male only Unsupportive Wife

[MiniMi 1,468]

I'm going to be a rough but I've got to say it.

So' date=' you are obese and your wife doesn't support your effort to get a tool to help you to take control of your life??? Wonder what her thoughts will be when she calls 911 when that heart attack comes. Or, how will she treat you when you go blind from diabetes??? How 'bout when the doctor tells you they will have to amputate your foot because of diabetes???

Terrible thoughts I know but they are real for the obese. I was going stinking blind as a result of diabetes and obesity.

Put on you big boy britches, call the whole family in and tell them DAMMIT I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

We only have one life, make the most of it. You are like the rest of us here, we sat and watched. Well, I did a 12.2 mile 20 obstacle course 1 year from surgery. I'm not sitting on the sidelines anymore.[/quote']

TexasJeff,

You Rock!

[maxeen29b 0]

While you can go through the procedure on your own, like Ric, I agree with most everyone on here. Your wife needs to know what you're about to go through. It sounds like you're already doing the ground work on that, so keep it up! You will need her support, and as someone else has already pointed out, you will need someone to drive you to and from surgery. Plus, even if she doesn't understand at first and "judges" you for your decision, AT LEAST try to bring her to one of your meetings with your doc. Who knows, she might "get" it after hearing it from a doc? This journey is for the sake of your health, I'm sure she'll end up giving you her full support. Usually, when people are "against" things, it's due to ignorance -- they don't fully understand what it is, so their default response is to reject it. This applies to many things. That's how I see it anyway.

As for the "keeping it a secret" part. Just tell your wife straight up that you don't like it when she tells her family about your business. Explain to her why you need her, even just this once, to keep this between the two of you. Stress can take a toll on your emotional health, and you certainly don't need that while going through this journey.

I wish you luck on your future surgery.. And I hope you find a way to get your wife on board.

[TheNewMe80 1]

Honestly I hope u decide to go forward with it. I am just 3 weeks out and I'm already 35 lbs down and look forward to much more. I will not lie to u the first 6 weeks r going to be hell but just continue to talk to people that know what u r going through and that makes this transition much easier. I am loving the new me and the energy level that have! I am able to do things that I haven't done in years. Getting use to the change is all a mind set. I had the sleeve and wouldn't go any other way. My date was 9/25 and I must say money well spent. Continue to pursue what u r doing and most of all seek God and let I'm lead u. I hope this helps

LandOfDays

[434teresa 20]

I know how you feel. My hubby is close to the same way. He dont want me to have any weight loss surgery either. He dont have a weigh problem and dont understand what its like.

I know that he will support me when I have it done tho for that is just the tpye of person he is.

[Montage 87]

I for one have a similar problem with weightloss, I have been overweight 40+BMI pretty much my whole life. Looking at me you'd never say I weighed 160KG (sorry I'm South African). My wife knows my plans to get the surgery and luckily for me she is 100% supportive.

She knows how hard I've tried and have tried almost every diet under the sun.

I am doing this for my future, and for my future children. I don't want to be my father who like me was severely overweight most of his adult life and still is. He was never able to play sports with me or do much physical activity.

So I want to give my kids what I never had. Call that daddy issues, but it really has opened my eyes.

I wish you all the best and I am sure your wife will be very supportive once you start losing.

Good Luck, and do what makes you happy!

[DesertRose80 137]

My wife and I have talked more' date=' she only wants the best for me. We know someone who died with complications from wls (not lapband). She is scared, I don't blame her. I think everything is going to be ok, I need to make sure I do a better job of explaining the what & why 's of lapband[/quote']

My own mother passed away 2 days post op from GB surgery! I totally understand her fears and concerns. My husband also was worried at first, but the more we studied, prayed, and asked questions, the more supportive he became.

I too did not want anyone outside the two of us knowing. He had a procedure done last year that he asked me to keep confidential.

I've done that for him and he is doing the same for me.

I'm 3 1/2 weeks post op. We are so happy we chose this for me.

Stress to her that this is something you really want to keep between the two of you. It's so important to have trust and understanding in a marriage.

Good Luck. Keep us updated and know that we are here to support you.

[bigtruk_us 56]

You and only can make the decision on what happens to your body.im sorry your wifey isn't very supportive of your decision.Maybe she likes you the way you are now.I know that a body transformation can change your relationship landscape.Hope she doesn't get jealous when you look even better after your surgery.You might have to fight off the women.

[steve paul smith 9]

Hi, my partner was not at all supportive - she viewed it as an easy option to lose weight - after each hospital visit I explained how it was a tool and only would work with other lifestyle changes-this made her think I was slimming to find someone new! Our love life was on the dull side due to my size and lack of fitness - now I am 12kg lighter and go to the gym every other day she has come around to supporting me - I even took her to bed one afternoon and I gotta say my fitness certainly impressed her - and I felt great as that's the first time in months I felt good about myself enough to want to be intimate.

Hope this is not to much info guys and girls.

It's been one hell of a year - in jan I was diagnosed with diabetes and had bmi of 38 so that shocked me into this journey - joined gym in may, banded 9/18 and now lost over12kg increased my fitness level and am living a life I thought had passed me by - but being 47 I want to live longer and have a full quality of life and keep the diabetes under control ( my sugar levels are now normal !!!)

I am on fitness pal stevepsmith2011 if anyone fancies adding me that would be great.

Cheers

[CaGottaBand 498]

My husband wasn't very supportive at first either. But after attending a few appointments and really discussing it he has done a complete 180. Just sit down and have an honest conversation with her. It's hard, but it helps. And of course, you always have the support of all of us on LBT.

[ImAZgirl 10]

I have chosen to do this surgery by myself as well. I didn't need anyone's encouragement or advice. I don't feel I'd get the reaction that would make me happy so I just don't tell!! My secret, I'm taking it to my grave !! And I feel wonderful 10 days postop!

[B.J.L 24]

I agree with many on here. You need to have a real heart to heart with her. Those that have never had an issue with their weight, have a hard time understanding its not as easy as exercise and eat less. If that were the case no one would be fat. You need to tell her your doing this for you, this is a tool that will help you succeed. Talk to her if yo

u dont talk you will never truely know what her issue is with the procedure. Maybe its fear, insecurities u wont know. You do need a good support system at home, i hope u can work through this so that supportive person is her. Good luck

[rayanne 283]

I would inform her that your doing it so its not secret..and then do it...its for you not her and so what if her family knows...I have had my husbands family make so nasty comments...screw them do it for you!

[It'sTime 82]

Sounds like you got two options. Broadcast to everyone you're having the procedure before your wife tells everyone (she will find out) or dump her so you can keep it a secret.

I'd keep the wife and just tell everyone what your doing. Anyway, who cares? It's not like they don't know you have a weight problem. If you start losing weight rapidly and they notice what are you going to tell them? You're on a Water and rice cake diet?

[Frederic 500]

My wife knows about my surgery but I can't say she's very supportive. Even now on the pre-diet she's obsessing about how I'm making her "feel like a pig" which is ridiculous I'm a diabetic whose been heavy literally since birth and she runs marathons and logs almost 100% above average for women her age on her Nike fuel band everyday. The two of us obviously have different metabolisms.

It boils down to "I've decided this is something I have to do.". Hopefully your wife will eventually realize as scared as she may be this isn't about her.

[JustWes 50]

First of all' date=' I love my wife. She does not yet know that i have decided to have the lapband procedure. I have brought the subject up but she quickly dismisses it. She doesn't understand (she has never had a problem with her weight) and she is not interested in listening to me. Part of this is my fault because of all the diets i have been on and failed. When i talk about the lapband she says stuff like "just excersize more and eat less." While that is something i need to do, it is not that simple.

My wife also can' t keep a secret. I can't tell her anything i would like kept confidential because she tells her aunt, mother and sister everything. They are not people i want to know about what i am doing. They are not always positive influences.

I am moving forward without my wife's support. I feel bad that i have to do this alone but i know i can do it and when the time is right, i will tell her, i just need to be prepared to deal with all the side show crap that will come from her side of our family.

Thanks for listening. Any help is appreciated![/quote']

Sorry, I was in the same boat with my wife. She came around eventually but told everyone; (family, co-workers and random people we met) I was having the surgery ...I was scared it wouldn't work and adding the pressure of everyone knowing was awful. She didn't listen and did what she wanted. She constantly told me she wasn't attracted to me anymore.

I had the surgery, lost the first 50lbs in 2 months and then struggled and hit a plateau for a few weeks. The plateau made me really look at myself and my life and how I was living it. She thought I was failing and left me....Divorce was final 6 months and 3 days later. That was 4+years ago.

I went on to lose another 135lbs... I changed my whole outlook on life and most of all I changed the way I thought about me. That was the turning point. It's been an absolutely amazing adventure, I'm a completely different person. That was the key doing it for someone whether that was my kids, my wife didn't work... I had to do it for me. I had to value myself, that was a tough corner to turn, but doing so helped me.. Confidence was a new emotion and I love it.. as soon as that changed I had to fight women off with a stick. I've been dating an attorney for the past two years and she beautiful, kind, smart, works out with me....