How To Get Past The Negativity?

[soon to be the new me 1]

I am currently waiting for my first consult with the surgeon. I've been told that they have verified my insurance coverage and it will probably be another week.

Awhile back when I talked to my family about my decision they were not very supportive. I was told that if people just tried and had a little self control they would be able to lose the weight. It's a life style change. Just trying to take the easy way out. That it's not that hard if we just put our minds to it. etc etc etc.

So I waited to tell them anymore until I got to this point. So the responses I got were well aren't you scared to go through such a dangerous surgery when you have to follow such a strict diet? And pretty much telling me that they don't believe I can do it, I can't stick to it and will gain it back. I got mad and said that they needed to be happy for me and support me.

How do you get past the negativity? I don't feel like I have a support system and if I fail in the least bit or eat something like a piece of candy or french fry the rest of my life they will always have something to say. That's the part that scares me.

I have lost weight several times and then I gain it back and then some. I need a tool to help me. I know it will be hard and I just feel like I have everyone rooting for me to fail instead of helping me to prepare and stick with it. I know the rest of my life it will be "should you be eating that? Is that on your diet? I told you so.................."

[hippychick74 22]

Since you are new to the process, share all your information with your family memebers. I laugh when I here taking the easy way out. I even think I though it was an easy way at one time. Boy oh boy this is not easier. the more educated you become the better.

[Mrs. CMK 188]

I am so sorry you are going through a tough time. Most of us, who have told a friend or a family member about our decision to become banded knows what it is like to get a negative reaction. Mine was from my daughter and I cried for 2 days. Most of the people in your life probably are just concerned for your health and safety and not very educated on weight loss surgery and more than likely, they don't know the level of soul searching you have gone through to get to this decision. I know it is tough to sustain your motivation and enthusiasm but imagine how great you will feel after you have lost weight. Really imagine it. Do your best to shrug off the comments. Unfortunately, sometimes people react negatively because they are jealous and their comments really have more to do with their own unhappiness than you personally. Most importantly, join a support group. My face to face and online support groups have been a God send to me. I get more educated every day and I can counteract any negativity with facts. The positive-ness and success of others who share their story has made it easier to deal with any negativity around me.

Everyone's weight loss journey is a personal one. No one knows what is best for you except for you. If others try to talk you out of it, just smile and tell them you appreciate their concern, but only time will tell if this is the right decision for you. And then work extra hard to prove them wrong.

I hope this helps you.

God Bless

[Short and Chunky 230]

Well, poo on them. I have been banded just over a year. My husband thought I was nuts and that this was just another weight loss gimmick. Some of my friends tried to talk me out of it becuase they thought I might die in surgery. My daughter and mother were in my corner all the way. I made up MY MIND and I went through with the entire process with a very positive can do attitude. Don't let the negitive people get to you. If this is what you feel is right for you, then GO GIRL. Now that I am down over 100 pounds - the negitive people have hushed..Yep, I eat funny now and yep, sometimes it is very hard but this "tool" really helps. Good luck and hang in there. If you really feel this is the right move for you, you will not let their comments bother you. Keep us posted.

Melinda in Florida

[♕ajtexas♕ 3,771]

I think a lot of negativity comes from lack of education. My parents were negative at first, I then gave them a copy of Dr O'Brien's book and asked them to read it. They did and their support changed greatly. Other than my husband, they are my biggest supporters.

The other important support for me is my support groups, both online and in person. I couldn't do this without them.

[Readyforachange*** 5]

I went through the same thing with my family, but you just have to do what you have to do for you and not them and let then know it's for your health so that you can live a long healthy life. In the long run they will have some kind of support. And we here on LapBand talk are some of your biggest supporters. Good luck with your LB journey!!!!!!!!

[downhomechik 41]

My daughter was dead set against this as was my son. Until I started getting the tests to see if I qualified for surgery and they found the hiatal hernia, the diabetes, the high blood pressure and I showed them how my being overweight was contributing to my unhealthiness and that studies have proven that losing weight prolongs your life. I went through therapy for my legs and back they hurt so bad and all due to being overweight. I fell all the time just because my balance was off. After that they supported me. I didn't bother telling a lot of people at work because people can be so harsh. Yes, they all think this is the easy way out. They don't realize the committment and the lifestyle change you undergo.

[sarawray 44]

I think alot of us have had to deal with negativity. Its just the nature of the beast. Some people are just envious, others ill informed. But as far as my family, when they found out I had a greater chance of a stroke due to high blood pressure, than I do from dying from the surgery, they kind of mellowed out, as for other people I could care less what they think. this is my decision not there's.

[tflemon67 88]

Please, please, please ignore these people and do what is best for you. It's not always about damn will power. I myself managed to lose 68 lbs and gained 40 of it back. I worked out and ran every single day to get 68 lbs off. I'm sorry it's just not very realistic to think you can work out every single day to keep weight off. Sometimes you need a little assistance, you still have to do the work but the band is a tool that is effective at helping you get the weight off and keeping it off.

I myself have not shared my surgery plans with anyone but my soon to be ex-husband and only because he's my ride on the surgery date. It's nobody's business but your own.

[Toddy 758]

Print out what you wrote here and give it to them. Tell them if they care about you enough, they will open their minds and do some research about lapband.

I didn't tell anyone that I wasn't 100% sure would be supportive about my surgery. The ones that have learned about the surgery after the fact have all seen the positive results -- my weight loss -- and have become supportive.

[JessiG1983 50]

I agree with other posters that the negativity comes from lack of education when it comes to the reality of the lapband. You can talk to them regarding their ignorance on the matter and let them know that their opinions will not change your mind and they need to get on board and support you or shut their mouths!! Keep your positivity and allow your future success to shut the mouth of the nay sayers!!!

[ddrobins 58]

I'm not sure how old you are, and that doesn't matter. I'm sure you are an adult and legally entitled to make decisions for yourself. You need to listen to that voice inside of you. You've heard it before and you know what is right for yourself. You need a support system in your life that is rooting for you, no matter what, and will still love and support you even if you were to falter along your weight loss journey.

We are all given families at the time of our birth and you know the saying, blood is thicker than Water. Sometimes the ones who understand you and support your decisions in the right way, are not people that are blood related to us. You need to make a support system for yourself and not deal with any negativity. That does't mean that you cut your family out of your life, you just don't include them in your personal decisions, knowing that they will not be accepting of your decisions.

I made the decision to get Lap Band, because nothing else has worked long term for me. I'm depending on my Band and the feeling of restriction to remind me of what I need to do in order to live a longer and healthier life. I was getting to be very limited in my mobility and dealing with lots of joint pain. I know this has to work for me or my golden years will be spent in my recliner watching life pass outside my window. If you are committed to changing your lifestyle. And that might mean turning things upside down in your life for awhile, then you are a good candidate for the surgery.

Go after what you want and don't let other people pee in your cheerios!

Good Luck!

[icandothisforme 20]

People are not educated when it comes to how hard you have to work when getting this surgery. I only told people right before I had the surgery. And when someone told me I took the easy way out, I told them I was offended and they do not know what they are talking about. Use this forum and go to support groups for support. That is what I do and it has helped me so much !

[soon to be the new me 1]

Thank you very much everyone. I knew I would run into some negativity but when it comes from your family it hurts and it's hard to think about going through this huge journey with people waiting for you to fall. But I am doing it regardless because I want to see 35, 40, and hopefully 80. I want to run and play with my daughter. I don't want to be embarassed because I can't always get on the floor and play with her or the embarassing way I have to bend over to pick up her toys. I want to be healthy, not have to take pills to stay that way. I was going to do this about 4 years ago and my now ex husband and I were paying out of pocket but 2 weeks before I was supposed to have surgery he pulled the plug on the loan.

I lost over 100 lbs after my divorce and gained it back after I had a baby. It's a vicious circle we all know too well. The only people who will know about my surgery will be my family for now. It will be my choice who knows later. I appreciate the comments and support. At least I know I can come here for support!

[cfmom716 8]

Hi, sorry to hear you do not have a supportive family or group to help you through this. So you know what I say to do, Prove them wrong! I would absolutely go through with the surgery and do everything it takes to get healthy and happy and use your own motivation to get the job done. I believe if you want something bad enough nothing can stop you. I am lucky to have a pretty supportive family and an adult son that already has the lap-band so we help each other.

I, like you have lost weight in the past, 100 lbs. one time, 75 lbs another time and always put it back on and now being over 40 yrs. old it just doesn't want to come off at all. I received my lap-band June 19th, 2012 and have lost 37 lbs. so far. I use the band as a tool to keep me in check with how I eat. I can't eat too much if I get the proper fills and when I finally reach my goal I will get a maintenance fill and keep up with the lap band the rest of my life so that I don't put it back on. The surgery is not that bad, it's laproscopic and I had very little pain and came home the nexxt day and was fine, no pain meds but Tylenol. So don't let them scare you about that. And, as for if you're eating right, tell them I know the plan and yes, I am following what I am supposed to do and tell them not to worry about it. Make them know you are getting in control of your own life and don't need their approval or advice. You can take care of yourself.

You can always turn to this forum and get support from others like me and we help eachother through the tough times. That's what we're here for. Stay strong, take control and get that surgery done and start a new and healthier life and , "Prove them wrong." Blessing to you for Strength!