Food As A Form Of Self-Harm, Help!

[meyouus 415]

Hi...I'm reaching out to you guys. I've seen you help people when they were down. Well, I'm down.

Tackling issues in therapy that are extremely intense, falling off the wagon because I know of no other way to deal with the issues I have. I'm really raw right now, and have not been following my NUT's food plan. I did it wonderfully last month, but this month I'm failing bad. Right now I am eating to punish myself. I'm feeling the pain. My therapist is working hard to get to the core issues that make me destructively eat. It's hell.

I have no saline in my band, so I am just "dieting" and I'm losing the battle. I'm not eating when I should, I'm eating the wrong thing, I've jumped off the bandwagon and kicking myself when I'm down.

I know, tomorrow is another day, start over. I tell other folks on here the same thing! But uncovering issues AND following a diet plan feels impossible! It's just too much. I'm flooded with feelings, emotions and it is SO hard to be mindful of my eating.

I desperately want to take out my food journal tomorrow and fill it with the right foods, not the slips I've been having. I'm scared to death to fail again.

I have it in me to do this, it's just boggled up in my head right now. I'm thinking I might need a fill. Haven't had one in 4 years.

PLEASE help me, I'm trying so hard! I'm self-harming by food, a bad path to be on. Again, my therapist is working very hard with me. I just need to hear from you!

[NWgirl 574]

I know that emotional issues can be a big push to eat, so as to stuff them back down, but they never go away until you deal with them. Those aside, I would suggest preparing ALL foods you will eat tomorrow in containers, baggies, etc and then you have all of your food all ready and planned. This way you will have to really think about breaking your food plan and eating things you shouldn't since it would be sitting right at the front of the fridge.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

. I'm not eating when I should, I'm eating the wrong thing, I've jumped off the bandwagon and kicking myself when I'm down.

i love ya friend......eat when you are hungry. eat the (right) things. you make that decision. you are stronger than you think. do you think anyone with a weight problem hasnt struggled with food? why do you think we had lap band surgery or others?? or let it be our guide (heck it was my bestest friend for years). you gotta dig down deep. stop with the (i cant do this and i am doing this or this). pull yourself up by your high heels.

eat good and healthy foods. lean Proteins, fresh fruit and veggies. (no more than a cup and that is it). drink drink drink....you know what to do my friend. i believe in you. so does everyone on this forum.

beating yourself up does nothing and most likely will make you feel worse and possible eat more bad things. so stop it. drop the pity. look at the bright side. today is a new day. you are wonderful. you are my friend. you can do this. go one meal at a time and do this. you are my hero

[elcee 3,341]

Maybe it would help to completely distance yourself from food for a period of time. Don't buy it, don't prepare it and don't eat it - just have shakes. It may sound extreme but it might help.

[dee257 1,516]

im not good with words..but i feel your pain ...we have all been there...

Just know your stronger then the food...you CAN do this....

log every thing you eat...just for your eyes only and maybe that will help and know

were all here for you......sending you a hug.....God Bless

[BeeBlueHeron 87]

I'm brand new at banding, but have other issues I have to deal with one day at a time. Just do the very next right thing and try to stay in this day.

I've heard that we (as addicts) can't think our way into right action, but we can act our way into right thinking.....sounds like getting a fill would be a good action, and then just let tomorrow take care of itself.

Get one good day, and the rest will follow.

My heart is with you....

Blue

[readytogoforit 172]

I have been having trouble lately also but each day I do start again. Each day I try to eat right and exercise. I have uncovered a load of crap this year also, it was painful. I think the dreams I had were worse, I unloaded a bunch with a group from church in a study group. I told them things that I have never ever told anyone. I started this class not even knowing them, that's probably why it worked so well! Anyway, it always hurts the worst when we begin to uncover all the reasons we have eaten for years. I understand what you are saying but, I think you are asking us to help you stop punishing yourself. God did not make junk, he knows everything about us and still loves us. We are the ones who don't love but, we can. I will pray that you start to believe you are worthy to be at a healthy weight and that you are worthy of life. The people we used to be can really help by showing the new people how to forgive themselves. I forgive you and want you to feel the same.

[mauraclegg 29]

Sabotaging yourself is so hard! Even with an empty band you CAN do it. Start tracking foods again for sure. That will help u see where ur mistakes are happening. Is it head or true hunger? I still have head hunger 2 yrs later.

Many are here to help.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

My heart goes out to you. Like so many of us, we use food an emotional weapon against our body, stuffing our mouths because it's easier to eat than it is to deal with buried pain. It's another form of food addiction and just as real and debilitating as drug addiction.

The fact you're in therapy is outstanding. I know you feel lost and defeated right now, but the mere fact you're seeking professional help gives you a much better chance at success. In the meantime, you said your band is empty, why not go in for a fill? The band can't stop us from eating but at least it can appease the physical hunger. You have this great tool in your body, I think it's time you start utilizing it to it's full potential.

I know logging food when you've totally messed up is horrible to see the results right there in front of you, but I also think those are the days you need it most. It really does help keep you accountable when you see your calories creeping to 2000 or more a day and you can't rationalize it because it's right there in front of you in writing. I know the feelings of shame and guilt are awful, but those feelings also give us incentive to do whatever is necessary to avoid them. By logging your band food days right along with your good ones, you give yourself incentive to have more good than bad.

Best wishes to you, I truly hope you find the emotional peace you need and deserve.

[meyouus 415]

Hello Ladies, I took quite some time to respond to each and every one of you, but then I hit the wrong button and erased it. I lost the momentum.

All in all, Bless you for lending an ear, offering advice and telling your own stories :wub: . Sometimes you just need to ask for help, especially when you're down. My therapist says "At least you're trying !"

I am going to try some of the things you mentioned. I will be asking for a fill on the 4th, but I'm only scheduled to see my NUT so I don't know if they can do it then. The wait to find out whether I gained or lost this past month, and whether it was muscle that I lost. But like BeeBlueHeron said, "Get one good day, and the rest will follow."

I'm taking it one breath at a time...

[Birdie1973 23]

Please go get a fill. I'm in the same situation as you are. I've made an appoitment to get my band filled again. You've come a long way in your journey. Don't sabotage your self any longer.