Why I'm Not Telling My Mother In Law

[Disney Nut 60]

I just got off the phone with my mother in law. She was telling me about a man in a scooter getting on a bus lift.

Then she started with how all the people in wheelchairs are fat, and why don't they just stop eating. She went on like this for a couple of minutes.

She would never understand why I need a lap band, and would be very judgmental. Plus, she would blab about my band to all, near and far. (I'm going to keep it private.)

How did that woman raise my wonderful, thoughtful, compassionate husband?

Thanks for listening. I had to vent about her to someone!

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I don't blame you in the least. You have more than enough to deal with without her judgmental ignorance.

Do what's best for you, you don't owe her or anyone else any explanations.

Best wishes.

[Lapbandster 496]

I have been debating telling anyone about this decision. Truthfully, most people I know do not understand WLS surgery. They do not understand that it's JUST A TOOL. They think it's magic, and i'm scared that when I don't lose weight fast they will look at me as a complete failure. I understand the work that comes with losing weight with the band. I understand that the weight comes off (sometimes painfully) slowly. I understand that it's not a miracle cure for obesity. My friends/family unfortunately do not understand. Case in point: My mom went with me to my final doc appointment before surgery and he explained that in the beginning i probably won't lose much weight until i heal and am properly adjusted. As we left the office my mom whispered "he's just trying to downplay the weight loss. I know you're gonna lose 50 lbs before october"

WTF!!!

My dad is the same way. He keeps saying I will loose 100 lbs in 8 months. These people are dreaming. For this reason I know that no matter what I accomplish I will look like a failure in their eyes because i'm (fairly) certain that I will never live up to their expectations. That's why the less people that know the better. I can't be a failure to my friends too

yes it's very sad that I won't be getting proper support from my parents but I guess i'll just have to be strong and never feel like a complete failure.

So yeah, i TOTALLY understand why you don't want to tell

[tiggergramma 129]

I refuse to tell my mother because she is so truly horrid about anything I have ever done in my life. The very first words out of her mouth would be "Well, you'll never stick with it." How do I know? Because the one time I did share with her that I had lost weight using WW and Curves, her remark was "You know you won't stick to it and it will all just come back."

Yay mom.

I have a very difficult time understanding how exactly she birthed my sister and I, perfectly nice, kind, thoughtful, and decent people...The only time anything nice comes out of her mouth is when one of her friends' kids does something she admires, then she goes on and on about how special they are.

bah!

eta: LOL...reading this, I had to wonder...gee, I wonder if my eating is stress-related?

[Mjv013 67]

Its your choice. I found that once I told people they were more supportive then I thought. But some people will never be supportive. I personally could care less what people think about my decision because it has been the best for me. But Im very lucky that my family is not critical of my choice. The ones who have never had a weight problem are interested on how it works and are learning that I had a food addiction. Its easier to compare to an alcoholic since we have a few in the family. But so far almost 2 years later no one even says anything except now they ask if it interferes with my pregnancy.

[Sunshyne068 97]

you have to be very careful who you tell, and you're doing the right thing deciding now who will know and who wont. Mothers-in-law can be brutal so I feel your pain.

Mothers can be brutal too (I know that as well). Just keep in mind that you need supportive, non-judgmental people in your corner. If you cant count on anyone that you know, turn to the message board. Good luck and welcome!

[LoozQuoils 22]

If you want to keep it a secret, then go right ahead but honestly reading some of your stories you guys just need to speak up.

"I battle with my weight and when you speak ill of other overweight people is makes me upset and uncomfortable and I need you to stop"

"Mom you're always negative about my attempts to lose weight so therefore i won't share my efforts with you until you can be a little bit more supportive. If you feel that's something you can't so then we won't discuss it"

Not in those words but Christ don't let anyone put you down, make you feel bad or uncomfortable. I don't care who they are.

[ontherighttrack 13]

I don't blame you! I have told a handful of people and some that I expected to support me, didn't. And vice versa. One friend who is usually compassionate and understanding and has also struggled with weight flat out told me "you could do it with diet and Excercise. My mom lost 80 lbs that way". I had to defend myself an tell her that maybe I could but I want the extra help because it's a long road. Obviously she isn't able to take her own advice. On the flip side, my sister blurted out about my plans for a lapband on accident to a family member and I expected them to try to talk me out of it and surprisingly they were really happy for me and wished me the best.

Since getting the surgery, I haven't told anyone else that didn't know before hand. I don't know what reaction I will get and I think most people don't understand how it really works. Like you said, a lot of people expect the weight to immediately fall off.

Oh and also, my mother in law is at the top of my list of "people who must NEVER know" lol

[Toddy 758]

To tell or not to tell is an interesting subject!!

NONE of my in-laws know. Heck, in the past when I have lost large amounts of weight, they never even commented.

When I told my mother she was concerned, but very supportive when I explained everything to her. I wasn't going to tell my sisters, but got stuck at one meal and ended up telling them. One sister (who has always struggled with weight, too) was okay, the other (weighs 105 soaking wet; went right back into her tiny shorts right after giving birth) was appalled!

I wasn't going to tell my friends either, but they all know know now and they've all been amazingly supportive. The one I thought would be the most judgmental is actually having WLS this fall after she completes her six month diet requirement!!

[Price5 1]

I am in the same situation. I have people that support the fact because they now it has been an issue all my life or the "skinny" people in your life that are always are just trying to loose that 5lbs they will NEVER understand. I recently reached out to my husbands aunt that I know has had a personal struggle with weight all her life and she encouraged me to go for it.

Certain people may never understand but if your not happy with yourself, your not going to be happy with your life and be able to enjoy it. I personally feel like if I can get this approved and done I will for once be free....

[Mara005 70]

I will tell anyone in the world, except my in-laws. They have been VERY verbal about my weight and just like my weight being none of their business, neither is my WLS.

Good luck to you!

[MissE44 27]

I agree with "skinny people" have no idea and I am surrounded by them. So I opted for only telling my mom and my long term boyfriend I thought it was only fair and they don't really agree but they have no choice I am doing it.

I too have "fears" about others knowing or thinking something is up if I eat out with them but if they are people i know I have always been on a diet so it is just one more really.

[Disney Nut 60]

Thanks, everyone, for your support!

When my sister became diabetic, she decided not to tell anyone outside of the immediate family. She felt that if people knew, they'd be judging her every time they watched her eat.

I'm taking my lead from her. I don't need people telling me horror stories about gastric surgery, or telling me they "know" I could lose the weight without surgery. Or watching me eat and asking, "Are you sure you're allowed to eat that?" If anyone asks how I lost the weight, I'll tell them I am watching what I eat and exercising. After all, that is what we need to do to lose the weight - band or no band.

[hls50 20]

Anyone in my husbands family would be the last people I would tell. They all have issues with overweight people and I would get the never ending question "how much weight have you lost", fortunately they live in a different state and I have told them I am having a hernia fixed, which I am. My girlfriend had her LB surgery just about two years ago. I was one of a very few people she told. She only started telling people she had had WLS after she had lost most of her weight and only if she was going to be in eating situations with them. Otherwise If people asked, she would tell them healthy eating and exersice, which is true.

Even though you can counter any negative comment made with a positive one, I choose to tell only those who are worthy enough to share in my most personal decision to date.

Disney Nut, follow your instincts........Come on September!!!!!

[tiggergramma 129]

If you want to keep it a secret, then go right ahead but honestly reading some of your stories you guys just need to speak up.

"I battle with my weight and when you speak ill of other overweight people is makes me upset and uncomfortable and I need you to stop"

"Mom you're always negative about my attempts to lose weight so therefore i won't share my efforts with you until you can be a little bit more supportive. If you feel that's something you can't so then we won't discuss it"

Not in those words but Christ don't let anyone put you down, make you feel bad or uncomfortable. I don't care who they are.

Believe me, I have had that conversation and more with my mother. It is easier just not talking to her.