Need A Mentor To Help Get Me Back On Track

[jrae 38]

Wow! That's kind of mean!!! Just sayin...

[mommymary81 4]

I've called and made an appointment with my surgeon 1st available is the 23rd, but they are emailing me a copy of the pre and post op diets, as soon as I get them I'm going straight to the store and starting that. I really do feel that if I start from scratch that I can get myself back on track.

I've tried talking with my husband about being sensitive to my needs, I've even tried to get him into the weight loss thing to but no luck. Sometimes I wonder if he wants to keep me like I am just because a part of him is afraid that if I lose my weight and start feeling better about myself that I'll leave him, which is so not true.

But as far as the baby thing. Thank you. I am truly blessed to have 4 healthy kids of my own and 2 healthy step kids. But there is absolutely no chance of anymore kids hubby and I both made sure of that after this last one. So now its just time to focus on my weight and health and reaching my long term goal and staying there.

I really do appreciate everyones advice and support. Thank you so much!

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

Wow! That's kind of mean!!! Just sayin...

Sorry if that came across to you as mean, because that wasn't my intention, and I don't think the OP (original poster) took it that way. My point in recommending birth control is that having babies and losing weight are both worthwhile but incompatible.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

Sorry if that came across to you as mean, because that wasn't my intention, and I don't think the OP (original poster) took it that way. My point in recommending birth control is that having babies and losing weight are both worthwhile but incompatible.

momma mary, it sounds like you are a great momma

you have wings waiting on you with 6 young uns. YOU go girl

i think getting the band and having children must be hard. i do not think ms jean meant to come across as (mean). i think she is and was concerned about you. you got the lap band (which is a major surgery in itself)

and all that goes along with it. and then 2 gorgeous babies. follow shortly thereafter.

but now that you are wanting to (get back on track) you need to buckle down and do something about it. my brother told me once, either do something about it or shut up.

(i dont want you to shut up, i want you to do it).

do this for your kids, be healthy. be who you can be GF.

[mommymary81 4]

Oh no, I don't think that Jean was being mean at all, after all getting pregnant (while both times were blessings) is what has gotten me off the weight loss path in the first place. But as I said hubby and I have both made sure we are not having any more kids, 6 is plenty for us lol.

I really haven't been doing good at all since my last reply. I've continued to do the same exact things as I had been doing to sabotage any chances of weight loss. I keep telling myself "so what I messed up this time but I won't again", yet I keep doing the same thing over and over again. The more time that goes by and the more I continue to do this to myself my hopelessness intensifies, which makes it harder to even want to try and continue this journey. I'm beginning to feel like this is never going to happen for me again, like it's just not meant for me to be thin and healthy.

I haven't completely given up though. I am still waiting on the pre and post op diet information from my doctor and once I get it I am going directly to the store to buy it all, and once I do I REFUSE to deviate from it so that I can hopefully get my mind right again.

I do really appreciate everyone's support on here. At this point I truly do need all the support that I can get.

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

I think all of us deal with self-sabotage to some extent. Even "normal" people do it, but it's expressed not in eating behavior but in other areas of their lives. With a big family, you have a LOT on your life's plate besides food. The approach that works best for me when I'm trying to make major changes in my behavior is to pick one small behavior and work on that until I feel I've got it under better control before I take on another one. So for example, you could decide to get all junk food out of your house (give it to friends, family, food bank, dumpster) and promise yourself not to bring home anything else like that for (say) 2 weeks. Trying to make big changes all at once is a setup for failure, in my opinion.

I know very well what it's like to get trapped in hopelessness. I think you need to get some small successes (see above) under your belt so that the hopelessness loses some of its power over you. And as you said, you need lots of support. You can get that here on LBT, in an in-person WLS support group, in a group like Overeaters Anonymous, and/or in counseling with a therapist experienced with WLS and eating disorder patients.

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

Wow! That's kind of mean!!! Just sayin...

It's not mean, it's arithmetic.

Let's say your basal metabolism needs 2000 cal/day just to keep you alive.

To lose 1 lb/week, you need to eat 500 cal/day less, so that's 1500 cal/day.

But if you're pregnant, you need to eat 300 cal/day more than your basal metabolism needs, so that means you need to eat 2300 cal/day.

Bottom line:

Pregnant Mom > 2300 cal/day > healthy baby

Pregnant Mom > 1500 cal/day > unhealthy baby

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

At a support group meeting a few years ago, a pre-op woman and her husband argued openly about her desire to have WLS. She clearly needed major help with weight loss because of some serious medical problems, he was vehemently against it, and the argument kept escalating. The facilitator of the meeting was struggling to get him to calm down enough to talk about why he was so against it. Suddenly he burst out that he didn't want other men looking at her and wanting her. He was so upset (and embarrassed, probably) that he got up and stomped out of the room.

It would be easy to say that he was being a jerk and inconsiderate of his wife's needs, but all I heard was the agony in his voice, and his terror over the possibility of life without his wife.

I hope that couple was able to get some counseling or other help. I've been married for 25 years to a guy who I love but who still has a hard time talking about his feelings. Men are acculturated to be strong and silent, and I have to take extra care to reassure my sweetie on a regular basis. Because I can't bear the thought of life without him.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

"I really haven't been doing good at all since my last reply. I've continued to do the same exact things as I had been doing to sabotage any chances of weight loss. I'm beginning to feel like this is never going to happen for me again, like it's just not meant for me to be thin and healthy."

again, dont hate me

in yellow. those are your words--- if you continue to (not eat correctly) which his high fat/junk food etc, you are just doing what is is you claim to want to change. if you want to to be healthy, you attitude needs to change first. the band wont solve your problems, they will still be there. i am not one who will say thats ok, just do better tomorrow. i am one who will say, do better today.

you have to either do something about or you will stay the same

right now all i am reading is i want to lose weight but still doing bad.....why is that?

this is about you.

you are the only one who can do something to make your self happy and get well.

[jrae 38]

Have you tried the my fitness pal or lose it apps? That was my first step in the right direction after getting off course. It made me focus on exactly what I was eating, if I was drinking enough Water, getting enough Protein. It kept me from popping that cracker in my mouth because I didn't want to log it! It has saved me too- we were at Bjs brew house & I wanted the fiesta chicken salad. I keyed it into my fitness pal & it was over 1000 calories!!! Take small steps. What's that Chinese proverb (?) "A journey of a 1000 miles begins with 1 step". Set 1 small goal today- "I will log all my food on MFP". Do it. Pat yourself on the back and set another small goal. You can do it!

[jrae 38]

It's not mean' date=' it's arithmetic.

Let's say your basal metabolism needs 2000 cal/day just to keep you alive.

To lose 1 lb/week, you need to eat 500 cal/day less, so that's 1500 cal/day.

But if you're pregnant, you need to eat 300 cal/day more than your basal metabolism needs, so that means you need to eat 2300 cal/day.

Bottom line:

Pregnant Mom > 2300 cal/day > healthy baby

Pregnant Mom > 1500 cal/day > unhealthy baby[/quote']

Jean I'm sorry if I touched a nerve! I really don't think YOU are mean! I realize having babies and losing weight are not compatible. I just felt bad for her and felt your answer wasn't compassionate because sometimes babies "happen" planned or not! Lol! She didn't find the reply mean so no harm done! I know you are very respected on LBT and I didn't want to offend you or hurt your feelings. I was just a bit taken aback by your reply, that's all. Best wishes.

[Threetimesacharm 1,400]

I can totally relate to everything you said Mommymary. I lost 60 pounds and then learned all the ways around the band went back to old eating habits and for years did not lose weight. My band was actually too tight so I really couldn't eat the healthy stuff and like others was embarrassed to go into see the lapband doctor. Why are we embarrassed we paid alot of money for a great service, hold our heads up high and go and take the support that we are entitled too! I have recently had a small de-fill .5cc and am now doing great! Planning, eating slow, listening to my band, staying away from food triggers, using this site and having a goal in mind all things that are helping me. Put your self number one, if your husband is not behind you then put him on the back burner and forge ahead we are here for support and encouragement. You CAN do this............use the tool as needed to be successful!!

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

Jean I'm sorry if I touched a nerve! I really don't think YOU are mean! I realize having babies and losing weight are not compatible. I just felt bad for her and felt your answer wasn't compassionate because sometimes babies "happen" planned or not! Lol! She didn't find the reply mean so no harm done! I know you are very respected on LBT and I didn't want to offend you or hurt your feelings. I was just a bit taken aback by your reply, that's all. Best wishes.

No hard feelings here. And you're right about babies who arrive with or without advance planning, and with or without the use of contraception. My house is full of unplanned and beloved children. They happen to be canine kids, but we love them all. If we'd been able to have human children, our house might be full of grandchildren by now. Whatever species, they all need feeding and loving! And so do their parents.

[Karenwinpa 1]

mommymary81 I also am looking for someone to help me get back on track. I was banded Oct. 5, 2010 I lost 50+ but now

because of bad habits and no support I'm starting to gain. I would love to keep in touch and maybe we can help each other set

new goals and get rid of the bad bad habits.

[mommymary81 4]

Ok, so I didnt do as bad this past week as I thought I did. I went down from 316 to 309.2. I just started to use my fitness pal to actually track the foods that Im eating (my name is mommymary81 on there too if anyone would like to friend me {please!}). I think I am beginning to believe in myself again, which is an awesome acheivement for me.