Introduction - Question About Lp - Wife Note Thrilled

[stevew 0]

Hello Everyone. I have spend a good amount of time reading various posts on the forum, so I am really pleased to have found this community. I am a 41 year old male, current weight is 272, and my height is 72.5 inches. I have been heavy all my life, and yo-yo dieted many times. I am very disciplined when I diet, and ultra strict. So I tend to lose weight and then when I go off my diet, all hell breaks lose, and I gain back weight rapidly. Its embarrassing as you may know to be the toast of the office when you lose a lot of weight, and then when you start gianing it back....

My father died at 62 from heart disease, and he was diabetic, and suffered from depression (probably associated with his weight and diabetes). I am so much like my father in every way, so I assume I am not long from becoming a diabetic like he was. I have two daughters age 10 and 12 and I want to be around for them past my 62nd birthday. I am so sick of dieting, I have yo-yo'd my whole adult life, with a high of 308 and a low of 199.

I decided to speak with my GP about surgery, and he encouraged it. I went to a seminar and was more convinced that it is the right option for me. My surgeon who is pretty anti-lap band, and pro bypass, says I am a good candidate for the band. But now I am wondering if the bypass is better for me, because I worry about the slippage of the band, the frustration of the fills and the appointments for them, and the possibility that my late night snacking (I am a relaxation eater, I dont really eat a lot during the day, but once the kids go to bed at 9, I hit the cupboard for Snacks until bed. Im not concerned with giving up breads, and pastas, as when I am not hungry it does not bother me to go with out, and I am hoping that will be the case with the band. Anyone have any thoughts that would convince me either way? I feel like the band is less invasive, but then I ask myself why I care about that.

My wife thinks I am being foolish getting the surgery. She thinks I can just do it on my own, and says "you're a big guy, so what". She went to the meetings and the appointment with the surgeon with me, and even he said she was rolling her eyes. She is worried I will be grumpy all the time, and depressed (Like I get on a diet). Going out to new restaurants, and making fun foods is a big part of our family life, so it worries her. But she is so negative about the surgery, that it is driving me crazy. Any advice on this would be appreciated as well.

Thanks all, I am looking forward to being a part of your community.

Steve

Connecticut

[Domika03 309]

Hi Steve,

Another angel, coming from a woman's perspective, might be that she's a little uncomfortable about your losing all this weight & getting more attention that she might. I might be wrong, but maybe she's feeling a little unsecure about it. I'm sure she's also genuinely concerned because it is, after all, surgery.

I recently had lap-band surgery, and will be getting my first fill next week. My husband has been extremely supportive, but he has made a comment or 2, that I will leave him once I lose all this weight. He jokes about it & says he's not serious, but you know there's always a little truth to that.

Just something to think about. Maybe it's just a matte of sitting her down, and letting her know that you're doing this to feel better, and hopefully live longer. That you love her, and want her to support your journey.

Good luck!

[PattyGirl66 1,243]

Hi Steve,

Welcome! Firstly, no weight loss surgery is foolish. If this was the case all of us would not have a weight problem. We are all in the same boat as you. We fought the good battle throughout our lives and now its time we take charge of our own bodies!

You said it best, you have two small children who need their father around, your wife needs you around. People are bias when it comes to going under the knife when it comes to weight loss because they see us as failures, when indeed we still have to work hard at succeeding the weight to keep it off. NoOOO weight loss no matter what surgery you choose is going to be a miracle fix or cure. My own brother had gastric bypass, lost tons of weight, looked very ill and in a matter of 2 years gained every single pound back and then some. Well, I guess he found out the hard way that no matter what, bad habbits can come back if you don't take control.

For so many of us, having the lapband is a personal reason and choice. If you keep reading through the threads, you will find tons and tons of success. You will read how hard many of us are putting into losing weight as well. You will work hard at it, and you will be proud of the work YOU done all by yourself to get there.

Lastly, sit down with the wifey and explain to her about the procedures,both of your research all options together, get her involved, sometimes that helps the other perwson to understand better. Most importantly we are talking about your health! and for that very reason she should be 100% supportive and there for you!

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do!

-Patty

[shelly513 138]

when i first told my significant other about getting surgery.. the first argument i got into with him he said that I was not woman enough to loose the weight one my own. I have come to the realization that "normal" people just dont get it. They dont understand the daily battles we go through. We need food to survive so its not like a crack head trying to find crack... its in our face everyday all day everywhere. I am doin this for me NOBODY else i dont i dont need ANYONES permission to take charg of my body. Think of it like that...

[lassie 247]

when reading your post my heart ached for you. I agree with the other posts so take the time to have a talk with your wife and let her know what you want to do, that you love her but you need this for her as well as you. Then go for it, this is your LIFE you are talking about, God Bless I will keep you and your wife in my prayers.

[MissE44 27]

You can only decided which proceedure is best for you and I am a newbie (2 weeks post op) so I can't really say. However my significant other did not like my decision either "you just need to try harder' he would say. Then again he never dealt with weight and works his ass off.

So I did it anyways and I am a self pay so took out the loan myself and the only thing I said to him is all I need from you is to pick me up when it was done.

Needless to say during recovery he was awsome and if he did not turn around I don't know how i could have done it for myself or how anyone does it on their own. I felt so guilty at first being in pain and asking for things becuase I did it to myself he just say at least your not boring becuase at that point and for the rest of my life that decsion was made.

I am gald I did it and I figure once I am thin he will totally love it becuase it not only changes you physically but mentally you are happier and more self confident who wouldn;t love that?

[stevew 0]

Hi again everyone. Thank you so much for all the nice responses. Regarding my wifes objections, all of you had some great advice. I think she knows I can do it on my own, as she has seen me lose the weight several times, only to gain it back again. I think her biggest concern is that I will be grumpy and feel like Im on a diet for the rest of my life.

I guess what I am expecting and tell me if I am wrong please, is that with the lap band you dont feel hungry all the time like you do when you are on a diet. As I understand it, because of the band, your stomach does not stretch as much and therefore sends the IM FULL signal to your brain, so you lose your appetite after eating less then you do with out the band.

Where I am a little confused is this, I love to eat. So when the family gets a pizza on a friday night, im no longer starving after slice 2 or 3, but because I love to eat so much I eat 6 slices and feel gross about 30 minutes later. I know pizza is not the best example because it is doughy and the band diet restricts that, but does the band help (help not eliminate) the desire to overeat?

Steve

[TexasSoccerMom 26]

I'm a relatively newbie, but I have now had 3 fills and it's been almost 3 months since surgery. I too love to eat, and I won't lie, there are times I really want something. But guess what, I find I eat a small portion, maybe even a bite, and I am done with that craving. My weakness is chocolate. I eat a hershey nugget maybe twice a week, and I don't feel deprived. There are things like pizza, Pasta and stuff that I don't find I even want anymore. I am at a really good place right now, in fact, my surgeon is afraid I may be losing too quickly. My husband was banded 3 1/2 years ago, and right now, we are loving going out to eat. We order one entree, and sometimes bring food home. It is a tool, and a life style change. It's not a miracle. I can say though so far, it has been a much easier adjustment on my part than I had anticipated. Again, I am a newbie, but I have seen my husband suceed.

[steph1967 13]

Well like others have said neither surgery is a cure all. It takes dedication and with either procedure you shouldn't be eating late or eating whatever you want. As far as your wife that's up to you to make her realize you are not going to change.my husband hates it but I don't care I know I am healthier and happier than I have ever been.

[JustDoIt130 369]

My DH was worried about that- that I"d be mean and cranky and hungry all the time. But I'm not. Like the above person said, a couple bites and I'm done, I can keep a Fiber 1 bar in my purse in case I get hungry and that really holds me. I have lost about 80 lbs- start at 184, now 204ish. I am so so glad I did this, I feel like I can lose the weight and KEEP IT OFF and it won't be a hassle and a grouchy stressful thing like it always was before.

Just my $.02.

Nicki

[lvlymaggie 2]

Hi Steve,

I am also new and have not gotten my surgery yet, but have it scheduled after Thanksgiving. I was also really worried about the possible complications involved with the band and I could tell my surgeon was not really a band fan, but I really feel like it's the best choice for me. People will have complications with any surgery and I'm a lot more comfortable with something that may have complications and is reversable over something that isn't.

Regardless of which surgery you choose it is still you doing all the work. It frustrates me when people say you are cheating, or this is the easy way out. As I've been reading people's experiences this is by no means the easy way out. This is just another thing that will help you feel better and get healthier.

Good luck on your decision making!

[DerbySunflower 28]

Hello Steve. I'm was banded in late June. To qualify for insurance, I had to go through a six month medically supervised nutrition theray as well as 8 weeks of lifestyle / band classes and a slew of medical tests. I was really frustrated early on to be required to do all of this but by the end, I was grateful for all that I'd learned and new habits that I'd adopted prior to surgery.

As part of the insurance qualification process, I had three visits with a psychiatrist and took the MMPI and another psychiatric test specific to gastric surgery. During the first appointment, the psychiatrist warned me that it's not unusual for spouses to be reluctant about the positive changes that we experience as our weight drops. Although I thought I had my husband's support, I have also heard comments that I must be going to leave him when I've lost all of my weight. My husband also notices that other men are paying attention to me now that I'm slimming down.

I can relate to your comment about people in your office thinking it's great when you're losing weight and then feeling ashamed when you gain it all back. I've roller-coastered so many times! As part of my six months of medical nutrition therapy, I got my BMI down to 29 before surgery. The surgeon and many medical professionals questioned me about still having the surgery but I chose to go ahead, seeing the band as a tool that I could fall back on if I fell off the wagon. I said that I was grateful for the six months of MNT because I was able to lose my weight before surgery. Now, I own my weight loss. I didn't have to have a band to do it, so I can proudly take credit for my accomplishment. I don't think I was really on board with losing the weight on my own until I started counting calories on My Fitness Pal and using a Fitbit to track my daily activity. Now I eat 1200 calories a day and walk 12-15,000 steps per day. These have been tremendous tools.

Which is better a band or a bypass? Actually, I asked my surgeon which one he would choose and he said the sleeve. The band is adjustable and reversible. The monthly visits to the surgeon post-op for adjustments would be expensive if you didn't have insurance. I don't know that I feel more full with a band than I would have with a bypass, but I can tell you having food stuck is a new kind of hell. There are many foods that I no longer eat: Even the most tender steak can be a problem. My tastes though are changing and the things that are causing me to get stuck really just don't appeal to me so much anymore. I eat a lot of Greek Yogurt, Protein shakes, Protein Bars, Veggie burgers. It takes planning to get 65 grams of Protein into a 1200 calorie diet, especially since I'm eating 200 calories a day in dark chocolate!

The thing that you have to realize is that these surgeries aren't magic bullets. The changes that you'll need to make in the long run can start now, before surgery. There's no substitute for hard work. Track your foods and get that body moving at least 1/2 hour above and beyond your current activity level.

On a nutritional level, you may need to separate yourself from the diet of your spouse. Personally, in my house, my husband, who loves fast food and junk food, has to fend for himself. We may eat at the same table, but we often eat different things. I had to sit him down and discuss this early in the process so it wouldn't come as a shock to him. Beyond that I really didn't discuss much of the post surgery lifestyle changes with him in advance because I didn't want to hear his concerns on a decision that I'd already made.

I wish you luck on your journey.

Michelle