Letting Friends Know

[Rz1227 15]

Like a lot of you I have struggled with weight my entire life. I've dieted, lost weight, gained weight etc. I went to the seminar 2 weeks ago and had consultation appointment tonight. I have chosen to go with the lap band with plication and pending all the tests will have the surgery in February. I'm very excited, nervous etc. Thankfully my wonderful mother is my support system. I made the mistake of telling one of my very good friends about the surgery. At first she didn't say much and then called me tonight to ask how the consultation went when I told her she went off how she is so against it and then said "why don't you just go to the gym more ?". She's skinny and has ALWAYS been skinny and just doesn't get it. Now I'm scared to tell anyone! She made me feel like such crap. Just curious how you all went about telling your close friends, etc? Any tips? People who have never struggled with weight just don't seem to get it at all.

Thank you.

[SageTracey 608]

People who have not been in our situation have great difficulty understanding why this is a valid choice. You can educate them, or at least try to, but never, ever forget that this is a journey you are taking for YOUR health. So long as you do your research and are comfortable with your choices, you do NOT need to validate them with other people, especially those who have not experienced obesity.

This is a personal health matter and there is no requirement that says you must discuss it with others. It is entirely up to you to be open or not.

Personally, I didn't tell very many people to start with, but now, 18 months and 63 kg (130+lb), I share because it is easier to show my success.

Good luck

[JennaSoto 85]

I'm sorry your friend made you feel like that I am only telling a select few people for just that reason- I don't need people to be judgmental of me- I am going to tell one friend (the only friend I'm going to tell) tomorrow who is a fitness buff- she used to be bigger than me and is now skinny and in shape- but spends her whole life at the gym. I'm not sure how she will take it- but she knows how much I have struggled with this and I hope she will be supportive. I hate to say this,but if I tell someone and they are judgmental towards me about this I will have to distance myself from them- I do not need the negativism. I will have to tell my boss and HR manager because I work at a federal prison and will not be able to respond to body alarms and inmate fights for a couple weeks so there will be some people at work who will need to know- but not many.

[Nayelli Q. 28]

Hew there, well Some family members were not completly on board but eventually got over it and a close friend of mine up do dtae say she supports me and everything but he says he still does not get "it". I'm two months post-op ans I got my first poisoneous comment five days post-op from a family membe rthat I used to trust. Point blank we just never know how people will react I have had many surprises lately. .... It's your decison an dif you are happy with it and you got your mothe ron board thtas all u need and God however you conceive him. This is for you and not anyone else when you understand this you will fell better. Believe me peoples true colors come out when you are doing somethin ggood for yourself ans if at the end of the day yourfriend does not come around to support you than maybe you should rethink that frienship.

[♕ajtexas♕ 3,771]

I am so glad you have your mom for support. Ignorance is often expressed with disapproval. How can someone approve of something they know nothing about. That being said, I chose to educate the people I needed for support (hubby and parents). I also chose not to tell people at first, then as time went on and people started to notice I started telling more and more. Now I'm an open book.

Focus on you, tell the people you need to tell and don't worry about what they think. This is about you getting healthy again.

Good luck to you.

[angelize 50]

when i first decided to get this done,i told everyone i knew that i was considering it...just to get an idea of how people would react...and surprisingly,everyone was very supportive!

actually,my husband was the only one who had doubts at first.

he kept saying,you werent always heavy,if you just eat less and work out more,you can lose the weight,he didnt understand,UNTIL,his doctor told him that he was borderline diabetic and needed to lose 20-30 lbs...i watched him struggle to lose(he ended up only losing about 15)...but then he finally admitted how hard losing weight really is!!

so,now,he has agreed to eat healthy with me...so while i am on this journey,hopefully we will both be getting healthier!!

[Rz1227 15]

Thank you all for your replies. I do not plan on telling a lot of people just a couple of close friends. The friend who went off on me tonight is (was)? my close friend but as you said true colors seem to be coming out. I think I might just wait to tell anyone else until after my surgery is completed. This is for me and no one else. Thanks again!

[♥LovetheNewMe♥ 1,216]

Deciding to have weight lose surgery is a very personal decision for each of us. I had some very supportive friends and some who have looked at my transition from fat to thin the past 2 years and have never said one word good or bad about my losing weight.I even work with a girl who constantly makes comments to me about the small amount of food I eat. I chalk it up to jealously because you see I was just fat not stupid or ugly but fat. So I chose to believe that their jealously is due to their own shallow stupidity and their own lack of self esteem. I have focused on the supportive people and the rest can K!$$ my you know what! Remember this "You said she made me feel like crap" Do not ever give people that much power, their words can only hurt us if we allow them to hurt us. We are all beautiful people, that are caring, compassionate and understanding. We have more humility in our pinky finger than most have in their entire body. so chin up, chest out and walk proud, you see we can concur and fix FAT but they will always be STUPID!

[434teresa 20]

Deciding to have weight lose surgery is a very personal decision for each of us. I had some very supportive friends and some who have looked at my transition from fat to thin the past 2 years and have never said one word good or bad about my losing weight.I even work with a girl who constantly makes comments to me about the small amount of food I eat. I chalk it up to jealously because you see I was just fat not stupid or ugly but fat. So I chose to believe that their jealously is due to their own shallow stupidity and their own lack of self esteem. I have focused on the supportive people and the rest can K!$$ my you know what! Remember this "You said she made me feel like crap" Do not ever give people that much power, their words can only hurt us if we allow them to hurt us. We are all beautiful people, that are caring, compassionate and understanding. We have more humility in our pinky finger than most have in their entire body. so chin up, chest out and walk proud, you see we can concur and fix FAT but they will always be STUPID!

What she said!

[goldenlife 11]

I will be banded Thursday and choose not to discuss with anyone the type of surgery I was having. Today caught me by surprise when a coworker popped the question "so what kind of surgery are you having"?

My response "Oh I have choosen not to disclose"?

Her response " I'm sorry but I wish you a speedy recovery"?

Afterwards I had a thought about a close college friend who didnt disclose that she had several bouts with cancer. It came, it went and it came back. When she passed away we were shocked but the lesson is I dont want to be know as the girl who had lapband, I dont feel like hearing other peoples opinion and I dont wanna feel like a lapband lab rat.

I told hubbie (of course) and I had to educate the kids (adults). Everyone is ok and I am focused and praying for success and success is what Im focused on. I would imagine that folks at work are gossiping trying to figure out what type of surgery Im having. I can only imagine what life will be like when I return but the bottomline is I have a right to medical privacy and I dont feel an obiligation to share outside of my identified support system.

Golden

[Nayelli Q. 28]

Well I told my imidiate family and my sister told some of our friends in common ( she did no tknow that I did not feel like telling them) anyways I don't mind it because sooner or later they will figure it out and I'm a very direct person so I don't like to sugarcoat things. Everyone that I love and supposely love me back know that when I make up my mind theres no and,if, or buts about it, no matter what they say so they had no choice but o deal with it and if you are not ok with my decision you don't have to see or talk to me point blank. If they don't like it thta their problem not mine. People do a lot of crap that I don't like, but do they care no they do it anyway and I deal with it and move on. If they are concerned I get it but they have no right to make you feel bad.