The Psychology Of Size

[Sojourner 2,446]

I've noticed a pattern in my thinking over the past few months...that my "head", and my perceptions of self have not kept pace with the reality of my weight loss. Though this is common treatment issue in dealing with individuals with eating disorders (i.e. anorexia nervosa, who believe that they are physically much larger in size than they really are), I never thought it would also be an issue with people in the process of going through significant weight loss.

I've had some difficulties with my thoughts regarding my weight; my automatic thoughts have not always been up to date with the actual number...I've become aware of myself thinking about my weight, and reverting back to the pre op weight I was at. Instead of a "onederland" number, I catch myself thinking of a number which begins with a "2".

I've had an extremely difficult time with purchasing clothing in smaller sizes...recently I needed to go shopping for some capri pants which were the correct size to fit me well, and I had shrunk out of everything which I owned. I was shopping with my sister...who encouraged me to look at misses sizes, and she humored me with allowing me to take in the identical capri's but in a plus size. The misses size was obviously a better fit and my correct size, and so that's the size I ended up purchasing...but it took every ounce of willpower for me to not also purchase the plus size also.

The same debate with myself is ongoing as I shrink into a smaller sizes...as I automatically look for a larger size, and if I don't find it I resist choosing to try on a size smaller just to see if it will fit. I've been pleasantly surprised several times when the smaller size was actually the one to fit.

I can "see" the evidence that physically I am smaller; I no longer have to adjust the seat in my car to get in, I fit comfortably into restaurant booths, my mobility has increased, and the size on the clothing tag is a smaller number. But I continue to be challenged with the automatic thinking which places me back at the beginning of my weight loss journey. Eventually I know my "head" will catch up with the rest of me...just another part of my journey.

[alicesandra 98]

Very well thought out post, enjoyed reading it.

I will also have trouble buying smaller clothes, I have always been a very large girl, and within the last two months I have noticed changes with myself. Seat belts being looser, I can fit into the chairs outside of my doctors waiting room, machines at curves are so much easier for me to get in and out of, and the most important/biggest thing to me - the fact that I now have so much more leg room when it comes to sitting in the passanger seat of a car. These little changes, have made a world of difference in my thinking, just because I can now fit into things/more comfortably in stuff I was never able to before.

My friends have noticed I am shrinking, my family - my clothes, shirts in particular, are starting to become baggy on me. Pants are becomming loose. It's just amazing to me. I believe I will have issues shopping in a few months times when I start shopping for a new wardrobe, because I am so used to being in the biggest possible sizes. That is something that will never change for me, as I spent 12 out of my 22 years looking directly at the biggest end.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I can totally relate to this.

Sometimes I think I need to go back into counseling because my body image is so greatly distorted. I know I'm a 124 pounds less than I was 7 months ago, yet I still very often perceive myself as I was back then. My daughter has actually laughed at me for trying to wear clothes that could double as a tent, because in my warped brain, they should fit despite being 5 sizes too big.

I know this has been a lifelong problem for me, too. It started when I was a little girl and my mother used to ridicule me for being fat. Ironically, I wasn't fat as a girl just a little chubby, but somewhere along the road I began seeing myself as huge despite the fact I wasn't. In a lot of ways, I think being morbidly obese was a self-fulfilled prophesy. I had always seen myself as huge even when I wasn't, so finally my body followed suit.

Not that I blame my mom or childhood, mind you. I'm an adult and I am responsible for own choices and actions. I am just fortunate that I understand how my brain and self image got so distorted to begin with.

I think like everything else on this journey to health, there's a pretty big learning curve and necessary period of adjustment.

[Threetimesacharm 1,400]

I can totally relate to this.

Sometimes I think I need to go back into counseling because my body image is so greatly distorted. I know I'm a 124 pounds less than I was 7 months ago, yet I still very often perceive myself as I was back then. My daughter has actually laughed at me for trying to wear clothes that could double as a tent, because in my warped brain, they should fit despite being 5 sizes too big.

I know this has been a lifelong problem for me, too. It started when I was a little girl and my mother used to ridicule me for being fat. Ironically, I wasn't fat as a girl just a little chubby, but somewhere along the road I began seeing myself as huge despite the fact I wasn't. In a lot of ways, I think being morbidly obese was a self-fulfilled prophesy. I had always seen myself as huge even when I wasn't, so finally my body followed suit.

Not that I blame my mom or childhood, mind you. I'm an adult and I am responsible for own choices and actions. I am just fortunate that I understand how my brain and self image got so distorted to begin with.

I think like everything else on this journey to health, there's a pretty big learning curve and necessary period of adjustment.

A little off topic here but congratulations on your weight loss! Can you tell me how you were so successful in such a short period of time? How many calories are you eating a day? Do you snack? I am so struggling and on the fence as to are calories important and should I snack or just have three meals a day.

thanks for any help you can provide

[Lydia Levy Perez 19]

it doesn't matter how big you started.. the perceptual distortion is universal... i didn't think it was that awful in me until my slender college age son came home this time and begrudgingly noted "mom you look good"..this from a boy who perceives "fat girls" as invisible aliens who will wander the planet boyfriendless forever because they are undisciplined gargoyles" For that boy to notice I had shrunk to normal size was monumental.. for him to say it out loud was unthinkable.

I went from 200 (not huge by some standards) to 138 pounds in just 6 months. A size 18 to an 8 . Im 5 feet 4 and would still like to lose 10 more pounds..body perception is so strange.. my coworkers say I should stop losing weight.. when i strike a pose, my hand on my hip and I say: "So how much do you think I weigh?" they'll say: "128" so I say "good, because I weigh 138, so if I lose 10 pounds I'll be just right"....it never stops.. a person who has been heavy can not see what the world sees... our software programs that define our size are filled with distortion. We have to trust and rely on the perceptions of others...others we can trust. Am I ready to stop? Not yet.. I need a margin of safety... so I can bounce up and down 3-5 pounds and not feel Im breaking the bank....

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

A little off topic here but congratulations on your weight loss! Can you tell me how you were so successful in such a short period of time? How many calories are you eating a day? Do you snack? I am so struggling and on the fence as to are calories important and should I snack or just have three meals a day.

thanks for any help you can provide

Thanks!

Honestly, I only follow the guidelines my nutritionist set for me, nothing special.

I average 900-1000 calories a day (I could have up to 1200 but I'm never hungry enough). I eat a minimum of 60g of Protein, no more than 125g of carbs, and no more than 20% fat.

I also make sure my food total is a cup or less per meal.

If you haven't already, I would strongly suggest seeing a nutritionist. Specifically one that has experience with bariatric patients. I know the information I got from mine has been priceless and made it very easy for me to make good decisions based on her guidelines.

[Fr33B 4]

Sojourner...you are an amazing woman/I just love to read your posts. AliceSandra I can totally relate to you On that level of things changing. But it's a bit opposite for me. Where as I used to fit comfortably in my car I have a hard time even getting in anymore. Or it used to be a breeze walking across campus at school now, I get light headed just walking from my car. It's little things like that ppl don't understand is so frustrating which is why I want to get the lapband. I just recently started gaining so much weight. I'm used to being in that size 8 and now in a 18....it haunts me that I wanna get that 8 so i say ok I'll be back in it again one day so I'll buy it. Which I know there is hope but for maybe 4 of my 22 years I've been feeling like I'm gonna wake up one day and be back in a sz 8 and a bikini when I know life doesn't work that way.

[vlp1968 83]

I totally identify with the self-fulfilling prophecy. As a young child 7-8 years old I starting putting on a little weight. My parents didn't exactly berate me, but made comments and my mom would get frustrated at having to buy some new clothes because I gained weight. I always felt fat, even when I was just a little overweight and I became that very overweight person I always thought I was.

[lolitawantsaband 45]

I thought myself into a size 22 because I always felt a siZe 22 even when I was a size 14. ???¥I have been up and down with my weight since becoming an adult and that is why I am now banded. I now have a tool to help me succeed in being a healthy weight and not yo-yo for the rest of my life. I grew up in a house where my weight was the blame for everything wrong in life. As a teenager my father & other family members tore my sister & I apart by downing us because we were "fat & stupid". Unfortunately I blame my fat for everything that goes wrong in my life. It's vicious & I am in therapy because I want to be successful in my weight loss. I know being big is not the blame it's the underlying issues that has me big. I love this forum & thank you all for being supportive.

[Puppypaws57 137]

Wow Lolita - that is my story. In fact it was kinda hard to read because it hit so close to home. Except, I was the ONLY fat one.

[Kate rules 43]

I can totally relate to this topic. I've had issues with body image since I was in my early teens. In retrospect, I was not fat at all but I let some mean people bully me into believing I was not pretty or healthy. Today, at 31 years old, I still struggle with this. I just gave away all of my size 12, 14, 16 and 18 pants and suits. Even after 72 pounds of weight loss I cannot picture myself as thin or pretty or desireable.

I actually have worked on this in therapy. I can accept that the scale will reflect a lower number and that my pants (when I get the courage, time and money to go shopping) will be MUCH smaller, but when I look in the mirror I still all my flaws standing out before I can admire the body I've worked so hard to get healthy.

A pretty interesting example of this is when a good friend of mine bought me a dress (she does these things) in a size 6. I looked at her as if she had three heads and told her that there is no way I will ever fit into a size 6. She told me to put in on. It zipped up and actually looked really good! I never would have grabbed a size 6 off of the rack because I don't believe I am that small.

And yes, people at work have told me to stop losing weight and I tell them that in my eyes, I am still overweight and have more to lose.