I'm In A Bind (not a band)

[kabeerah 0]

Oh my am I having a dilemma. I really need some sincere advise here.

Today my surgeon/friend came to our house and I informed him that I would be banded next week. He asked who and where and I told him. He advised me to be more patient and wait until his friend/mentor/ the super surgeon who has banded over 5000 patients can do it. He said that i am like his sister and if anything were to happen to me then he would feel terrible. He would not give me a reason, just that in his opinion the surgeon does not have enough experience. He said trust him on it. So I pushed and asked why, did anything go wrong with his patients. He said the surgeon who is suppose to band me put some bands on people and the band failed and he has to then bypass them. This is what gets me. My friend/surgeon really is not an experienced band surgeon, he has only done 3 and can only do them with his proctor who is busy running around the kingdom training. I do not see the band as failing these people. What I believe is that these people were clueless on how to use the band as a tool. I know these people and I do not thank the vast majority of them can handle any WLS...not now. The surgeon who is to band me thought that I was better off with the bypass and now I know why. He is probably thinking that I will screw up like the other patients. I am different. I am informed. They do not have the resources I have (english support forums and online information...it's not in arabic and the doctors are not really explaining how to use the band they are just putting it on and telling them not to eat sweets).

My dh said that he is consiodering not giving me the money now and 'forbidding' me from having the surgury this week. He did make a nice compromise. He said to find out where super doc is and he will fly me to whereever he is to be banded. I thought about it and remembered that when I was calling about to see which of the private hospitals banded, i spoke to one surgeon and asked him if he knew super doc. he saiod that he had many of his patients because they are left with no after care. He said he does not like taking other peoples patients but he will not just leave them out there. He said this doc is simply banding patients...that's it. most of the hospitals he is going aroun do not have the proper set-up and he is just visting them banding there overweight patients but there is nobody there to follow up with after care. So if I did get banded by him then I would have to weight for my surgeon/friend's hospital to get all their equipment and there is no telling when this will happen and in the mean time i am just blowing up. Also my surgeon griend has no experience with aftercare and would be learning on me so to speak. He would never endanger me...but still. The surgeon who is suppose to band me next week has done 90 bands, no complications. i do not consider it his fault that those other patients went back for bypasses. heck if it had anything to do with him I'm sure they would have seeked out another doctor for the bypass. my dh thinks it was professional consideration or ethics that kept my friend/surgeon from perhaps telling me something that he knows about the surgeon. Dh is spooked now and is talking crazy about just locking the kitchen door until the other surgeon is available. He makes me sick with his lack of understanding.

I want to go ahead with my surgury date, but I feel my friend/surgeon will see me as impatient and foolish. I am honestly not even thinking what if something happens. I like this hospital much better than the other. The doc seems very informed about the band and how it works. I was pleased with him. My surgeon/friend is not as informed and therefore I ythink he may be basing his desicion on something that has nothing to do with the surgeon, unless of course he isnt telling me everything. He asked me to just trust him.

okay guys HELP! please do not spare me anything. tell me like it is. i have been known to be stubborn all my life, but I do take good advice into consideration. Doesn't mean I'll change my mind but at least it gives me something to think about. I mean honestly, what is the worst that could happen...ok rather what are the odds that the worst can happen and arent the risk just as great with anybody?

O Lord help me...

[juliek 0]

If your surgeon/friend can not give you a concrete reason for not wanting you to use the dr you have decided on, I would take what he said with a grain of salt. If you are comfortable with your surgeon, and he includes the aftercare, I think you are making the right decision to stay with him.

[StrawartS 2]

This is just my first impression opinion, and please also consider that I know nothing about your location or personal situation.

But...I would think twice about saying that the people who didn't have success with their bands must be doing something wrong. I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss these unsuccessful stories. It's great that you have support, but support only goes so far. You can convince yourself to the end of the earth and back that you will change your lifestyle with the band, but you will probably have moments of weakness, too.

I was one of those people who swore I would be "different," but I'm not. I PB (just did five minutes ago), I crave foods I shouldn't be eating, and I'm not losing as quickly as I would like. I have doubts every day (minute?) about whether I'll be a success. And about every other day I wish I could get my band out.

Anyway, I know I didn't address your questions, but your comments about the people who had revisions just stuck out to me. I also know that it's hard to convince someone of something until she has experienced it for herself, so just take my words with a grain of salt.

[legallyKristin 0]

Being from a family of healthcare professionals, I have learned ONE thing...Surgeons think that they are God. They have serious trust issues and get upset when their friends/family use a doctor that they didn't pick.

You are informed on the band and the aftercare you need, use your gut instinct to decide what is right. And tell DH that if he trusts your friend more than he trusts you and your decisions about what to do with your body then he's the one with the issues, not you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, this should be a time where you are relaxing and making last minute preparations for your surgery, not worrying about this.

Kristin

[Carlene 12]

First of all, what does he mean by "the band failed"? Does that mean it eroded, or slipped, or does it mean that the patients simply did not lose weight as they had expected? It's not a magic bullet and it does fail when people don't follow the rules, but so does the bypass.

I'm not all that familiar with your culture, but it sounds like your husband is relying on the advice of your friend/surgeon primarily because he is a man and a physician, and dismissing your logic and preferences out of hand. Is there another doctor you might get to bolster your argument?

Can you point out to your husband that you are an intelligent woman and ultimately, choices regarding your health should be made by you? At the end of the day, it's still your body and you are the one who has to live with the consequences of your decision.

[kabeerah 0]

thanks everybody. i honestly dont see anything wrong with the surgeon. please if anybody else has comments or thoughts...spill it.

strawarts, i would like to clarify something. i think u misunderstood me cuz i was rambling. i do not think it was any faut of the patients if they did not succeed. i also do not think it was the bands fault. nor do i believe that i will be more successful based on suppoort. what i mean is that here in saudi the doctors do not explain things to you. i have seen this and doctors are usually either annoyed with me or impressed, because they are shocked that i come to them informed. b4 i go to the docs i always to my reseach. i was misdiagosed 3x for a severe snus infection. this went on for 2 weeks of intense pain so bad my eye sockets and teeth hurt along with everything else obviuosly associated with my sinus. each time i told the docs what was wrong with me and they all said no. it was not until i forced my way in on a ent dr that i got proper treatment. the dr are banding patients and merely telling them not to eat sweets. i have recieved no instructions on anything abiout the band from them. i have learned everything from the internet. bit sizes, chewing, no Water with meals, Protein first, then veggies, all the bandster rules. this is why i believed they failed...they werent given proper instruction. my surgeon/friend even told me trhey do not band for 6 months! i told him it was crazy and that if i need an adjustment before 6 months i want it. he said ok but told me the same as the other 2 surgeons i spoke to from different hospitals...that just cuz u have the band doesnt mean that u dont have to watch what u eat. i know that but it seems to me that the surgeons are expecting the band to work with no restriction and the patients are probably thinking the samething to. the surgeon who is planning to band me gave me a better answer when i asked him when you can get an adjustment. he said when i come in for my check up we will determine that and stated that most patients are adjusted every 2-3 months. he (rather the hospital)also does not charge for the adjustment just the office visit.

[Carlene 12]

Without regular adjustments, the band is pretty much useless. After care is EVERYTHING with the Lap Band.

[kabeerah 0]

Carlene, i'm not exactly sure what he meant by the band failed. After he said that I told him that out of the 90 patients that the surgeon banded, he has had no cases of erosions or slips. When I told him that he just said trust me. It made me recall my original consultation with my surgeon. He took one look at me, saw how much I needed to lose and recommended the bypass over the band. Said from his experience his women patients gave up and did not do well. He said you must diet and exercise and lot of my women pastents are excited in the beginning but it doesnt last. Perhaps these are the patients he had to eventually switch over. If this is the case I understand, but i'm thinking my friend may not. The band is new to him and he is a great surgeon who has learned to put it on but admitted to me himself that he would not be doing my follow up (well only %20 he said), he said I would work mostly with the nutritionist. I am taking these surgeons for what they are...surgeons..if I could put the band on myself I would but I can't so I need them...the rest will really be up to me...I am prepared for that, God-Willing.

About the culture thing. Dh and I are American. Dh is a true blue American as apple pie. Former Irish catholic, but reminds me of Archie Bucker all the way. The most opionated, sexist, racist, everything eslist person you could meet. Though he denies it. He comes off as a good ole boy...the boy next door...but I see right thru it...lol

[PhotoNut 7]

I agree that after care is vital in your long term success. It sounds to me like you have confidence in the Dr you chose. If your friend can't give you more specific reasons for dropping all of your plans, then I would respectfully thank him for the suggestion but assure him that you've made your choice and will be fine.

On the other hand, if he can give you a good reason and your husband is offering to fly you to one of the best surgeons. Take the advice and go.

[Carlene 12]

I have lost 85 pounds and am almost at goal. My BMI is 27 and another 15 pounds will put me in the middle of "normal". It has not been effortless, but it has been do-able over the long haul (15 months).

Unless I had my band unfilled, I couldn't "give up". There are lots of things (mostly carbs) that I physically cannot eat. Everyone is different, but I can't eat bread, pizza, rice, potatoes (except mashed), Pasta, cake, Cookies, breaded foods, etc. My band is the boss - period, and I have learned not to fight with it.

Tell your DH that if he locks the kitchen door, you are going to lock the door to the bedroom.

[Ceparano 0]

Kabeerah, Is there any Medical Board available there that you can check out this surgeon, to see if he has had any major problems with his patients? I agree with you, after care is extremely important. You also don't want to be a guinea pig for anyone just starting out no matter how close a friend they are to you.

I hope everything works out for you.

Roberta

[kabeerah 0]

Photonut, I thanked my friend and told him that if he could get back with me with a definite date (in the near future) that his hospital will be equppied to band and super doc will be available to band/assist/proctor, then I would go with them. I tried to get something concrete from him, but indirectly, I didn't want to push it because I know that it would not have been professional. I know this doc cuz he took out my gallbladder over 3 years ago and has been a friend of our family every since. We had his son with us all day today. Both our families are expats here so we are like family. I know he means well but I want to go ahead with my plans.

The problem with dh flying me to wherever super doc is, is that who will do my aftercare? My friend's hospital is not prepared yet. He has been telling me since december that he was waiting on equpiment, and it was months before that that I recall him telling my dh that he was appointed to set up a WLC. This is a government hospital and the procedure is free so its no telling when they will have it set up...O you have to be in this country to understand how it works...somebody could have that requisite just sitting on their desk and forgot all about it.

Does anybody think that there is anything else I should discuss with my surgeon before being banded?

[kabeerah 0]

carlene congrats on your success.

roberta, if i askedwhat u just asked me (because i dont know, but doubt there is one for the public), i would receive a smile and a "this is not america." thats what i am always told when i an talking about standards. my american friends say, "there u go thinking like an american again" lol

[sleepyjean 0]

My friend/surgeon really is not an experienced band surgeon, he has only done 3 and can only do them with his proctor who is busy running around the kingdom training.

I would <b>never</b> let someone who has done so few bands operate on me. Experienced surgeons know the nuances. They know how to stitch the band in place just so. They know how to operate in such a way to minimize scarring. They know the best place to put your port. Because they are experienced, they are better able to evaluate whether you need and fill or unfill and if so how much. They know how to recognize the signs of erosion and slippage and they know what to do about it. Regardless of whether it's heart surgery, brain surgery, "female" surgery, lap-band surgery, it doesn't matter to me. It's just not worth the risk.

The surgeon who is to band me thought that I was better off with the bypass and now I know why. He is probably thinking that I will screw up like the other patients.

You don't know that he thinks that, you could be projecting your anxieties onto him. However, if that <b>is</b> what you believe, do you really want a surgeon who has already made up his mind that you're going to fail?

My dh said that he is consiodering not giving me the money now and 'forbidding' me from having the surgury this week.

:faint:

i spoke to one surgeon and asked him if he knew super doc. he saiod that he had many of his patients because they are left with no after care. He said he does not like taking other peoples patients but he will not just leave them out there. He said this doc is simply banding patients...that's it. most of the hospitals he is going aroun do not have the proper set-up and he is just visting them banding there overweight patients but there is nobody there to follow up with after care.

You're stressing about this before you know if there is cause. Have you asked superdoc about his aftercare program? Ask him for references. You may feel stupid doing that, but it's your body and your life that's at stake here. This is not a decision you want to make based on someone else's offhand comments.

My surgeon/friend is not as informed and therefore I ythink he may be basing his desicion on something that has nothing to do with the surgeon, unless of course he isnt telling me everything. He asked me to just trust him..

Is he kidding? This is major surgery. You could become disabled because of it or even die. Never never never make an important life changing decision because someone tells you to "trust him." He should earn your trust because he's a good surgeon with a good reputation. Trusting him shouldn't be a leap of faith.

[fiveholts714 0]

Hi again! In all of my research on the band, one of the key considerations was experience. It was best to have a surgeon who had done at least 500 bands (or as many as you can get). Surgeons who have done fewer bands get more complications like erosion and slippage. Converting 3 people to a RNY is a lot if he has banded so few people.

I am a nurse and am pretty familiar with how health care providers behave. If your surgeon friend was giving you a warning without the details, and he is a trusted friend, then I would pause and listen. He has a ethical obligation to not bad mouth another doc or release confidential details, but he sounded pretty insistent. I would take his comments to heart. I have asked surgeons I know in confidence about which doc I should see within a specialty and they are more than willing to steer me away from someone without any details. And I listen.

While most everyone else wants to roast your husband, I would also pause and think about this. I am pretty headstrong so this is a lesson I had to learn. You and your husband are partners. You will need his 100% support to do this. He isn't saying that he doesn't support you, but wants you to consider another option. You are his mate and you are undergoing a major surgery. It would against your marriage vows and pretty darn inconsiderate to have a surgery he didn't agree with. How would you feel is he chose to have major surgery by a physician you've just been warned against? Switch roles and then think about it.

With that said, I'm also not saying that you shouldn't continue with your current plans. But it is awful easy to tell someone else to disregard their husband's opinion and continue with a surgery with a surgeon he doesn't approve of. Be more cautious than that! I'm all for women's rights but I think a wife should honor her husband and husband should honor his wife. In his own way your husband is honoring you by expressing concern that you are using an inferior surgeon. You should honor him by listening and not being impulsive.

I suppose I am unpopular now. :cry