Confused

[needs2lose31 0]

Hello everyone. I'm new here to the forum. Every since I turned 30 recently I've thought, ok, time to lose this weight. I've done weight watchers, low carb, high Protein, you name it. I had resigned myself to being heavy (and alone) but when I turned 30 recently I thought, ok need to do something. I have a family member that got the bypass but that scares me. I decided to have the band. Though my family is all for it and supportive, one of my close friends who I trust implicitly doesn't. Now I'm confused. Any advice appreciated.

[PattyGirl66 1,243]

Hi and welcome!

Firstly, I want to say that you should be very proud of yourself you are taking the initiative to put your health first! Now, what really matters the most is that you have your family for all of your supportive needs, right there you have a great support network. If your friend (your very best friend) is truly a friend he/she will understand completely what you are going through and be there for you all the way, rooting, and cheering you on!

Also, you may not know any of us on this forum but we are all here for you, just sayin

Best of luck,

[success150 12]

PattyGirl, I am sorry to be so straightforwad but you need to drop that friend. you cna't have the band and not have support. drop her and get a new one. best of luck.

[needs2lose31 0]

I don't want to drop the friend. She has been an amazing and supportive friend to me. I think she was trying to play devils advocate (ie do you really need surgery? It's so extreme. Can you handle that? Etc)

[jen_1381 446]

I decided to get banded mainly becuase I was almost 30 (I'm 29 now, banded a few months before my 29th bday). I realized I wasn't getting any younger and it wouldn't get any easier to lose the extra lbs.

As far as support; while you will need a shoulder to cry on or a "atta-girl" every now and then, I believe that the support needs to lay within yourself. People will always have their opinions on what you should do, but ultimately it's your decision and your life. My husband was not excited that I had opted for surgery, but I just told him that I was the one who had to wake up every day unhappy in my skin, not him. I told him that I was doing it and would like his support, but if he couldn't give it to me, that was his problem. Once he saw how much it meant to me, he was behind me 110%.

[sissy12 56]

Patty,

It's normal to be confused, scared and many other things.

The support of your family is a big part of your success, but there will always be those who can be a bit negative for a number of reasons.

I chose to only tell a handful of people about my surgery, I didn't want negative comments or people offering "advice", I'm very happy I've kept it quiet.

You will find so much information and support here, I don't know how I would have gotten through the tough days without this forum, and of course my successes have been even sweeter.

Keep us posted!

[TKW 501]

That friend probably knows someone who has been banded and wasn't very successful.

Learn everything there is to learn about the band, how it works and what life will be like once you are banded. I think a lot of bandsters are under educated and then overwhelmed and disapointed that the weight doesn't just fall off.

I've lost 157 pounds, the band was responsible for 52 of those pounds. Healthy eating was responsible for another 52 of those pounds and blood sweat and tears at the gym I give credit for the other 52.

I truly believe it takes all 3 to be successful, that's my opinion. I knew early on it wouldn't be easy and what I would have to do to be successful, I learned exactly what to expect and what would be reqired of me.... and, it's working!

Best of luck in your decision.

Teresa

I'd like to lose 52 more.... think the gym is my best offence!

[Sojourner 2,446]

I don't want to drop the friend. She has been an amazing and supportive friend to me. I think she was trying to play devils advocate (ie do you really need surgery? It's so extreme. Can you handle that? Etc)

My best friend, who had the original bypass surgery years ago, told me that she knew of 2 individuals who had been banded, and both of them had over time opted to have their bands removed...she did not know why, but she told me because she wanted me to be aware...I thanked her, continued to do my research and decided that the band would be the only type of WLS I would feel comfortable with.

I've never regretted my decision, and I've never looked back.

You also should do your own research, ask questions, attend an information session at a local clinic, and make your own informed decision based on what you believe to be the best choice for you.

As you have no doubt read...this band highly self empowering weight loss tool...you will determine your level of success with your weight loss by the decisions and choices you make every day to comply with your diet and to adopt a healthier lifestyle which includes healthy eating and exercise. You likely won't be able to reach your goal weight without making the effort get there.

Friends mean well...but they are not you. They can't see the "world view" that you do...and experiences that you have. You likely also are aware of the high risks for the negative effects of not loosing your excess weight.

I encourage you to do your "homework", ask questions, and you will know what the right choice will be when you are ready to move forward. It needs to be your decision...

Best wishes as you consider your options...

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

Hello everyone. I'm new here to the forum. Every since I turned 30 recently I've thought, ok, time to lose this weight. I've done weight watchers, low carb, high Protein, you name it. I had resigned myself to being heavy (and alone) but when I turned 30 recently I thought, ok need to do something. I have a family member that got the bypass but that scares me. I decided to have the band. Though my family is all for it and supportive, one of my close friends who I trust implicitly doesn't. Now I'm confused. Any advice appreciated.

you will be getting the surgery, not your friend.

do what works for you

this is the only life you have so you make yourself well

do what it takes and listen to yourself, your heart........and your doctor.

seems the one that dont know about the surgery or understand it

are the ones who raise the most ruckus about it.

[TracieR 88]

First off - the band is the best thing I have ever done for myself! I waited until I was 35 to have it done and I wish I would have done it years earlier. It is a lot of hard work but if you know that going in you will do great! I told myself you are putting your life at risk by having surgery - you can not fail at this! That kept me going, I made up my mind that I would not fail. My success has come from good food choices and most of all from EXERCISE! I started at 371lbs and worked out 4 days a week from the moment I got clearance from my doctor. I still have a ways to go but after a year and a half I am no longer always the fattest girl in the room, I can get down and up off the floor without a struggle and I can walk into the gym and not feel embarrassed!! (I am even a regular at the 5:45am spin class!! If you told my fat self that fact -she would have called you delusional!)

As for your friend, if she truly is only playing devil's advocate then just be frank with her. Tell her that you have researched this thoroughly and you are going to do this and you really need her support to be successful. If that doesn't do it then I would move on. If she is truly a great friend she will support you when you tell her your mind is made up!

Best wishes to you! It truly is an amazing journey that you are about to begin!

[♕ajtexas♕ 3,771]

I don't want to drop the friend. She has been an amazing and supportive friend to me. I think she was trying to play devils advocate (ie do you really need surgery? It's so extreme. Can you handle that? Etc)

Lack of knowledge often equals no support. Do your research and if the band is what you want educate your friend take him/her to a seminar, to your doctor appointments, show her this site, do whatever you can to teach him/her what it is all about.

I recommend you get Bandwagon by Jean McMillan it is very informative about the whole process. I refer to my copy all the time, it is very well worn. There is a link at the bottom of this page for it. After you read it ask your friend to read it too.

Good luck with your journey.

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

I don't want to drop the friend. She has been an amazing and supportive friend to me. I think she was trying to play devils advocate (ie do you really need surgery? It's so extreme. Can you handle that? Etc)

Let me ask you something since thenotherngave some really good advice. Is she fat? Because if she is she may deep down not want you to lose weight because she thinks you will stop being her friend if you are skinny. Believe it or not there are people who are jealous of my weight lose....no they don't come right out and say it but their comments and actions say it all.

If she isn't fat... Then as supportive as she has been in the past you might tell her you have made your decision and educate her. Have her read this forum or this thread.

Good luck

[needs2lose31 0]

Thanks. No she is not heavy but she has struggled with her weight. She's done stuff like all juice cleanse etc to lose weight and serious exercise, but she doesn't have the amount of weight to lose that I do. I don't want to downplay how hard it is for her or anyone to lose 10-20 pounds at all. I'm just saying that I have 80 pounds to lose and though I've lost 20 gained back 30 etc I can never seem to really drop 40+ pounds

I found out that I have to do the six month nutrition program for my insurance to pay for the surgery, so I think that's a good time to see with a strict diet and exercise program what the max loss my body will do without a bit of a nudge. Appreciate all of the advice everyone.

[Rrobichaud2 9]

There is always someone that isn't going to agree. My brother is a nurse in intensive care so he is very against the surgery, but that is just because he sees the negative and scary side of weightless surgeries every day. (He works at a bariatric hospital). And also he has never had a weight problem so he just says well just eat less and exercise he doesn't understand that it is more then that. So you just had to make the decision for yourself and not worry about what others think

[babykins529 189]

I am in a very simular situation right now. Let me share with you what I literally just sent to my best friend:

" Please just be happy for me. I know you have your reservations about the surgery and that your afraid it won't work and you worry about me period, but please, please be supportive of me and this long journey I'm embarking on. It's not going to be easy and I need my best friend by my side.

This is a tool and I have to learn to use it. It's life changing and will be hard. I will be forced to learn how to eat healthy and exercise. I have plans and goals. Im learning all I can about this surgery. All the good, all the bad. I joined a forum that I read all the time from real people who are going through the same journey. I know the risks, I know what I'm getting into. It's nice to hear my husband being hopeful and supportive for once in the last 9 years. I don't want to be super thin, I just want to not be 273 pounds with a BMI of 49...I want to be healthy."

I hope this helps. You are NOT alone ♥