How Do You Handle The Naysayers?

[Anch 52]

I have finally decided to have the Lap Band and improve my quality of life for the better! I am very excited that I have made this decision. My husband is very supportive and so far I have not told anyone else in my family or his...

I know I will come across some negative people and I would like to know what to say and how to really handle them.

Thank you for your input!

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I told them the facts, and if they still had bad things to say about it, I told them to wait and see for themselves.

I've now lost 115 pounds in less than 6 months, needless to say, no one has a bad thing to say anymore

[highland 168]

I only told ONE friend and all on my side of the family ( family members ALL live in another state). I did not want to hear naysayers points of view. This was my very well thought out decision, and I didn 't need anyones approval. I am so happy for my decision. It was really fun recently to visit family one year after being banded, AND having lost one hundred pounds!! If anyone had any questions about my decision a year ago, they certainly didn't after seeing me!!!!

[sman342 13]

I am surrounded by friends and family who I did NOT tell. I think because the banding weigh loss is subtle - you can get away with it. It's a personal decision.

As long as you can come up with a good alibi of where you'll be overnight, you are golden. Once you are home, you can manage most activities to avoid being obviously in recovery.

Where was I overnight? Went to visit friend out of town, spa, shopping, dinner.

Why can't I lift over 10 pounds? Oh, hurt my back.

Why can't the kids jump on me? Oh, hurt my stomach exercising.

Why can't I meet you for family dinner? (That was the tricky one.) we'll meet you after for coffee.

[lassie 247]

Hi and welcome.

I only told my husband, daughter and best friend. I did not want anyone watching what I eat and judging me. I just told people that needed to know- I was in the hospital for hernia surgery. I have a friend who had this surgery a few years ago and people still talk about what she eats. Good luck

Lassie

[illinoisGal 1]

I have only told my husband(obviously) and my in-laws. I am taking vacation time at work. I think people wonder why I keep going to the doctor. Lol I don't want to hear negative thoughts from others. It is a big decision and I am happy about doing this. I feel like I need positive thoughts going into my surgery. You need to do what is best for you.

[BellaMomma 14]

I only told a few people before I was approved that I was thinking about it. My mom and husband. Once approved I told my best friend and my dad, brother & SIL. Now that it is done I have told a few more people but not people who I know will watch what I eat and who would have negative things to say. I only want people who want to help me not hurt me.

[taketimetofind 3]

for me, being younger, i have only talked about it with my parents. my dad's side of the family is very opinionated and if they knew about me having the surgery in the near future i know that they would freak. what i am doing, is just focusing on what good can come out of this. that is why we both chose to do this, and that is why in the end we will succeed. i hope everything ends up working up for you!

[Cazzy 725]

I have finally decided to have the Lap Band and improve my quality of life for the better! I am very excited that I have made this decision. My husband is very supportive and so far I have not told anyone else in my family or his...

I know I will come across some negative people and I would like to know what to say and how to really handle them.

Thank you for your input!

If anyone questions why u did this i would remind them that is a medical proceedure, not cosmetic surgery, it is reversible should the need occurr and if u didnt medically need it your insurance wouldnt be paying for it .. would they

To be honest this is between you and your doctor/surgeon, it is not a matter for discussion with people who put their own prejudices above their concern for your health

[NWgirl 574]

I am a private person, and so only told those people who are intricate parts of my life. I did not tell casual friends or co-workers because it is none of their business.

[velvetbuckle 3]

I have told only a few people, I would like to shout it out loud but a friend who had hers 5 years ago has advised me against it. It kind of makes me feel unauthentic. She stated "It's a tool, and it's no ones business" She is now a nutritionist and a personal trainer and only a handful of people know. She has worked hard for her new body no doubt and she doesn't want the "Anyone can lose if they have the surgery" She had it removed earlier in the year, it wasn't filled for the prior year at all. I'm still undecided and really doesn't matter to me what people think, if they don't pay my bills I don't pay them no mind! My sister had the bypass and has denied it from the beginning, then lies straight out stating she dieted and exercised like a freak-what a crock, but it's everyone's personal decision.

[BarbaraG 10]

Nay-sayers will always exist, no matter where you are in life. We are particularly sensitive about this issue because we have all tried so many times to loose weight and it's failed. People see surgery as too high a price to pay (potential complications, high cost, etc) and by now most have seen the consequences of failed attempts we've tried, so they can very discouraging.

I have passed my 1 year anniversary and I have learned a few things along the way regarding how to deal with others.

First - decide if you want to talk about it with others or not. It's up to you. Then tell those you want to tell what your decision is and ask them to respect that decision - especially if you choose to only tell a few people.

If you choose to be more open, be prepared with responses to the most common reactions

Examples:

Isn't that cheating? Response: How can getting healthy be cheating?

But isn't this really a drastic way to loose weight? Response: Yes, but banding is a lot less drastic than gastric bypass

This usually leads to a discussion of what the differences are between the 2 surgeries are. Most people who don't know the difference are usually very surprised. This requires understanding gastric bypass, because this is the surgery most have heard of.

I chose the path in between - I told a very few, but since I am in the public eye a lot (pastor's wife of a larger than average church), I told them I was not advertising it and not keeping a secret. If anyone wanted to talk to me about it, I would tell them. This worked out very well for me.

Loosing weight is MUCH slower than GB, so the loss is more subtle. I am 70 lbs lighter now (and plan to loose another 80) and many have noticed. But few have actually asked me for my "secret". That's OK with me. I know most are supportive, while a few are waiting for me to gain my weight back. That's fine too. I choose to work my new tool for all I can. I am so much healthier and happier.

Congratulations on your decision. Looking forward to hearing from you on your one year 'Bandiversary'

[honk 780]

I guess I would tell you not to worry about them. You and ONLY you have to live in your body. Would they tell you not to have a hip replacement or heart surgery if you needed it? No they would'nt. After 39 years of being overweight I had to take drastic measures. Having surgery is not something to take lightly and it's not the first course of action. If someone makes this decision and their PCP, Surgeon and Psychologist approve; where does Mrs Cratchet the neighborhood busibody get off voicing an opinion.

[Kate rules 43]

I stopped giving a hoot what people think a long time ago. People had a good time treating me like a second class citizen when I was obese and I certainly was not/am not going to allow these same fools to stop me from becoming a healthier and happier person.

I opened up about my surgery to only a few people at first and then over time I shared more about it. I found it easier to do over my blog, which was anonymous. My family and friends were very supportive because they knew the struggle with my weight over the years.

I had a few people ask if I really needed surgery because I wasn't that fat. Well, they didn't live with my fatty liver, high cholesterol, diabetes and constant issues with self-esteem.

People can say I cheated. I don't think so after a year of being banded. I have had days where I could eat just as much and as bad as I did before and the band can't change what you put into your body.

I still don't advertise I got banded. But I am conspicuous in my use of my fitness pal. And people I've directed to the app have lost weight using the app. So most people who ask me how I did it get the canned response of "I ate less and got off my butt more". And then I show them my fitness pal and three months worth of data. that usually satisfies their curiosity.

[Catherine55 43]

I really recommend being very careful about who you decide to tell about your surgery. After you get banded, you won't start losing until after you're out of the healing phase and have decent restriction with your band. So, it takes some time for people to see the results. It can be very upsetting to have people question why you're not losing weight, especially since that first phase can be a little frustrating! (Don't worry, once you're at restriction, you'll lose just fine!)

The second reason to be careful about who you tell is to avoid inviting the "Food Police" to comment on every single thing you eat. Now that I no longer have an issue with Portion Control and also work out regularly, I really don't want anyone saying "Gee.. you had weight loss surgery... should you really be eating that??" -- or making any other comments about how I chose to eat.

I am nearly 4 years out from my surgery date and have been at or below goal for a long time now! I am really glad that I chose to restrict who I told to just some family and only closest friends (and not work people). It really let me keep my privacy and avoid a lot of the annoyance that comes along with naysayers, the food Police, and having people who've never struggled with their weight act like they know more about what I should do than I do!

Be careful! And... take lots of before shots and your measurements! You will want them later, to be sure!!

Best wishes,

Catherine