Connection W/ Past And Weight Problems?

[meyouus 415]

Hi, I was just watching The Hypochondriac Hour, ie. Dr. Oz. , Dr. Keith Ablow, Oz's resident Psychiatrist, and they had Super Morbidly Obesity as the topic. One group of women claimed to enjoy, have pride in, embrace and add to their weight, these women did not want help. The other group, were women who claimed they no longer wanted to be super morbidly obese (SMO) for physical and psychological reasons, and wanted help.

I, personally am on the side of the fence that wants help. I steadily gained weight and have kept it on since 1992. I am 46 and SMO. Five years ago, I was banded. It, rather "WE" lasted a year and I jumped off the bandwagon. Three years ago, I built an excellent working relationship with my therapist. I decided to jumpstart my Banded life, and have been doing very well!

Dr. Ablow struck a raw nerve with me. He asked all of the women to close their eyes and think about the first person who told them they were worthless. I knew where he was going with this, as I come across it often in therapy. I did what Dr. Ablow said, closed my eyes, thought about what he said, and started to bawl. I knew the answer.

I'm tackling my weight issues with the band, changing my entire lifestyle, exercising, choosing healthy smaller portions of food, etc. But I am, and probably always will fight the emotional pain that feeds my obesity issues. I have a list of reasons why food is a drug for me and I uncover more reasons as I continue therapy. It is a bad drug, this relationship with food. I'm in recovery.

I got over the "excuses" as to why I shouldn't, wouldn't and/or couldn't lose weight. But I struggle with my [abusive] past and the negetivity that made me who I am today. I'm turning the tides...I'm taking control.

I'm not seeking advice, or sympathy, or criticism...

What I am wondering is if anyone here can connect their past, be it good or bad, to their weight problems. Well, I'm not "wondering" so much as knowing that there is a connection for some people. And in realizing that, I hope to engage a conversation about that connection in the hopes of learning a bit about ourselves, and possibley helping others with our stories. I'm game.

Maybe no one will respond...but someone will think.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I watched that episode today, too. I watched the women who declined help literally waddle off the stage, barely able to move let alone walk, and thought to myself "wow if I hadn't been banded, that would've been me someday". How they could claim to be "happy and healthy" is, like the doctor said, the ultimate denial.

I can 100% connect my past to my weight problem. I know exactly where and when it started. To be specific, it started when I was about 10 years old and my mother ridiculed and shamed me for being "too fat". I wasn't fat back then, either. I was maybe 5 pounds overweight at most. But because I wasn't a bean pole like she was she was little, I was too fat in her eyes. By the time I was 14 years old, I started gaining weight and I saw myself as ginormous and disgusting from years of essentially being told I was. By the time I graduated high school, I was obese. By the time I gave birth to my first child at 21 years old, I was morbidly obese. Ironically, I had seen myself that huge since I was 10 years old, even though it took me years to actually reach that point. In a lot of way, in retrospect I see it was a self fulfilled prophecy. I saw and believed I was giant for so long, my body said "oh hey, I'm supposed to be huge!" and made that delusion a reality.

Now, though I can pinpoint where my problems started, let me be very clear about one thing: It is MY fault I am morbidly obese. Yes, I dealt with ongoing emotional abuse and trauma as a child, but my decisions as an adult are my own. No one made me eat until I was over 400 pounds. I take full responsibility for my own fate.

Great topic, btw. I hope it gets people thinking.

[running_scared 125]

I ate, because it was the only way I felt I could have control. I snuck food, because my morbidly obese Mom limited what I could have. I just wanted to show her that she didn't control me. Boy, did I show her. She died of complications from obesity almost 5 years ago.

She said terrible, awful things to me my whole life, and I used food as a way to not have to think and feel that pain.

I know that the pain from her will never go away, but I've been working on it, and working on my relationship with food as well. Food does not equal love, and that's something I am working on truly knowing.

[Sojourner 2,446]

PKB: An excellent thread...because the more we understand about ourselves and identify the core issues behind the self loathing and anger directed inward the more opportunity to change one's thinking to a healthier and more accurate perspective.

We cannot change our history...but we can accept that those events, however hurtful or harmful did happen. And then we can begin the process of revising our automatic thoughts and beliefs into a healthier and more accurate perspective. We can move beyond the negative and become successful with getting our minds and bodies into a healthier condition.

I'm excited that you took the initiative to realize that you wanted and/or needed to change the direction of your life...kudos to you for taking the steps to become your catalyst for positive change!

Best wishes...

[LessToLove902 41]

Wow, does that make you pause. For me, I was 13 and the town where my grandmother had a summer cottage was having a Centennial. There were events all summer, but for the 4th of July they were having a "Miss Canadohta Lake" pageant. Everyone was excited and my grandma specifically looked at my sister and cousin and asked them to enter. I was standing RIGHT THERE and she wouldn't even look me in the eye. I was devastated.

However, as previous posters have said, that was the catalyst but it was ME who hid food. I was the one who ate my feeling for the next 16 years. And now, it's ME who is taking control of the situation and righting all those years of mistakes.

Thank you for bringing this up. I had forgotten about that day, but it is important to remember because it is part of what made me who I am today. A confident (or getting there) woman, mother and wife.

Banded 4/17/12, on my way to the real me!

[lrhodes46 55]

What an excellent topic! I can relate to alot of the things you said. I started gaining weight after my son was born 26 years ago. I got belittled because I couldn't lose the weight. I was told that I was fat and needed to lose weight. When I lost it I was told I was too thin. I have been constantly told that I was fat like my dad's side of the family. But my dads side of the family never told me any of that. They loved me fat or thin. Imy oldest daughter had a little bit of a weight issue after my grandson was born. I never once told her she needed to lose weight. That was her decision and I knew that saying it to her would only make her more depressed. She lost it and I am very proud of her. My children and my husband totally support me. But there are so many issues of my past that I had to overcome to get to this point. Thank you for making us really think today. God bless you!

[jen_1381 446]

GREAT topic. Very deep!

I had an abusive childhood at the hands of my Aunt and Uncle whom were our daycare providers. After the abuse was discovered, I did therapy as a child (I was about 6) and just had it set in my mind that I was fixed.

When I was around 14-15 I started having anxiety, yet I didn't realize it was anxiety until I went through the WLS program and saw a psychologist. I felt like I always had to be busy. I was always cleaning, or doing SOMEthing to keep my hand moving. When I had nothing to do, I would eat. Kept my hands and mouth busy, and kept me calm.

Fast forward over the next 14 years and I didn't know how to relax. I wouldn't let myself have an ounce of fun, or sleep, until the whole house was perfectly clean and orgainzed. I wasn't completely obsessive about it, but I would literally lay awake at night thinking of laundry that needed folded.

After seeing the therapist and recognizing my feelings/anxieties over what happened to me as a child, and focusing on a few relaxation techniques, I'm a COMPLETELY different person. Things that used to keep me awake are no longer a priority over living life. I'm not saying I let my house get dirty (don't think I could ever do that!) but I no longer stay home from fun things because I need to Shampoo the carpet.

Added bonus, learning to keep my hands still cut out all of my mindless eating. Now, before I grab a snack, I ask myself if I really need this, or if I'm just needing to move around. Then I take a deep breath....

[honk 780]

Jen, I read a book in college "When I relax I feel guilty". That was aaaaaa long time ago so you can tell it made an impression. You might want to check it out.