Being Secretive

[SybilRamkin 15]

I have only told a few people about my recent banding. My 2 sisters know, as does one coworker. I'm a widow, so telling my husband was not a issue (although I think he would have said 'go for it!'). I'm not in any way concerned about what people think about my choice, My big fear, and the reason I'm reluctant to share, it that I'm afraid I will fail-again. I've lost and regained 50 lbs more times than I can count, so I think I'm justified in being a bit reluctant, but I don't really want to cheat myself out of support. Is anyone else going through this? Maybe this is a personality issue more than anything else, as I'm an introvert with hermit tendencies. My real concern is my wonderful daughter, who is away at college. I have not told her about the surgery because I want her to focus on school and I don't want her to worry about me. Now that I'm post-op and everything is going well, I'm thinking about driving down to see her at school, and I might tell her then--or I could wait until Thanksgiving. Thoughts?

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I can totally related to your post. Now, everyone knows I have the band, however that wasn't the case when I first got the surgery. Like you, I was terrified of failing and didn't much want an audience for my failure if I did. So, when I was first banded, only very few people knew.

There is nothing wrong with keeping it to yourself until you're feeling more comfortable and confident Heck, or even forever if you choose to. You have to do what is best for you regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Now this is just a personal opinion... but perhaps tell your daughter at Thanksgiving rather than making a special trip out there just to tell her? If you wait until Thanksgiving, it's like an afterthought "Oh btw, you should know I got the Lap Band". If you make a special trip out there just to tell her, it makes it seem like a really big deal, which is exactly what you're trying to avoid so she doesn't worry.

Just my two cents. Best wishes to you

[txflea 63]

I understand what you are going through, other than my husband and my two daughters only one friend knows that I am on track for the lb. I feel the same way you do, what if I fail?

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

understand you gf

and i think the majority on here does

you sound very much like myself

your getting healthy

your getting well

i know that your a great mom and person

and that is all she'd care about

she is gonna be so proud of you

just like i am

like missy, keep it to yourself if you want. its your business

[LadyMaggie 145]

I can also relate to your situation. I only initially told my husband (did NOT tell my parents, kids, or sisters/brother).

Once I had the surgery, I did tell my children and my mother.

My mother took it upon herself to tell my entire family. I live in a small community and I am certain that EVERY ONE knows. . . . which I don't really care about.

But, there is a post about "I'm Tired" of people asking every day how much weight I lost and why at 6months I am not at goal weight. I think my family thought I would wake up from surgery "skinny" and this would be a fast weight loss process ---> it is NOT; I am 6 months out and after several fills just now in the green zone. I am TIRED of the questions and criticism. So, I understand your caution in proceeding with who knows and who doesn't. Good Luck ~

[honk 780]

Okay, as someone who was raised by a single mother (my father died when I was 11) I have some strong feelings about this. My senior year of college my mother off the cuff mentioned having a biopsy on a lump in her breast and it had come back benign. She had not told me because she did not want me to worry. Now her father and FOUR of her siblings had already died of cancer. I was very upset that she hadn't told me and 20 years later still feel she should have kept me in the loop. I think you need to bring your daughter in the loop sooner rather than later. She is an adult and you need to treat her like an adult.

[personalmom 3]

I haven't told many people either. My employees actually think I have cancer! I can't tell them because one of my ex- employees mother works for me. The ex- employee got banded a year and a half ago initially she lost 70 lbs. But has gained 45 back. I think if I told my current employee ( the mom) it would be uncomfortable. I have had a big change in appearance and people have asked how I am losing weight I just tell them I am really watch

[elcee 3,341]

I also only told my husband. Mainly for the same reasons as the rest of you, I was scared I would fail, I didn't want to have to face the food police etc.

I told others when I felt ready.

My daughter was away at uni when I had the op done, yes she was a little bit annoyed when she finally found out but if I had to do it over again I would not change when I told people. It is a personal decision. We do not need to share everything, certainly not until we feel ready.

Honk I understand your point of view but I think the way your Mother handled this was probably the best. Why worry someone unnecessarily? However if the lump had come back as being malignant then it would have been vitally important to let the family know particularly as it could be hereditary.