What others think of your weight loss!!

[Dianechef 3]

One thing that has really surprised me with my weight loss are the responses from other people.

I don't expect compliments from anyone, as a matter of fact I feel a little uncomfortable when all eyes are on me! However, I have noticed that when people have noticed you are losing weight they are one of 2 things:

1)They go OVERBOARD with compliments .

2)They say NOTHING AT ALL & kindof act uncomfortable around you.

My hairstylist is a beautiful, large woman. I've been going to her for over 2 years. We have become good friends. When I originally told her I was having WLS, she seemed pretty supportive & asked lots of questions. However, as I've successfully lost the weight, she has been different. She's just kindof stand-of-ish. This last time I got my hair cut, a woman came up to me & went on & on about how much weight I'd lost & how "great" I looked.....etc. She said to my hairstylist - "Doesn't she look good?" My hair lady responded with a shrug & said- "Oh yeah, I noticed."

When I went to the front to pay my bill, the front desk lady whispered to me - "I think she's a little jealous of you. I wouldn't worry about it."

Now that I think back, I have had several people who have responded to me in a similar fashion. One of my sisters does not say a word about my weight loss while my other sister can't stop with the compliments. I teach piano lessons & see the students mothers once a week. Some of them hug me & tell me how proud they are of me & others are so quiet. These are all people that I knew very well & had good relationships with.

What responses have you noticed from others?

[Tricia K. 0]

Although I've lived in Louisiana for 2 years, I really don't know that many people so I haven't yet experienced a variety of responses. However, those that I do know have said nothing but positive things. They don't necessarily over-do it with compliments either.

I have a feeling that when I return to New Jersey and Oregon to visit it will be an entirely different story and I'll encounter a wide range of responses.

[vinesqueen 2]

Ha! No one notices the weight a Turtle looses. :faint: 15 pounds since April doesn't make for a lot of comments, other than "when are you going to lose weight?"

But I'll let you know if I start to lose weight.

Weight is such an interesting issue, itsn't it. It is very intresting to see how people treat us differenly when we lose weight. Some people view weight as a punishment, that we are not very deserving people if we are fat.

And yes, it is so very hard to watch someone success where we cannot, despite our very best efforts. You might have no idea what it's like from the point of view of the person who cannot lose weight. You have no idea how maddening it is to watch other people lose when you cannot.

I'm sure that the folks who don't comment are jelous. I know that I am. It is to increadibly difficult to be supportive of someone doing something that despite your best efforts cannot do. For the folks who don't comment, I wouldn't neccessiarly write them off as simply being jerks.

One thing to keep in mind that your success only drives home what a failure someone who can't lose is. I rarely comment on how great someone's losses are. I want to rant and rave and throw something. I rarely comment on someone's success because it would be hollow and false.

[Dianechef 3]

Hi Vines,

Wow!! Great comments. I am positive this is how my hairdresser is feeling!!! Don't worry. I never planned on writing her off, or the others who didn't respond. Just noticing that it was happening.

It's almost eaiser when people don't respond!!! When I started on my weight loss journey I wasn't prepared for the extra attention & I truly am not comfortable with it. So, I can honestly say I appreciate the quiet, "secretly jealous" people.

And Vines, I hope that you can someday feel the awkward (& happy) feeling when someone comments on your weight loss. Your day is coming!!! I would not do well in your shoes & I applaud you for your continued efforts in offering advice to those of us who totally annoy you with our weight loss.

[JJB 2]

I am also a little uncomfortable with the complaments. I am happy that people are noticing. But I dont know what to say. Should I just say thanks or just smile. Im really not used to attention. I normaly walk through the store with my head down feeling like if I dont look at people maybe they wont see me. I have noticed now that I am smiling at people and feeling a lot better. I have lost 36 lbs. I cant imagine losing 50 or more. Its very exciting.

[bandayed 0]

I guess weight loss is a very sensitive issue -- I obviously knew weight GAIN was but who would think the opposite would be true? I was just questioning this myself as very few people comment on my weight loss and I had myself convinced you couldn't even tell. I think actually it is just that people don't know what to say or how to say it! My parents are very happy for my weight loss, but my Dad doesn't ask me about it any more, and I am convinced it is b/c he is heavy himself and like your hair dresser, has issues with my success losing wieght.......................

[bermy 0]

About 25 yers ago (lol) I was 200lbs. I remember loosing 50 lbs on Atkins Diet. i hated the comments from men. It was as if they were telling me that I had arrived and that NOW finally I could be considered worthy of being asked out. In fact I hated the feeling so much that I gained it all back. I remember thinking " well now Im good enough but you are not !)

Heyyyyyyyy its all a trip ! if you ask me. All I know is that now I can tie my shoes and cross my legs ! Im happy as hell, because now it has nothing to do with my thinking about how others see me,and at the moment its not about vanity either. I havent even purchased anything new yet. Nope ! Right now its about feeling better. Amen to feeling better and nothing anyone can say equals that !

[vinesqueen 2]

absolutely Bermy, absolutely! I lost 25 pounds once, and I was completely unprepaired for the response from men. I was in a large program, with group counceling and the whole nine yards, but never once did they mention anything about being mentally prepaired for the weight loss, and more importantly, the reaction we would get from others.

And if we've used our weight as a shield and armor against the world, it can be increadibly difficult dealing with the world once we are naked.

[DevilMayKare 1]

Yeeeeears ago, over the summer in jr high I lost 20#. I left 7th grade chubby and came back to 8th grade slender. Lost all my girlfriends. All the comments of people--and the QUESTIONS!--bothered me so much that I wrote to "Dear Abby" about it. She published my letter just above another letter written by a woman complaining of no one noticing her weightloss. Then Dear Abby wrote something like... "Just goes to show, you can't please everyone..."

I always thought that was the STUPIDEST response. I still can't believe Abigal Van Buren could be so insensitive to a 13-yr-old girl. But what I learned from that experience (over 30 years later, still going thru the same crap) was to just say "YOU LOOK WONDERFUL!" (or great, or something like that) and leave the entire weightloss issue out of the comment. THose who WANT to talk about how much weight & how they've lost will volunteer the infomation without being given the 3rd dregee about it.

[PhotoNut 7]

Mm.. great thread. DianeChef, do you remember that thread where we talked about weightloss chaning us from the cheerful, entertaining, comedians to something different? You said your family used to ask you to tell stories and entertain them when they were around, but now they don't. If I remember correctly, you were the largest in your family then. I see this subject very closely linked to that thread.

And I know exactly what you mean about family and friends over-doing the compliments! I have one friend, bless her heart, who goes on about it so much I just stopped believing her.

I lost 60 pounds about 20 years ago and at that time we had a large group of "friends" (Amway in North Carolina - huge social thing). Anyway, I had lost 40 and even 50 pounds before anyone said a word to me about it. My clothes were hanging off of me and not one of the women I was around a LOT said a word! I couldn't believe it. And started wondering if the work I was doing was even going to matter. Then one day I went shopping and bought size 12s and the comments started - from the husbands! Ack! I was so uncomfortable with that! Only one woman made one comment to me and I'll never forget it. She said, "You look better every time I see you!" Her compliment meant a great deal to me.. whereas the men could have just shut up and I'd have been fine with that! One husband pulled me aside from a group and whispered, "You sure are looking good." and I just wanted to run.... Spot the girl who has a history of sexual abuse.

Oh yes, there is a HUGE amount of psychological impact on us with weight loss. It's no wonder I never kept it off before! It was scary down there!

And if we've used our weight as a shield and armor against the world, it can be increadibly difficult dealing with the world once we are naked.

Amen sister.

[K@t 38]

As I have lost and gained weight over the years, I have had many responses..... and all of them were positive when I was loosing. I remember a teacher at the school I was working at told me if I lost any more I would be wasting away, she thought I was looking great and was afraid for me to loose too much!!! That was when I was 250 and down to 225!! Imagine...wasting away at 225! (I was doing Atkins) It was a great feeling. :biggrin1:

As for others loosing weight when I can not (or have more difficulty I should say) I'm happy....I'm not jealous, I'm not upset and I don't wish it were me instead of them. I'm happy for some one else's accomplishments, and it just gives me that much more motivation to try harder myself, I love to read about and hear about others success stories, and I know that one day I will have my own success story to share. :clap2:

[NJChick 3]

When I was in my 20's and over 300 lbs, I had been hanging out at this bar for years with my friends. Seen the same people week after week, year after year so I kinda knew who were the jerks. Some people (men) would talk to me and some wouldn't.

I had lost about 150 lbs in about 1 1/2 years (on my own, starvation if you will). This one guy who would never even so much as glance my way bought me a drink at the bar one saturday night. When the bartender brought the drink over to me, I held it up in the air and looked at the guy like as if I was saying *CHEERS*, smiled, then I bent over the bar and dumped it down the sink. The scum wouldn't talk to me then, then why does he think I would want to talk to him now.....YUCK! and let me just say this for the record, he was one fugly fellow.

My attitude since then is, surround yourself with positive people. Jealous people suck! It really doesn't matter what others think, what matters is how we feel in the morning

I'm glad you are getting wonderful comments from your friends, and people who truly do care. Absorb yourself in it as much as you can...because you deserve to

Hugs !!

[bermy 0]

You got that sugar right Chick...........but still you see part of the craziness is ours to own because we didnt like ourselves either and thats why their attitude irked us. We hated ourselves and we resented others who fostered those same feelings toward us.

Today is a new day and today we have a chance to develop new and more healthy attidudes about ourselves. I am hoping that the past has taught me things. Today I want to feel good and look good. Im not doing it to find a man. I have a good life and I just want to live it. Thats what I have taught my daughter " dont overly invest in your body. You may one day loose a breast, then what? Are you your breast? Or do you HAVE a breast? "Surely we must be more than just a body. The culture dosen't subscibe to this but I do. It's taken years of yoyoing. It's taken years of trying to be good enough but not believing that we are. That's why I won't get on the scale every day or even every week. Ive got the band, now I need to get on with life and live!

[PhotoNut 7]

Ive got the band, now I need to get on with life and live!

Losing 90 pounds can sure make that a reality! :clap2: Good job Bermy!

[gentlespirit 1]

It's funny...I remember when I was in college and wei ghed 140 pounds on my 5'9" frame. I got lots of attention from guys but it was often to comment on parts of my body (breasts, legs, whatever) like I was just a collection of body parts for them to ogle. I got really tired of it. When I lose enough so that it shows (and hopefully so that I look "good" again) I will be really pissed if someone who ignored me as a fat person starts paying attention to me. I have no time for people like that...I love Eileen's story about what she did!

Emily