Fear Of Losing Weight And Denial

[Lapbandster 496]

Did anyone ever feel that since your overweight it sort of "excuses" you from accomplishing things/being the best you can be?

Like for example "the reason i don't have a boyfriend is because i'm obese" or "i have a sucky job but can't switch because i'm obese and who else will hire me?"

The list goes on and on. I truly think that so many people "fail" WLS, and/or can't keep the weight off because they hide behind their obesity and use it as one big excuse, because if they were thin they would actually have to face the facts.

For example, I just graduated (degree in Biology) but am stalling applying for grad school because I think "well i'm too obese to be a success anyways and everyone will hate me" also, I am avoiding dating even though at least two guys like me and want to date me because I keep telling myself "just wait, when your thin you'll be a better date". So it's almost like losing weight will strip me of my excuses to be a 'nobody". Obviously this is all denial and it's tough to battle

Sometimes facing the facts are tough and "hiding behind" our weight in the shadows gives an "excuse to not try.

When I feel like I might want to cheat I have to tell myself (sometimes loudly) "stop being afraid to be successful"

I don't know, maybe this makes no sense, but in my head it sort of did

[Maddysgram 6,159]

I've had the opposite problem. I never felt obese until I saw my reflection. If I never saw myself in a mirror, I never realized I was fat. It wasn't until my knees went south that I realized I had a problem.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

It makes total sense. A lot of us use our fat as an actual shield from the world. We assume everyone is going to reject us so we use it as an excuse to reject them first. It's a nasty, viscous cycle, because the more we isolate ourselves because of our poor self esteem and fat, the more we eat and worse we feel, and worse our self esteem gets.

When we start to lose that buffer between us and the world, that excuse we always used to isolate ourselves, it gets scary. Some people truly can't handle life if they're obese, it's too much for them to handle mentally. This is actually a perfect example why counseling can be such a huge help when dealing with WLS and obesity.

It's a big adjustment, I struggle with it and I'm not even to my goal yet. As miserable as I was before I was banded, there was also a genuine sense of security in it too. I used it as my excuse to isolate myself and when I did have to face others, I was all to happy if I was just ignored, for fear of being ridiculed if someone actually did take notice.

Now, after losing 143 pounds, I have some weird moments. I'm still a fat a girl but I'm a heck of a lot less fat than I was and shrinking every day. The positive attention I get because of my weight loss can make me so uncomfortable at times. Oh and male attention freaks me right out!! I am in shock and awe when I catch a man smiling at me, or worse, actually trying to strike up a conversation or flirt with me. It's like during all my years as a miserable huge girl I became totally socially inept when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex.

I can totally understand how some people freak out and self sabotage to regain their weight and their comfort zone. Losing weight is a wonderful adventure but man it can be an intimidating and scary one, too.

[Lapbandster 496]

It makes total sense. A lot of us use our fat as an actual shield from the world. We assume everyone is going to reject us so we use it as an excuse to reject them first. It's a nasty, viscous cycle, because the more we isolate ourselves because of our poor self esteem and fat, the more we eat and worse we feel, and worse our self esteem gets.

When we start to lose that buffer between us and the world, that excuse we always used to isolate ourselves, it gets scary. Some people truly can't handle life if they're obese, it's too much for them to handle mentally. This is actually a perfect example why counseling can be such a huge help when dealing with WLS and obesity.

It's a big adjustment, I struggle with it and I'm not even to my goal yet. As miserable as I was before I was banded, there was also a genuine sense of security in it too. I used it as my excuse to isolate myself and when I did have to face others, I was all to happy if I was just ignored, for fear of being ridiculed if someone actually did take notice.

Now, after losing 143 pounds, I have some weird moments. I'm still a fat a girl but I'm a heck of a lot less fat than I was and shrinking every day. The positive attention I get because of my weight loss can make me so uncomfortable at times. Oh and male attention freaks me right out!! I am in shock and awe when I catch a man smiling at me, or worse, actually trying to strike up a conversation or flirt with me. It's like during all my years as a miserable huge girl I became totally socially inept when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex.

I can totally understand how some people freak out and self sabotage to regain their weight and their comfort zone. Losing weight is a wonderful adventure but man it can be an intimidating and scary one, too.

wow you just took the words right out of my mouth! I feel so similarly to you and it feels so good to hear that i'm not alone.

I'm so proud of your weight loss!

Would love to meet u one day your such an inspiration

[ready4animprovedme 54]

Love this post, i too feel similar to you ladies... i keep telling myself "lose the weight and you'll find someone who loves you completely and find a better job and finish school out with a bang"... ect ect. I know exactly how you feel lady

[bigenuff 302]

Not too often that I'm lost for words but......WOW ( tear tear sniff)

[elcee 3,341]

It is a commonly accepted fact that people hide behind their weight. It is supposedly one of the reasons that main people fail at dieting - they subconsciously sabotage themselves.

[daisychains7 427]

I relate to so many of your posts. The biggest surprise of the journey so far : being thinner doesn't solve all your issues. It does not automatically make you confident or make your life just fall nicely into place. I still have weeks/days/moments of crippling insecurity, but when people tell me how great I look I am starting to believe it. I recently got a new job and am doing/saying/wearing/trying things I NEVER would have done a year ago when i was hiding behind my 326lb security blanket. It's a daily battle not to slip into old habits, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[karenlr 1]

I too relate.

But I've lost 20kg (sorry not sure what that is in pounds) but when people comment On the weight loss I just can't believe them. In my mind they're just saying it to be nice and I know it's not true.

I agree we can work on our weight loss and succeed, but we need to pay just as much attention to learning to love ourselves.

Now to go and practise what I preach.

[JhonnieB 73]

I agree. I hide behind sooo much because of my weight, I'm so introverted now, I was never this way before. I understand where you're coming from.

[sparkplug 106]

I agree with all of you. I am going to be 60 years old in a few months and yes I have hid behind this weight my whole life. Hence the yo-yo dieting my whole life. I still get very uncomfortable when men stare even though I am happily married and am not in the market. I expect them to say something mean or nasty and am still surprised when they hold the door open for me instead of slamming it in my face when I was heavier. You all have done such great jobs in losing weight and you are so right that this is just not a physical issue but a mental one too. When I turned 50 I made a statement to everybody that the first 50 years of my life was to please everybody else and the last 50 years was to please me. I wish I knew back then what I was missing out on from being so heavy. Life has been a rollercoaster for me and I think I am finally in a good place. I hope all of you find that happy place before you have to get to my age because I sometimes think I missed out on a lot because of this weight issue. Good luck and keep smiling.

[sam3841 57]

Wow, I can really relate. I been banded two years almost and have lost 105 lbs about 15 lbs from goal. But when I look in the mirror I still see that 300lb person. I can't see the improvement and I always focus on the negative. I have dated several guys lately who tell me how beautiful or hot I am. My response? Well thank you but its going to get a lot better from here. I can't even take the compliment? What's wrong with me? Also I think that I point out my faults first hoping that if I point them out maybe no one else will. I was one of those people who thought that when I lose the weight all my problems will be solved. But that's just not true. Not only does this have to be a physical change it has to be a mental change. I have noticed that the closer I get to goal the more I seem to sabotage myself. I am working on that mental change but it eems harder than the physical after a life time of putting yourself down.

[Lapbandster 496]

Thanks everyone for the responses

I truly feel less and less alone when I hear people are going through similar things as me.

I know losing weight won't solve all my probs but I am hoping that being lighter will give me the confidence I need to tackle them

[NWgirl 574]

I don't use my weight as reasons for why I cannot do things, but I have used it to "hide" from people. I think it's easy to have a security blanket (weight) and be able to use that to separate yourself from other people.

Recently I have started wearing makeup more and have wanted to look nicer in my outings. After analyzing, I realized I was feeling more confident and wanted to look good because I can and people seem to be noticing me the more weight I lose. I am in a very committed relationship, so I am not looking for anything in that sphere, but it's nice to be noticed- something I never liked when I was bigger.

[candtwalker 46]

I've had the opposite problem. I never felt obese until I saw my reflection. If I never saw myself in a mirror' date=' I never realized I was fat. It wasn't until my knees went south that I realized I had a problem.[/quote']

I am with you for not thinking I am fat. I did not think I was fat until I saw a picture of myself holding my granddaughter a coule of years ago. Then it was like.......holy crap!