Sick And Tired Of People Being Rude/discouraging

[Lapbandster 496]

I'm so so agitated from my family. Whenever I tell them I lost some weight I get very hurtful responses "that's ALL you lost"? or "You only lost 24 lbs??!! I thought you would have lost 30 by now"

It's mainly my mother and i'm really beginning to resent this :angry:

BTW, I have only been banded 2 months and had one fill. I am a very slow loser in general so to me this is an OK amount of weight loss

I'm working my @$$ off to make this surgery work and she's so discouraging.

BTW, she had gastric bypass and the pounds literally flew off so she's very not understanding.

[m1aman 944]

I understand how you feel. I hate people asking me about my weight. It really annoys me. As for your situation, 24 pounds is pretty good at this stage. Way to go!

[Baltimore2012 34]

Dude... that's 12lbs a month... THAT'S AMAZING! Don't let other people bring you down. This isn't a race. You keep doing what you're doing!

Congrats on the weightloss!!!

[PattyGirl66 1,243]

I really hate reading posts like this! I mean when its your own Mother who is doing the critiquing, she is suppose to be your #1 supporter your biggest fan, and mostly your MOM!

I am very sorry that you have to deal with such behavior from your own Mom. It disheartens me to read stories like this. Makes me proud and cherrish my Mom even more. My Mom is super supportive and is always there for me. She is overweight too, just a little but completely understands. So should yours!!

Ugh! Let me stop before I say something horribly offensive ....

BTW, YOU are doing beautifully keep up the great work sweetheart!

[corona518 87]

I'm right there with you! My mom and dad balk at the thought of weightloss surgery and believe that anyone can lose any amount of weight with just will power. This is why I haven't told them I got banded! I just told them i'm on a strict diet and they think its great. My friends are really supportive though so that has been good. I think 24 pounds is awesome! I just got banded so I am really hoping to have lost that much in 2 months. Don't listen to your mom, losing slower is better for you anyway!

[Baltimore2012 34]

I really hate reading posts like this! I mean when its your own Mother who is doing the critiquing, she is suppose to be your #1 supporter your biggest fan, and mostly your MOM!

I am very sorry that you have to deal with such behavior from your own Mom. It disheartens me to read stories like this. Makes me proud and cherrish my Mom even more. My Mom is super supportive and is always there for me. She is overweight too, just a little but completely understands. So should yours!!

Ugh! Let me stop before I say something horribly offensive ....

BTW, YOU are doing beautifully keep up the great work sweetheart!

PattyGirl66 I want to add you as a friend if you don't mind... You seem like a cool lady! You always have alot of positive to add. Would that be okay?

[sissy12 56]

I'm sorry you're getting that reaction. Just be proud of yourself and the hard work you're doing, a 24lb. loss is wonderful and more so in only two months!

Sometimes we have to find support and encouragement outside our family or friends, surround yourself with positive people who are going to be happy for you. I find that in this forum, and it helps because only a handful of people know about my surgery.

Keep rocking that band girl!

[sissy12 56]

I have to add this, and I am not as nice as you...so if it were me, I would stop updating her on your weight and if she asked I'd say "i don't know", LOL!

I have done that for the last three months to someone, because I didn't like the way she looked at me when I said "25 lbs.", she kind of scoffed...so that was it for me, the next time I said "I have no idea, i am not weighing anymore." See? told you I was not as nice as you

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

I'm so so agitated from my family. Whenever I tell them I lost some weight I get very hurtful responses "that's ALL you lost"? or "You only lost 24 lbs??!! I thought you would have lost 30 by now"

It's mainly my mother and i'm really beginning to resent this :angry:

BTW, I have only been banded 2 months and had one fill. I am a very slow loser in general so to me this is an OK amount of weight loss

I'm working my @$$ off to make this surgery work and she's so discouraging.

BTW, she had gastric bypass and the pounds literally flew off so she's very not understanding.

well, as long as you are losing, that is what matters... to me anyhow and i for one think you are doing super duper

fantastic. losing slow has a better chance of staying off. that is my humble opinion. so she had bypass, they typically

lose faster, again this is what i know of it.......so what that is her... my mother is the same way and i choose to ignore her and anyone else who tries to put a dent in my dodge viper.

your weight loss is a journey...there is no expiration date

you will get there,,,,,,,and it doesnt matter how long it takes as long as you do.

[A New New Dawn 1,695]

That is very unfortunate that your mother is reacting that way. I wonder if she may be a bit jealous that you are losing weight and will be "competing" with her at some point. She may be resentful that you are regaining your youth and she just got there from having done her surgery later in life. By the way, the first months until you get that enough fills to find your green zone (which could take several fills), you are essentially doing this of your own will and want power. So for only having one fill and staying on track you are doing an awesome job!!!

As far as I see it you have 2 options:

1. Tell her that her comments are very hurtful and unappreciated so the topic is off limits going forward (being as stern as you feel necessary) OR

2. Take the cool and collected route and share some literature with her that explains that 1-2 lbs per week is the expected weight loss with the band so you are even exceeding expectations, explain how the fills work and how until you are in your green zone, you are essentially doing this on your own. Your doctor and you are happy with your results and need her to refrain from negative comments or you will begin (or even further) resent her.

Either way, I would urge you to do something now before you add any further stress on yourself or this will have a big impact on you personally, could impact your success by adding undue stress, and will definitely build more resentment or distance in your relationship with her.

It's really unfortunate she is being very insensitive and now is the time for you to be strong and take control of the situation. One of my all time favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt ~ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So don't allow someone to have that power over you.

Be strong and you are doing WONDERFUL in your weight loss progress! Don't let anyone take that from you!!! Keep up the awesome work!!!

[icestorm12132008 39]

Huge cyber hug.

It absolutely sucks when even your own MOM won't be suportive. I get the same flack from my mom too. I've lost seventy four pounds so far, and she is telling me to go out and buy elastic jeans omg I did not loose seventy four pounds to ware a pair of elastic jeans!

Mom's can be so cruel to their daugthers especially if there is a weight issue between mom and daughter. She has to understand that bypass is a completely different method for treating obesity then the lapband. Is she maybe regretting her decision for bypass? and is jelous of your slow and steady weight loss because maybe you are not getting skin sagg? this is your journey and not hers. If she continues to be hurtful tell her you will not discuss WLS with her anymore and continue to do your own thing and ignore her.

My mom and I have always had an unhealthy rivalry with our weight I was the brunt of many jokes as a kid and as an adult because I was the bigest one in house. I just hope you and your mom can find peace with the issue of weight. just like you realized that your mom chose bypass as her surgical option and is now healthier, she needs to allow you to grow and change via your weightloss jouney with the band.

I no longer talk to my mom about the WLS because she thinks if i had just done WW and worked out all day and only ate once a day i'd be fine. Mom has no understanding of the body or how nutrtion works for someone with PCOS. The next time i probally see my mom I will be hopefuly at goal and she will be speachless. and I'll have my lapband and nutrtional team to thank and not WW or starving myself.

[Lapbandster 496]

Thanks everyone!

BTW, i knew this would happen so before surgery I explained to her that 1) weight loss is very slow, and a 1 lb/week loss is considered very successful 2) no one expects weight loss for the first few months until proper restriction is achieved. I hoped that this would help set her expectations down but it just "went in one ear and out the other" as they say. She responded "yeah yeah I know they all say how little you lose, but i KNOW you'll lose much more/faster"

i guess from now on I will NOT share any weight loss with her. No matter how much she begs/screams/yells at me. I'm so done with this

[Lapbandster 496]

Thanks everyone for the supportive responses

And BTW, this is why i didn't tell anyone outside of my family. I just can't handle getting this from anyone else

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I am so very sorry you have to go through this

I have to deal with similar from my mom. She'll compliment me on my weight loss, but it's always followed by how horrible my clothes look before they're too big, or how my hair should be shorter "to make my face look thinner", or even little comments like "must be nice to have the band to take the weight off so fast, some of us are stuck just dieting".

You have to look he source: the source is their ignorance. You are doing AMAZING, please don't let your mom rain your parade. You are making your body healthier every day and you're even prolonging your life. What you're doing is nothing less than incredible. Hold your head high and proudly- regardless what others say.

[MiniMi 1,468]

The replies are really good and spot on. There is one other thing I'd like you to consider and that is your want for your moms approval. See, no one can make you feel anything so if she triggers a reaction out of you then you need to do the work to change the reaction.

I have a very similar relationship with my mother. In our family dynamic I was the one that everyone dumped on. I was the one that was always asked to do all the favors even if others were in a position to do so and I wasn't. I feared disapproval and could not say no. One time when I was in a physically abusive relationship I called my mom in tears after getting beat up, and said that I didn't understand how anyone could be so cruel. Her reply, I kid you not was " Men like thin wives. You should lose some weight" .

It wasn't until I went to counseling that I realized that I needed to change. I needed to be the one who taught people how to treat me. I did not, nor will I, tell my mom that I had surgery. It is my business and I know she could not handle knowing because of who she is.

Believe me I know that it is a work in progress but setting the boundaries and changing the rules of interaction is so much healthier especially now since you are on a new journey JUST FOR YOU. you can have a talk with your mom, show her all the information in the world but the trash is on her side of the street and you can't reach far enough over to clean it up. She'll have to do that herself. In the meantime, set yourself up for success!

Bug hug to you!