the time and help me not to eat 3 or 4 cups of food at a time because it will only allow me to eat 1 cup, unless I over eat and over eat and over eat until I have the room in my stomach to eat 3 cups of food again............You have to do most of the work even with the band.....Its not like you get the band and then it makes you not stop at arbys that will still all be on you!

I look at the surgery as to, that it will give me a new stomach to take care of so I cant eat the amount of food that I should be eating in the first place, all the rest is up to me!

[barepooh71 18]

I so understand what you're saying and I completely agree that insurance companies need to not look at bariatric surgery as "cosmetic" or whatever else their reasons are. You are right, food is like heroin, but we need it to live, so it's always available and we can't get away from it. I am very fortunate to have insurance that DOES cover it. I'm now 21 days post-op and am still struggling with the "food" issues...so yes, it is an addiction and food will always be a part of our lives. Good luck! I hope you're able to find a way to get help with your weight loss. Maybe you can write one of the head honchos and plead your case and see how they respond?

[lyndeeboo 68]

I dont know what to say. It is hard to not eat those things. Your not along on the 10 pound loss only to gain back 15 so many of have dne it to many times.

I do have to say that you need to take more responablity for your eating. This reads like you are blaming the world for you eating at arby's. I know it is good but only you can brake the habit of eating there and other places like it. I have not had my surgery yet but I am ready now after thinking it over and reading for over year about it. I know that even with the surgery I am the one that will have to put the right things in my mouth, the band/ect cant do that for me. All any of those things can do is help me not fill hugery all the time and help me not to eat 3 or 4 cups of food at a time because it will only allow me to eat 1 cup, unless I over eat and over eat and over eat until I have the room in my stomach to eat 3 cups of food again............You have to do most of the work even with the band.....Its not like you get the band and then it makes you not stop at arbys that will still all be on you!

I look at the surgery as to, that it will give me a new stomach to take care of so I cant eat the amount of food that I should be eating in the first place, all the rest is up to me!

Thank you for taking the time to respond. My intention of my post was to not blame ANYONE other than myself...I know that *I* am the one making the choices to put bad things in to my body. *I* am the one choosing to stop at Arby's (that was used as an illustration, an example so to speak). My point was, that MOST of the time I make the BEST choices...I eat great...but it's those FEW times that I make such BAD mistakes, make such BAD food choices that completely cancel out ALL of my good choices. Because when I make bad choices I make really, really bad choices. There is no one to blame but myself and I'm not attempting to put blame on anyone but myself. The point to my post was to just point out that for ME, i sometimes feel that I'm like a drug addict or alcoholic in the sense that I can't STOP.

In addition to that I AM frustrated that my insurance doesn't cover any sort of food counseling services or bariatric procedures.....it will not stop me from moving forward because I'm lucky in the fact that my Husband's insurance DOES cover it and he can add me to his policy...but so many people aren't lucky like me to have that option. And, until someone has walked a day in someone else's shoes they can't imagine just how tough things can be sometimes

Again, I appreciate you so much for taking the time to respond and I wish you all of the success in the world in your weight loss journey!

[lyndeeboo 68]

I so understand what you're saying and I completely agree that insurance companies need to not look at bariatric surgery as "cosmetic" or whatever else their reasons are. You are right, food is like heroin, but we need it to live, so it's always available and we can't get away from it. I am very fortunate to have insurance that DOES cover it. I'm now 21 days post-op and am still struggling with the "food" issues...so yes, it is an addiction and food will always be a part of our lives. Good luck! I hope you're able to find a way to get help with your weight loss. Maybe you can write one of the head honchos and plead your case and see how they respond?

Thanks for your message! Yes, you say it perfectly...unlike drugs/alcohol, we need food to LIVE, so it's always going to be there, always going to be around. It is completely up to me to know when to stop...it's just so easy sometimes to put it off until tomorrow...which is why I'm as unhealthy as I am.

Good luck with your recovery and with the rest of your journey! I hope that everything works out great for you

[dee257 1,516]

Hello Lyn....

I feel what your saying....for drug addicts or alcholics....every one sees the problem.....and in so many ways its easier to kick them habits...you just dont buy the drugs or liqure....but food...OMG we need it...and its all around us every day every where we go....

The day I went for my first appt to see about the band...was the last day I can honisly say I bindged or ate a full size candy bar...or a bowl ( or 2) of Cereal for dinner...

I do mess up a lil here and there..Im a food addic but I make it always a good choice...this weekend at a halloween party I had a fun size kit kat and I think that was a good choice...I had just 1 and it felt good to be in control....

Good Luck.....dee

[CaGottaBand 498]

Reading your post was like reading my own story. Thank you for sharing/venting and just know that you are not alone! A lot of us feel the same way.

I am just beginning my journey; my first consultation is on 10/30/12. I know that the lap band won't make me eat better, but it will be a tool to help me eat less, and give me the drive and determination to make the right choices when it comes to food and to exercise.

Good luck to you

[lyndeeboo 68]

Hello Lyn....

I feel what your saying....for drug addicts or alcholics....every one sees the problem.....and in so many ways its easier to kick them habits...you just dont buy the drugs or liqure....but food...OMG we need it...and its all around us every day every where we go....

The day I went for my first appt to see about the band...was the last day I can honisly say I bindged or ate a full size candy bar...or a bowl ( or 2) of Cereal for dinner...

I do mess up a lil here and there..Im a food addic but I make it always a good choice...this weekend at a halloween party I had a fun size kit kat and I think that was a good choice...I had just 1 and it felt good to be in control....

Good Luck.....dee

Dee, I LOVE your suggestion of the smaller candy bar and it truly is representative of how my new life will be when I DO get banded. I'm not going to tell anyone that I will never indulge in things that aren't good for me, but I will say that I don't want to keep living my life the way I'm living it now. I don't WANT to keep overeating. But I will also be realistic to admit that I know I won't go without a small piece of candy for the rest of my life....I want a new, healthier lifestyle that doesn't include that piece of candy after every meal, every day!

[lyndeeboo 68]

Reading your post was like reading my own story. Thank you for sharing/venting and just know that you are not alone! A lot of us feel the same way.

I am just beginning my journey; my first consultation is on 10/30/12. I know that the lap band won't make me eat better, but it will be a tool to help me eat less, and give me the drive and determination to make the right choices when it comes to food and to exercise.

Good luck to you

Good luck to you Nicole! How very exciting about your consult. Hopefully it goes great.

For me, I want to be a great example for those around me who also struggle and more than anything, I want to prove to myself that this body that I'm in and this life that I've been leading doesn't have to be my death sentance. I've tried so hard, so many different ways on so many different plans to lose weight, I just can't stick with them. I'm hopeful that the band will be a good tool that will assist me in a lifelong journey. Like you say, it can't control what I put in my mouth...but I think that it will be that extra motivator that I need to stick with my new lifestyle.

Keep in touch! I'm interested to know how your consult goes!!!

[ValAnn 31]

Your story brought tears to my eyes because it is so similar to mine. Honestly, a year ago I could have written it!

I thought long and hard about the surgery(5 years) and ended up having surgery last Jan 27. Honestly, I wish I had done it sooner!

This past year has been amazing. Hard yes, frustrating at times, sure....but I have lost almost 70 pounds and feel like a different woman. To be able to run with my kids, fit into the seats at the amusement park with the kids and not worry about the bar not closing, hanging out on the beach and not worrying about covering myself up the whole time, walking into ANY store and finding cute clothes, having guys check me out again(weird but flattering .....yes, you can have all these things as well!!!

You have to make the decision and then never look back. Come here for support and when you make a mistake, know that it's ok. One bad food decision will not derail you this time. You can do it....do it for your kids, do it for your hubby but most of all, LOVE YOURSELF enough to do it for you

[lyndeeboo 68]

Your story brought tears to my eyes because it is so similar to mine. Honestly, a year ago I could have written it!

I thought long and hard about the surgery(5 years) and ended up having surgery last Jan 27. Honestly, I wish I had done it sooner!

This past year has been amazing. Hard yes, frustrating at times, sure....but I have lost almost 70 pounds and feel like a different woman. To be able to run with my kids, fit into the seats at the amusement park with the kids and not worry about the bar not closing, hanging out on the beach and not worrying about covering myself up the whole time, walking into ANY store and finding cute clothes, having guys check me out again(weird but flattering .....yes, you can have all these things as well!!!

You have to make the decision and then never look back. Come here for support and when you make a mistake, know that it's ok. One bad food decision will not derail you this time. You can do it....do it for your kids, do it for your hubby but most of all, LOVE YOURSELF enough to do it for you

I seriously want to hug you right now! Just hearing how much you have accomplished makes me want to jump for joy for you and also makes me KNOW that this is the right decision for me. For the past few months I keep going back and forth with it - - I'm scared. Scared of the pain, scared that I will get sick all of the time, scared that I will be a statistic and have major complications...but anytime I allow fear to creep in and begin to talk me out of it I let REALITY sink in - - that if I keep on a the path I'm currently on - 30 years old and 251 pounds - - that my sweet kids are going to find me one day, dead of a heart attack and that thought breaks my heart.

So thank you. Thank you for your kind words and support and thank you for getting me excited!

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

food addiction is VERY real. In my opinion, it's the hardest addiction there is to break too. For instance, I am an ex smoker. I smoked for almost 20 years. When I quit smoking 18 months ago, I knew I couldn't have a single puff again or I'd be smoking a pack a day again. Cigarettes were 100% off limits forever. It wasn't easy, but I quit. However, I am also a food addict. I need food to live so I can't just walk away from it. So here I am, a recovering food addict staring down the face of my addiction multiple times every day of my life. Really, think about it!! Do people take an alcoholic and say "you must drink 3 beers a day, but no more! No don't cheat! Where's your willpower?" NO!! Yet, that is EXACTLY what they expect of us food addicts. It is just brutal.

As far as the band, it is amazing tool, but sadly it won't fix our brains. That addiction is still there. I've lost a lot of weight in a relatively short amount of time and I still battle against my own brain daily. That desire to binge, to graze, to seek comfort food... is still very much there. Learning to tame my food addiction can only come from me. The band can't and won't help you with that.

The best advice I can give you is to seek counseling for your food addiction along with the Lap Band. I really think it will make the journey a lot more manageable for you and give you a much higher chance of success with the band.

Best wishes to you! Remember, you're definitely not alone.

[Kinley7390 80]

I’m really thinking about doing the lap band again. I had signed up a few years ago, then became pregnant so that stopped my Quest. My Husband’s open enrollment is coming up and I’m pretty sure I will have him add me again. My insurance doesn’t cover ANY bariatric surgery, weight loss programs, etc. Not that I feel ‘entitled’ to everything, but it does amaze me that my insurance SPECIFICALLY says they don’t cover bariatric surgeries, weight loss programs, etc. but that they DO cover dependency programs (drugs, alcohol, etc). Ummmmm, food IS my DEPENDENCY!!!! It has caused me to have high blood pressure, borderline diabetes and who knows how many other health issues!!! I guess people that don’t have an eating problem have a hard time seeing that I can’t just STOP eating, that I can’t just STOP making stupid food choices (fried foods, heavy carbs, sweets, etc) but I truly can’t! I mean, do those ‘people’ that think it’s easy to just drop 100 pounds by stepping away from fattening foods think I LIKE shopping in plus-sized stores? Do they think I LIKE only being able to find 60-year old woman shirts instead of cute, trendy shirts? Ummm no. If I could lose the weight I would. I’ve tried. I just don’t have the willpower. I don’t think that the lapband will solve my problems over night. I have heard countless times that it is 10% band and 90% person. Well I have 90% in me…it’s that 10% that I’m missing. Most of the time I WANT to eat better. Most of the time I WANT to make better choices, it’s just that every once in awhile I screw up SO badly (Chinese buffets, candy, over eating, etc) that totally messes up and cancels everything GOOD that I’ve chosen to do.

I’ve never seen a person (me) take SO long to lose 10 pounds, but go off the deep end for a few days and gain it ALL back, plus 5. I truly feel like a drug addict at times with my out of control eating. I know what I should eat….I can be headed to the store to buy something ‘normal’ and then I pass Arby’s and can’t resist pulling in to their drive thru. As I’m pulling in I will tell myself I will only get something small, a simple cold cut sandwich. As I pull up to the menu I see all of the delicious food, so instead of a cold cut sandwich with no mayo, I decide to get a grilled chicken sandwich, but at the last minute I change it to a crispy chicken sandwich with cheese AND ranch dressing, but I will not order crisscut fries…until the sweet lady in the squack-box asks if I would like to make it a meal…and since I’m thirsty anyway I say “yes please”…because I mean, if I’m already getting the sandwich and drink the Crisscut’s are practically FREE anyway..but I WON’T eat them all…and then when she asks what kind of drink? I say Pepsi, because everyone (according to the news) knows that diet soda ‘causes’ Diabetes anyway, so I might as well drink the GOOD STUFF if I’m going to drink soda!!!

I pull out of the drive thru and before I’m even on the road I’m chowing down on my fries. I drive to the closest park (so no one can watch Miss-fatty gorge herself) and eat every, last bite of everything in the bag. Being SURE to check for any lost fries that may be hiding underneath the napkins in the bottom of the bag. When I’m done I’m remorseful. I ask myself WHY I ate all of that and WHY I needed to even stop in the first place. I vow to NEVER do it again and to make better choices from this point forward….but somehow I can never keep my word to myself.

…Now tell me how I’m NOT the SAME as a Meth addict? Or an alcoholic??? I don’t LIKE my kids laughing at my fat butt when I bend over in front of them. I don’t like NEVER being checked out when I go to a bar with my Husband. I don’t enjoy always being told how ‘nice’ I am and that I have such ‘pretty' eyes. I want to hear I’m BEAUTIFUL. I want to put on a pair of pants and not have to jump up and down to cram all of myself down inside of them. I want to slide those same pants on and not say a silent prayer that they will still button and zip. I want keep my legs crossed more than a few minutes without the circulation being cut off and causing leg pain. I want to walk in to a store and not be breathless. I want to chase after my kids at the park instead of sitting on a bench waving at them when they ask me to play. I want to be healthy. Is that really too much to ask???

End of my rant….just had to get it off of my chest. If you’ve made it this far, thanks!

Like ValAnn, your story almost brought me to tears too. I understand every single word of what you said and exactly how you feel. I am that person too! I have done those same exact things over and over again. I think it took a lot of guts to pour your heart out like that in such an honest way. Somehow, I am doing this lap band thing, and it is working, so I can only believe that will happen for you too. This has truly changed my life. Thank you for sharing your story. It honestly felt as if you were writing my thoughts, and it helped to know that others have experienced the very same struggle with food. I wish you lots of success on your journey. You won't believe how good it feels, but feeling full honestly does take the cravings down and make it easier to do the right thing. Nothing else has ever worked for me. Best of luck.

[Dawn200321 146]

I too am a food addict. I know exactly what you're going through. I used to tell my ex husband that I was going to start eating better and I would drive through mcdonalds and get two cheeseburgers and eat them all...of course I would ditch the evidence before I got home. Lol...I can honestly say the lap band has changed my life in soo many ways. First thing is I don't get hungry in between meals like I used to. I used to snack all day long and then eat my regular meal at the alloted times. 2nd and most important I have learned will power...I don't know how but someway the band changed me and my whole way of thinking. Now I can sit down with chips or something and instead of the whole bag I have learned to eat just one serving size. Also I don't feel the need to eat these things on a daily basis anymore. The band is a wonderful tool and no it won't stop you from eating the whole bag of Cookies or chips you have to want and be willing to learn these things. However it is a wonderful tool if you eat better. It will help you eat smaller portions of healthier foods and it will keep you feeling full for hours at a time

[sparkplug 106]

I, am also a food addict. I have learned in 4 years of being banded that I will always have to struggle to fight this head hunger. I try to choose something like popcorn that does not have to much fat or calories if I do have to binge to get it out of my system. I try to trick myself by saying you can have anything you want but you DO NOT Want all that fattening Cookies all the time like you used to. I am not a 3 bite person of a piece of pie. If I cheat I will have a piece of pie and then I am good for months on end. You need to learn what sets you off on these binges and what will stop it for months. I will always be a food addict and have done this yo yo dieting my whole life. I tell myself I am not on a diet, just changed my eating habits. Everybody is so different and each one of us need to do what we are comfortable with. I read all these responses where you all have lost so much weight and should be so proud of yourself and this addiction is real and never going away. We just learn how to outsmart it and go on with life. Good luck.