Keeping The Silence

[taysidebell 176]

I like you planned to wait until after surgery but told close friends and family one week before surgery. Then I wanted to get my head round being banded before sharing. no one has asked me out right bur if they did I would tell them. But every one is different. Surgery not that common where I am and it's not discussed very often. I am just taking Care of me. I need to see the weight stay off as I have lost weight before but can't keep it off.

[Tammy12 9]

It does seem, though, that people will know that you had some aid - there is a very certain look to most (not all) who go the weight loss surgery route, be it band, sleeve, or bypass.

I'm mostly curious - do a lot of you intend to deny it, if asked directly?

I have thought this as well... That there is a look... I can tell sometimes.

That's why I can't not tell people if I'm asked directly.. I would feel like I'm lying... BUT if I was able to keep it to only two people that knew i had the surgery then I would tell people I'm eating right and exercising bc it's no ones business!! I wish I could keep it a secret but the one person I need to tell has a big mouth...

[Puppypaws57 137]

What kind of a look?

[tattoomommy 37]

I just feel i don't want or need to explain myself to every person who asks.... It's personal, i don't go around asking ppl about their pap or colonoscopy.... I worked with someone who had bypass, i didn't know she had it so when i seen her again, i didn't ask "how" i told her how great she looked.... Other ppl told me later that day. I'm sure she appreciated it.... Js....

[SageTracey 608]

Yes, I am curious about "the look" as well. Given that the surgeon doesn't take my face and that we all lose weight at different rates from different parts of our bodies, I cannot imagine what sort of a look a person who has had WLS might have that marks them out from someone who has had their gall bladder removed or a hernia repaired.

There is no right or wrong about telling people that we have had WLS. In the beginning, I only told my husband (well, we made the decision together), our children and my mother. Afterwards, a couple of people guessed because of my post-op but eventually I have told most people.

The only things that irk me about telling or not telling are those people who declare that they will be honest and tell everyone. This implies that those who do not tell others are in some way being dishonest and, for me, that ranks right up there with the judgemental people who say that WLS is the easy way out. Neither is true and neither is helpful.

[takuwinds 81]

It seems people who don't know what it's like to struggle carrying 100 pounds or more would think wls is a sign of weaknees or an easy way out. My dad had gb months after my first baby was born and he never told me. I found out when I went to pick up my baby from his house and he asked me to help him change his bandage. I asked him what happen and even then he did not tell me so I stop asking. Instead I went to my mom and got the information out of her. 8 years later my dad passed from lung infection but the wls gave him a new life and more time with us.

I have told my family and 3 friends I could trust. Slowly I'm coming out of the obese closet. It's ok the world does not have to know about your medical issues.

[sbb1222 112]

I would not deny it if asked directly. It's just, so far in the process, I haven't had the need to tell anyone but my husband. I just don't want discouragment from anyone. The main reason is because of a close friend who had wls and has cheated in every way possible, and blames the surgery for not losing weight. I don't want to hear their advice. It is my journey, so for now, I am keeping it at that.

[DesertRose80 137]

I truly don't intend to come to this discussion being negative' date=' so please don't take it as such.

It does seem, though, that people will know that you had some aid - there is a very certain look to most (not all) who go the weight loss surgery route, be it band, sleeve, or bypass.

I can't imagine not telling people, I intend to be completely open about it and very upfront, that I tried weight loss without, and it came down to this - that I'm not satisfied with my quality of life. I don't see any issue with admitting that I needed help with my problem.

From my point of view people will either say it behind my back, "I bet she got surgery and just won't admit it," or I can confront it all immediately. Though I do not intend to tell many people before I get it, only after, for the same reasons listed here - I don't want to hear their opinions on it before it gets done when I've already made up my mind.

I'm mostly curious - do a lot of you intend to deny it, if asked directly?[/quote']

Glad you asked the question. I'm having my hemroids fixed too. I'm still trying to decide if I will tell people after. I don't like lying....I just haven't told everyone the real truth. I'll let you know if I end up telling people.

[TheDuchess 106]

I think I should clarify that I think there's a big difference between keeping something personal, and lying when asked about it - which was the question I posed here. I don't think keeping it to yourself is lying, or being dishonest in any way. It's YOUR business.

The "look" I was talking about was the somewhat melted look some people tend to get from rapid weight loss, and that wasn't meant as any kind of insult, only that it can be a giveaway, and I was curious how people would handle being asked directly if they had the surgery.

Additionally, when I said that I choose to talk about it and be open about getting it, it was in no way saying that I'm better than people who don't, or that I look down on people who choose not to be as open about it. I can choose a different way of handeling a situation without being judgemental.

Mostly, in my choice I have wanted to DEFEND the idea that this is the "Easy way out". But I will also say that for some people, depending on their mentality, WLS is the easy way out, and the real victory comes when the individual has chosen to change their life style and to get help and to keep pushing forward. And I fully intend to say that to anyone who says I took the easy way out.

I know it's touchy, so I'm going to add this - I'm in no way calling anyone a coward, or a liar, or say that you are being dishonest if you choose to keep your WLS to yourself. You're allowed to have privacy and to ask others to respect that. You are brave to admit you need help in your journey and in your struggle. Even if it's just to your surgeon.

[DesertRose80 137]

I think I should clarify that I think there's a big difference between keeping something personal' date=' and lying when asked about it - which was the question I posed here. I don't think keeping it to yourself is lying, or being dishonest in any way. It's YOUR business.

The "look" I was talking about was the somewhat melted look some people tend to get from rapid weight loss, and that wasn't meant as any kind of insult, only that it can be a giveaway, and I was curious how people would handle being asked directly if they had the surgery.

Additionally, when I said that I choose to talk about it and be open about getting it, it was in no way saying that I'm better than people who don't, or that I look down on people who choose not to be as open about it. I can choose a different way of handeling a situation without being judgemental.

Mostly, in my choice I have wanted to DEFEND the idea that this is the "Easy way out". But I will also say that for some people, depending on their mentality, WLS is the easy way out, and the real victory comes when the individual has chosen to change their life style and to get help and to keep pushing forward. And I fully intend to say that to anyone who says I took the easy way out.

I know it's touchy, so I'm going to add this - I'm in no way calling anyone a coward, or a liar, or say that you are being dishonest if you choose to keep your WLS to yourself. You're allowed to have privacy and to ask others to respect that. You are brave to admit you need help in your journey and in your struggle. Even if it's just to your surgeon.[/quote']

Thank you for expanding on your post. I wasn't offended in any way. I totally see where you're coming from.

I only have 85 lbs to drop. I don't know that it'll be as drastic as say my brother, who had to lose 120+.

I have chosen WLS because I've seen first hand how things can get really out of hand....with my Mother & Brother...I still have another brother and sister who are much bigger than I am!

Thank you for helping me see the other side of the coin. It has me thinking.

[yankee girl 13]

I'm sorry for ur loss. I only told a very small amount of close friends and family. I did not want people looking at me and always checking to c what I'm eatting or how I'm doing. I'm a month out and lost 25 lbs go far. I feel confident in my decision and now when people ask me I tell them I was banded

[yankee girl 13]

And also good luck

[DesertRose80 137]

I'm sorry for ur loss. I only told a very small amount of close friends and family. I did not want people looking at me and always checking to c what I'm eatting or how I'm doing. I'm a month out and lost 25 lbs go far. I feel confident in my decision and now when people ask me I tell them I was banded

Thank you! I love and miss her a lot. I'm proud of the Mother she was for me and my 7 other siblings.