I Dont Know Anymore

[nursesweetc 25]

I'm so close to calling to cancel my surgery. I'm so scared today. I think it is because I haven't told my BF and he is gonna be so mad. I know he won't understand though. I believe once he sees that it still takes hard work, he will be okay with it. Not having his support before hand is stressing me out even more. I really don't know what to do.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

I'm so close to calling to cancel my surgery. I'm so scared today. I think it is because I haven't told my BF and he is gonna be so mad. I know he won't understand though. I believe once he sees that it still takes hard work, he will be okay with it. Not having his support before hand is stressing me out even more. I really don't know what to do.

i read your post and dont understand why you want to cancel the surgery. why would he be mad? you are doing something to make your health better.

how about telling him first and then see if he will or wont understand. dont stress over the unknown. it will not do you or him any good.

you got to do this for you and no one else.

[PattyGirl66 1,243]

Its really normal to have 'uncertain' feelings. Listen, this is a 'boyfriend' and I hate to say this but its your body and your health. If he doesn't understand why you choose to get healthy, then maybe its time to start thinking about your relationship. Also, if he is that significant to you why haven't you told him from the start? I think the best thing to do here is to discuss your health with him and the reason this surgery must be done, you may be surprised, and if he loves you, no matter what he will be there for you.

Take care,

[jen_1381 446]

A few things here....

This surgery is only something that can be done for YOU. Do it if YOU are ready to commit to the lifestyle. If YOU are ready to make the changes necessary. If YOU want to lose weight and start living a healthier life. I'm not going to lie, it's not a walk in the park but it's also not the hardest thing I've ever done. And, I've been successful so far.

Also, it's nice to have other people support, but if you feel like you'll need him there to say "do this" or "don't do that', it won't work. The strength has to come from within you. My husband wasn't thrilled at all in the beginning, but he warmed up to it and now, almost 5 months post-op, he's my biggest cheerleader. It is nice having his support, but it's not necessary, because I'm the one who is going through this to better my life. If the table was turned, I know I would support him but expect him to find the strength to do it on his own.

Last thing - pre-op nerves are COMPLETELY normal!! If you weren't scared I would be concerned. This girl right here almost cancelled the day before. And I've NEVER been that scared before a surgery!

Take a minute to think about why you're going to be banded. Give yourself a pep talk because the positives totally outweighed the negatives for me. Maybe they do for you too.

[Sojourner 2,446]

I'm so close to calling to cancel my surgery. I'm so scared today. I think it is because I haven't told my BF and he is gonna be so mad. I know he won't understand though. I believe once he sees that it still takes hard work, he will be okay with it. Not having his support before hand is stressing me out even more. I really don't know what to do.

I believe it would help you to get back in touch with the reasons you opted for this surgery in the first place...

My husband has come out and said point blank that he really hates the diet I need to follow now...but he is still 100% supportive of my efforts to improve my health.

My point is that there times in life that you can accommodate others, and times when you have to make yourself the top priority. If he authentically cares for you as a person, he will be supportive...and if he is not supportive, is he really worth having in your life?

Remember the "cheesy" saying from the 1980's...and I'm paraphrasing..."If you love someone, let them go. If it was meant to be they will come back. If they don't come back, it (the relationship) never was."

I'm not saying you need to break this relationship, only that men like to assert power and control. It's part of the gender mindset (not bashing men, just telling it as a part of their psychological conditioning).

Best wishes as you consider your options.

[nursesweetc 25]

You guys are all completely right. I know the decision is about me. And maybe I'm just using him as a scapegoat cause I'm scared outta my mind. I woke up with all doubt in my mind. I feel much better now that I have gotten up and moved around a bit. I'm only thinking he won't be supportive cause I mentioned it earlier this year and he had a fit. He is afraid something bad will happen to me. He is just uneducated about it as I was in the beginning. I'm going to give it time. I know as soon as he sees how happy it has made me, he will be okay with it. Thank you guys sooo much....

[Rojasanoll 920]

This is for YOU and nobody else. Your health is most important and with good health you can be helpful to others. Your boyfriend appears very childlish and immature. You are number one, make a difference in your life. The surgery will help assist you in good quality living with or without your boyfriend.

You only have one life to live, you can have many boyfriends!

Best wishes and Keep the Faith

[nursesweetc 25]

Alright alright alright. No need to bash my bf cause he is my only support system. Him bring afraid that something bad will happen does not constitute childish or selfishness. I love me but I also value his opinion. It is simple as that. I have no family and a few close friends. Maybe I didn't explain myself well enough. I just was saying I am afraid to tell him because I know how I felt about WLS when I first heard about it. My point is I'm already having uncertainties right now. Now is not the time to try to convince someone when you aren't 100%. Somebody on this planet has to understand where I'm coming from. I can't be in this alone....

[pink dahlia 2,513]

i like that you value your BFs opinion, hes important in your life too. that being said , YOUR life is the MOST important, and if you are'nt healthy and strong mentally and physically, you start putting your feelings behind everyones elses feelings. You have to be #1 sometimes ! So, educate your BF on the lapband and see if he supports you or not. All i can say is , i was banded 10 months ago, im down 57 lbs and feel fantastic ! BEST DECISION EVER !!! good luck !

[nursesweetc 25]

i like that you value your BFs opinion' date=' hes important in your life too. that being said , YOUR life is the MOST important, and if you are'nt healthy and strong mentally and physically, you start putting your feelings behind everyones elses feelings. You have to be #1 sometimes ! So, educate your BF on the lapband and see if he supports you or not. All i can say is , i was banded 10 months ago, im down 57 lbs and feel fantastic ! BEST DECISION EVER !!! good luck ![/quote']

Thanks for at least understanding where I'm coming from instead of shooting down my only support system. You are right, I will educate and go from there. If he is totally against it and bring negative to me, I know where to come back to so the others can eat him alive. Until then, thanks again to you!!!!

[nursesweetc 25]

Oh guess what!!!!!! I just checked my calendar and I'm premenstrual!!!! That's where all of the doubt, insecurity and sadness is coming from!!!! LOL. Isn't that crazy?!?!?! I know u will be back to normal by surgery day the 7th. Darn Mother Nature.....

[Doweegirl 11]

It's normal for you BF to be nervous for you it is surgery. But like you said after you explain all the details and the benefits you will receive from having it I am sure he will understand. I think your right your insecurites are what is holding you back. We all had them at some point. You know in your heart what is best for you and I am sure in the end everything will be ok. But thats what this page is for!! We have all been where you are and now its our turn to help you through it. Good luck

[sindyg12 1]

My bf and i had the same exact issue he even said he would dump me if i did it. I took the time to explain to him how it was done i even showed him a video, and i happy this would make me and he is behind me 100% he was also uneducated about the procidure but once i told i need his support he gave it to me.

[Renee2817 76]

I know how you feel, my husband felt the same way and I didn't want to discuss it with him at first. But I got through it and was able to talk to him, he had his doubts and fears, he said that as long as I was okay and going to be safe, that he was fine with the surgery, His main concern was my safety. So talk to your boyfriend I am sure that he will be okay, he just wants to be sure that you are going to be safe. Good luck with the surgery and know that I am praying for you.

[Back2Petite 23]

My husband was totally against it at first. He thought that I just needed to be patient and wait for all this weight to come off. We both knew it would be quite some time..but...patience was his expectation. But he offered me a challenge to do everything I could to lose weight over a 6 month period; in turn, he agreed that he would support me 100%. I kept my word by sticking to my low carb dieting and exercising (walking) regularly. Yes, I have lost weight, although I have so much more to lose. However, I also started having problems with my knee in the interim and found out that my knee cap is off track! I started physical therapy trying to prevent surgery and my doctor does not want me to walk much or to overdo my exercise at this point. We both became so concerned about my knee-the fact that I may not even be able to walk if I don't hurry and get some weight off my knees. My husband is my biggest supporter. He now helps me keep things in perspective about WHY I need to do this surgery when I express uncertainty. He reminds me- "You want to be able to still walk in a year, right- you don't want to end up in a Hov-A-Round (sp) in your 40's, right. Lets just make it happen because it's necessary." So remember, to focus on the reason you considered this and then do what is best for you.