female only Psychological Poundage Challenging Me.

[wallflower 188]

Was nice to read this thread. Thanks for sharing. Like most everyone here, food was my coping mechanism, and now pretty lost on what else to do when things get overwhelming. I wish I had kids or something to distract my thought. It's tough. Hope I figure out something soon, and that u do too.

[A New New Dawn 1,695]

I really like the idea of journaling what you are feeling, etc. and what you are eating in the moment. I think that could be very beneficial to getting to the root of what is behind it.

I sometimes have to take eating hour by hour, minute by minute as the "big picture" (of changing eating habits and how much weight I need to lose) can be overwhelming, daunting and seem unachievable. So, as you mentioned, sometimes the easier alternative is the unhealthy, self-destructive behavior.

For me, I feel food was my coping mechanism for "not coping" with things in my everyday life that got me down. I feel I keep people at an arm's length sometimes as it is easier to have that "barrier" than to be let down or hurt yet again by someone close to me. It becomes a vicious cycle. food always felt good (in the moment) whereas some personal relationships did not. There was that brief "euphoria" while I induldged and then the guilt and disgust with myself and appearance follows.

I really have never had the strength to do this on my own and the lap band has really helped me. Beginning to lose weight is empowering and motivating. For me, it really comes back to hour by hour or day by day. Also, planning my meals (at least mentally) helps me tremendously as I already know what I am going to eat and don't leave it to chance. Lastly, when I have been in that moment of almost breaking down to food, I have distracted myself by going for a walk. Do you have anything you do for fun or entertainment? If not, I think it would be good to have some "lighter" and fun activities (park district class, exercise class, book club, etc.) something to help balance the heavier things you are doing with counseling, support groups, etc. This, too, has helped me get myself balanced.

Lastly, can you avoid having those trigger foods in your house? If I have those foods accessible, I too, will eat them. I keep them out of the house and when I have that weak moment it isn't there to tempt me.

I think it is awesome that you had the courage to reach out on this very personal topic. Not only does it benefit you but several others from reading it.

[meyouus 415]

This thread brought tears!!

First of all.... I tell people all the time that my family is a Jerry Springer Special. People snicker and it breaks the ice, but they have NO IDEA how true it is.

I wont go into details b/c "one upping" is a bad habit to start! :-)

I have gotten to a point where I can say: "I am not perfect, but I am not so bad either."

Your posts are teeming with intellect, compassion, enlightenment, charm... I could go on and on!

So all I can say is IN SPITE of the people who have tried to tear you down, you ARE going to blossom.

You are surrounding yourself with a support system here on this board. You are allowing yourself the benefits of therapy. You ARE setting yoyr self on the road to succeeding!

If you are honestly journaling all your junk for the dietitian .... that's tremendous!!! You are taking ownership of your missteps. You may not understand the why you do it, but I completely believe you will be successful.

It might sound cheesy... but I am very PROUD of you!!!

I'm sorry this thread brought you to tears, but since it did, I hope you were able to make good use of those tears. Sometimes a good dose of tears makes one feel better.

Thank you for being so honest as to admit your family is a "Jerry Springer Show", it takes a strong person to come out in public and admit that. I don't know your story but I feel you.

You said some beautiful things to me that made me do some thinking, I like to think (as long as it's productive!) and I can safely assume that your strength comes from experience. And no, none of us are perfect, but we're ALL very special, including yourself! I think I am learning to understand that while I am a product of my past, I don't have to live in my past. I guess I mean that I'm trying to live in today, not be the victim I was in my past. I'm struggling to jump out of the "victim" role in life, and I think I'm starting to understand that I have a more important role in my life, a normal human being. Wow, me, normal? Hm...

I am truthfully filling out my food journal. And I am going to get flack from my nutritionist, but I'm an honest person and am ready to turn that destructive eating around. I get why I do it now, it's the how not to do it that I'm working on in therapy. It's not fun!

Rhonda...my best friend's name was Rhonda, such a beautiful name! And you wrote that I will "Blossom", my late Mom called me Blossom. Your post struck many cords in me, bless you...

It's people like you that I like to "surround" myself in/on this forum and in life. Thanks for being there...

[meyouus 415]

The child of an alcoholic here. Didn't know that the damage was so far reaching for me until the past year. Got divorced, got into therapy, got my band. food is comfort for me. Filling an empty hole only I feel/see. Covering up anxieties at work or socially. Thin people will ask "but does it make you feel better?" yeah! It does sometimes. Soothing. Comforting. It's what I know? I was banded 9/10. Down 22#.

Here is a trick I use in the car. I love to eat in the car. In private. In shame. When I want to eat something I shouldn't (fast food is my drug of choice). I drink some Water. I put a piece of gum in my mouth, I get out a bottle of lotion and I close my eyes and put lotion on my hands and arms slowly . Calming. And I breath deeply and repeat a mantra. My go to is "I am what I am. And it's enough.". I'm struggling with self esteem this year. Some of the more powerful ones don't ring true for me. But I'll work myself up to them! usually the cravings pass and then I quickly make myself busy.

Bless you on your journey!

"....the child of an alcoholic, recently divorced, in therapy and banded...." Holy Motherload of burdens to bear! Reading into your first sentence made me say "Whoa!" I also get comfort and soothing from eating to fill the Hole(s). But like any addiction, it only soothes and comforts for so long, then the consequences sneak up and attack you, making it worse. Yet you still played by the rules and lost a wonderful 22lbs! You are living proof that taking control of your own life, works! You should be very proud of yourself! Keep up the good work!

I'll try your coping mechanism of drinking Water (I already do, but not in the car) or chewing gum. I've read that some bandsters have accidently swallowed their gum. Can't remember how that affects a bandster though. But a good Peppermint (strong flavor that I don't particularily like) gum would do it for me, I think. IDK, I'll give it a try, thanks! And keeping busy must help. I was thinking of learning how to knit or crochet. I get my head hungers at night, when I'm alone, so crocheting would be a great diversion. Like you said, keep busy!

I wish you all the success in the world to build a better self esteem and success with your new banded life!

[meyouus 415]

Was nice to read this thread. Thanks for sharing. Like most everyone here, food was my coping mechanism, and now pretty lost on what else to do when things get overwhelming. I wish I had kids or something to distract my thought. It's tough. Hope I figure out something soon, and that u do too.

Yeah, it is an interesting thread to say the least! When things get overwhelming for you and you want to eat to alleviate that, come on to this site and spill the Beans, it helps SO much! There are so many caring people here willing to offer a hand.

I don't have kids either, but I get plenty of distraction from my young dog and three cats! Do you have any pets? I don't know where I'd be without the undying, pure love of my dog. In that, I am blessed.

I hope you can find some peace in your life when things get overwhelming, and not turn to food for that "peace."

[meyouus 415]

I really like the idea of journaling what you are feeling, etc. and what you are eating in the moment. I think that could be very beneficial to getting to the root of what is behind it.

I sometimes have to take eating hour by hour, minute by minute as the "big picture" (of changing eating habits and how much weight I need to lose) can be overwhelming, daunting and seem unachievable. So, as you mentioned, sometimes the easier alternative is the unhealthy, self-destructive behavior.

For me, I feel food was my coping mechanism for "not coping" with things in my everyday life that got me down. I feel I keep people at an arm's length sometimes as it is easier to have that "barrier" than to be let down or hurt yet again by someone close to me. It becomes a vicious cycle. food always felt good (in the moment) whereas some personal relationships did not. There was that brief "euphoria" while I induldged and then the guilt and disgust with myself and appearance follows.

I really have never had the strength to do this on my own and the lap band has really helped me. Beginning to lose weight is empowering and motivating. For me, it really comes back to hour by hour or day by day. Also, planning my meals (at least mentally) helps me tremendously as I already know what I am going to eat and don't leave it to chance. Lastly, when I have been in that moment of almost breaking down to food, I have distracted myself by going for a walk. Do you have anything you do for fun or entertainment? If not, I think it would be good to have some "lighter" and fun activities (park district class, exercise class, book club, etc.) something to help balance the heavier things you are doing with counseling, support groups, etc. This, too, has helped me get myself balanced.

Lastly, can you avoid having those trigger foods in your house? If I have those foods accessible, I too, will eat them. I keep them out of the house and when I have that weak moment it isn't there to tempt me.

I think it is awesome that you had the courage to reach out on this very personal topic. Not only does it benefit you but several others from reading it.

I'm learning from being in Al-Anon, to take things One Day At A Time, except I find I have to take things one hour at a time, or one minute at a time. Emphasis on the "learning" part.

You said a lot in your admiting that you use food as a coping mechanism to cope with the "not coping" with issues in your life. We all have things we have to cope with, it's just that some of us choose maladaptive ways to do that coping and we find ourselves not coping at all and stuck in a bad place. In my case, addicted to food. I treat my "coping with food" by talking to my therapist. I have to learn of effectual ways to cope. Healthy ways. And it isn't easy!

I'll admit this: I gained weight so that I wouldn't be attractive to men because I was raped in the past. It was my coat of armor. And I used it to keep people from getting close to me and hurt me. But that coping mechanism was for an old affliction, it is no longer necessary or justifiable. I am a woman, I have the right to be attractive! I have the right to get close to people! I need new coping skills.

It sounds like you are doing very well! I like your idea of keeping busy. I have head hunger that I need to deal with in the evening. Mostly, I log on to LBT and read, read, read. But I'm thinking of getting lessons on crocheting. You bring up a very good point...to balance the heavier things in my life. You made me realize that right now, I am taking life way too seriously. Taking myself too seriously. When in all actuality, I'm a goof at heart! I think it's time to release my inner goof! Thank you, New Dawn, for pointing that out! Thank you...

[wallflower 188]

Yeah' date=' it is an interesting thread to say the least! When things get overwhelming for you and you want to eat to alleviate that, come on to this site and spill the Beans, it helps SO much! There are so many caring people here willing to offer a hand.

I don't have kids either, but I get plenty of distraction from my young dog and three cats! Do you have any pets? I don't know where I'd be without the undying, pure love of my dog. In that, I am blessed.

I hope you can find some peace in your life when things get overwhelming, and not turn to food for that "peace."[/quote']

Yep I am glad I found this forum because its full of people who understand. My mom has a dog that I take with me on my walks most times. She's a love. And thank u for ur kind words. I'll figure something out.

[MiniMi 1,468]

I have lived most of my adult life in third person, going through the motions. I also am a child of pain who realized quite early on ( from a ww meeting instructor) that boys don't like fat girls. I was given my coping tool right then. I just wrapped myself up in a fat suit where I can justify why everyone in my life has failed me, including myself. After all, a skinny girl would never take this abuse!

I recently got a picture of myself when I was 5 and put it on my refrigerator. I thought to myself " if I found that girl on the road, crying, battered, abused, how old I treat her?" Would I not take her home, bathe cloth comfort and sooth her? Would I abuse her? Blame her? Remind her daily of her past? Of course not! I would change her lot n life. I'd show her a new way. I'd be proud of her and I would love her.

So why in the hell haven't I?

That is my mindset for this journey.

[mas79 15]

Ask your therapist about EMDR it helped me dump a lot of baggage so to speak!!!!

[meyouus 415]

I have lived most of my adult life in third person, going through the motions. I also am a child of pain who realized quite early on ( from a ww meeting instructor) that boys don't like fat girls. I was given my coping tool right then. I just wrapped myself up in a fat suit where I can justify why everyone in my life has failed me, including myself. After all, a skinny girl would never take this abuse!

I recently got a picture of myself when I was 5 and put it on my refrigerator. I thought to myself " if I found that girl on the road, crying, battered, abused, how old I treat her?" Would I not take her home, bathe cloth comfort and sooth her? Would I abuse her? Blame her? Remind her daily of her past? Of course not! I would change her lot n life. I'd show her a new way. I'd be proud of her and I would love her.

So why in the hell haven't I?

That is my mindset for this journey.

Wow, I can't believe that WW's instructor made you believe that boys don't like fat girls, that was cruel, but was it intentionally cruel? What matters is how you internalized it. I don't know how old you were, but feeling that you need to cope, and "build a fat suit" is so unfortunate. I feel for you. When I was [abused] I grew to believe that fat people don't get [abused], but we do. I learned that they were acts of violence, not a reaction to how pretty I was and therefore deserved it. I hope you now know that you no longer need that suit of armor.

You grew to see that children/adults need nurturing and caring. I like what you did with the picture of you at five years old, and expressed how you would change "her" lot in life. It proves that you are a really good, loving human being, where you could have grown up being bitter and angry. I'm going to go look for a young photo of myself and love that child.

Thanks for sharing and I'm with you when it comes to taking that love and feeling it for yourself on this journey. Your journey will be that much less difficult.

Cheers to you!

[meyouus 415]

Ask your therapist about EMDR it helped me dump a lot of baggage so to speak!!!!

It's funny that you said that, because we were starting the process when I got interupted by a few issues and we had to focus on them instead. But my therapist keeps using EMDR in the back of her mind for when I am ready.

I'm happy to hear that you were successful in dumping all that "baggage!"

[MiniMi 1,468]

Wow' date=' I can't believe that WW's instructor made you believe that boys don't like fat girls, that was cruel, but was it intentionally cruel? What matters is how you internalized it. I don't know how old you were, but feeling that you need to cope, and "build a fat suit" is so unfortunate. I feel for you. When I was [abused'] I grew to believe that fat people don't get [abused], but we do. I learned that they were acts of violence, not a reaction to how pretty I was and therefore deserved it. I hope you now know that you no longer need that suit of armor.

You grew to see that children/adults need nurturing and caring. I like what you did with the picture of you at five years old, and expressed how you would change "her" lot in life. It proves that you are a really good, loving human being, where you could have grown up being bitter and angry. I'm going to go look for a young photo of myself and love that child.

Thanks for sharing and I'm with you when it comes to taking that love and feeling it for yourself on this journey. Your journey will be that much less difficult.

Cheers to you! <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

I was 9 and skinny. I was attending WW with my mom after she had my brother. My mom was talking to her about not wanting me to be fat ( again i was a toothpick so ???) and she took me aside to have a " pep talk". I think it was just the ignorance of the times.

I wasn't even able to gain weight ( though I tried) until much later in life.

There is something very sublime about looking into the eyes of a young you. You can see behind the eyes to what she really is thinking and going through.

I'm so glad I have this opportunity to change for her and do for her what no one ever did.

[missybear 86]

I'm glad to see your seeking treatment and feel this is a safe environment to seek support and guidance. Best wishes on your journey.

Just wondering if exercise is featuring in your plans? I fall back into the trap of seeking food after boredom or when I got stuck in a deep depression usually caused from a stress induced event at work or home.

Even pre lapband, I had to escape the indoors and just grab my shoes, pop the iPod in and walk. It was me time away from food and other people. Variety in heading to new places helped, sometimes I'd drive to a new suburb and start there.

I found new experiences mentally that I've achieved and am in control helped build my confidence, by adding more and more experiences where im in control, has helped overcome the mental issues ive felt burdened with despite many of them not being caused by my doing. Getting two for one in terms if exercise and escape has also helped lead to a healthier lifestyle, reinforcing that I need to take care of myself as a priority.

[kittylove32 90]

Hi' date=' this is a topic that was requested of me to write this post and ask for help by my therapist. She believes many of you will relate to, even if you don't post back....I'm reluctant because:

1. It's a heavy topic for me to post on the internet, to people I will never know.

2. It's exremely painful for me to even venture in this territory.

But it is something that is at the core of my where and who I am today, as a someone fighting to lose the psychological pounds I have put on over the years.

I was brought up in a highly dysfunctional family (to put it lightly), and there was sexual abuse, emotional deprivation and abuse, alcoholism, parental fighting and divorce, self-harm, para-suicidal actions and more things that I can't access right now. I was raped and beaten repeatedly by a boyfriend in high school, my best friend comitted suicide, I married a wonderful man who is also an alcoholic, and last year, my Mother passed away from breast cancer.

It was engrained into me as a child that I was fat (I wasn't even heavy or plump till a year after marrying my husband in 92) and utterly worthless. Most of me believes that to this day, but thanks to all of the therapy I'm in, medications and recently Al-Anon, I am learning that I might not be worthless. "might not".

My reason for writing this...I feel majorly worthless right now (I'm in a tough place in therapy AND my go to, bad food, has been taken away from me, by choice) and am having a bloody hell of a time fighting all the negetive "voices" in my head, and adhering to my diet. I was banded 5 years ago, gave up on it 4 years ago and got unfilled, then found myself back in the Doctor's office wanting to try again, three months ago. For two months I did very well, losing 20 pounds. Feeling that I understood my relationship with food, eating very well. I thought I had it in the bag. But this month, I am deliberately buying junk food to sabotage myself. I want to "hurt" myself by eating junk food. Obviously I am not in a good place.

My baggage got me to today, and frankly I am proud as hell to have made it to the age of 46. Albeit a confused 46. My therapist wanted me to ask of you how some of you overcame those negetive voices, hurtful relationships with food and became a successful Bandster. I'm not looking for "atta-boy"s or "you-poor-girl"s or "you-can-do-it"s...I'm down but not out. How do you fight the inner demons that make you reach out to bad foods for a coping mechanism? I mean, I know the tricks, but they're not working. I know that some day, I will know that answer, but it will take a long, long time. I want to be a successful Bandster like I was the last two months, now. You guys are doing so well, how do you do it? Can you even relate or am I just a freak?

Bless you for reading my post, and I'm sorry if I annoyed you and please do not pity me. I'm just looking for support...[/quote']

I Have to say great job over coming your fear and writing that. I also have depression and anxiety attacks. I am actually on disability for it. I was 127 most of my life. 8 yrs ago when this started I slowly started gaining weight. I got to 242. Now I am 226. Banded 2 weeks ago. When I was depressed I Just didn't care about anything except for eating, whatever I wanted. I knew I had to stop. My knees, feet, back started to hurt everyday. Since losing some weight I feel encouraged to lose more. I still fight with the feelings of being worthless and I will always be fat. My thing is I try to keep myself busy and keep out of my head. I wish you all the best!!

[meyouus 415]

kittylove...

Thanks, it was hard to write, but everybody was so sweet to offer a hand, and I learned a lot about myself and how to move forward.

I'm on disability too, 12 years.

Congratu;ations on your new addition! It takes a stron person to enter this journey, so don't sell yourself short. I think your knees, feet and back will feel better as you contnue to lose weight. Honey, though I struggle with it myself, NOBODY is worthless. Not even you!

One thing...yes, keep busy, keep your hands busy...but as far as keeping out of your head, that can be very bad. CAN be. IF you're in productive therapy right now, look into your head and deal with the things that keep you down. Exorcise those bad things, and try your hardest to move forward. But stay in therapy.

Good luck with everything, I'm sure I'll see you around!