My Hubby Is Upset That I Scheduled My First Consultation, Help ;0/

[NWgirl 574]

Men can be funny when it comes to this and not voice their true opinions. My honey was really hesitant at first because he was worried about me and what might happen. As I talked to him about it and he could see how much I wanted it, he came around. I had him watch some youtube surgery videos with me so he knew how minimally invasive it really was (this was his main worry, that something would go seriously wrong in surgery). I also showed him skin photos, and all he had to say was that if I ended up with a lot of excess skin, then I could get it removed but that it wouldn't bother him either way. The possible physical improvements in my health and body image due to surgery totally over rule any possible vanity issues.

Even if he wouldn't have been on board, I would have gone for it anyways. Sooner or later he would have come around.

Your husband loves you for you, not your physique. Try to find why he's so hesitant about this step. My honey watched me diet up and down for over 7 years and knew the mental pain I had endured. The fat wasn't going away without a little extra help!

[Jim1967 3,569]

Men can be funny when it comes to this and not voice their true opinions.

This is true on some levels but it goes both ways. My Wife has made the comment "You better not lose all the weight and start looking elsewhere for love". She said it was a joke but she has made the same joke a few times now since I started this. Been a long time since she said so I think she is OK. I talked to her and tell her this is about me having a longer life and better health to spend with her. On top of that I remind her I am 10 years older than her so it's about life longevity both happiness and health. We're already behind the 8 ball because of the age difference and my family history. My Father is from a family of 14 and so far he has outlived his older siblings and he is only 72. They all passed in their 60's with exception to an Uncle who I never met. He didn't come home from Vietnam.

It is quite possible your man is concerned you lose a lot of weight he could end up losing you....I could be way off but it is a possibility to consider.

[AlleyKat 26]

Your topic made me suddenly feel a lot less alone I went through the exact same problem.

I booked my first consult and he was very upset with me. He also thinks I should be able to do it naturally. Just join a gym, just eat healther. He also says I should just be comfortable in my own skin, he doesn't understand it is about so much more than that, especially my health.

I went to the consult anyway. I spent over a month trying to get him on my side and it wasn't happening. I told him I was just going to go ahead and book it and I don't ask him to agree I just ask him to support me in my weight loss and recovery. I told my Mum who is very supportive of me and I told my best friend who is banded and then just went and booked it. I came home and told him what I had done. He was REALLY upset at first.

I try not to bring it up with him too much, I stick to talking about it with the people who are excited for me. He's come a long way though. At first he said he wouldn't take me to the surgery, now he's booked the day off of work and is gettin up at 4:30am TOMORROW MORNING to take me. I made him read all the paper work and watch all the videos the clinic provided. My amazing friend came over Tuesday night to wish me luck and debated him on a couple of areas he was still worried/upset about. She showed him how well sh was doing and let him feel her port and such which I think really helped.

My only advice is to do what is best for YOU and the rest will fall in to place. Look to the people who do support you for guidence and keep reminding your husband it's not just for looks, its for health. It's for your children (if you have/want any in the future), it's so you can live the life you want to live.

Give him lots of information, make him read the studies, the success stories, and the possible risks. If you can get him to, have him go to the seminar. My husband is a math and statisics guy, I found research studies and articles in medical journals.

He's probably just scared for you. They hear the words 'surgery' and they think it's some horribly invasive procedure where you could come out mutilated or even dead.

Only you can decide what is right for you and the people we love will all come around in the end. The rest don't matter.

[Allison0927 329]

My husband was completely against all of it - we got in some serious arguments - he even cried (this man has cried less than 5 times in front of me in our 20 years together - not a cryer!) but i remained resolved and would not budge. I didn't care - i had made up my mind and nothing was changing it. 131 pounds later he is fine with it (won't admit he's "happy" about it but fine). Here's a piece of advice - SKIP BRINGING HIM TO THE SEMINAR. BRING HIM TO THE FIRST CONSULT WITH SURGEON INSTEAD. I brought my husband to the consult and my husband got to ask the surgeon questions directly. The surgeon gave him piece of mind on death statistics etc. That did the trick and my husband relaxed and backed off. My husband even asked my surgeon how many lap-band surgeries he had done and how many people died on the table or within a week or two after. Surgeon said hundreds and NONE. That worked wonders on my husband. Best of luck to you - and BEST OF LUCK TO US ALL ON OUR JOURNEYS!!!!

[Allison0927 329]

I meant to add - the skin is likely unavoidable - that is why many of us on here have plastic surgery - i'm saving for mine now. Loose skin is certainly not a reason not to do the lap-band surgery - it's fixable.

[difa 114]

Your topic made me suddenly feel a lot less alone I went through the exact same problem.

I booked my first consult and he was very upset with me. He also thinks I should be able to do it naturally. Just join a gym, just eat healther. He also says I should just be comfortable in my own skin, he doesn't understand it is about so much more than that, especially my health.

I went to the consult anyway. I spent over a month trying to get him on my side and it wasn't happening. I told him I was just going to go ahead and book it and I don't ask him to agree I just ask him to support me in my weight loss and recovery. I told my Mum who is very supportive of me and I told my best friend who is banded and then just went and booked it. I came home and told him what I had done. He was REALLY upset at first.

I try not to bring it up with him too much, I stick to talking about it with the people who are excited for me. He's come a long way though. At first he said he wouldn't take me to the surgery, now he's booked the day off of work and is gettin up at 4:30am TOMORROW MORNING to take me. I made him read all the paper work and watch all the videos the clinic provided. My amazing friend came over Tuesday night to wish me luck and debated him on a couple of areas he was still worried/upset about. She showed him how well sh was doing and let him feel her port and such which I think really helped.

My only advice is to do what is best for YOU and the rest will fall in to place. Look to the people who do support you for guidence and keep reminding your husband it's not just for looks, its for health. It's for your children (if you have/want any in the future), it's so you can live the life you want to live.

Give him lots of information, make him read the studies, the success stories, and the possible risks. If you can get him to, have him go to the seminar. My husband is a math and statisics guy, I found research studies and articles in medical journals.

He's probably just scared for you. They hear the words 'surgery' and they think it's some horribly invasive procedure where you could come out mutilated or even dead.

Only you can decide what is right for you and the people we love will all come around in the end. The rest don't matter.

*clap clap*

I'm proud of you!

[Short and Chunky 230]

Hang in there Christine..my husband thought I had lost my mind and that loosing this weight was no big deal. I needed to loose 130 pounds - too big of a mountain for me to do on my own or even with Weight Watchers. I did my homework (alone), I did my pre-op (alone), I did my surgery (with my daughter)..My husband has now gotten on board - almost 1 yr later. Both of my children (adults) and my Mom were on board from the beginning. He has seen me loose 97 pounds, I am healthier, I walk, I cook healthier (helps him out too). Would HE have this surgery - No way in H___LL but at least he is on my team now. You have to make YOUR decision for YOU. It is your health after all. Good luck and hope all goes well for you and your husband.

Melinda in Florida

[honk 780]

I have lost 170 pounds (100 preband) and have little to no loose skin. The place I notice it is under my chin where my 2/3 chins used to be. I do have another 60 to go. I would explain it like this: if I needed a hip replacement or heart surgery would you tell me to just think myself well? Of course not. I had a stroke at 39. I was eating better and doing an hour of cardio 7 days a week. I was however still 335 pounds. I saw this as a do or die situation. I know how to diet. I have been very successful in the past (lost over 100 lbs several times) I just can't keep if off.

[PandorasBox92264 61]

I had to deal with a husband that kept pushing and telling me how to diet and exercise to get down to a size 2 which is what he felt I should be. I do not EVER remember being a size 2, maybe as an infant!

We got met I was a 16 and got married I was an 18. I had to hear over and over about diet and exercise, mind you he looked like he had a belly.

When I decided to go check into surgery after trying various diets then gaining more weight. He was against it, I think he was worried about the money however we had insurance that paid for most of it except the pre program fee which I paid out of my paycheck and the hospital copay which was minimal.

During the pre op diet I had to deal with him eating the KING size candy bars, tasty cakes, chips and dip and even finding me when I was tucked in the bedroom away from the food on the computer. I told him to back the hell out and leave me alone. I felt he was being not very nice to make specific trips to the store just for junk food (which he never did before) during both the pre and post op diets. I called him on his going to the store and getting these items, and the perfect timing. All the bitching about my weight but when I truly go to do something about it then he packs in the junk food.

I had to really try to figure out what was up with that.

Right after my banding about a month out I lost my job, went back to school fulltime, Lost my Mom to Cancer and he and I were not getting along due to more issues that came along.

I figured it all out, left and filed for divorce and have since moved back to Southern California where I am from.

Both he and his family tried to blame me leaving on the band. It was not the band and I assured him of this because it was his lack of compassion during the time of My Moms struggle, the bullcrap things he said and treated me, the way he treated others, he was gone the majority of the year on jobs with minimal time at home. He had said he was worried I would leave him, originally that was not my intention. I think I finally figured out that I loved myself more and didn't need to settle for something that was not making me happy!

I have backslid some, but back on track now. I have a great significant other, domestic partner hubbyish boyfriend that is fully supportive. Loves me thick or thin, supports my family, looks out for my band needs and we both look out for each other.

We are best of friends and I can even talk to him about my feelings about not eating this or that, the food addiction, we banter, he even goes with me to doctors appointments.

There are some relationships that will not last the banding process! However there are many more that don't last because they do not last! I have found that through banding things came out in the woodwork with female friends, co workers, extended family members etc. You will hear people talk negatively, some will be jealous.

The biggest thing I can tell the two of you is to keep the dialog open, support each other, I would say take him to the doctor with you, cook together, be open.. make sure that you can tell each other anything about how you feel and you both will be safe.

It makes A HUGE DIFFERENCE!!!!! Good luck

[Nacol 76]

I will say that when I first considered this back in 2010 my hubby was against it. Here it is 2012 n I am starting the process again. I lost over 70 lbs on Weight Watchers but has since gained 25 ilbs back since 2008. I want it to stop n I want these health issues to stop popping up that comes w morbid obesity. It's all about me n Guess what? He is all 4 it cuz he found some website for men supporting wives n how they get Sex all the time!! He can't wait for the surgery.... N yes I had to reassure him I had no plans to leave him afterwards. Do it for you...in the end, that's what really matters.

[cassiem93 39]

I dont know how i would feel if my husband wasnt on board for my choose to get the lap-band. But i agree with Allison take him to the consultation. He will be able to listen to your doctor talk to you and be able to ask him any questions that he may be wondering. I think he is more scared about what may happen to you than not wanting you to do what you are wanting to do. Which is understand able. My husband has joked with me before about getting skinny and leaving him for some hot doctor. LOL like that would happen

Good luck follow your heart!

[NWgirl 574]

The insecurity that the spouse feels when the other is going in for WLS is pretty common. The psuedo joke (from him) of me leaving him when I get thin is still popping up once in awhile. There's only so much you can do to reassure someone that you love them regardless of how you look!

[daisychains7 427]

You're going to be doing just as much work as people who do it the "natural way". you'll be working out regularly and eating healthy. The band will just be an extra tool in your back pocket. Maybe your husband is afraid once you will change or that he'll get left behind. Is there a way you could include him in this lifestyle change? Exercising together, cooking together, bringing him on the appointments so he gets more info? I hope he comes around and I applaud you for doing what's necessary for your health.

[Bel12 13]

My husband wasn't on board either at first and said it is not needed etc. well come to find out later he just didn't understand the surgery and he was scared so man was going to slice me open

[Jlewis229 191]

I had to deal with a husband that kept pushing and telling me how to diet and exercise to get down to a size 2 which is what he felt I should be. I do not EVER remember being a size 2' date=' maybe as an infant!

We got met I was a 16 and got married I was an 18. I had to hear over and over about diet and exercise, mind you he looked like he had a belly.

When I decided to go check into surgery after trying various diets then gaining more weight. He was against it, I think he was worried about the money however we had insurance that paid for most of it except the pre program fee which I paid out of my paycheck and the hospital copay which was minimal.

During the pre op diet I had to deal with him eating the KING size candy bars, tasty cakes, chips and dip and even finding me when I was tucked in the bedroom away from the food on the computer. I told him to back the hell out and leave me alone. I felt he was being not very nice to make specific trips to the store just for junk food (which he never did before) during both the pre and post op diets. I called him on his going to the store and getting these items, and the perfect timing. All the bitching about my weight but when I truly go to do something about it then he packs in the junk food.

I had to really try to figure out what was up with that.

Right after my banding about a month out I lost my job, went back to school fulltime, Lost my Mom to Cancer and he and I were not getting along due to more issues that came along.

I figured it all out, left and filed for divorce and have since moved back to Southern California where I am from.

Both he and his family tried to blame me leaving on the band. It was not the band and I assured him of this because it was his lack of compassion during the time of My Moms struggle, the bullcrap things he said and treated me, the way he treated others, he was gone the majority of the year on jobs with minimal time at home. He had said he was worried I would leave him, originally that was not my intention. I think I finally figured out that I loved myself more and didn't need to settle for something that was not making me happy!

I have backslid some, but back on track now. I have a great significant other, domestic partner hubbyish boyfriend that is fully supportive. Loves me thick or thin, supports my family, looks out for my band needs and we both look out for each other.

We are best of friends and I can even talk to him about my feelings about not eating this or that, the food addiction, we banter, he even goes with me to doctors appointments.

There are some relationships that will not last the banding process! However there are many more that don't last because they do not last! I have found that through banding things came out in the woodwork with female friends, co workers, extended family members etc. You will hear people talk negatively, some will be jealous.

The biggest thing I can tell the two of you is to keep the dialog open, support each other, I would say take him to the doctor with you, cook together, be open.. make sure that you can tell each other anything about how you feel and you both will be safe.

It makes A HUGE DIFFERENCE!!!!! Good luck[/quote']

I am so sorry to hear you has such a rough time with your soon to be or now ex husband! So sad that those that are supposed to love us and support us aren't there for us when we truly need their support.

It makes me sad and angry that these people aren't supporting their significant others! I just don't get it?!?!? If they know you as well as they think they do then they know what you have been through and if they can't see how much you truly want to change your life for the better then your better odd without them anyway!

On the other hand let me say YOU GO GIRL! Good for you for sticking up for yourself and making yourself Healthy AND Happy! I always want to cheer on a woman who gets out of a bad relationship and shows them they don't need their negativity in their lives! Congratulations on the new supportive man in your life, you are lucky to find a good one!

Good luck in your new adventures!

Johnathan