female only Hubby Not Supportive Of Fitness Goals

[lawismylife 41]

Deleted due to obnoxious comments

[Shoshanna 98]

My sympathy to you. Sounds like his control issues are in play. Is couples counseling a possibility?

[donna12 742]

So, I am about 1.75 years into the lapband. I lost my first 50 lbs without all that much effort. The next 25 I had to exercise and learned that exercise was key to taking weight off. I have about 20 lbs to go until goal.

My husband also got the lapband 2 months before me. He lost 120 lbs, but he has also stalled and has not figured out that he needs to work the band to get results. He has about 80 lbs left to go and he doesn't carry it well. Many people can't even tell he lost weight because he is just shaped like a big pot belly.

We have 2.5 yr old twins at home, and he insists I be there to help him put them to bed. I can do it on my own, but he needs help. Their bedtime is 8:30 pm. He "let" me join a gym that is $25/mo for BOTH of us. Of course now he belongs to 2 gyms and never goes to either.

I fell in love with Zumba for fitness. You all know how important it is to love the exercise in order to do it. I grew up dancing, and have returned to my love and it loves me back. The weight is coming off slow and steady.

I am aggravated that I had to pull teeth to get him to agree to join a gym, agree to let me take a Zumba certification class so I can teach Zumba, agree to let me go to the gym we are paying for because Zumba is 8 pm and 8:15 pm so kids have to stay up late and he has to watch them because god forbid he learns to do this himself. I do Zumba 1-2x a week at work, and a spin class 9:45 pm at night Saturdays. Today he tells me, just get over it, you can't work out more than 3x per week. He complains that I am going to tire of this craze and move on to something else (why I can't imagine - he is the flake, not me). I want to tear his friggin head off.

I had asked for my birthday for the Zumba CD or the playstation Zumba CD. I learned you need to buy a "move" system before you can use the game. He bought me the "move" system without the Zumba game, and never set it up for me. I wanted to do it in the basement after kids go to sleep, and the TV down there broke and we can't afford to fix it. Why the heck is that a present for me when it sits in a box and I can't use it. Again, want to tear his friggin head off.

I don't understand why he would get a band and just be happy with being "less fat."

Thanks for listening....

Well, I will put my 2 cents in. I'm recently divorced, a little over a year. Although he did not have control issues my weight played a big part in him straying out of our marriage vows and he was supportive of me losing and even supported me wanting to have surgery yrs ago but I just wasn't ready then and didn't have it then. Hind sight, maybe it would have saved my marriage. Like above, sounds like control issues and I just wouldn't put up with it, you are your own person and you have yourself to worry about and your health. But you also have kids involved in a marriage to think about and you obviously love him or you wouldn't be married so with that being said I would suggest (like above) counseling. It does a world of good! I was married for 25 yrs and we tried counseling but ours was too far gone and he didn't want it to work. Enough about me, this is about you. You should be able to teach Zumba and be able to work out when you feel like it. Ok, I'm done...lol Good luck and I hope and pray it works out for you. I think it will! Stay positive.

[LoozQuoils 22]

What are your early mornings looking like? I'm not sure what time your gym opens but you can do 2 days per week early morning at the gym AND keep your current 3 day per week schedule. On your early morning days you can try to get to bed a little earlier so waking up is not so diffuclt althought it still can be tough. I work out in the AM only and I've found it to be the most least interrupting time to workout for me. No one is usually in crisis at 4am or 5am for that matter.

If mornings aren't an option then hop on Craigslist or ask around for an old television. The old box televisions still connect to gaming systems and they are relatively cheap. Also sites like gamefly.com are like the netflix for video games and you can get that zumba game for a very decent price. You can also hook that gaming system up by yourself. It's not hard.

[lawismylife 41]

My sympathy to you. Sounds like his control issues are in play. Is couples counseling a possibility?

Well, this is a rant. We have a very happy marriage generally. He controls the finances and we are having a very rough time paying bills. He doesn't support using limited funds on exercise.

[Shoshanna 98]

He's apparently willing to spend money on things you want in order to dangle them just out of your reach. You already belong to the gym, right? And you can't go because he wants you home to put the kids to bed?

Control. Mixed emotions. Mixed signals. Whatever. Couples counseling might help and is often available free or on a sliding scale from community mental health services or at a local synagogue or church.

[lawismylife 41]

I actually think its laziness. He also bought me a piece of kitty furniture I wanted for the bathroom to hide the littler box in but it needed to be assembled. I don't know anyone who just buys something and says here's your gift in pieces in the box.

I found a handy man 2 yrs later, paid $20, and it was assembled.

As women we have a million balls up in the air, and most men have a handful of things to do and they sometimes can't get that right.

[lawismylife 41]

What are your early mornings looking like? I'm not sure what time your gym opens but you can do 2 days per week early morning at the gym AND keep your current 3 day per week schedule. On your early morning days you can try to get to bed a little earlier so waking up is not so diffuclt althought it still can be tough. I work out in the AM only and I've found it to be the most least interrupting time to workout for me. No one is usually in crisis at 4am or 5am for that matter.

If mornings aren't an option then hop on Craigslist or ask around for an old television. The old box televisions still connect to gaming systems and they are relatively cheap. Also sites like gamefly.com are like the netflix for video games and you can get that zumba game for a very decent price. You can also hook that gaming system up by yourself. It's not hard.

Thanks for the great suggestions. I have to leave for work at 7 am and honestly, I used to do early am and felt like I wanted to die. I run a not for profit from home at night (I know I am crazy) and go to sleep way too late. I get home first around 8 pm usually. I think my husband just gets resentful that he feels I dump the kids on him. I just have a really bad commute going home and long hours .

I have an old TV but it actually has to be somewhat newer to have the proper attachments in the back. I might need an adapter.

In any event I have decided I should just go on you tube on my laptop downstairs and practice Zumba routines for teaching purposes. You are totally right about no crisis at 4 am. I wish I could do it ! Go you!!

Hubby is jealous of my success and I think a part of him is scared I will leave him if I get super thin. It's crazy because we are married for over a decade.

[jrae 38]

He probably feels like a failure. Even tho he loves you, it's probably hard that you are doing so much better than him. Men are usually competitive! With your twins, even tho the days are long, the years are short and before you know it they'll be more independent & won't require so much work.

[LoozQuoils 22]

Thanks for the great suggestions. I have to leave for work at 7 am and honestly, I used to do early am and felt like I wanted to die. I run a not for profit from home at night (I know I am crazy) and go to sleep way too late. I get home first around 8 pm usually. I think my husband just gets resentful that he feels I dump the kids on him. I just have a really bad commute going home and long hours .

I have an old TV but it actually has to be somewhat newer to have the proper attachments in the back. I might need an adapter.

In any event I have decided I should just go on you tube on my laptop downstairs and practice Zumba routines for teaching purposes. You are totally right about no crisis at 4 am. I wish I could do it ! Go you!!

Hubby is jealous of my success and I think a part of him is scared I will leave him if I get super thin. It's crazy because we are married for over a decade.

Wow you have a lot going on!!! Now is probably a good time to sit with your husband and maybe re-organize your priorities so that you're both on board and he doesn't feel burdened by the kids. I know that work is important but so is your health and your family. Maybe you could have some early days a couple days of the week. Maybe leave work at 5 or 6 you can get a 1/2 hour workout in straight after work and still make it home by 8? or say you leave the house at 7:30 instead and workout from about 6-6:45am or something. I mean there are ways to make it work but unfortunately you won't be able to have everything you know?

LOL! I'm trying to hard to find a good solution for you because I know how "relaxing" a workout can be. It's the only time I have to myself and although it can suck, I enjoy that "me" time.

[m1aman 944]

I'd like to hear his side of the story. You sound like you have an attitude problem.

[lawismylife 41]

I'd like to hear his side of the story. You sound like you have an attitude problem.

Thanks for being supportive. People come to lapband talk for support, not to be bashed. Thanks!

[lawismylife 41]

Looz - thanks for your support. I think this would work really well if there were days I put the kids to bed myself, and days he did it, so we can switch off so he wouldn't feel resentful.

I guess the point is - why does he not want to work out at all? Don't understand that bit. He has a band and still has 80 lbs to go. Would think he'd understand my desire to work out. I have a metabolic syndrome and can't lose weight without working out. Apparently he can't lose anymore either without working out. He is as tight as he can get with the band. I suppose it is rather unusual that both in the marriage have a lapband. Different dynamic.

We discussed and I said that I will put the kids to bed myself twice this week (and I did) and he went off and did whatever he wanted. Maybe he needs the taste of freedom To see how much better it can work out. Thanks again for your response (very genuine there, not sarcastic as above!)

[m1aman 944]

Thanks for being supportive. People come to lapband talk for support, not to be bashed. Thanks!

Sounds like you were doing a pretty good job of bashing your husband. I am sure he appreciates you doing it publicly to strangers.

[jrae 38]

Sounds like you were doing a pretty good job of bashing your husband. I am sure he appreciates you doing it publicly to strangers.

Are you her husband? Lol!