lovex5 25 Posted June 20, 2012 So this is embarrassing but I ever let my husband look at me when we have sex. I always have a tank top or cami on during the act. Lights are always off too. We have a great sex life aside from that. He has seen me in the shower/changing clothes etc and says he's fine with how I look etc. I still feel self concious. So I'm wondering if that will change after weight loss? When we met I was 232 and that's about where I am now. He's loved me through my highest weight of 282 but I dunno...I just feel so gross and unappealing to have him see me when we have sex. Just wondering if 1. anyone felt this way before weight loss and 2. those feelings went away once goal weight was met. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
difa 114 Posted June 20, 2012 I hope it gets better. My wife is going through the same experience though it even affects the entire sex life. It also causes her to overall be more emotional (because of her self image). *shrugs* I think that after you lose the weight (and you will) if you still feel that way, you should go to counselling and I'm sure your husband would be more than happy to go with you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jachut 487 Posted June 20, 2012 Well, i still dont want the lights on! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dhales 98 Posted June 20, 2012 At first I thought so...I started at 195 on the day of surgery. My highest weight while married as been about 220. I am now 165...You would think I would feel sexier and I do when my clothes are on. Strangely...I feel less so when they are off. Sounds strange and maybe TMI...but my breasts were a full size DD and although I was larger physically...I was firmer. Here's the TMI part...my boob's have deflated and everything seems to so much more saggy (e.g. tummy and thighs)...I actually feel more self conscious than before. I know its strange...but that's my answer. I am exercising and although I am firming up...the loose skin is still an issue. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lovex5 25 Posted June 20, 2012 That is exactly what I'm afraid of. Loose skin and deflated boobs. My husband loves my breasts. After 3 pregnancies, weight gain/loss, nursing etc they do droop some but like I've told him before, in my head it's not as bad since they are huge right now but when they are droopy AND tiny it may be a different story. lol! Oh well, I'll take that any day over being fat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sojourner 2,446 Posted June 20, 2012 Many people have issues with their body image, and frequently the "head" does not keep up with the body...and often the thoughts about our self image become distorted and inaccurate. Our society places such a high priority on slender and sexy bodies, and for the majority of the population, especially women, it creates an unrealistic expectation for how society tells us we should look. Think about the realities...back in her day, Marilyn Monroe was considered to be the epitome of everything the ideal woman should be with her appearance and size...and she wore a size 12. Today, you "should" be a 6, maybe an 8...according to "society". As we age, we do tend to weigh more. If I were to return to my weight when I was married (118 pounds), I know that I would look gaunt and unhealthy. For my age and frame size, 134 is my "ideal" weight, and I believe that is unrealistic for me. It's important to feel good about how you look, and also to be realistic about the genetics involved. The aging process is also a factor in this equation. Try to accept your husband's feedback; he is telling you he is accepting of you the way that you are. What greater gift is there in a marriage...unconditional positive regard. If you are not alright with modifying the way your feel about your appearance, there is always plastic surgery to look into. You have options...best wishes to you as you continue your journey. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
possum84 5 Posted June 21, 2012 I am in the almost exactly the same boat. My husband doesn't quite understand because to him I should be comfortable around him no matter what. I am comfortable but it's hard when you know things are shaking that shouldn't be. as for lose skin I will worry about that when it comes. Nothing wrong with a little nip and tuck and enhancement. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lovex5 25 Posted June 21, 2012 I'm hoping to retain enough breast mass to get a lift only and a Tummy Tuck. Implants will probably be out of the question for me because I have kidney disease and only one kidney. It's all good though, my health comes first and hopefully I can work past body issues. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jolly 11 Posted June 21, 2012 I'm down 20+ pounds and the sex IS better! I feel better about myself and things are more comfortable now. Looking forward to loosing the next 20 pounds but I too am dreading what my DDD's are going to look like! Maybe I'll wear a good bra to bed! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vanilla sky 28 Posted June 22, 2012 For me I didn't get my confidence back until I had my plastic surgeries (tummy tuck, arm lift, and breast lift) my husband loved me at my highest 330 and loves me the same at 119 but I didn't feel good with all that hanging skin and now that it's gone the lights are on Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
