So incredibly mad for telling my father...

[puddin 7]

I'm having a VERY hard time today trying to get over the fact that after begging my dad not to tell anyone I got the band he went out and told the world! When I confronted him today about it he just said, "Life's too short to be angry," and admitted he didn't feel bad for telling people because he didn't think it was a big deal. Well he broke his promise and, to me, it IS a big deal. I don't care if he thinks it's silly to keep it a secret or not. It wasn't his secret to tell.

I think I'm not so much upset that people know I have a lap band as I am that now I know I can't tell my dad things anymore. I told him today that I'll never come to him in confidence again. I'll go to my mother and I'll ask her to please not tell my dad. She keeps her promises.

I don't even know why I'm posting this other than the fact that I'm just so angry over this whole ordeal and had to get it out. Thanks for listening.

[3loves 0]

Sorry you are dealing with this double whammy!! I've never been in your shoes, but it broke my heart to read your thread. It will take time to deal with the hurt of your dad. He had no right to disrespect you in that manner. He is your dad, so I know it runs deep.

Try to think of all the others that have shared their band experience and maybe it will ease some of the pressure of others knowing about your experience. You are special and you deserve the band.....Hold your head high!!

[DonnaB 3]

Go ahead and vent. That's what a support group is for. And don't feel guilty about being mad at him, he betrayed your confidence. There is nothing worse for a girl. Even as an adult, a girls father is her barometer for all other men, and to feel betrayed by him - of all men - will be a difficult thing to get over. Try to make him understands this. Then try to forgive him if you can. Having said that, I don't think it's a good idea to put your mom in the middle of this. It's not really fair to expect her to keep secrets from her husband. Best Wishes.

[DOC 0]

I am so sorry about your dad hurting your feelings... I know it isn't about the band as much as it is about the trust issue. I don't have any words of advice, I just wanted to give you ((((hugs))))

I didn't tell many people about being banded and I am sure that more people know I have that band than I even know...... LOL

[princess_n_thep 2]

Think of it this way.... Some people would give anything just to have their father there for him to talk to. I know it was disappointing that he broke his promise but maybe he truly didn't think it was that big of a deal. Maybe he was bragging at your strength and dedication to achieving your goals.

Now that the "cat is out of the bag" go with it! Be an advocate for the band and the struggles of obesity. Take it into a new direction and let it make a better and brand new you! Start getting involved and stand proud of your decisions to become a healthier you! Your positivity will shine through and you may just inspire others to take their weight into serious consideration. By being an advocate of a healthy lifestyle through personal decision you may just save someone's life!

That was my motivational speech for the day.

[nan73 0]

You know what, my mom did the same thing! I was really hurt and really angry & told her so. I've come to inderstand that the weeks before the surgery were very hard for her as well, and she needed support but didn't want to burden me with her issues, so she told others. Now that I see the reasons behind it it's actually easier to accept the behavior. I am a very private person and all of a sudden people I hardly knew, knew some of my very personal stuff... I felt a bit... exposed for a couple of days but it's not a very big deal anymore.

[HarleyNana 10]

I would love to have my Dad here to see my results, with that said, give your dad a break. If he's like my dad, he'd never do anything to intentionally hurt you. He's probably just so proud of you he couldn't resist telling others how much weight you've lost and that you were so determined to lose the weight you EVEN had surgery.

(Not to steal your thread, but my dad was my night in shinning armor and my biggest confidant, sorry, I just felt the need to share that)

[Pattman 0]

Puddinpie,

When I got my band the only ones who knew of it were my wife, stepdaughter and my mom. Next thing I knew, my sisters knew of it, but my mom did not spread it further then that. I was upset with my mom (though I never told her) but understood why when I had talked with my closest sister.

I have probably said more to people about it, then my entire family has.

It's not going to be easy to forgive your dad, and it will take a while ... but being a guy, I'd like to think he might be like me and (as previously stated) be proud of the courage and risk you have and are taking to control your weight, and take steps for yourself to be "walking the earth" longer then you might've without doing this.

My mom is proud of both me and my wife for doing this. She's even been trying to talk my oldest sister in to looking in to it!

Try sitting down with him, after you have calmed down and ARE able to discuss it with him (even if not ready to forgive him yet), talk with him honestly about it. Ask him to listen to all you have to say before hearing him out. If he doesn't get all chocked up, and feel real bad - i'd be surprised. (and if he isn't, let me know and we'll T.P. his house together! LMAO)

[maryb 1]

I told my best friend I wasn't telling my parents about my surgery until afterwards. You guessed it, she told them. I was disappointed, but relieved that they haven't let on that they know. People (parents) can be very critical of something they don't understand or can't relate to. I was even reluctant to tell my Bible Study class, but decided at the last minute to tell them. I am glad I did because they have been very supportive.

[clmrphy 0]

It sounds like your dad is proud of you. I have allot of shame with my weight. I would be upset too. But looking in from the outside, give yourself credit for taking control.

I am not banded yet. I have a consult on Tuesday. I dont like to tell people that I am going to get banded. I think that its shame on my part. It is no secret that I am overweight.

I would ask your dad if that is why he told people. Most Dads dont talk about their children to gossip. It is usually pride or concern.

[puddin 7]

I'm sure that my dad's proud of my decision and he's excited about my weight loss and that's why he told people. But that's not the point (though I can give him an inch for it). The point is that he breached my trust and it'll be hard for him to get that back. While I'm glad to have a father that loves me, I also have a right to be angry with him right now. My entire extended family knows because of him now and the rumors are flying (as rumors tend to get extended on that side of the family). I just wanted something to be mine for once - some kind of success that was mine. And now I'm getting the "you took the easy way out" attitude that I was SO hoping to avoid. So I'm vehemently defending myself to my extended family, almost to the point of crying about it. I'm exhausted for the week. I might just shrug and agree with them from now on. It'll be much easier. I've just had so much anger over this whole issue. I often wrestle with my 15-year-old brother, and boy, the wrestling has been fierce this week! LOL. He even said something like, "Whoa, where's this coming from?"

Thanks for all your posts. I'll get over it. My goal is to be over it by the end of next week.

[Marimaru 7]

Proud of you or not, he had no right to break the trust that you gave him. I'd be as mad as you are (I'm having my own fatherly issues centered around trust, so I may be biased, lol). In my opinion, I'm not sure you need to 'get over it'. He needs to understand WHY what he did was not right, no matter what his reasons were..

[wyldvelia 0]

i'm not banded yet... that happens in three days. excited. but slightly worried. not about the procedure itself... but about people finding out. i know how you feel. you wanted it to be 'yours', and it was taken away. the only person who knows is my son, and he is a very private person himself. if anyone finds out it will because of my big mouth!! hang in there. all the hard work is yours. you did it. nobody else.

[cashley 0]

I haven't told my dad at all yet... he's kind of critical of doctors, surgeries, etc... he thinks everything can be done on your own. I've tried to tell him that I no longer felt I could do this on my own. But he always has crazy diet ideas and stuff. I don't think he'd be supporative. He's good on other things but not weight - doesn't understand the probelm.

Sorry you're dad told... makes me want to keep my secret longer.