Beating Myself Up...

[pearlyone 24]

Im still new to this.. and havent been losing so I think I am sabotaging myself. I found myself eating cheetos today!! What is wrong with me?! I stopped and threw them away but my word.... I cant believe it! I think I was expecting this to feel different-so far if I wanted to I could eat/drink the same as i did before. I can not wait until my fill July 18th so that I can at least have some restriction to HELP me. I know its not magic but in my fairy tale world I was going to be losing already and that would help motivate me to keep going.

I have been eating 1 cup or less during each meal and have had been doing great with Protein.< /p>

Guess I feel like even without surgery i should be losing due to the significant drop in calorie intake from before surgery.

Sorry, having a pity party. Very upset w/ myself for falling back into bad habits.

[kmt1973 92]

First and foremost, Quit beating yourself up. We've all been there, done that. If we all had such great willpower we wouldn't have needed the lapband for help. Just try your best to control yourself till you get the proper restriction. If you mess up once in awhile, thats ok. You are human. I myself don't have proper restriction yet, but hopefully will w the next fill. So until then I allow myself one day a week to eat any carbs I want. That way, I don't feel so deprived. Good luck.

[Toddy 758]

Also, be prepared to white knuckle it even after your first fill. You are now in Bandster Hell, and will be until you have enough fills to have restriction. I didn't feel any restriction at all until my third fill.

I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I'd rather know what's on the road ahead than to be unpleasantly surprised.

[2muchfun 8,927]

I could have written the same post 5 months ago. And maybe longer? It took me 4 months(3 fills) before I started to feel a little restriction. I too went into this with these rose colored glasses thinking I wouldn't be like so many others who would only lose 2 lbs a month. I was going to lose 10-12 lbs a month.

Then reality bit me in the butt. LOL

So, I'm down 40 now and like another poster said: "I'm so freakin' happy with how much weight I've lost, I don't care what foods I can't eat anymore"!!

tmf

[jemama 1]

Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm brand new to this whole process (surgery was yesterday) so I know I don't have much room to give advice. I just wanted to say hang in there:-)

[banditalovely 25]

Don't beat yourself up about not losing. This is a process, not a magic trick. We all have our weaknesses (cheetos are high up on my list too). I suggest asking yourself a few questions and making a few behavior modifications to regain your control of the situation. And believe me, I need to start taking some of my own advice, so no high horse here. Just sharing tools that sometimes work for me.

First, why did you reach for the cheetos? Are you actually hungry or are you feeling discouraged? Is this an emotional hunger or actual hunger?

-- If it is actual hunger then add more Protein to your meals and wait until you have restriction to be perfect with your meal calorie counts. Avoid snacking so you are breaking bad habits and once you do feel restriction you aren't working to break them on top of everything. Make the lifestyle change, but don't deprive yourself within these changes. Eat more of the "approved foods" if necessary until you have restriction. Even measure out what you should eat, and say I will add 1/2 portion more, or even 1 whole portions more! Be aware of how much you are eating (weigh/measure it out) but don't just stop because you are "supposed to not be hungry" because you will end up snacking later. Keep the portions in mind though so when you do get restriction you can easily identify a portion and eat enough but not too much

-- If it is emotional hunger. First, identify what the emotion is. It sounds like you might have done this by saying you are self "sabotaging" for not losing. Forgive yourself for not losing. Like everyone on here has said, it takes time and fills and patience. You weren't given some cure to obesity, you were given a way (once it has been tweaked to work) to feel fuller faster. You haven't failed at anything. At this point, it is too early to feel guilty. If it is a different emotion then try to tackle a way to forgive yourself or accept it. Post it on here and ask for advice for how to cope without food.

Some behavior/lifestyle changes I am working on that might help you (I am no where near perfect at them yet) are to:

1) Avoid buying the foods that trigger you. If for some reason you have to keep cheetos/trigger foods in the house (you don't live alone and your kids would die without them, you don't do the grocery shopping, etc) then I suggest designating a "me" cabinet. Put foods that are acceptable for you to eat (high Protein, shakes, low carb Snacks, healthy Snacks that require lots of chewing, non trigger foods) in the cabinet and don't let anyone else you live with steal them. Keep them in a box under your bed if you have to! Designate a shelf in the fridge for yourself that has your yogurts, etc and avoid the rest of the world when it comes to food. I am in a huge habit of "hunting" in the fridge or cabinets for food. And normally when I open my fridge and see my roommates take out box, even though it is not mine, I open it up and at least look! I have been known to eat things roommates have left in the fridge for more than a few days. This is a habit I am trying to break-- mostly because it is mortifying when someone comes in to eat their ravioli and you are face deep in them. I only look at my fridge shelf, I only look in my cabinet, and when there isn't trigger food for you to eat, calling your name, you are less hungry and tempted.

2) Identify your trigger contexts, the places you like to eat or find yourself mindlessly eating. For me it is in front of the TV on my couch, in my car driving, and in my bed watching TV. I am (still working) to avoid eating in these places. I am even buying a new couch-- I need one this is not just weight loss related-- that will be FOOD FREE that I can sit on to watch TV and I am trying to read to keep my mind --and hands-- more occupied. I try to eat my dinner at the dining room table, turn the TV and computer off. Not buy food that I can eat in my car, put the groceries in the trunk or back seat. I try to keep a Water bottle in my purse that I can drink while I'm driving so I don't miss eating as much. A key is to think about what you are eating and enjoy it instead of doing it as a secondary thing. You will feel more satisfied by what you are eating -- or realize what you are eating isn't satisfying, aka cheetos kind of taste gross after just a few-- and you will be more in control.

3) Track your food. I can't do this all the time. But when I notice I am snacking more or bingeing, I promise myself I will do it for 1 full week. Get on a website like myfitnesspal.com or calorie counter app or even just in a notebook or piece of napkin, write down everything you ate for the day and hold yourself accountable to it. Don't lie to the tracker. If you had a 200 calories worth of cheetos write it down. Write down the fat, the carbs, the protein, the Fiber -- look it up online if you have to. Add up daily totals, weekly totals, you can highlight things that were good in one color and bad in another. Own it. You ate it. Don't pretend it didn't happen. When you hold yourself accountable, even if it is private for you only, you will think twice the next time that chip comes to your lips. You will imagine yourself having to write it down, you will think about the poor nutrients that it contains. Maybe you won't eat none of it, but you will probably eat less. For me bingeing is a huge problem, and part of the pleasure is how secretive it is. I eat 4000 calories in 10 minutes, and its like it didn't happen. Do not let yourself get away with this. It is great you posted it on here for us all to see.

4) Give yourself incentives. It sounds like you want to not be eating cheetos since once you became overly cognizant of the choice you threw the bag out. But if there is a food that just feels "too hard" to give up yet, then give yourself a way to have it. Promise if you burn 100 calories, you can eat 100 calories of the food. If you skip it three days you crave it, you can have it the 4th day. Portion out a serving size or less and reward ahead of time and keep it hidden for when you meet your goal. Keep the reward package in a different place than your "me cabinet" though. No need to trigger when you are just looking for a quick snack. You can also make incentives that are food free. Like if you avoid the craving for a whole week you will buy new nail polish and give yourself a manicure. Sometimes I do this just to occupy my hands! I doubt my roommate loves smelling nailpolish 5 times a day but whatever. Pamper myself and become skinny!! #winning.

I think you also made a good choice by posting on here. Make a goal next time that before you open the bag of cheetos you post for help, and see if that stops you from taking the first bite. There are plenty of people here to remind you of why you should stay focused on your goals or suggest alternatives.

Good luck and I have plenty more suggestions if none of these feel like they are helping. I am just starting my preop diet and have the most optimistic view right now (I have to or I would be eating cheeseburgers and fries 24/7), so I know that this may sound unattainable. I have plenty of times been in the place where I am choosing to eat, but know it is wrong and all these tools were at my fingertips then too. Just be patient, forgive yourself, and keep trying.

Best of luck next time you want to snag a cheeto

Also, this is my personal opinion/philosophy, and I am sure some people will/do disagree. I am happy to hear suggestions on ways to improve my tricks.

[pearlyone 24]

Thanks everyone. It was total emotional choice. I don't buy food like this but found it in a box at work and had some.... I'm stressed due to it being my last week at work (lay off after 12 years) I am now aware of my Choice and reason so hopefully I will do better at avoiding.

thanks so much for listening and supporting.

[banditalovely 25]

Wow, there is a lot going on! I am horrible dealing with change, and especially when you aren't really in control of it. Definitely forgive yourself. It sounds like you are dedicated and in the right mind set to succeed, just outside of this awful situation. Cut yourself some slack and I'm sure you will be more in control next time