Starting To Have Second Thoughts

[knknosmom 4]

I began my journey in August. I have done almost all the things required, before being able to get my surgery date. I just have to lose 8 more pounds and go to one more support group meeting. Yesterday while at the hospital, waiting to have presurgery tests done, I overheard some women that had weight loss surgery done already. They were saying how horrible their skin is hanging and how they miss eating bread and pizza and Pasta. Then one was talking about her sister that is very sick after having the gastric bypass, she has lost to much weight, is losing her hair and looks horrible. Then I saw my Dr later that day. He told me that with the lapband, you only average losing 25-30 pounds a year! And that most people only lose 40-50 pounds total. I am worried about having tons of loose skin and feeling even worse about how I look and my husband finding it to be nasty and not wanting to come near me. I thought after you had the surgery, you could go back to eating most things? I didnt realize you could never have bread, pizza and pasta (among other things) again? I see people on this site that have lost a lot of weight, so I dont understand how the Dr is saying you will only lose 40-50 pounds total. I was hoping to lose arouind 80-90 pounds total. So now with all of this information that I heard and recieved yesterday, I am starting to have second thoughts. Anything anyone could say to me, to make me feel better and be as excited as I was before yesterday, would be great. Oh and another thing. Sunday my husband (who is supporting me in this) said he was worried that after I lost the weight, that we wouldnt last. I didnt understand why he said and feels that way. Then yesterday at the Dr, my Dr said a lot of people end up divorced or seperated after losing the weight. This scares me. I dont want to end up divorced. All I want is to lose weight and be able to do more with my children, feel better about myself and avoid any health problems being over weight can and will cause in the long run. And now I have all this scary stuff thrown at me. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

your dr is wrong and also right.

some people may only lose small amounts. they may not live the band life

of eating healthy food and exercising. who knows why one doesnt lose (much if any).

some people lose great amounts. Missy is pretty damn near 160 in 9 months, deedee is at 100 pounds loss, love the new me is at 120 pounds loss and i am at 73 loss....and the list is ongoing......

so it can be done

if you expect to lose weight overnight or easily this is not for you

if you are not gonna change what or how much you eat this is not for you

if you are not gonna help this tool, dont get it

skin and saggy, id rather have some saggy skin then be obese. it depends on your skin type, your age, how much weight you have to lose....etc.....there is always surgery if you want it...

if you love your hub and he loves you, then he will love the new/improved/healthier you

i also think your was full of **** saying to you people end up divorced. maybe some do but what about the ones who dont?

only you can do this

and only you cannot do this

[jen_1381 446]

It sounds like you've been hit with a lot of "worst case" scenarios. It is true - the average person only loses 50% of their excess weight with lap band. But are you average? Doesn't sound like it to me. I'm not average; I've already lost about 63% and am only 5 months post-op. I had 80 lbs of excess weight, and have lost about 53 lbs so far.

The divorce statistics are scary. With the normal rate being over 50%, and (don't quote me exactly on this, I read it online) the divorce rate for post-bariatric surgery patients is 80%. It is a very intimidating number. But why do you love your husband, and why does he love you? Do you only love him because you're overweight? If so, then you may be in trouble. If you love him because he's your best friend, your better half, or your everything, you'll be just fine. Just like with any marriage, when change is happening, communication is key.

As for the skin - - this is where I think lap band has the advantage. The weight loss is not rapid in most cases. Slower weight loss helps with the loose skin. I will admit, my stomach is not fantastic to look at...skin isn't hanging but it's not tight. But I earned that!! It's no longer filled with fat cells. It's empty! That's weight lost. I'm proud of my sagging skin

Second thoughts are normal, as are third, fourth, and fifth (coming from the girl who was ready to dial up the surgeon 12 hours before surgery and bail).

As for foods, there are some that I can't eat. pizza crust is one that will get me stuck on the first bite. Does my body need pizza though? No. The food my body needs for fuel goes down just fine. Can I still sneak a bite of pizza and chew chew chew when I have an enormous craving? Yes.

For me, as soon as the weight started coming off, my life transformed from living to eat, to eating to live. I want to be good to my body, and know that my food choices and exercise is the best thing I can do for that.

Sorry if it seems like I'm rambling, and these are just my own personal feelings/experiences, but I wish you all of the luck and success in the world.

[TKW 501]

I have lost 157 pound. I eat bread, Pasta and pizza.... not often or nearly as much as I'd like to but I eat it. I don't have a problem with it if I eat slow and chew good and don't over eat it. I can eat a slice of pizza and get full and satisfied just exactly like I did eating 3/4 of an entire pie! Pasta was my favorite thing in the world. I eat it still, but it fills me up fast.

Here's what I think, and this is just my opinion. You still have to be able to eat. You can't deprive yourself of everything or you are going to compensate in other ways... (slider foods). I have great restriction but I am not so tight I can't eat things. It still takes a lot of willpower or wantpower. I don't feel deprived of anything. NOTHING! So yes, if you get the band so tight that you can't eat these things then you won't be able to eat them but if you get good healthy restiction and really become mindful of what you are eating, and really eat healthy with occasional treats like pizza or pasta or even a cookie... you will be successful. The best thing I do is log my food. It has made me very very accountable for what I eat and has helped me greatly. When you chow down on something high in calories it stares you right back in the face. Also exercise is key!

My dr told me that a lot of people lose 50 or 100 pound and that's where it stops. Not because they can't lose more but because they think "wow, I've done so good" or "gee... I've lost 50 pounds I can eat this" and it just gets out of hand and you go back to your old ways. You have to stick to it, don't give up. I thought it would be so hard and it has been yet when I think about it... this isn't that hard. YOu have to eat healthy and exercise. You have to make changes for life, not just for now.

I was scared for all the same reasons. Your dr. in my opinion.... should not have said what he did. He's wrong... there are many many people on this site that can prove that.

Take a deep breath, its scarey but so so worth it. Every pound you lose will inspire you!

Best of Luck!

Teresa

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

I have lost 157 pound. I eat bread, Pasta and pizza.... not often or nearly as much as I'd like to but I eat it. I don't have a problem with it if I eat slow and chew good and don't over eat it. I can eat a slice of pizza and get full and satisfied just exactly like I did eating 3/4 of an entire pie! Pasta was my favorite thing in the world. I eat it still, but it fills me up fast.

Here's what I think, and this is just my opinion. You still have to be able to eat. You can't deprive yourself of everything or you are going to compensate in other ways... (slider foods). I have great restriction but I am not so tight I can't eat things. It still takes a lot of willpower or wantpower. I don't feel deprived of anything. NOTHING! So yes, if you get the band so tight that you can't eat these things then you won't be able to eat them but if you get good healthy restiction and really become mindful of what you are eating, and really eat healthy with occasional treats like pizza or pasta or even a cookie... you will be successful. The best thing I do is log my food. It has made me very very accountable for what I eat and has helped me greatly. When you chow down on something high in calories it stares you right back in the face. Also exercise is key!

My dr told me that a lot of people lose 50 or 100 pound and that's where it stops. Not because they can't lose more but because they think "wow, I've done so good" or "gee... I've lost 50 pounds I can eat this" and it just gets out of hand and you go back to your old ways. You have to stick to it, don't give up. I thought it would be so hard and it has been yet when I think about it... this isn't that hard. YOu have to eat healthy and exercise. You have to make changes for life, not just for now.

I was scared for all the same reasons. Your dr. in my opinion.... should not have said what he did. He's wrong... there are many many people on this site that can prove that.

Take a deep breath, its scarey but so so worth it. Every pound you lose will inspire you!

Best of Luck!

Teresa

you continue to inspire me tkw

[sunnie5094 5]

I have lost 157 pound. I eat bread' date=' Pasta and pizza.... not often or nearly as much as I'd like to but I eat it. I don't have a problem with it if I eat slow and chew good and don't over eat it. I can eat a slice of pizza and get full and satisfied just exactly like I did eating 3/4 of an entire pie! Pasta was my favorite thing in the world. I eat it still, but it fills me up fast.

Here's what I think, and this is just my opinion. You still have to be able to eat. You can't deprive yourself of everything or you are going to compensate in other ways... (slider foods). I have great restriction but I am not so tight I can't eat things. It still takes a lot of willpower or wantpower. I don't feel deprived of anything. NOTHING! So yes, if you get the band so tight that you can't eat these things then you won't be able to eat them but if you get good healthy restiction and really become mindful of what you are eating, and really eat healthy with occasional treats like pizza or pasta or even a cookie... you will be successful. The best thing I do is log my food. It has made me very very accountable for what I eat and has helped me greatly. When you chow down on something high in calories it stares you right back in the face. Also exercise is key!

My dr told me that a lot of people lose 50 or 100 pound and that's where it stops. Not because they can't lose more but because they think "wow, I've done so good" or "gee... I've lost 50 pounds I can eat this" and it just gets out of hand and you go back to your old ways. You have to stick to it, don't give up. I thought it would be so hard and it has been yet when I think about it... this isn't that hard. YOu have to eat healthy and exercise. You have to make changes for life, not just for now.

I was scared for all the same reasons. Your dr. in my opinion.... should not have said what he did. He's wrong... there are many many people on this site that can prove that.

Take a deep breath, its scarey but so so worth it. Every pound you lose will inspire you!

Best of Luck!

Teresa[/quote']

I agree with Teresa.. I had surgery in May 2011. I was 274 Pds the day of and right now I'm at 210. My goal is 100 Pds.. Right now I feel I have gotten greedy and had a fill about a month ago and am having eating issues.. Don't get greedy.. Limit yourself.. I'm hopeful it will loosen up after another week.. Just because you have the band doesn't mean you can't eat things. I still enjoy pizza and pasta but in moderation and slowly.. I don't have saggy skin either.. Workouts have helped. But taking things slow and one day at a time has made a big difference in my life...

[knknosmom 4]

Thank You all for your advice and words of wisdom! You have made me feel so much better. I know I can do this, I was just scared by all of the information I heard yesterday. Do I want to be able to pig out on any and every thing I used to? No but I want to be able to eat healthy but be able to still have things like that on occasion, when its a holiday or a Birthday or something. And my husband and I are in love with each other, we are best friends, sole mates. SO I do believe that we will be fine. Thank you so much for all your help. :-)

[success150 12]

Just stay intouch with your nutritionist. Don't listen to everything you hear. If you have your husbands support, then you have the best support there is. I don't believe that your losing weight will cause you to divorce, because if your husband is on board with this and you have no ideas about leaving him, then i believe that your losing weight will make your relationship stronger.

Whenever we try to better ourselves, satan always devises a plan to plant doubt in our minds that cause us to think the worse. I know that some of the things you heard frighten you but don't let that stop you from doing something that will help you make yourself potentially better.

Call on your Father and ask Him to help you discern fact from fiction and to give you the courage to do what's best for you according to His will and His plan for your life.

I wish you the best.

[smbonier 26]

I started the process in July 10, 2012 and was banded October 10, 2012. I went in with a starting weight of 280 lbs and was told that I would be able to lose over 100 lbs sucessfully. It depends on how well you lose the band. Again there have been people on this forum that have lost HUNDREDS of pounds; so your doctor saying less than that is giving you the worst case senario. Since starting my pre-op diet until today, I have lost over 30 lbs.

I can also admit that I was starting to have second thoughts before the surgery; and it was based on the fear of never eating Pasta and things like that again. However, as I continued to think about it, I thought to myself, "Is my health and future pregnancies really worth less than bread and Pasta? !?!"

I can even admit too that right as I was being brought into the recovery room I thought to myself, "WHAT HAVE I DONE!??!" (I think that was the pain meds and all the other meds though).

I have been banded for about 2 weeks and could not be happier! I know that I am going to be so much healither; and that is what matters the most.

As for the scary divorce statistic; I don't believe that one bit. Maybe people think that if one spouse is overweight so is the other; and then the surgery would result in jealousy and conflct, but I don't think so. My husband is very lean and weighs about 147 lbs. (as you can see from my picture) and is so supportive of this process. As long as you love each other and support each other it won't be a problem. I think the myth that once people lose weight that they stray is also a bunch of crap. Yeah we gain more confidence but that does not mean we are going to do things that are dangerous to our relationships; but that does not go for everyone.

[destynee1 417]

I agree with everything they had to say.. I just got mine done yesterday but before it, I flipped up and down with, is this the right thing to do? Hell ya it is! and your husband probably said that thinking, once you lose weight, you might not want him anymore, or something better. But that won't be the case.. you will show him even more how much you love and want him!!

Good Luck to you! all the people here are such inspirations, you were wise to come here and seek advise before cancelling out!

Love Kay

[knknosmom 4]

Kay, thats exactly what my husband said! I assume he isnt the only spouse to feel that way, now! Thank you all for your help and advice! I really appreciate it!!