Pregnancy in your 30's

[kimalicious 5]

I don't know if this belongs in this area but I figured I would get the most response from the general lap band public here. I am 27 now and want to finish college before I have children because I know I will just put off finishing again if something like pregnancy and children came along. It is really important for me to finish school so I will be in my early 30's before I feel I will be ready to have children as much as I want them now. My question is how many of you waited until your 30's to have children? I have PCOS due to my weight and feel as the weight comes off that will go away also being that it is a syndrome. I am worried that the longer I wait the harder it will be for me. Am I crazy thinking I will be too old at 30 or 31 to start having children? My husband is 6 years older than me also and wants kids badly when the time is right. Any stories would be helpful of people who waited or didn't wait. I need to weigh my options now. My delima, I have a great paying and steady job now, but I hate the work and the hours. I am going now part time to school to become a teacher that will be a major pay cut, but great hours and I feel will be very rewarding and worth the major pay cut. I could go to work part time for a few years and do the rest of my school plus student teaching and then buy a house, have kids...or I could stay where I am now in route to buy a house this fall and then have kids after that and somewhere fit in school and student teaching somewhere in there down the road and stick with a job that I hate?? I am perplexed and want to wait until Im done with school, but scared I won't be able to have them (babies) if I wait until I'm in my 30's...

Sorry this was rambly, my thoughts are not together today....Any ideas and thoughts would be appreciated.

[mrycrltn 2]

Kim,

It sounds like you have all your priorities in line. Thirty is not to old to have children. It gives you time to live your life. Just my thoughts, I hope it helps.

[Alexandra 55]

I was 36 and 39 when my children were born. I'm glad I waited, because it gave me time to get all the rest of my life in order. Do it when it feels right, whenever that is!

[Wheetsin 714]

My question is how many of you waited until your 30's to have children?

I just turned 30 and do not have kids yet, though I plan to. The idea that 30 is too old to have kids is pretty much out of date. Most women I know who are my age do not have, or are just now trying, to have kids.

I always figured 30 was the perfect age to have kids. The 50 - 20 ratio just seemed right to me. I have been married over 8 years. At first neither DH nor I were interested in kids, we were both pursuing careers, building our house, in school, etc. Also, and this is just my personal opinion, I think it's impportant for a couple to get to know who they are, as a couple, before a baby is introduced. When you go from "me" and "you", and then "me, you and baby" there's no time for "us" to form in between. People don't have the opportunity to form their identities as a couple (married, not married, whatever). My parents are still happily married, and not many people I know can say that. I always told myself that my child would not be raised in a split household. That meant I had to be sure I was with the right man before we conceived, and I think a relationship needs time beyond vows or promises or whatever you use to help be sure of that.

Just a few years ago we really started talking about it, really talking about it. I went off contraceptives and although we didn't try, we didn't try not to either. We figured we'll take it either way. Then I started gaining more weight and decided it wasn't the right time. Even though we both have great jobs, a house, etc. - for me weight was an issue. I was not willing to conceive/carry a baby and jeopardize it or me to the greater risk of complications that come with carrying a baby when you're MO. For DH - he felt someday, but not today.

We've talked about it and decided to give the band a year to work. I know losing all of my weight will take longer than this, but I'm hoping that within a year I can get to a healthier weight, that I feel comfortable carrying a baby at. Of course, just because we start trying in a year doesn't mean it happens in a year, and we both accept that.

I'm not letting my age drive this, but it is a factor. I think that the role of women in society continues to change, and as long as it does, birthing ages will continue to get older and older. We're establishing careers, becoming professionals, getting our lives settled, etc. before we look into that next step. We're also living longer, so IMO there's no need to rush. Now if I'd just turned 40 instead of 30, I probably wouldn't be saying that... but 32, 33... not an issue for me. With professional women, this is becoming the norm.

I turned 30 last month, and DH turns 33 next month.

[maudeispam 2]

DH & I just married in 2004. I am 33 and he is 36. We both want children and are patiently waiting for my weight to come off to really start trying! Best of luck to you.

[Margo 0]

I was 38 when I had my first and only (by choice) child.....I would suggest that everyone wait until they are in their 30's to get married and have children!!!

[kimalicious 5]

I guess I have that timeclock ticking and Wheetsin I feel exactly the same, I wouldn't get pregnant unless I was at a healthy weight anyways, that was one of my major reasons for getting the band. For me, I want to be below 150 pounds before I try to get pregnant. I am just worried that If I wait too long I won't be able to get pregnant and the time will pass me up and then I will never know that joy in life. I'm just hoping there are plenty of more people out there that had no problems getting prenant in their 30's and they post on here to ease these concerns, HA! Wishful thinking!

[TheWomanWithin 0]

Im on the fence here about this subject. It's such a personal decision.

I was only 17 when I first married and had my oldest son at 18, my daughter at 19.

I didn't get to go through with my education plans like I wanted to and feel that if I had waited I would have been able to provide so much more for them had I gone to College.

The up side to being young is, you kind of grow up with them and live and learn along the way.

I got remarried at age 30 and my husband had never been married (he was 29) never had kids, so we talked about it and decided to try.

After a couple of years, I went to a specialist and he put me on Clomid for 2 months, wa-lah we conceived our youngest son, and got quite a surprise 2 years later with me being almost 36 being pregnant again!

I think with the younger 2, I am a MUCH better mother and do things a bit differently than I did with my grown kids.

I was a healthy weight with the older two and youngest son; and not so healthy weight with our youngest daughter, but only had problems with pregnancy with our youngest son (Child #3)

Good luck and many blessings for your families

[Julie* 0]

I had my 2 kids at 29 and 32 and thought it was a great time. I had fertility issues though so I didn't want to wait until I was older.

I suggest that you make an appt with your gynocologist and see what he/she thinks based on your medical history and PCOS. Fertility decreases drastically as you age and you want to make sure that waiting doesn't equal issues.

Good luck!

[mousecrazy 2]

I had my daughter when I was 41, one month before I turned 42. No problems at all.

I find it hard to plan parts of life...I wouldn't have waited until my 40s, except I didn't meet the right man until then.

[Vera 7]

I was 37 and 42. I do not suggest waiting pass 40, It's just too tuff on our bodies. Besides the greater chance of the baby developing Spinal Bifida and Down syndrome as we age.

[JanetC 2]

Ya'll give me hope! We're both 38 & wanting kids (we married at 35), but want to lose the weight first. Which puts us at 39 & trying. I'm so glad to hear of folks in their 40s having kids!

There's still time!!!!!!

[Murphles 0]

So glad that I had my children "early". So glad that I will not be facing a teenager in my fifties or paying for university when I want to be saving for retirement. So glad that soon we will be able to walk around the house in our skivvies if we want.

I had my kids while I was completing my education. I used to get up at 4:00 in the morning to study. I was soooo sleep deprived. But it all worked out.

Having said the above-our life journeys aren't yours-school and kids and marriage are all tough jobs and only you can figure out how to balance them. Good luck-with love and luck it will all be good

[DonnaB 3]

From the experience I had, I would say don't wait. You can manage your life with children - it will be hard, but it's doable. What will your life be like without children?

I can't have kids. I'm now 44 and I wish I'd gotten pregnant when I was 20. It would have been really hard but I wouldn't be where I am now. Five years of infertility treatments - and all THAT entails - resulting in three pregnancies that didn't make it through the 1st trimester (not even close) and one tubal pregnancy which ruptured and had to be surgically removed - tube and all. Not once during that five years did anyone suggest that the 45 - 50 pounds of extra weight I was carrying might be the problem. At the end of those five years I was up by 130 pounds.

My eggs are too old. I'm too old. And too fat and sad to continue to try. The funny thing is, I never even wanted kids. Apparently my maternal instinct kicked in just in time to say goodbye to fertility.

Sorry this was such a downer. I just wanted you to see the other side of the coin.

[the best me 6]

Married at 32 (me) and 37 (hubby).

First child at 34 and 39.

Second (and last!) child at 37 and 42.

Being a slightly Older Mom is helpful. I couldn't have done this in my early 20's. I just wasn't ready, didn't have the maturity.

Did college, did career, had kids and left it all behind. My how those priorities change as that little one grows inside you! I hope I never have to work outside of my home again! THIS is my REAL job, my REAL calling. Anything else is just a paycheck, and that's just money. Growing my children and helping my husband is fullfillment. Call me old-fashioned, call me antiquated, call me not normal? or not up-to-date? or not liberated? or not with-it? or geez, whatever but here is where HAPPY is. Maybe it's a bit easier to say that because I had my "ME" time of life.

Keep that good paying prt-time job, go to school and do your best to finish, and let God/nature/the universe/life tell you when that baby is supposed to get here. If you don't get pregnant before you finish school, then start teaching and go from there. That's my advice. You aren't too old, but if you know you want children and you are ready, a job and an education, if you are able, can surely wait.

You can go to college and teach in your 40s and 50s and 60s. You can't have kids forever. Grow up some young'uns good!!! It's important!