female only Does Anyone Else Have A Controlling Mother ????

[ldjstonband 27]

That's why I have never told mine and it's been 2 1/2 years!

Wow that's crazy my mom is so nosy she would know she can always tell when I'm keeping something from her.

[Nacol 76]

My mom refuses to see my brother n I as adults. We r both in our 30's; I'm married w 17 old twin boys but still get the annoying questions regarding our parenting, etc. I have chosen to only tell a select few people about the surgery. She will find out a few months post op because the questions, etc simply bother me n I dont need any negativity. This is all about ME. I understand your pain, hang in there n remember why u r doin this...

[MiniMi 1,468]

I dealt with most of my mommy issues a few years back. I had it out with her and she admitted that she was jealous of me because I was a better mom than her, that I had it all together and she never did.

I was stunned. Who is jealous of their own successful kid? Shows how much help SHE needs not me.

I did not and will not tell my mom that I was banded. She couldn't handle it. As adult children of controlling parents we do not realize how much power we have. They put us in the child/parent relationship every time they become judgmental, or we allow ourselves to get put in that relationship. As soon as you refuse to be defensive and break out of feeling like you must act like we did when we were kids then we take control.

My mom still is a pain but when she steps out of line she hears it. It's out of compassion for her that I will take time to explain thing to her or still even call her.

Since you've already told your mom I'd suggest setting boundaries. For example, she came to the dr with you and you knew she was going to rat you out. What a better place that a dr office to teach your mom about respect. "I'm sorry mom, you cannot come in to the exam room with me. This is about me, not you." The whole staff would have been on your side with Hippa law and all. Then after your visit you could have had the dr call her in to say " Tomato Soup is fine". That way she knows if she wants to be a part she must behave.

I'm a firm believer in we teach people how to treat us. Took me YEARS to figure out how to defend myself but damn it if it don't feel good!

[dejastar 1]

My mom is judgmental and has no idea I am banded and never will. I am learning to set limits with her and stick to my guns, only taken me 35 years; but I am doing it. I am not turning to food when she upsets me, like I did of years past.

[A New New Dawn 1,695]

I would strongly suggest you set some boundaries with your mother. My mother is a lot like that and it was toxic for me. I still care about her and make sure she is ok but she is rarely invited into my personal life as it is unhealthy for me to deal with her comments and judgements. I would tell her that your surgery, eating habits, etc. are off limits and thank you but no thank you. As an adult woman, you do not need to justify having Tomato Soup or anything else for that matter. It sounds like you are really trying to get her to change or hoping she will. I tried that for years and it doesn't work. My mom couldn't see the err of her way even when I explained very clearly she would still do/say the same things. Finally, I "let go" and realized I was putting far too much energy into the sitatuation and it wouldn't change anything. It has been very liberating to let go of that negative energy. My sister doesn't speak to my mother at all for this reason. Sometimes we have to accept that we cannot change the sitatuation and learn to accept in ourselves how it is by setting boundaries.

I have to wonder if some of her controlling is her way of trying to make up for the years she wasn't there and wanting to feel like she is playing that mother role now. It sounds very unhealthy for you though.

Good luck and please don't feel you have to justify what you do to anyone but yourself.

[Banjo257 920]

I get through life by assuming everyone has a controlling mother

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Don't we all. Unfortunately my mother died before I had my surgery. I think she would be proud of me now! Just remember, she's the only mother you will ever have.

[PrettyGirlJey 28]

I am not telling my mother about my surgery b/c 1) she has a big a** mouth and will tell everyone and not in a nice way either. She'll be like "she didn't lose the weight by herself, anybody could lose weight with a lapband" and "I would never have a surgery to lose weight, I told her she just has to eat less" and allll types of bullsh*t so to avoid that whole shabang I'm not telling her lol.

2) it's none of her business..she's not a doctor nor is she the insurance co. Her knowing, doesnt benefit me so...

I think everyone's mom is a pain in the cheeks tho so...ehh whatever. Just ignore her and leave her home. I don't think she's coming with you to your appointments for your best interest but because she wants to know that you're going to fail because she failed her life and misery loves company.