Fear Of Failure

[wallflower 188]

Hi everyone. New here but am just feeling very lonely, scared, anxious. Wondered if anyone else has ridden this roller coaster ride of emotions?

I had Lapband surgery on 9-11-12 and the whole 6 month preop process I was so excited and determined and convinced that THIS is the solution I've been looking for! So for months my mind & heart have been in overdrive just dreaming all the new things I will finally be able to experience when I lose weight. The list is gigantic and full of dreams both large and small, since even though I'm 34 and have lived life a huge girl I have managed to be invisible for quite some time. Funny, that. Of course, this is my fault too I know because my shell is pretty unbreakable.

But anyway, now the surgery is done, and has seemed to go very well for me thus far this week, which I am so thankful for. But now I look at this list (yes I made a list of everything I wanna do like a nerd) and instead of feeling happy and excited like before, now I feel anxious and scared. Scared that I'm fooling myself that I could possibly have this life where I bungee jump, fall in love, get a license, have friends, learn to swim... just so many things I've missed. What if I fail at this? Where does this leave me? What if I'm a success at weight loss, but still too chicken **** to take a damn risk?!

Can anyone relate???

[sbassie 1]

I, too, fear failure on this, but I just keep telling myself that for the first time, I have a tool or buddy that is going to be there every step of the way to help me succeed this time. It won't fail me or let me down. I just need to help it do its job.

Before surgery, I kept going back and forth about whether I should do this or not. It seemed so extreme to me. Finally, I figured out that I am not a victim and it is up to me whether I succeed or not. I am the one who is in control of this and my destiny is up to me. Once I figured that out, I felt more at peace about having the surgery. My advice is to not feel like a victim where someone or something else is in control and you are just a puppet. That is definitely not the case. You make the final decisions, not someone or something else!

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

failure is just (your mind thinking too much)

you are not a failure..how do i know this you ask.

simple-----you already did the hard part (the pre op's, the waiting

for insurance, the surgery, the entire process) and now you are banded. all you need to do is eat the right things (make great choices, Protein first, veggies, fruit and drink alot and move/exercise when you are able).

you are not a failure. and if you keep saying that yourself often enough, you will start believing it. so stop. right this moment.

what is past is past and should stay there as it can never return.

what you have done or didnt do is not in play. you have today to focus on.

and since you are newly banded, you shouldnt be focused on losing weight for the first month as you are healing and the scale will go up and down. follow your doctors orders and heal yourself. not only physically but mentally.

look at how far you have come. does that sound like a failure?

not to me.

[JustDoIt130 369]

Okay, let's get this out of the way- what you're feeling is TOTALLY NORMAL!! It's like you have 6 months (I did too) to prepare, then it happens and it's kind of a let down. BUT then, you start to lose weight! You start feeling better about things! But let me be totally clear- this surgery does not change who you are. It changes how much you weigh! But would you rather just not try? Or would you rather do the rest of the journey? Bandster hell, fills, getting to the green zone, and losing weight- and (hallelujah!) keeping it off!

It's worth it. What you're feeling is fear of the unknown. This surgery- losing weight in general- isn't going to get you a date, or get you on a roller coaster or bungee jumping- you still have to do all that, you still have to make choices and decisions and it is WORK! This is no magic bullet that instantly makes you thin, right? But you know that, you've had 6 months to prepare- now it's time to execute and conquer!

I'm glad you have that list- you'll be able to check off so many things!! As they say, a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step- which you've taken- so keep on going! It's worth it, I promise, and read here on this forum- it's inspirational and informational!

Nicki

PS- SouthAfricanLady- you can and will do it- why not you? Stop thinking of yourself as a failure and think of yourself as a work in progress, with ups and downs, and now an incredible tool to help you lose the weight and keep it off!!

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I think most of go through that. I know I did. I was terrified of going through the surgery just to fail miserably as I did on every weight loss attempt before. It's truly an emotional roller coaster in the beginning.

But you can do this. If someone had told me right after surgery I could lose a lot of weight in less than a year, I'd have laughed at them. I wouldn't have thought it was possible. Yet, here I am, 8 months later and 143 pounds lighter.

If I can do this, anyone can. Just believe in yourself

[Kinley7390 80]

You are stronger than you think. Just having posted those very real, very honest feelings takes strength and courage. You will do this! You will start to feel more confident with every small success. It may be difficult to believe that in the beginning, because we are often still so conditioned to feel insecure and incapable of succeeding, but that will change. I made lists and goals too. I think that is a very healthy thing to do. My impression of you, just from reading your post, is that you are a smart, courageous and determined person who is just a little scared. Nothing wrong with or abnormal about that! Your dreams will come true. Everything you didn't think was possible, is possible. Remember, you are not alone when you have self doubt. We all have self doubt sometimes. We can all relate to how you are feeling, but there are many of us (check out the success stories) who can inspire you to believe! I can't wait to hear from you a year from now. I want to hear about all the things on your list you have either checked off, or plan to check off. Good luck!

[Maddysgram 6,159]

failure is just (your mind thinking too much)

you are not a failure..how do i know this you ask.

simple-----you already did the hard part (the pre op's' date=' the waiting

for insurance, the surgery, the entire process) and now you are banded. all you need to do is eat the right things (make great choices, Protein first, veggies, fruit and drink alot and move/exercise when you are able).

you are not a failure. and if you keep saying that yourself often enough, you will start believing it. so stop. right this moment.

what is past is past and should stay there as it can never return.

what you have done or didnt do is not in play. you have today to focus on.

and since you are newly banded, you shouldnt be focused on losing weight for the first month as you are healing and the scale will go up and down. follow your doctors orders and heal yourself. not only physically but mentally.

look at how far you have come. does that sound like a failure?

not to me.[/quote']

What CG said. She's very wise!

Reverse your mind set, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

[Wtloss 75]

You can do this! Continue to read this forum, so many great people here that will support you. My Fitness Pal is also a great free app to log your food and exercise. It keeps me on track. Here is a quote I found on this site that meant a lot to me during my struggles.

This isn't a sprint, it's a lifelong race, but we can do it. YOU can do it! Hang in there and it will come.

I wish out the best, you deserve it!

[Sojourner 2,446]

We are always going to be our worst critic...and the fear of failure is quite common, especially newly post op and with your body and mind having to cope with many adjustments.

Do a reality check...has no one else ever been successful? Why should you not be one of the successful ones?

It is accurate to understand that the band is very self empowering, and you are the one who will ultimately determine the degree of your success. Setting realistic goals for yourself to achieve and having dreams are part of the equation you need for success.

You can do this, and you will if you want to. Keep your eyes on the prize of a healthier you, and remember that this journey is a process and not an event.

Best wishes...

[TKW 501]

154 pounds ago... I was terrified of failing.

Once you start loosing weight you'll start feeling better about it. It's a scarey thing.

And that list you have... check em off one at a time, You'll get there, it will take time and hard work and struggles but it is doable and you can do it!

Best of Luck to you, this forum can be a great inspiration!

[electronicart 120]

You are not alone. So many of us have been where you are. Just look at what you have already done. The six months preparing for lap band surgery was not easy. Just the decision to have surgery is huge! I waited a couple of years because I believed I would fail. It just so happens that I grew up being verbally abused by my father. I was called stupid and a failure pretty much on a daily basis. And, I believed it. I'm 51 now and thanks to counceling and good friends and life experience I realize it was just the abuse that caused me to feel that way. But, those feelings (conditioning) rear their ugly head even now. (rarely, thank God)

So, I'm here to tell you that you can do this. You deserve to complete your list. Find your joy. LIVE your life. Fly.....

Oh yeah, I am SO happy and thankful these days. I feel great and so free. I do not want to bungie jump, but, I too, have my list.

[CarrieBrownsville 55]

I'm 63 years old with tons of medical problems. Yet, on this website I find courage and resolve to get healthy. I will be banded next week, and believe you me, I am scared to death, especially of failure! Life goes on whether we succeed or fail, but I've found it's a whole lot sweeter to succeed. Whether I'm 63 or 83, the desire to get healthy, to improve my quality of life, and to make a difference in someone else's life far exceeds my fears. So, hang in there - because I'm getting my courage from people like you, as well as from much prayer!

[Wtloss 75]

Good for you Carrie! I am soon to be 58 and I was banded 6/25/12. My brother died almost 3 years ago at age 62 from obesity related comorbid conditions. I vowed to get healthy now. I have lost 40 lbs now! I feel amazing. It is a hard road, nothing in life is easy!

[wallflower 188]

Wow thank u so much to everyone for replying. I didn't think anyone would. I'm glad to hear that others have felt this way at times and have overcome it. I will not give up. I promise I'll try my best. I do think it is the fear of the unknown that gets me.

I'm really glad I found this site. I've been looking around and it's very inspiring to see how successful others have been at changing their life. I really appreciate you all taking the time to calm me down. Thanks!

[Miranda4635 29]

I'm also very anxious. I was so excited before I got the surgery and now I am scared. I think I am scared of change. I have always lived my life as a overweight person and I think that was my comfort zone. All these changes seem unpredictable and scary