Eating With Large Groups At Big Meals After Lap Band

[Lapbandster 496]

Hey everyone!

Getting banded this Friday whooohooo!!!

My concern is this:

I usually eat big meals with lots of people who pig out. Pre-band I am able to enjoy the food with them and dig in along with them, but I'm so scared that after the band I will be watching them eat yum foods and i'll be sitting next to them miserably wishing that i could be eating too.

Of course I have read on here that people simply don't have the appetites post-band that they had pre-band and that they don't desire as much food as before but this is something I can't seem to wrap my head around.

**BTW, I'm thinking of dinners/family get togethers where we eat lots of fatty delicious foods like pepper steak, lasagna etc. What if I just simply can't stand to watch everyone wolf down food knowing that I can't?**

Does anyone have insights/tips to share?

[2muchfun 8,927]

Why subject yourself to so much torture? I have less appetite but I try to avoid situations like you describe.

You'll be able to participate and can eat whatever foods you choose to eat or what foods your band tolerates but you will eat much less. Lasagna type foods are sliders and you can probably pig out on those. But why get the band if this is a routine you plan on continuing? Eating good food is fun, but living healthy and living longer kicks fun's butt.

I too wrestled with my emotional dependence on food and it kept me from joining the band wagon for 2 years. Don't make that mistake.

Here's a quote from a fellow bandster from another forum:

In my case, the most fearful thing I had to do in order to succeed with my band wasn't switching to skim milk, surviving a liquid diet, or giving up bread. The most fearful thing was giving up my emotional attachment to food. In the nearly 5 years since I was banded, I've made a lot of progress with that, but the attachment is still there. It forms one of the innermost layers of my turtle shell. Working on that layer will probably be a lifetime job for me. At times I'm not even sure I truly want to get rid of it altogether. At times I'm afraid that if I shed my shell completely, I won't be able to survive. On the other hand, I seem to be doing fine without that thick old b***h layer. So I'm going to pay attention to my dreams rather than my fears and pray for a miracle. And why not? It can't hurt to try!

tmf

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

As always, TMF offers wise advice.

I understand what you're saying. You don't want to give up that social aspect of eating and you don't want to have to answer questions. But here's the thing, in situations like you're describing food actually has little to do with it. It's about the company you're with and the companionship that happens over the meal, not the meal itself.

You will have to make some adjustments to your lifestyle, but that doesn't mean you have to give up your social life or even all the foods you love. I eat out a couple times a month but I am simply mindful to order smart food and stick to band sized portions. Very often I'll actually look up a menu online ahead of time so I know what I'm going to do before even getting to the restaurant.

When eating at people's homes it's not as easy but still doable. A good example would be the week I spent at my dad's house in July. There were numerous fatty, yummy meals served, including lasagna. I didn't want to pass on the meal entirely and seem rude so my answer was to have a very small serving of lasagna and a big serving of salad. I still got to enjoy the meal, I didn't offend anyone by not eating, but I managed to eat smart and fill up on the veggies instead of the lasagna.

It's definitely a learning experience. Hang in there, you can do this

[Lapbandster 496]

Why subject yourself to so much torture? I have less appetite but I try to avoid situations like you describe.

You'll be able to participate and can eat whatever foods you choose to eat or what foods your band tolerates but you will eat much less. Lasagna type foods are sliders and you can probably pig out on those. But why get the band if this is a routine you plan on continuing? Eating good food is fun, but living healthy and living longer kicks fun's butt.

tmf

Eating bad foods is not a routine I plan on continuing. Not sure why you thought that?

BUT, what i'm asking is if i'll feel miserable not being able to eat what i'm used to eating while i'm around people who pig out. This is not a routine, but ~once a week I find myself in this situation and i was looking for insights.

[Lapbandster 496]

I too wrestled with my emotional dependence on food and it kept me from joining the band wagon for 2 years. Don't make that mistake.

Here's a quote from a fellow bandster from another forum:

In my case, the most fearful thing I had to do in order to succeed with my band wasn't switching to skim milk, surviving a liquid diet, or giving up bread. The most fearful thing was giving up my emotional attachment to food. In the nearly 5 years since I was banded, I've made a lot of progress with that, but the attachment is still there. It forms one of the innermost layers of my turtle shell. Working on that layer will probably be a lifetime job for me. At times I'm not even sure I truly want to get rid of it altogether. At times I'm afraid that if I shed my shell completely, I won't be able to survive. On the other hand, I seem to be doing fine without that thick old b***h layer. So I'm going to pay attention to my dreams rather than my fears and pray for a miracle. And why not? It can't hurt to try!

tmf

wow love this quote. It's so hopeful

[kll724 3,055]

Usually, those folks are so busy pigging out that they can't see what you are not eating. Just take a little and eat a little. If someone does notice, which is unlikely, just say well not too hungry, today. If you have something on your plate, they should ignore that yo are not skarffing down everything in site.

[Kime-lou 648]

I had the same fears. My family has huge holiday get togethers. But, instead of gorging myself like others do, I eat what satisfys me and then I talk to those around me or play with the kids. It really wasn't as bad as I thought. Plus most people don't even notice what you are or aren't eating they are to busy stuffing their face or talking. One way to really curb yourself at resturants is once you are done eating rather than letting the plate sit in front of you is the way at the watress when she walks by and either get a doggy bag that can be out of site or out of mind or get her to take it away- this is what I have to do.

[Lapbandster 496]

I was thinking of taking a magazine to the table to read while everyone gulps their food down, but that seems sooo RUDE!! My family (mom) would absolutely kill me

So thanks everyone for the advice, I will always look back at this post. Playing with the kids is a good idea! Thanks

[readytogoforit 172]

I would never advise you to stop celebrating life with a meal. what I want you to do is be a bit more selfish. be selfish for you, you want this weight loss, you want this new health. this of you for the next months, you are worth working hard for. as the weight starts to come off, you will see a new person. a person you knew to be lost, but now is found. love the new person as she develops again. you are worth working hard for, remember that at the table with all the food and festivity.

you will be surrounded by food for ever more, it doesn't have to be an enemy. keep posting on this forum, be honest, we are all here to help each other in succeeding together!

[jen_1381 446]

I've been in a few situations so far like what you're describing, big family BBQ's or meals. The first dinner that came along, I didn't go because I thought the temptation would be too real. After missing out on the family, I decided that I was going to have to learn self-control eventually so why not now.

If we go to a restaurant, I pick something along the lines of what I would normally eat and section it off as soon as I get it. I ask for a to-go box when the meal comes and put the part that I shouldn't eat in the box. Out of sight, out of mind. My family knows I had surgery and eat a lot less, but for the most part they're too busy with their meals to notice mine.

I'm still learning how to not over-eat in social situations because honestly I'm usually so preoccupied with conversation that I ignore my bodies signals that I'm full. The only time I get funny looks is when I turn down ordering a beverage, but that's usually from the waitress, who STILL brings me Water

[Mjv013 67]

Some pretty great advice! I have a large family that everything revolves around the kitchen and food. Usually everyone is so into what they are eating and talking that if you pay attention to your food and choices, no one realizes what you eat. Make your decisions on the food you will eat and pick at that. You can eat just about any food you really want but you just have to make the choice. For me it got much easier and now most of my family members ask me which food I want to eat and want to know how much and what type because Im doing so well. They are supportive and if they eat waaayy to much, Im the only one not miserable from over eating.

[sam3841 57]

This might sound like a cop out but for people who don't know about my band I usually say one of three things: I am trying to lose weight, my stomach has been bothering me too or I just ate. Like I said cop out. I usually don't have a problem eating big meals (well for me small) with my family. I do sometimes stare longingly at the food I used to be able to eat, but then I think I have 100 lbs and it doesn't seem to matter.

[Toddy 758]

I absolutely love my band because, No. 1, I physically cannot eat as much as I used to. If I'm in a buffet situation, I usually end up putting a lot more on my plate than I'm able to eat. If it's a social situation, I have to eat really slow, and chew really well, and it takes me just as long to eat my tiny portion as it does everyone else to pig out, so I'm not just left there to twiddle my thumbs.

No. 2, when all the pigger-outters get up from the table, they're all moaning and groaning about "oh, I ate too much, I feel miserable. Me? I ate just enough and I feel great!!

One month after being banded I went on a girls' trip with six friends that didn't know I'd been banded. Of course, as part of our trip we had to go to Paula Deen's buffet. It was just as I described above. I ate just as long as they did, but I ate only a fraction of what they did; they were all miserable; I felt great! The best part? Everybody was so busy eating and talking, no one even paid attention to what I didn't eat and never would have guessed that I'd had WLS!!

[Sunshyne068 97]

This is a tricky one ... and for ME, MY PERSONAL experience has been that I go to a function, get a plate of food, and eat my 1 cup of food ... then I socialize. AND THEN after I see people continuing to eat and getting 2nds ... my 1 cup of food turns to 1.5-2 cups of food and I have a tight chest and a tummy ache for the next few hours ....

You have to learn what works for you. What does NOT work for me is attending these functions and trying to act normal. I'm a creature of habit, and my habit is overeating .... I think you need to make sure you make healthy choices for youself but try to balance the social aspect of these functions. Instead of sitting at the table, get up and walk around and talk to people. Search the web on your phone or tablet, play with the kids, offer to help clean up so that while people are eating you're busy cleaning dishes or taking out the trash.

Good luck!

[ontherighttrack 13]

As someone else already mentioned, they usually don't notice! Eat super slow so you aren't sitting there with an empty plate. Also, if anyone says something I usually just say "I'm full". That's all I have to say and people don't question it. I've noticed sometimes people actually end up dogging on themselves about how much they've eaten because they see what I eat and realize the big difference. That's never my intention of course, but just saying that people aren't likely to give you a hard time for eating healthy sized portions.