Lapband Changing My Life

[darbydoo 5]

I have needed bariatric for years. I am currently waiting for insurance approval. Wish i could have done this 20 years ago. But my insurance didn't cover WLS.

My husband took a job across country and i was able to change insurance --- its covered now! Here's my delima. I traveled to my hometown to visit family before heading to meet my husband in our new location. I have decided to have my surgery here where i have a huge support system.

My husband and i would have no family or friends in our new location and jis job and driving take most of his day. So he wont be very much support for me during surgery, healing kr after. But i am finding out as i wait for insurance approval the lapband process will take maybe six months to put in and adjust. And i have heard that you must get a lapband care giver in my new location before i could relocate since doctors wont touch another doctors patient in an emergency ---God forbid.

But after talking with my husband he refuses to wait for this long process before i join him.

He is talking about divorcing me! Has anyone else had issues like this?! It is hurtful. Although i never intended to stay here this long, i may need to face divorce to get my surgery! I have to put my health first and foremost. I am just devistated at this point. Any advice? Has anyone else had a devistating life change not weightloss based because of their choice for WLS?

[Blast 12]

Before I got my surgery, I only saw my doctor one time. I had to go to the office to meet with a nutrionist every month. Maybe 2 weeks after surgery you might want to be around your family, but I don't see why you would have to be seperated for 6 months. You do have a checklist, but it does not have to be in the same area as your surgeon.

[running_scared 125]

Umm, I think there must be some larger issues within your relationship.

I wouldn't spend 6 months living apart from my husband (and I work away from home 2-4 weeks at a time). Is there another, deeper reason why you don't want to move with him?

[Starting Over! 31]

The only real assistance I needed after surgery was a ride home due to meds. (the next day I was driving and going to the store)

You could arrange for that in your new location.

My hope is your husband would miss you too much to want to leave you behind?

Make sure he is on your side with this and ready and willing to assist if necessary. For me having 4 wisdom teeth removed was worse than this surgery for sure!

Be sure you have hubby supporting your journey!

Best of luck with your decision stay strong follow instructions and success will come to you!

[darbydoo 5]

My husband has been very nasty to me over the years as my weight ballooned. We've been married 17 years. Its probably one of the reasons i gained so much over emotional eating in the first place.

I was told six weeks wait after surgery for the fill. Another six for follow up fill. And check back at six months. But i haven't had a surgeon consult yet for details. They wait for approval.

Do i have bad info on the process timing?

[2muchfun 8,927]

I think you may be overestimating how big a support system you need? The fills could be problematic though.

And I would strongly encourage the two of you visit a family counselor. There seems to be a lot more under the surface than we can see?

tmf

[stevegoad 32]

I have to agree that your weight is not the big issue, though I can sympathize as to how weight can affect the relationship. Certainly, my wife telling me she wanted many years with me, and wanted us to travel together... but she never wanted to get on an airplane with me again was a big reason for me to decide on surgery...

but at no time would we even consider divorce.

If he is not willing to wait on you to have surgery, or support you during surgery, then I can promise you... he will not hang around with you fat or thin.

That's not a nice thought, but I speak from experience with having counseling with couples going through hard times (I don't talk about this part of my life in groups like this, but I am a former United Methodist pastor that has dealt with people blaming all sorts of external events on the reason they want to get out of marriage... or worse, blame their spouse for an affair.)

I can't say why your husband is consider giving up a marriage of 17 years, but I can guess... a real option is that he really doesn't want you to lose weight... because as long as he has you fat, he's got control over you. He says you losing weight would be too slow, and he belittles you for being too fat, but really all of that is control... and if you lose the weight, he might lose that control.... and if that is the case, he'll get out and find someone else to control... and will blame you.

But like I said, that's a guess...

At this point, I can only pray blessings over you, your husband, and in your relationship... and blessings on you as you struggle with the marriage and your weight loss.

Shalom.

[Sojourner 2,446]

I have to agree with others who have written that the issues causing conflict don't really have to do with the WLS.

You should be realistic about this...a support system is what you want it to be. Likely there would be a support group in the area you would be moving to.

You can't blame anyone or any life event for your weight gain; that's something you need to be able to accept the responsibility for. There is a psychology behind maladaptive eating patterns, and seeking counseling as either a couple or by yourself would help to identify the reasons why these unhealthy relationship dynamics developed.

Your information regarding the time line for qualifying for insurance coverage are accurate for some, not all insurance plans. The requirements vary by policy and insurance company. As for surgeons not wanting to accept another's surgeon's patients, this is primarily based on wanting to limit their professional liability risks. Sad but true, the bottom line there is the dollar...

One consideration I want to share with you is that having a band is not always limited to just regular follow up appointments. Sometimes one can have unanticipated negative consequences...I was hospitalized for weight loss related issues, not band related medical issues. Twice since being banded I attended a regular scheduled appointment with my bariatric surgeon, and he sent me directly from his office to the ER. Imagine the logistical nightmare this situation has the potential to create...

I know that many others who participate on this forum have opted to travel great distances to their surgeon...even to a foreign country. They usually have positive outcomes. I'm just not comfortable with that idea, and am better off for having my surgeon based locally.

Other's mileage may vary...best wishes as you consider your options.

[adorkbl 156]

I am sorry about the relationship issues. That is a separate issue in my opinion. Obviously something deeper is going on there. I wish you peace with whatever happens.

As for the surgery. Follow up care is essential with the band. And on going. I would not recommend surgery in one location if you are moving somewhere else. I would look for a surgeon where you are moving. If you don't have solid follow up in place, the band is almost worthless.

[bigenuff 302]

I hate to say this but sounds like he is going to divorce you anyway.So I'd say do what's vest for you.If he's nasty to you anyway stay back get the surgery get healthy feel better look better, then see who wants the divirce.... Thee shoe may be on the other foot hmmm

[running_scared 125]

If he is verbally abusive to you, which is what it sounds like, from what you've said, I'd let him move. I think you should stay near your family, and get surgery, and then divorce him.

JMHO.

Good luck, whatever you chose.

[Lapbandster 496]

I agree with everything the others have said

Also, remember you won't be living away from him for that long! Before you leave to have your surgery, do some research as to finding a doctor who will help you with the follow-up care. Yes, these doctors do exist (and then you can be with him right after surgery)

As for the support, you can still get familial support from a distance and even try visiting then once a month. Don't forget, your local hospital for sure has a support group that you can join- that will be helpful

But, as everyone else has said, it doesn't sound like this is the only problem...

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

Addressing the support issue... This is your journey...you will make the decisions as to what to put in your mouth. Not a support team. You need a dr you can trust... One who has a staff who will be helpful.... You only need someone to drive you home from surgery and to the first week follow up. You should have someone with you in the first few days but my husband had to work so was only home at night... But that's all I needed .

If you want to be married then your place is with your husband so why not start your journey where he is? You cAn find a dr there and join his support group in Which you will meet new friends and form a support group on you own.

If you don't want to be married then deal with that as a separate issue... Try not to confuse the two.

All the best.

[darbydoo 5]

I want to thank everyone for your honesty. I understand now i do have underlying issues to deal with seperately from lapband. Time to look within and make decisions.

[radarluv 59]

I could have driven my own self home if allowed. You won't need help there. It's not complicated. Not as complicated as your relationship, and you might have your OWN new outlook on that after you start losing weight and gaining back your confidence.