Got 1st negative remark...

[lianna 3]

I had someone I hold dear make a catty remark this weekend. We had friends (I will call them mike and mary) over for dinner. These are our closest friends and we hang out all the time, cookouts, go camping, weekends at the beach, etc... I was standing at the stove and Mike said, "God Lianna how much weight have you lost? You are looking really good!". Before I could even reply Mary said, "Too bad you are just losing it from your boobs". I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I just said "I dont think I have lost 30 lbs of boobs" and laughed. But honestly this keeps replaying in my head and I cant shake it. I just felt blindsided by her remark. I still feel so defensive that I feel compelled to say I have lost 6 inches off my waist, 4 off my butt, and gone from a size 20 pant to size 16, (and only 1 off my chest, lol). She has always talked about my boobs "thats because you have big boobs, I'm glad I dont have to walk around with those, more than a mouthfuls a waste,etc.." I always shrug these remarks off. But I cant explain how sad I feel that someone I hold dear would feel the need make such a catty childish remark to me. She is also the ONLY person to not have made one single comment about my weight loss......up until that one.

I just need to vent and get this off my chest. My DH says to let it go, but really I am more than a little pissed, and hate to feel that way...this is her hangup, and I dont want to let it become mine.

[Luci 0]

Oh Lianna,

It sounds like she was jealous of you even before you lost the weight! Don't feel bad about what she said, just feel sad for her.

Luci

[PhotoNut 7]

It is jealousy. Her husband just complimented you and she felt the need to counteract his compliment by pointing out something negative about you.

I have a friend whom I used to count as my best friend, but after years of these kind of remarks I now consider her an occassional friend. We get along on special occassions and thats about it. When I tried to tell her that her remarks hurt me, she denied that she meant anything negative and was just kidding around. I learned something a long time ago, and its so true - More truth is told in half jest.

It's possible that you've been allowing this from her for a long time, excusing her remarks in order to maintain the friendship. Perhaps it's time you told her that it does hurt you and ask her to stop. If she won't, then she's not the kind of friend you can really count on. I miss my friend and the fun times we used to have with her and her husband. But I don't miss the sick feeling in my stomach from her remarks.

[Anwyn 0]

Yup - she was jealous before you had surgery and she's still jealous now. Try to take it as a compliment. In all seriousness though, you should try to talk to her about it. There are obviously issues, and if she's going to make you feel badly about yourself then you need discuss it and decide whether or not you want to continue the friendship.

[Tricia K. 0]

I just need to vent and get this off my chest.

I'm sorry you had to endure her jealousy. Friends are supposed to support you, regardless. *hugs*

However, the line above from your post was soooooo appropriate. LOL...I definitely giggled over it.

[Sunta 5]

Ditto what everyone else said. That's a perfect example of the green eyed monster!!!

[Mita 2]

I agree - You must be looking very Hot for her to make that kind of Comment..

Just let it roll of your shoulders cause you are doing wonderful and she is noticing.

[Angels 0]

It's too bad people can't just be happy for one another and that is the very main reason I am not telling one soul except my husband because I just don't want to deal with it. Keep up the good work but if it bothers you that bad, I believe you can say something nice nasty with getting your point accross. Congrats!!! I am happy for you and I don't even know you. My surgery is scheduled for April 4, 2006, please keep me in your prayers and I will do the same.

[PhotoNut 7]

Tricia - I got it! LOL

[Teasie 0]

You know, that is something I had not thought about that my husband told me was going to happen. Me and a good friend are being banded the same day and he says we can both get ready for comments. We spend a great deal of time on the Water and all our friends are used to being much smaller than we are. He says that when we get to their size and smaller, it will really be interesting to watch the reactions. I am not keeping this a secret from anybody. When I start losing weight and someone asks me what I am doing different, I am going to tell them I had surgery. If they get catty with me, I will get catty right back at them. I can just picture being told that the only way I could lose the weight was to cheat and have surgery, and I am gonna reply, "Yeah, and I love it!"

[Dody 0]

Mary's hackles went up when her hubby paid you a compliment. Perhaps he doesn't pay enough of them to her. She just might be fighting her own demons, so unlike the others I think I would feel sorry for her that she felt she had to make this remark. She was protecting what she thinks is "her property". She has probably definitely noticed you losing weight and if she didn't say anything before her husband did....well you have to think she is wondering how, when, why, where and how. She certainly isn't positive energy, but I would confront her if she is the friend you think she is, and let her know that her remarks hurt me. If you can't be completely honest with a friend then they weren't a friend to start with.

[Tricia K. 0]

Tricia - I got it! LOL

:laugh:lol::laugh:lol:

[giveyouthemoon 4]

Actually....i feel kind of bad for Mary. She must be pretty unhappy to feel okay lashing out at a friend. Insecurity is a tough one. But girl, don't let someone else's demons ruin your good day.

Don't let the compliment you got get lost in this, ok? The husband paid you a nice compliment. Focus on that, send loving thoughts to Mary then move your newly tiny be-hiney in time to your own magical song!!!

[NJChick 3]

Oh what a snotty remark. Next time just say "Now Mary, you know jealousy will get you no where, and at least I have boobs, now shut up"

Or you could say " ya know Mary, the boob thing is getting boring, can't you think of something else to say, or would that hurt to much."

I don't blame you for being upset, she had no right making that remark, some friend. I'm sure it burned her ass that her very own DH made a remark, a nice remark about your WL HAAAAAAAAA good for the DH.

[lianna 3]

Thanks for the understanding, I love you guys! While she is not my "best friend", she is probably the person I spent the most time with and a really good friend. We literally get together every weekend and usually get together for a drink at some point during the week. We are also both teachers and have tons in common. Her husband is definitely my husbands closest friend. We have run around together for 5 years. I cant, nor do I want to, end our friendship over an offhand remark. I think the root of it is that she is very small chested, as in rarely wears or needs a bra, and is always trying to make a defense that smaller is better. She once said that she couldnt understand why men liked big breasts anyway since "they are just fat pads". So to an extent it is due to jealousy, or insecurity, and as long as I remember that I can deal with it. We have tons of fun together and she really is a good person. I think it just hit me hard because I am feeling so good about finally taking some of this weight off, and then was hit with a comment clearly intended to be negative.