Do You Ever Feel Judged Because You Are On The "smaller" Side?

[jessicakesbanded 25]

I just got banded on August 9, 2012 and I couldn't be happier. I have been dealing with my weight my whole entire life, and I am only 24. I have 60-70 lbs to lose. I hold my weight pretty proportionally too.

When making the decision to get the lapband, I got a whole lot of "you are too skinny to get the lapband", or "you should just be happy with yourself the way you are", or "you should just diet/exercise, surgery is too drastic", yet, when someone who is 300 lbs says that they are going to get WLS, people are always so supportive of them. It's like telling that 300 lbs person that they can have the lapband, but only until they get to 190 lbs... And then they are going to have to take it out because they wont need it for the last 60 lbs they need to lose. Ya know?

I don't really worry about it anymore, because I've made my decision and I am happy with it, but it still irks me.

[LoriW188 14]

I can relate to this a bit. My BMI is only at 38 and I don't have any other comorbidities so some people that I've mentioned surgery too will say that I'm obviously too small for it. But I have a really supportive family and the Dr's are working to get me approved so I as long as I have that support and my mind is made up, I don't worry about it!

[Cocoabean 430]

I heard many of the same things. My weight is well proportioned. When I'd tell people how much I weighed, many would be shocked.

I'd say, so I should continue to gain until I am in full blown diabetes and heart disease? I don't deserve treatment because I just barely qualify? You don't walk on my knees, hips, and feet every day.

If I only had one blocked artery in my heart, rather than four, do I not deserve to have it treated? Or do I have the heart attack? My appendix was only a little infected, so I should have waited until it burst? Our society is still biased.

I thank them for their concern and say that surgery might not have been the right decision for them, but after all my research, with my medical history, and on the advice of my primary care doctor and my surgeon, whom I trust and respect, I have decided to proceed. (Using the medical team's name usually shuts them up, as they are not doctors!)

Now, 4.5 years and 75 lbs later most people agree that I made the right decision for me. It might not be right for everyone. I don't tell anyone that they should run out and get surgery. If asked about my experience I gladly talk about it, but I don't encourage anyone to have surgery. I tell them to research and make the most informed decision they can.

I had to learn to shut those conversations down in a polite way. It's sort of a debate-team type of thing. But it really isn't open for discussion. When you say it in a matter of fact way that I have done my research, my doctors agree, and it is the right decision for me, maybe not for you, but thank you--then change the subject...there really is no reply for it.

[Sojourner 2,446]

You are not going to influence other individual's opinions; so don't allow yourself to be "irked" about it. It's just a waste of your time and energy.

There have been spirited discussions on this forum in the past with some members feeling that they could "not relate" to forum participants who began their weight loss journey weighing "only 200 something pounds", and actually referred to people weighing in the 200-250 pound range as "skinny", when the member had begun their journey at over 300 pounds.

I assured her that anyone who was "5 ft something" and weighed 200 plus pounds was definitely not "skinny", and that the individual's reasons and needs to loose weight were different for everyone. No one should be judged about the WLS surgery based on their size; there are too many mitigating reasons which are not common knowledge to judge others.

I don't judge others, and expect the same courtesy in return...

[Kalala1 12]

Hello I am very new to this site as I had surgery yesterday, banded that is! I want to lose 80 pounds. I feel good about my choice...and super excited to start this journey

[geology rocks 9]

I have had the same sort of thing. I weighed 245 about 2.5 years ago. It took me about 2.5 years to get down to 235!! That is why I decided to have wls. At that rate, it would've taken 23 years for me to reach my goal! I have hovered around 200 - 210 most of my adult life, so I had really started to balloon out. It was scaring me! When I told people about my wls, I got a lot of comments about me not being heavy enough. People were shocked when I told them my weight. I honestly think that some folks thought I was lying. That really hurt. What hurt more, however, we're my knees, my back, Etc. all the aches and pains reminded me that "they" were full of #%+*£€ and that I was right. Wls was for me..... That's all that matters. I know I made the right choice for me.

The funny thing...... Most of the people who have made comments have been as large or larger than me. I have often wondered if the criticism might have more to do with their own struggles than if I am or am not large enough for wls. If they are bigger than me, they may have not come to terms with how bad their health is. Ya know?

[DerbySunflower 28]

I qualified for surgery at 35% BMI, and threw myself into 6 months of nutrition therapy and got my BMI down to 28%. I still had the surgery because "I earned it." I heard a lot of comments from nurses and other medical professionals question why I was still having the surgery but in the end, it was my decision. Right up to the point they put the IV in my arm, I was convinced that insurance was going to withdraw my approval. Anyway, I've lost and gained enough in my life that I didn't want to fall off the wagon and gain weight all over again to qualify for the surgery again. It was a long, drawn out process afterall.

Personally, I chose carefully prior to surgery who to share my plans with and who to not share with. There is a big chunk of my family that has no need to know about my personal choice. I'm not a person who really needs anyone else's encouragement, but I don't have the patience to listen to naysayers either. Anyway, I feel your pain, sister.

[Miss Ann 5]

Hello All, I was wondering where you guys went? You made a few post in August and stopped. I too had the procedure with a low BMI. I spent 20 yrs in the Army, always on the over weight program. I would lose enough not to get put out. I was tired of the weight gain, weight loss roller coaster, this surgery, I believe is the best thing for me. I wish I could have had it when I was still active duty. I started this journey at 189lbs, my pre-op diet 4 Sep, surgery 17 Sep and today I'm 171. I hesitate to post in the general forums, seem like LBM bandsters aren't received that well.

Anyway, good luck to everyone that had chosen this path. I hope to see you on the other side.

[newme37 16]

I got the "you don't weigh enough" comments also. My BMI is 36 and I only have about 60lbs to lose, but I am choosing the band so that I never get to the point of needing to lose 120lbs.

I will be banded with plication in the morning

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

I had 217 lbs to lose and there were still people who are uneducated about wls tell me I should do it on my own. I would just smile and thank them for their opinion. Now that I am as small or smaller then most of my friends they want to know if I will take the band out. They still don't get it so I just have stopped worrying about other peoples opinions.

[binab 50]

I go to support group every week and although I am a new bandster, I'm one of the smallest and at 41, youngest, people there. I do feel judged in the group, which is too bad. I continue to go though, as I have learned so much from them. I figure if I am ever questioned, I will remind them of their own words. Nearly all of them have said repeatedly that their only regret with getting the band was not getting it sooner. I am thankful that I was able to start when and where I did... My only regret is not getting it four years ago when I first considered it.

[Jachut 487]

Elcee coined the phrase nicely - the "not fat enough" police. Careful, they're alive and well here too.

A

At some stage all of us lw bmi'ers have copped a serve of "you ought to just diet and exercise"

[♥LovetheNewMe♥ 1,216]

I like many had a high BMI over 40 but I wish I had done something sooner, when I was younger. I had surgery at 54 and over the past 20 years I have lost and gained the same 100lbs over and over again. I seriously hope with lap band I have finally learned how to eat and keep this weight off. Before surgery I was told your not fat enough just go on a diet you can lose the weight. (5' over 250 is fat, got pictures to prove it) Now all I hear is how skinny I am and don't lose anymore weight. I weigh 130. Well guess what, I really could care less what they think, I love me, I love how I feel about me and I am the only one I need to please. Do I sound a little selfish well it is about damn time.

[paula2468 7]

I had complications in year 2 post surgery and now people expect me to regret the whole thing!

[curryteacher 2]

I got a lot of support to have the surgery (my BMI was 38) but I do feel judged for not losing weight fast enough. This may be in my head but I've heard comment like- I thought Lapland was faster, etc... I've only lost 40 lbs so far in 11 months....I've lost every month just very slow....this is not quick weight loss. At least not for me!! I still have 50 more lbs to go to meet my goal weight! I wish it would just fall off but that's not the way it works!